Chapter 34
Denver
“Do you want me to give you a minute?” Colt asks, and for some reason I nod, even though I’m not sure that’s even close to what I want.
I woke up in the new safe house, Colt and Ranger’s voices drifting up the stairs, and though I’m bone tired I couldn’t lie in anticipation to see where the conversation would go.
They’ve worked together to find me, but now I’m back.
Things could easily turn ugly. “Living room is through there.” Colt nods to the door to our left, kissing my temple. “I’m one room away, Del.”
Ranger follows me into a plush, cream and white decorated room that feels far too comfortable for such an uncomfortable conversation. I never dreamed I’d make it home, let alone that I’d find myself alone with Ranger Luxe again.
I take a seat on one of the sofas, my palms wedged between my knees, but he remains standing.
He seems torn between wanting to hug or shout at me, as if any moment he could start pacing and berating me, like no time has passed, like I haven’t married another man and spent months away from what used to be our home.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
What a loaded question. I’m not, of course I’m not, but the only man who will ever get that truth from me is not him. My expression must tell him that, because he looks away.
“I looked for you.”
I wet my lips. “Are you expecting a thank you?” He opens his mouth, then immediately snaps it closed again. “You demanded to see me, Ranger. I’m here. What do you want to say?”
“I—” His jaw tenses. “I wanted to see you to check if you’re okay. Is that so hard to believe?”
I lean back into the plush cushions. “Are you the only one who’s allowed to break me?”
Am I deliberately baiting him? Maybe. Perhaps part of me wants this argument to snowball, to unravel, to have Colt walk through the doors and put a bullet between my ex-husband’s eyes so I don’t have to.
Instead, Ranger keeps himself leashed and takes a seat on the sofa opposite me, clasping his hands together. His dark gaze remains fixed on me—the center of his attention, as always—but it no longer has the desired reaction.
“You’re the only person I have left.”
After losing Axel, I thought there could be bridges built between us. Nothing that could hold the weight of a friendship or even an acquaintance, but a check-in, maybe. A chance meeting at his son’s grave that was amicable.
But I’ve lost so much time in the hands of monsters. I’ve been passed between men who want to control me, shatter the woman I’ve fought to be, and I won’t allow too many minutes to tick by when I have a life I need to live.
“In that case, you have no one,” I say simply, and stand.
“Denver, please,” he says quietly. “I’m not asking you to …” His graze strays to my stomach, and I see the break.
His shoulders slowly dip, and the softness in his eyes becomes … nothing. If he weren’t moving, if I couldn’t see the steady thrum of his pulse in his neck, I’d think Ranger Luxe had died in front of me.
“I just wanted you to know I’m here,” he says, averting his gaze.
“That I’m here, that … it doesn’t matter how much time passes, or who you marry, or where we are.
I love you. I’ll always love you. I—” He flexes his hands, and I watch him in the same way I’d watch a car wreck—with morbid curiosity.
He stands and rounds the coffee table, stopping before me, and I’m thrown back so many years, to our first meeting in the foyer of a home we shared as man and wife.
Where we were happy, even if it was only for a little while.
He’s that same domineering man, so handsome, so terrifyingly present that maybe I’d fallen in love with him from the time it took him to descend the stairs.
So when he reaches for me, I don’t stop him—because I’m twenty-one again.
I’m a kid, and I’ve lost so much, and I’m so desperate to hold onto anything that will keep me grounded that I’ll fall in love with a monster.
Ranger cups my cheek, his thumb sweeping across the bruise I know is there, and he gives me a look he’s only graced me with handful of times.
One of total vulnerability—of love.
“He can’t put you back together again, little bird,” he whispers. “As long as you’re here, you’ll always be this broken thing. You’ll die by his side.”
It’s another attempt at manipulation. Our relationship was built on the forced belief that I can’t survive without him, but I’ve not just witnessed hell, I’ve experienced it.
I’ve had my dignity torn to pieces, my pride thrown to the wind, my freedom snatched from me in more ways than I’m willing to admit.
And I know now that the only person who keeps me alive is me.
My love for Ranger came from my inability to see my worth.
Now, I love myself enough to love Colt, too.
I lift my chin, our eyes locked, my words firm. “I’d rather share his grave than your bed.”
The moment shatters, and so does he. I take no pleasure in it. His pain just is, and so is mine.
“Goodbye, little bird.”
I’m totally still as he walks away. The door opens, it closes, and the room is plunged into silence.
I stare at the carpet, basking in the quiet for a moment, and when I lift my gaze, Colt is in the doorway. His head is tilted, dark blue eyes filled with concern and curiosity—with love. Genuine, selfless love.
I remove the space between us, cup his face, and kiss him. He pulls me close, and those seconds are a reminder of why I fought for us—why I put aside a festering need for revenge for this man. Why I love him.
“He’s gone,” I say, and he knows I don’t mean he’s left. Ranger is gone. Given up. Still hateful and loving me in all the wrong ways, but gone.
That toxic part of my life has been cut out of me.
“I love you,” Colt says.
I smile, a real smile, but it quickly descends into a frown when something crunches. We both glance over at the sliding wooden doors that clearly neither of us had heard open. Taf, JJ, Charlie, and Lewis are all standing there. JJ is eating cereal.
“Can we help you?” Colt asks.
They all shake their heads and grin.
“Just beautiful, isn’t it?” Charlie says, taking a handful of cereal from JJ’s bowl and shoving it into his mouth. “Love and shit. So, when are you two fucking off to England?”
I fail to bite back a laugh. “Sooner rather than later, if you all keep staring.”
“I told them not to,” Sandy says as she appears and snatches the bowl from JJ. He scowls at her. Charlie rests his forearm on her head, and she seems undeterred by the familiarity.
I blink at her. “Hey, Sandy.”
“Hey, Red,” she says. “How are you? I’m part of the gang now.”
“The worst part of it,” Taf says.
Charlie smacks him up the back of the head. “Show some respect.”
Colt slides his arm around my waist. “We have a lot to catch you up on, Del. Hungry?”
My stomach is close to bursting it’s so full, but I grab another sandwich off the platter that’s been laid out on the coffee table.
Sandy is sitting cross-legged on the other couch, Charlie beside her, and I already know he’s protective of her.
He’s stuck by her the entire afternoon, correcting her stories when she exaggerates and boasting about how much she’s learned in the few weeks since Colt and Alistair bumped into her by chance, and it led to them finding me.
“So the doc is all, ‘please, I don’t know anything else,’” Sandy says. “So I take the screwdriver, right? And I’m all, ‘keep lying, see where it gets you!’ And she’s sobbing, and it’s so funny—”
“Maybe ease off on the torture talk,” Colt says as he hands me another bottle of electrolytes and takes the seat next to me again.
I called Sebastian to check on him, and he gave me strict instructions to eat, drink, and get an appointment with my doctor as soon as possible.
When I reminded him he’d been shot and to focus on himself, he pointed out that this is the third time he’s taken a bullet, and he’s getting used to the pain.
Still, Colt absorbed every word of advice and has been closely watching me every time I try to turn down food or drink.
“Says the king of torturing people,” Sandy says, then yelps and looks at Charlie. “Did you just pinch me?”
I glance at Colt. “King of torturing people?”
He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “Not a conversation we need to have now.” He takes the bottle of electrolytes from me and takes a mouthful. “Or ever.”
“I think we do,” I say, watching him. “Tell me.”
“First,” Alistair says, clearly trying to save Colt, “we need to discuss what we’re doing with Eli.”
“Eli?” I ask. “He’s alive?” Alistair nods, and I sink back into the cushions. “Where is he?”
“At another safe house,” Colt says. “Lucas is with him now, trying to find out what he knows about Marnie.”
“You think she could still be alive?”
Colt nods, and I twist my fingers together. I can’t believe I fell for whoever pretended to be Marnie. I’d only ever seen one photo of her in passing, so I suppose I can’t blame myself, especially when it was an old photograph, too.
But the way she’d asked about Holly, her concern when she’d found out I was being sold on … it had all seemed so genuine.
“Did we find who pretended to be Marnie?” I ask.
Alistair folds his arms. “Another woman trafficked, we’re guessing. We’re trying to ID her, but she’ll likely be long gone by now.”
I hope she got out. I hope she’s safe. Even if she did lie to me, to imagine what she’s been through … she was trying to survive, too.
“I want to keep Eli alive,” I say, and Colt watches me but doesn’t question it.
“How long?” he asks.
I wet my lips, take another drink, and say, “Seven-two days, six hours. To the fucking minute.” Another swig of the drink. “Then he dies slowly.”
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”