Chapter 7
Colt
Denver refills my coffee and takes the seat at the dining table by my side. Papers are spread in front of me, detailing everything I need to know about running the McEwan empire. My head is already aching.
I slept for close to two days. A doctor came over, Sebastian, and he said we’d met before, but I don’t remember. He said it isn’t unusual to forget some things, to feel exhausted and even irritated, and tried to insist I rest more.
I wish I fucking could.
But after two days in bed with intermittent visits from Denver when she wasn’t working, I decided enough was enough.
I meant what I said—the sooner I get a replacement, the sooner I can get Denver and Holly out of here.
So, I’m attempting to ignore the ever-growing headache that feels like splinters hammered into my brain.
Holly is on Denver’s knee, her head on her chest, quiet.
She’s not the same kid I remember. She doesn’t smile as often and barely talks, clinging to Denver, me, my mom or Helena.
Wilder’s funeral is tomorrow, and she knows it’s some kind of goodbye.
She’s calmer now than when we talked about what tomorrow means, and blinks slowly as Denver runs her fingers through her hair, listening as Alistair talks me through what I’ve missed.
I wish I could pay attention, but watching Denver and Holly like this does something to my heart. I think I dreamed of them when I was in the coma. I think maybe I saw what we could be, or at least, what I hope we can be.
Holly meets my eye, and I stick my tongue out at her. She smiles and buries her face in Denver’s hair.
“And then there’s also Spider,” Alistair says, finally sitting. He runs his fingers through his hair, and I spy the yellow and black bracelet around his wrist.
Ha. A wasp. Nice.
“Can’t we …” I glance at Holly and choose my words carefully. “Deal with him later?”
“I think his appearance at the funeral means he’s done waiting,” Alistair says. “He paid particular attention to Denver.”
I drape my arm over the back of her chair. I knew Spider would focus on her. He blames her for his son’s death, even though Ranger was the one who killed him and I dumped his body in a hole with a smile on my face.
“I’ll keep on him, but going to San Francisco to speak to Cain will help,” Alistair says. “Speaking of the other coast, have you heard from your husband?”
Denver throws him a glare for using the term. “Axel called this morning to check in. He said Ranger is still in New York.”
It feels like my constant bodily state is tense now, but that doesn’t stop my shoulders from tightening further. Ranger being so close sets my teeth on edge. He tried to kill Denver and Theo, almost killed me, too, and he’s living it up in a hotel in my city.
“Do we still need him?” Denver asks.
Alistair nods. “For now. Colt being back makes things easier, but you’re still the only McEwan head. And that means you can’t be together. Not in public.”
The heads of the families can be old fashioned.
A wife leaving one family head for another will not go down well, especially if Ranger has already made an impression.
It’ll shake the family name, and things are already delicate enough.
They respect me, but they respect their “values” more, and if Ranger twists this into a marital dispute, they’ll likely take his side.
“We get the businesses under control, then you leave Ranger. And hopefully between now and then, Ronan wakes up.” Alistair rubs his head. “You stay as head until he’s able to take over from you.”
Denver meets my eye, concern furrowing her brow. Alistair doesn’t know. No one does. It’s about time they do.
“Ronan isn’t the next in line.” I take a breath before I say it. “I am. Finn was my dad.”
Alistair stares at me, sitting back in his chair and stumbling over his words. “That’s … wait … oh.”
When I first told Denver who my dad was, I said I didn’t want to take Finn’s place when he died.
That’s even more true now. It’s so easy to get sucked into this world to the point of no return, and taking Finn’s position could do just that.
Just announcing that I’m Finn McEwan’s son will gain me enemies.
“Well, that’s a good thing,” Alistair says, brightening. “I can lead the Harland family. You lead the McEwans. Ranger isn’t needed. Problem solved.”
“Then people will question why I’m here,” Denver says. “And we can’t tell them the truth. The family is already under a microscope. Throw an affair into the mix?”
“It wasn’t an affair,” Alistair says. “You left Ranger.”
Denver rests her cheek on Holly’s head. “We made a point to everyone that we were stronger than ever just days ago. We can’t flip that just because Colt is awake; it’ll be obvious that we were together beforehand.
I’ll have to go back to California until enough time has passed that people believe our marriage broke down. ”
I stand, walking to the end of the dining table and looking out of the window.
The morals are so fucking skewed. We break the law every day. We lie. We steal. We kill. But we draw the line at divorce and women in power. If it wasn’t doing this to us, it’d be fucking laughable.
I came into this world with an idea of what my life would be like.
Guns, money, adrenaline rushes. Life on the edge.
I didn’t decide to be who I am ever thinking I’d want or have a family.
I was a na?ve, wide-eyed kid who saw gangsters and thought it’d be exciting, and I wanted to make a name for myself.
So, I made an impression by approaching things differently—by making changes that needed to be made.
Reducing the internal wars, pushing for building relationships between families where the rivalries were so old the reasons for them were long forgotten.
If I could do it before, I’ll do it again.
I face Denver. “You’re not going back to California. I said I won’t allow us to be separated, and I meant it.”
She watches me. “Colt, if they know we’re together, things will change. There’s a reason Finn kept who you are quiet. The assumption that he had an affair could have ruined the family name.”
“Fuck the family name, and fuck the standards they set that they don’t even stick to. Most of these fuckers who will judge us have more than one girlfriend behind their wives’ backs. Alexei had three at one point.”
Alistair lets out a breath. “That was a mess.”
“We tell the truth. You left Ranger. We fell in love. That’s it,” I say, keeping my eyes on Denver’s. “We deal with the fallout as a family.”
I’ll step up. I’ll take my place as the head of the McEwan family with Denver by my side—at least until we have a replacement.
Denver runs her hand down Holly’s back and takes a breath. “Okay. I’ll go and see Ranger tomorrow.”
“And do what?” Alistair asks.
Her breath shakes. “Ask for a divorce.”
Denver paces the bedroom and shakes her hands out. “I’m sweating.”
“That’s understandable.”
“I feel like my heart might explode.”
“Then let me come with you.”
She stops before me. I’m sitting at the end of the bed, resisting the urge to fall asleep in it, my body a dead weight. Holly is downstairs with Alistair, and Denver needed a minute to breathe through her decision, but she’s mainly mumbled, paced, and laughed occasionally.
She gets to her knees before me. “I love that you offered, but you and Ranger being in the same room again? Bad idea.” I brush her hair back and she closes her eyes, leaning into my touch.
“Denver …” The way I say her name has her opening her eyes again.
“A lot happened before the explosions. You were going through so much, and then with Finn and Wilder dying, I understand why you stayed to help, but …” The words stick in my throat, but I need to say them.
“I understand if what happened between us feels more permanent because of circumstance and not because you want to be here.”
She leans back. “Excuse me?”
I sigh. “I don’t mean … I just mean, if what we had was a momentary thing—”
“Momentary thing?” She gets to her feet. “Are you saying that’s what it was for you? Momentary?”
I stand, my jaw tense. “The complete fucking opposite.”
“Then why would it be any different for me?”
“Because you were going through hell, and I’m just saying you don’t have to stay with me because—”
“Oh, you …” She growls and punches my chest. “You’re a fucking prick, you know that?
I don’t love you because I needed a warm body to lie with.
I love you because I love you. Because …
because you make me feel good, because we have the same hopes, because you’re fucking great.
Although right now I want to punch you!”
“You already did.”
“Then I want to punch you twice!”
I grip her shoulders, and she glares up at me, her cheeks flushed with anger.
“I want you to leave Ranger for you, not for me.” Her anger wanes a little, and I sit back on the bed, pulling her onto my knee.
“I want you to make these life-changing decisions because it’s what you want, that’s all.
You felt obligated to Ranger for taking you in.
I don’t want you to feel like you owe me or anyone else in this house.
You’re free to do whatever you want to do.
If that’s staying, I’ll love you forever in the best way I can, but if that’s leaving …
” It’ll kill me. Fucking destroy me. But her happiness means more.
“If that’s still leaving, then I understand.
” I stroke the side of her neck as she looks at me, her eyes shining. “Your happiness means more to me than—”
She kisses me and straddles my hips, her hands cradling my cheeks.
Heat strokes my skin as I deepen the kiss, flattening my hands on her lower back to pull her closer, my tongue delving into her mouth.
Kissing her feels like waking up all over again.
Like new light, like fresh air, like finding a reason to pull myself from the dark.
When she breaks the kiss, she stays close. “Everything you just said is why I love you, Colt. I’m here because I want you. I stayed all those months ago because I want you. It has nothing to do with Ranger. You’re what my happiness looks like, remember?”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m so sure. My future is you.” She runs her fingers through my hair. “I love you. But if you ever say that shit to me again, I’ll kick your ass.”
I laugh. “Noted.”
“Will you be okay tomorrow? Without me?”
No, I won’t. The day is going to be fucking awful. Saying goodbye to my brother was never going to be easy, but with the added pressure of the businesses, looking after Holly, Ranger, and the pain I’m in … the last thing I want to do is deal with this without Denver by my side.
But we both decided that given their history and what people know about Wilder and Denver, her being there wouldn’t be smart.
“I’ll be fine.” I rub my temple, and she frowns gently.
“You okay?”
“I’m just in pain.”
She kisses me softly. “Sleep. You’re doing too much.”
“I’m fine,” I repeat, standing and sitting her on the bed. “I’ll be fine.”