54. Emily
I can’t breathe. I can’t fucking breathe! This is too much. I shouldn’t have ignored everything telling me that I wasn’t okay. That being here wasn’t okay.
“Give me the keys!” I scream at the valet. He frantically searches for the SUV keys before tossing them into my palm.
“Emily!” Liam calls my name, but I can’t face him. Not now. I need to get away from here. I need something – anything to make this panic stop.
I’m in the vehicle and driving away right as Liam reaches me. He runs next to the SUV, slamming his hand on the window and screaming for me to stop.
My foot slams on the gas and I speed down the road.
As I drive back toward the estate, I have flashes of that night. The bullets flying, the sounds of screaming and cutlery crashing on the ground. The feeling of blood splattering on my skin.
It’s all too much. My vision is blurring more with each passing second. The tears are making it nearly impossible to drive. Horns honk and curses are thrown my way as I rush through traffic.
“Move!” I shriek, swiping my arm back and forth, trying to get people out of my way. I nearly crash multiple times in my attempts to put distance between me and the party.
When I finally start driving up the private road to the estate, my breathing becomes a little easier. My mind continues to flash with the memory of driving up this road, of Liam holding my body, of throwing myself into Declan’s arms.
Skidding to a stop and shifting into park , I throw open the door – not bothering to turn off the SUV – and sprint inside and up the stairs to my room.
I’m desperately moving my clothes and my dresser to get to the hole where I know my escape hides. Where I know I’ll find the numbness I need right now.
My hands are trembling uncontrollably when I pull the box containing the stash of medications I kept away from Liam. I open the lid with enough force to send the capsules and tablets flying around me.
I blindly pick up a tablet and dry swallow it.
The sound of the front door bursting open and hitting the wall startles me.
“Emily!” Liam yells but I don’t respond.
As quickly as possible, I collect as much medication as possible and throw it into the box.
The sounds of Liam’s steps draw closer. I’m not going to have enough time to hide this.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I search for a shelf to set the box on and then push the dresser as close to its original spot as possible.
“Emily, where are you?”
I swallow another pill before exiting my closet and facing Liam.
His face is flushed, eyes are wide with worry. When he sees me and rushes toward me and cups my face.
“Are you okay?” He gasps.
My knees give out and I crumpled to the floor. Liam’s arms wrap tightly around me, and I sob into his shirt. My hearts continue to gallop in my chest and the sound reverberates in my ears.
“No… I’m not okay.” I cry.
The alcohol I consumed finally hits me, sending tingles through my fingers and lips. Liam rocks us back and forth and mutters comforting words under his breath.
We sit on the floor long enough for the medication to flow through me. My mind and body begin to relax, and Liam immediately takes notice.
My eyelids droop and my head lulls to the side.
I feel weightless.
Liam’s body pulls away from mine and I mourn its loss.
He grips my shoulders and holds me at arm's length.
“What did you do?” he whispers.
The weight of my tongue seems to triple. I mumble incoherently and Liam gently shakes me.
“Emily, what did you do? What did you take?” he demands, panic seeping from his voice.
Thump… Thump… Thump...
The beat of my heart slowly as seconds pass.
“What did you take, Féileacán?”
Liam’s voice becomes distant and faint.
Thump… Thump…
Thump…
Thump…
Then everything goes black.
The muffled sound of steady beeping emerges from the fog of my subconscious. My eyes flutter but refuse to open. The heaviness of my body feels as though the entire force of Earth’s gravity is lying on it.
I try to move my lips, but nothing happens.
I’m acutely aware of someone’s presence. But Who?
Darkness overtakes me with the whisper of someone calling my name.
Fingers gently caress the skin of my cheek. The scent of musk and spice fills my nose. Warmth flows through my blood and I know it’s him.
“Wake up, Féileacán . Please, wake up.”
I try to force my eyes to open with no luck. My body doesn’t feel like my own. It’s sitting on the edge of reality and whatever limbo my soul has gone.
“You were close. So close.” A voice says.
Blood rushes toward my heart, sending it into a race.
“You’re weak. Pathetic.”
I fight with my body, trying to gain some semblance of control to wake up.
“You thought you’d escape us? Ha! You’ll never be free of us.”
My eyes flutter harder, and my muscles finally begin to give in to my influence.
A deep and dark chuckle dissipates when my eyes open. Black dots fill my vision before color starts to take form. The hospital room comes into focus.
“Thank God,” my ma cries and then quickly stands at my bedside. She takes my hand into her and peppers it with kisses. Tears stream down her face and the guilt of what I’ve done comes rushing.
Liam stands at the end of my bed with pain etches over his beautiful face. His eyes glisten with unshed tears before he blinks them away and swallows tightly.
My ma continues to pepper me with kisses and her hands roam over my face and arms, assessing for any visible damage.
When she finally steps away, Liam slowly walks toward me. His brows are pinched with concern, and he studies me as if he’s confirming I’m truly awake. Truly here.
My ma steps out of the room, the door shuts with a soft click.
“What were you thinking?” Liam whispers in a shaky voice.
My brain still feels foggy, and I struggle to form words. My head feels heavy, so I remain pressed against the pillows.
Liam lowers his chin to his chest and traces circles on the blanket with his fingers.
“I thought you were going to die, Emily. His voice is full of sadness and pain.
Tears flow down my cheeks and Liam leans over, swiping them away with his thumb.
“I’m so sorry,” I rasp.