Chapter 30
Andrew
Self-control and honesty are things I have always valued in life.
Without them, I am lost.
Yesterday, I lied to my pack.
Instead of simply finding an emotional cord inside Rodrigo and manipulating it, what actually happened was far more sinister. That string I followed into the depths of his mind, I became one with it, playing it at my will. The changes in Rodrigo were immediate; I’d think it, he’d feel it.
I lost the self-control I value so much, exchanging it for control over another. And then, I lied to those closest to me in an attempt to cover it up.
Zephyr approaches, his lilac and cherry scent carrying on the breeze before he’s in my line of sight. He crosses in front of me and then drops down beside me on the bench.
“You know,” he begins, “when I was in Tenebrosa, there were many times I’d lost all hope.
” He leans forward, elbows on his knees, hands clasped in front of him.
“I’d been there so long, I never thought I’d make it out.
Alive, anyway. Definitely never expected to find a pack and maybe even be happy someday.
” He turns his head to look at me over his shoulder.
“Now that I have hope for the future, it’s tough to navigate.
I don’t know what to do, how to handle it most days.
” His head drops. “Some days, I’m back in that place, being pumped full of drugs, cut open… ” His voice is almost air.
Anger blossoms in my chest. Pure rage burns through my veins, and I have to stifle a hiss-like growl that threatens to escape my lips. Instead, I place my palm on Zephyr’s back, run it along his spine slowly.
No words will ease his past. Not even from me.
“I told Nyx everything that happened to me,” he whispers. “She still loves me. But will you?”
I freeze at his question, confused by why he’d ask. Nothing that happened to him was his fault. “My feelings for you will only ever grow.” I mean that with every fiber of my being.
He sits upright, and I keep my hand on his back. It may bring me more peace than him.
“Once I hit puberty, I’ve always been considered more masculine than the average male Omega.
Being at Tenebrosa as a Cursed adolescent, this brought unwanted attention.
The lead scientist there was fascinated by me, more physically than for my power.
” He swallows hard, those light purple eyes glistening.
Sickness wells up in my stomach, and it takes every ounce of my control not to read his thoughts, learn what I want to know before he says it. But this is his story to tell, and because of that, I hold back. Barely.
“They started pumping me full of drugs and hormones. It wasn’t long before they turned me into a surgical lab rat.” He spits the words, then his voice grows hoarse. “First thing they did was take my uterus. ‘You’re too manly to bear children,’ that monster told me.”
He lets out a bitter laugh, and I am unable to feel a thing. This revelation has frozen time around me, and I cannot process his words. The horror of them.
“This I never told anyone, not even Nyx, but if Mira hadn’t killed Ness when Jory commanded it, and if he hadn’t replaced Ness with Doctor Song when he had, they were coming for my genitals next.
That bastard told me. They wanted to find out if they could give a male Alpha’s testicles, a knot.
” A tear falls from his eye and rolls down his cheek.
I automatically wipe it from his skin, and he turns to me, his eyes fierce.
“I was resigned to it because I had no choice. When Doctor Song came about, I was relieved. I knew she was different, not that I knew who she was working for. But now…” His lips go flat, his brow tight.
“After being with Nyx, I wonder… wonder what it would have been like if they succeeded.” His eyes shut tight, more tears fall.
“I don’t fit any mold, not Omega, not Alpha.
I can’t bear children, I can’t produce children, I can’t knot the Omega I love…
” Zephyr chokes on his next words. “I want to give her everything she needs.”
I pull him into my arms, hold him tight, and let go of control. My mind melds with his, and my entire body is wracked by devastation, mourning, fear, until tears flow down my face as well.
He hugs me just as tight.
“Nyx loves you,” I say, knowing it’s the truth. “You already give her what she needs, Zephyr. You mean the world to her.”
“What if I mess up?” he nearly wails into my chest.
“What do you mean?”
He pulls away from me a bit, gripping the hem of my shirt in his fists as he sniffs.
“I’ve spent so much of my life hating the world.
Wanting to destroy it if I ever got the chance.
” His eyes are wild when they meet mine, little flares of dark energy licking his irises.
“I fight every day not to lose it. If I did, I could hurt everyone around me, including those I now love.”
I take a deep breath, let it out slow as I smooth his golden hair with my palms. “Does the evolution of your power frighten you?”
He shakes his head, no.
I smile at him. “Your love gives you strength. It will stop you from making errors that would hurt any of us.”
“How could you know that?”
I press my lips to his forehead. “I know what’s in here,” I say against his skin. Then I place my hand on his chest. “And in here.” I lean back and tilt my head. “All of us know you, Zephyr. We trust you and believe in you, even if you don’t.”