30. Liam
She’s lying. I know she’s lying. But what do I say that won’t cause her to spiral? That would cause her to push me away? She thinks I can’t see the lies she tells me, but I can read Emily’s expressions better than anyone else. I know Emily… And I’m losing her.
When we brought her home a few weeks ago, she started making remarkable improvements right away, and I immediately knew something was off. No one else sees the times she stares blankly at the wall or the counter. No one sees the way she reacts to things that aren’t really there.
No one sees that Emily is trapped in her mind and can’t find a way out.
I thought maybe taking her to the garden and doing things she used to do would help but she refuses. She spends so much time locked in her room alone. I don’t know what she experienced, and I expected major changes in her, but I wasn’t prepared for the isolation she seeks. She very rarely wants to be around anyone.
Even her interactions with Sarah and Paige are off. Sure, she’ll laugh and smile, but it never reaches her eyes.
Her eyes haven’t brightened since the day I carried her out of that basement and it’s eating at me.
I don’t know how to save her. Don’t know how to free her from the demons that haunt her.
But I’ll be damned if I don’t find a way to.
I hold out my hand and she stares at it for what seems like minutes before finally sliding her palm into mine. The warmth of her skin brings me some sense of peace because she’s actually here. She’s alive.
We walk to the SUV in the parking garage, and I open her door for her. She glances to her left and tenses.
Following her line of sight, I see nothing that would cause her reaction.
I never do and fuck if I don’t want to be the one to take away her trauma. To break the chains that bind her in darkness.
“Emily…” I say gently and she spins to face me.
Fear flashes through her eyes before fading away to her usual blankness that I’ve come to loath.
“Sorry,” she mumbles under her breath before climbing into her seat. Once she’s settled and buckled, I shut the door, walk around the hood of the SUV, and climb into the driver’s seat.
Emily is staring at the dash with an odd expression on her face.
“Are you okay?” I ask, but she doesn’t react.
She continues to study the surface before tipping her head slightly to the side and furrowing her brows. After a moment, she shakes her head as though clearing her mind, and then faces me.
“Huh?”
I scan her face; my heart is heavy with grief for the Emily I used to know. I smile tightly then let out a deep breath before starting the ignition and pulling out of the parking garage.
The drive back to the estate is quiet, I can feel Emily’s eyes on me every so often, and I can’t help but do the same to her.
“Are you hungry?” I ask.
“No,” she says, shaking her head.
“Are you sure? It’s been a while since breakfast.”
“Yeah, I just want to go home.”
My heart constricts. She always just wants to be home. And I get it. I really do. I just wish there was more I could do to help her with what she’s going through.
Emily doesn’t say a word as we pull up to the estate. She’s fleeing from the SUV before I even shift it into park. The vehicle shifts from the force in which she slams the door. I watch as she takes the steps two at a time before going inside.
With a sigh, I turn the ignition, lean back into the seat, and scrub a hand down my face.
Maybe I could speak with Declan about her?
No. I can’t do that. Paige is also still recovering, and he thinks Emily is doing well. I also don’t want anyone else to get in my way from being the one to help her.
A knock on the glass startles me from my thoughts. My pistol is unholstered and drawn before my mind catches up. Rhys holds his hands up and frowns at me.
I click the safety back on and holster my pistol. With a sigh, I push open the door and step out.
“Sorry,” I mutter when I step in front of him.
“Not a good session, I take it?” he asks, tipping his head.
I rub the back of my neck with my hand and stare up at the sky.
“No, it’s not that. She seemed really good after seeing Dr. Morrison. It’s just… She wants to be alone. All the time.” I hold my arms out before letting let fall to my side.
When I meet Rhys’ eyes, they soften, and sadness fills them.
“She was gone for a long time, Liam. We don’t know all she’s been through and there is a huge chance we never will. Give her some space.”
Space? Letting her out of my sight is almost physically painful. My anxiety skyrockets and it’s hard to breathe. Letting her lock herself in her room is astronomically difficult even when I know it’s what she wants. I gave her space in the past and she was taken, and I didn’t know. I can’t let that happen again.
I refuse.
“I can’t do that.”
A sympathetic smile spreads over Rhys’s face.
“I get you’re worried about her, we all are, but she clearly needs to process everything and you breathing down her neck isn’t going to help.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“You are though. You follow her everywhere. I’m sure she’s feeling trapped by it.”
My heart stops and my muscles lock.
“I don’t know how to leave her alone, Rhys. I walked away from her before and now that she’s back… I just… I don’t know what to do.”
He nods in understanding and lets out a sigh.
“I think it’s best if you give her some space for a few days. I think it’ll be good for both of you.”
I rub a hand on the scruff that lines my jaw and rub my tongue along the front of my teeth.
“Alright… we’ll see if that will help.”
“Good. Now, come on. I need you to come check out the Manhattan warehouse with me.”
He slaps my back as he strides toward the passenger door.
I once again, climb back into the SUV and back out of the driveway.