Chapter 12
Denver
Iwatch from the doorway as Colt holds Holly in his arms, her little feet dangling as he extends the embrace. Her face is buried in his shoulder, her cheeks pink from crying, and fresh tears roll down my face. Helena, Antonia, and Wesson are already in the car. Charlie is behind the wheel.
And we’re saying goodbye.
It isn’t safe for them. Ranger and Spider plan on bringing pain, and they’ll do that by hurting those close to us.
The agony of this life is being the catalyst for danger not just for yourself, but for everyone you love. Holly being close to us right now puts her at risk, and as much as it pains us both, she needs to go. They all do.
Axel approaches from inside the house to stand in the doorway with me, and we watch as Colt puts a crying Holly into the car.
I convinced Axel to stay in New York. I made it clear to him that there’s no mediation in this. He cannot be on both sides, and although I hated saying it, I told him he had to choose, because moving between Ranger and me would put him at risk.
He chose me.
I’ll always be grateful for that, because I wouldn’t have judged him if he’d stayed with Ranger.
Colt returns to the house, and his expression would have been unreadable to me a few months ago. I’d have assumed he was cold, shut down, taking it all in his stride, but now I know him better.
He’s in pain.
I wrap my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek to his chest as we remain in the cold.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble into him, holding back more tears. “It won’t be for long.”
But it could be. It could be weeks, maybe months, before this is over, and there’s no telling what the outcome will be.
As the sun dips, we head inside. Dinner is takeout, and conversation is all business or nothing at all. It’s like we’re all too afraid that if we talk about Holly, Helena, or Antonia, we’ll break.
I lock my phone after receiving a text from Samuel. “The meeting for the casino deal is in two weeks. The land is technically yours now, so I’ll need you. Can you come?”
Colt nods. “I’ll be there. It’ll be nice dealing with something semi normal.”
Something other than Ranger and fucking Spider.
Colt returns to silence beside me, and Axel is on my other side. The head of the table is empty. I don’t think any of us are ready for someone to sit there yet. We’re like kids playing house, secretly hoping our parents come home soon.
Colt’s phone rings and he exhales, kissing my temple. “It’s Alexei. I’ll take it in the office.” I watch him go, my brows pinched together in concern.
“He’ll be okay,” Taf says, smiling weakly from across the table. “Silence is his thing while he processes.”
I nod. “I just wish there was an answer.”
“There is,” JJ says. “It’s just a crappy one.”
He’s right. We know what we have to do. We have to fight. We just don’t want to deal with the repercussions of that.
The front door opens and closes, and Alison appears at the doorway.
Ronan’s half-sister has visited almost every day. She sits by Ronan’s bed, reading to him or telling him about what she’s learning at Harvard. They’ve allowed her to stay in the city for a while, given the circumstances, and it’s been nice having her around.
Her black hair is pulled up into a ponytail, dark eyes landing on me. Her cheeks are pink, as if she’s been rushing. “Hey. Did I miss saying goodbye?”
I nod slowly. “Yeah, they left not long ago.”
She sighs. “Okay. I guess I can video call them later.” Her gaze shifts to Axel, who has his fork paused by his lips. She smiles brightly. “Hi.”
He stares at her, and I frown, elbowing him. “Swallow your noodles, you weirdo. Alison, this is my—”
“Stepson?” Alistair offers, looking amused.
I glare at him. “More like a brother.”
“I dunno, being a wicked stepmother seems suited to you,” he mumbles, and I throw my napkin at him. Axel still hasn’t spoken, and I elbow him again. “Say hello.”
He does, almost choking, and hits his chest. “Hi. I’m AJ. Axel, not AJ. I was AJ, but now I’m Axel. I was Axel first, though.” He suddenly bolts to his feet, holding out his hand.
Taf looks wildly amused, and JJ grins.
Alison looks at Axel like he has two heads but steps into the room and shakes his hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m Alison.”
“Alison,” Axel says quietly, and I note him gently squeezing her hand.
She flushes. “Yes.”
“Ronan McEwan’s sister,” Alistair says pointedly, but that clearly doesn’t deter Axel, because he doesn’t move his attention from Alison’s face.
Alistair frowns. “Your stepson has a death wish.”
“You have a death wish!” I hiss.
“A word of advice, Axel. You touch Ronan’s sister, and he’ll find you even down under,” Alistair adds.
Alison slaps him up the back of the head with her free hand, because Axel still hasn’t released her, but she doesn’t seem to mind at all. “You’re from Australia?” He nods. “That’s cool. Are you finished eating?” He nods again, even though his plate is half full. “Wanna go for a walk?”
Axel almost falls over his chair to follow her, and we watch them go.
JJ sighs. “Ronan will kill us all.”
“Yep,” Taf says happily. “I can’t wait.”
As JJ and Taf take their plates to the kitchen, Alistair and I are left alone. He finishes his water and places the glass down. “There is another answer to this war, y’know.” He pins me with his usual disinterested stare. “Go back to Ranger.”
I stare at him. “What?”
“He’s fighting for you.” He stands. “You could do us all a favor and give him what he wants.”
He leaves.
It’s hard to argue with Alistair when he’s right.
If it weren’t for me, none of this would be happening.
If I hadn’t cut off Spider’s son’s finger, he wouldn’t have come for me, and Colt wouldn’t have saved me that night.
If I hadn’t left Ranger, Colt and I would have remained enemies. This is my fault. All of it.
“We lost the Morellis.”
I lift my head to look at Colt. He’s pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Massimo is with Ranger?”
Colt nods. “He is.”
Fuck. That’s a huge amount of support to lose.
“Could we talk to Sabina?” Massimo’s sister is far easier to deal with.
I’ve spoken to her a few times over the phone, and though she didn’t say the words, I could tell she’s eager to push Massimo out.
He’s making mistakes, huge ones, and it’s costing them money and reputation.
That’s likely why he’s sided with Ranger.
He’ll have promised things that he won’t accept from us.
“I’ve tried to call. She isn’t picking up.” He comes to me and leans over, kissing my head. He looks so tired. So defeated. “I’m gonna shower and head to bed. Are you coming?”
I nod and force a smile. “I’ll be up in a minute.”
I’m ruining him. His family. His life. I’m an anchor dragging him down, pushing him to make choices he would never have to if I weren’t here.
If I just left.
If I freed him.
I could end this war right now. With one call, this all stops. Colt would fight for me until I convinced him not to, but I could make him believe this was a passing thing, that I was never going to leave Ranger, not really.
I could do for him what I couldn’t do for Ethan—save his life.
I blink back tears. Colt gets to the door before I call his name, and he faces me. I stand, resting my hand on the back of my chair, my nails pressing into the wood. “I love you more than life. You know that, right?”
He places his hand on the doorframe and watches me. It feels like the first time I ever saw him—standing at the end of a bar, looking like a dream in a designer suit, offering me a smile that I knew I shouldn’t take.
Who decided in that moment that he’d be this person to me? Was it him? Me? Fate? Were we led here, or did we forge this path together?
Who decided Colt Harland was going to be my everything, and why did they let it happen when they knew I could so easily lose him?
Colt drops his hand to his side and approaches me.
His steps are slow, his smile has vanished, and when the space between us is gone, he cups my face and kisses me.
A tear falls down my cheek as I cling to him, kissing him back, letting him pour all his emotion into the moment as I try desperately to carve this into my memory.
I thread my arms around his neck and slide my tongue into his mouth, inhaling deeply, breathing in his cologne. I press myself to him, to the hard muscles of his body, and hold onto every single second of my happiness as it fragments once again.
The kiss ends and Colt cups the back of my head.
“I’m not Ethan,” he whispers, his eyes shining.
I open my mouth, but he shakes his head.
“I’m not happiness that you think you don’t deserve.
You are allowed to love me. You are allowed to be happy with me.
” He holds my face, his jaw tense, and I wonder if he’s fighting the tears I’m letting fall free.
“I am giving you permission to love me. To love me, and stay, and fight.”
My lip trembles. “Colt—”
“You’re not going anywhere, do you understand? No more of this. None of it. We’re a fucking team. You don’t have to fix this on your own because this is our life. It’s us against the problem, Del. Don’t you fucking dare run off and be a hero when I need you here.”
How can he know me so well after such a short time? How can he look into my eyes and see everything?
He kisses me quickly. “I’m going to go upstairs, and you’re not going to walk out that door. Okay?”
I nod quickly. “Okay.”
He kisses me desperately, the salty taste of tears mingling on my lips. He leaves me alone and I almost fall into my seat, burying my face into my hands.
I should leave. I should make it easier on everyone and go.
But Colt is right. I’m not in this life on my own anymore. I’m part of a team. A partnership. We’re not a separate entity trying to survive each other. I can rely on him, and he should be able to trust I won’t run at the first sign of trouble, even if it is to save everyone.
I go upstairs and change into Colt’s jersey. I’m curled up in bed when Colt finishes his shower and settles on his side in front of me. He brushes my hair back, and I move closer. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, Del.” He wraps his arms around me, and I tangle my feet in his. “Just don’t sacrifice yourself to save me.”
I lift my head, my eyes blurring with fresh tears. “Then you promise me the same thing. We don’t die for each other. We make a choice together.”
He kisses my forehead. “Deal. We both make it out of this. No rash decisions. We get out of this, we get Holly back, and we have a normal life.”
I nod into his chest. “We have our forever.”
“Forever.”