50. Emily
After dinner, everyone separates to change into dry clothes. Liam and I are in my – our – closet, changing after a warm shower. He sits on my bed as I dress in a gray oversized tee and a pair of black sweatpants. I pile my hair in a messy bun on top of my head.
Liam’s eyes leisurely travel down my body and he smirks when he spots the blush that has spread over my neck and face.
“Comfy?” he says with a grin.
“Mhm.” I nod.
He pats the mattress and I saunter over and sit next to him. His arms wrap around me, and he falls back onto his back, pulling me with him.
I giggle when he nuzzles his face into my neck.
“Liam, what are you doing?” I squeal.
He relaxes and splays his arms above his head. “Just loving you.”
I cuddle against his side and set my head on his chest. The heart beats against my ear and I swear I can feel mine syncing to it.
We both look up when there’s a knock at the door.
“Come in!” I yell before settling back against Liam.
Paige pops her head in and smile sheepishly. “Can I talk with you for a minute, Emily?” she asks, looking over at Liam before meeting my eyes again.
“Of course,” I say, moving to climb out of bed.
Liam wraps his hand around my wrist, and I fall back against his chest. His hand wraps around the back of my neck and he pulls me in for a kiss.
“Hurry back,” he whispers with a wink.
I chuckle and follow Paige out of the room.
Sarah and Paige sit across from me in Paige’s room. Declan left to keep Rhys and Liam occupied. For what reason? Welp, apparently, I’m getting interrogated.
“How long have you been avoiding your mom?” Paige asks quietly. There is no judgement in her eyes, only curiosity.
Sarah’s stare is curious, as well as calculating.
“It’s not that I’ve been ignoring her,” I say with a sigh. My fingers fiddle with the string on my sweatpants. “I just can’t hear her voice without feeling like my heart is going to burst from my chest.”
Tears begin to well in my eyes and I struggle to keep my lips from quivering.
Sarah moves to sit next to me, and she wraps an arm around me. I lean my head against her shoulder.
“Why are you guys asking me this anyway? How do you know?” I meet Paige’s eyes before they flick up to Sarah’s.
“She’s coming here.”
I jolt upward and stare at Paige, wide-eyed.
“What are you talking about?” I sputter.
Sarah starts to rub her hand up and down my arm to try and comfort me, but it doesn’t help. My blood is a rapid river that’s flowing through my blood stream with unimaginable force.
Paige grimaces slightly. “We invited her to come back to the US with us. She originally said no, which is why she wasn’t on our flight. But after Declan and I reached the airport, she changed her mind.”
My ma is coming here. I’m going to see her in person. I won’t have a way to avoid her. I take a deep breath in through my nose and release it through my mouth.
My nerves are shot, and I feel anxious.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” Sarah whispers in my ear and kisses my temple.
I bite down on my lower lip until I taste blood. The pain helps distract me from the threat of a panic attack. I shouldn’t feel this. I shouldn’t feel the dread of being in my ma’s presence.
She’s my ma. She loves me unconditionally. She has always been a pillar of strength in my life.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Paige reaches over and lightly squeezes my knee. Her eyes are warm and understanding.
I guess if anyone can understand a strained relationship with their mother, it’s Paige. She was the subject of unimaginable pain and agony her entire life before she was taken by Vladimir.
I don’t have that though. My relationship with my ma is different. It’s my fault our relationship is not what it used to be.
“When will she be here?” I mumble.
“Tomorrow morning.”
My eyes flutter closed, and I clench my hands into fists. I swallow tightly before opening my eyes and looking between Paige and Sarah.
“Okay,” I say, lifting my chin to feign the confidence that I don’t feel.
I didn’t sleep a single minute last night. My anxiety of seeing my ma in person was too much to ignore. I sat in the chair in front of my window staring at nothing. My thoughts were a jumbled mess. It was a disaster.
Liam sat with me for a while and tried to offer me some comfort, but I had him go to sleep. He has been working so hard alongside Rhys and needed to rest more than I did.
The sun rose a few hours ago and I’m still sitting at the window. Declan left to pick up ma, and I’m uneasy with each second that passes and their SUV doesn’t come driving up the road.
“It’s going to be okay, Féileacán, ” Liam says as he dresses. His hair is still mussed from sleep and sticks up in different directions. Waking up with him at my side is a dream. His scent is embedded in my sheets. It’s crazy to see how different my life is now despite what has happened to me.
“I know,” I mutter. “It’s silly for me to be feeling the way I am. I know that. I'm just filled with this fear that something bad is going to happen.”
Liam steps up behind me and sets his hands on my shoulder.
“There are no rules that say how you should feel in situations, Emily. You went through a lot and your subconscious is trying to protect you.”
I sigh and my shoulders slump. “Protect me from what though? She’s my ma.” My voice cracks from my throat tightening.
Liam’s thumbs rub my shoulders. “From experiencing any trauma again. It might not seem rational, but it makes sense. The last person you spoke to before your life drastically changed was your ma.”
The sound of tires on the dirt road causes my spine to become wrought iron straight. My stomach falls to the floor and my heart begins to gallop in my chest.
Ma is here.