Chapter Twenty
Harley
“ I wish I could have been here the entire time, searching for you, helping you when they found you. My biggest regret will always be not being here when I know you needed me,” Brielle says as she holds me tightly.
“You can’t regret something like that. Your life kept moving even if mine stopped for a moment. You have things going on I know you don’t want to talk about. I love you, Bri,” I respond, squeezing her back just as tightly.
Brielle and her guys just arrived as we are all preparing for what today is going to entail. My guys told me Brielle and the guys were here as much as possible, but they had things going on back home they had to deal with. Bri called every day, twice a day, to just check in, even though she couldn’t be here.
She apologized the second she saw me and broke down into tears. There is nothing to forgive. I will always wish she could be here with me, but I won’t hold it against her when she didn’t do anything wrong. She is here now, today, when I know I am going to need all my people, and that is all that matters. It’s all that should matter.
“Thank you for finding a way to be here today,” I tell her, pulling away so I can look at her tear-stained face. “I’m glad I can have everyone here today. We need each other.”
“You are so brave. I don’t think you will ever see what we all see, honey, but you are the strongest person I know, and I know most people standing here now would agree. You have fought so many battles, and none of them were your own. I can only imagine how proud your parents will forever be of you,” she whispers.
Atlas approaches, leaving Lincoln alone with Grayson, Ryan standing with Axe and Stone. “Hey, kid.” He hesitantly opens his arms, and I don’t even have to think about it, I step into them and breathe him in. I’m more scared than I ever was before, but I won’t hesitate to hold or be held by my family ever again.
“Are you ready for this?” he questions.
“No,” I say honestly as I pull away and glance between him and Bri. “But this isn’t about me. We are doing this because my dad deserves it.”
They both nod and walk back toward where everyone has gathered in the parking lot of the club. Ryker, Cayden, and Grayson are wearing their prospect cuts, and I bite the corner of my lip as I look them over, loving how amazing and confident they look.
Colton approaches me and holds his hand out. Furrowing my brows, I stick mine out as well as he drops a key into my palm. Glancing up at him, he doesn’t speak. He just gestures past him where Axe and Stone are rolling Gabe’s bike out of the garage. “It’s yours, darlin’,” he tells me softly as everyone begins to gather around us. I stare blankly at the old Harley Davidson bike being pushed out.
The last time–the last time I saw him on the bike, we were driving back from our day trip. We had stopped for gas, and then everything changed. He will never get to ride it again.
“Colton–” No other words come out as I stare silently, pleading with him with my eyes not to give this to me.
He shakes his head. “No, Harley. His bike was his baby. This is the same one he had when he took your mom–” His breath hitches, but he blinks rapidly and keeps speaking. “When they had their weekend before she left. That is the bike you were named after. That bike was his most precious belongin’ before you came along. It goes to no one except you. We will all be honored to watch his little girl ride his bike and keep it runnin’ for him.”
“It wasn’t even something we had to debate. It wasn’t even a split vote. It was simple. You were the only answer when we brought it up in church. It’s without a doubt what Rage would have wanted and expected of us,” Axe tells me as he stands a few feet behind Colton.
I glance at my guys standing behind me; they all tell me with simple looks that this is the right choice. Ryker grins and winks, Grayson gives me his soft, understanding smile, and Cade nods once.
Taking a breath, I glance down at the key in my hand and then walk towards the bike. Running my fingers over the entire body, I fight back the tears and put on my helmet Grayson hands me before I swing my leg over and straddle the bike. Glancing around at everyone, Axe shouts, “Start her up, Harley. We ride for our President.”
Starting up the bike, I feel the rumble under me and smile as everyone else starts their bikes right after. Cheers ring out as Axe gestures for everyone to begin. Sugar takes the front while Stone with Raven, Axe with Presley, Noah, and Nerds with Oakley follow up behind him. Then, the hearse pulls out carrying the casket. I follow behind it with my guys riding on my sides, and the rest of the club follows behind.
A few cars and trucks are in the back behind the club with other people.
Aggie, Jayce, Bear.
The people who work at Hazel’s Soul Diner.
Those who work at the bike shop with Axe.
And as we pull out of the club and begin Rage’s final ride, there are cars lined up along the sides of the road to follow behind everyone—people from Jacksonville who were helped by the club, by Rage, officers who respect the club, firefighters from the explosion, people from the hospital.
Anyone and everyone Rage affected in some way or another because I have an amazing dad who took a club that was hurting people and dangerous to its own town and turned it into something special and meaningful.
Tears slowly track down my face as I take pride in riding his bike knowing he has spent the last eighteen years riding this bike everywhere he went. That this was the bike my mom got to ride on and now I get to take care of.
Axe set up a path to take us through all of Jacksonville and out towards some of Rage’s favorite spots: a lookout, a restaurant right outside of town he apparently loved, and so much more.
We ride for a few hours until we end at our final stop.
My dad’s resting place. A place I never thought I would be. A place where a piece of my heart will forever stay now.
As we pull into the cemetery in Jacksonville, everyone begins to park and demount their bikes while I sit on mine for a few more minutes, feeling numb.
“Harley?” Ryker questions as he, Cade, and Grayson approach me.
They each touch me in some way, and I take my helmet off before leaning onto Grayson, who stands the closest to me. “How are you feeling after that?” he asks.
“Like I never want to do it again,” I whisper, glancing up at him.
“I know, beautiful,” he says gently as he holds my face in his hands, pressing his lips against mine. It’s a small, chaste kiss, and his hands never stray from my cheeks, making it clear Cade told them what happened.
Embarrassment creeps in, and I can feel my face heating. I climb off the bike and gesture towards the hearse where the others from the club are all waiting while everyone else who came on the ride with us has headed over to the grave site to wait for us.
The driver of the hearse circles the vehicle, and after a quick nod from Colton, he opens the back door and steps to the side. The ranking officers immediately form lines on each side—Colton and Axe on one side, Blade, Stone, and Nerds on the other. They all have serious frowns on their faces, but I can see the pain on each of them. Their shoulders are tense, eyes staring straight ahead, trying to disassociate, they are having to carry their brother, president, closest friend, to his grave and it hits me hard in this moment that I am glad I did what I had to do to make sure that this could happen.
They lift the casket and begin carrying it towards the grave site. I follow directly behind, my three men flanking me as we all take one last walk with my dad, Gabriel St. James.
Even more people have arrived, people who weren’t a part of the ride: Vance and his men, the other MCs that have been around helping us, and–and some of the victims we have saved.
A small gasp leaves my lips, and I glance at the guys. Grayson snags my hand and smiles gently. “When the news spread, the ones who could wanted to come to pay their respects to the man who helped save them all.”
The ranking officers set the casket down on the rug beside the open grave, and we all take our seats, other than Colton, who steps up to the front.
Clearing his throat, he begins speaking, and there is no trying to stop the tears as he says goodbye to his best friend. This is so much more than me losing my dad—this is a huge loss for this community. I wish my dad could see how many people are here just for him, how many lives he affected. I will proudly tell the world he was my dad and carry his last name forever.
“Thank you for comin’ today.” He takes a breath, “After this, we will have a large celebration back at our club and I would like all of you to join. To make this short, I just wanna say that losing my President, brother, and closest friend, is something that I will carry with me the rest of my life.”
He pauses and glances over at the casket. “I will honor your name and carry on the club how you wanted. I will protect our family with all I am and I will proudly walk in your footsteps for the rest of my time. Love you, brother.”
Colton takes his seat, and the man who is running this whole show asks if anyone else would like to say a few words. I blink to clear my eyes, and as the urge to stand up and speak hits, I find myself unable to move.
I feel raw and open in ways I never have before.
Ryker squeezes my thigh once and stands. He walks a few feet to stand at the front and runs his eyes over everyone before they land on me. He smiles sadly and then exhales.
“If you don’t know–which, shame on you, you definitely should know me–I’m Ryker Anderson.” Everyone chuckles softly. “I didn’t come to the club until I was a young, dumb pre-teen when my best friend's older brother took me in and saved me from some really bad decisions that I don’t regret.” He grins widely.
“Rage was the first to put me in my place when I came to the club. I thought I hated him, but I know now I respected him and admire the man he was. He was who I would like to be as I grow up, and we all know I still have a lot of that to do.”
I glance at Grayson who shakes his head, but still smiles at Ryker’s antics.
“Rage taught me what true family was. Family doesn’t have to be blood. Family is whatever you make it. He gave me mine and so much more. He gave me the loves of my life.” He winks at Grayson and me. “Yes, loves, Rage didn’t just accept and help raise me alongside Noah, he did the same for Cayden and Grayson. The three of us were given chances to have new beginnings after life brought down hell for us as young kids.”
Keeping his eyes on the three of us, he says, “Rage gave the three of us what we only could have dreamed of. Then, he gave us more by his fiery redhead daughter storming her way in and flipping all our lives upside down. She changed us even more and that never would have been possible without her father, Rage. After everything we have gone through, Rage was still the one to come to me when I needed him. He was the one who told me if I loved two people and I knew they loved me back than I was really fucking lucky, and if I didn’t grab what was right in front of me and never let go of it, he would kick my ass.”
Chuckling, I watch as his eyes mist over, and he glances at the casket. I clutch Grayson and Cayden as tears fall down my cheeks as he speaks to my dad.
“I will love and care for them for the rest of my life. My two loves, Harley and Grayson and my brother boyfriend, Cayden. They will always be my priority, and I will make you proud as I honor them and you for the rest of my life. Losing you is earth shattering for our club. There’s going to be a lot of trial and error as we find our way without you, but I swear, I, we, have your daughter until the end of our days.”
Fighting back tears, Ryker returns to his seat, and I lean over and place a kiss on his cheek. “I love you.”
He grins at me even with tears in his eyes. “I love you, my little flame.”
Grayson grips Ryker’s arm, his eyes wide, in shock with a mix of love and lust. “You just told basically everyone in Jacksonville you are with me.”
Ryker blinks at him. “Of course I did.” He tells him as if it’s silly to even question that he would do that. Gripping his chin, he gives him a fast kiss and then murmurs, “You are mine, Gray baby.”
Clearing my throat I try to lighten the mood, while also being serious , by saying, “You’re mine, don’t forget that.”
Grayson smiles at me, his cheeks tinted red. “I know.”
After a few other people that I have not met before stand and say some kind words about Gabe and how he helped them or how he made their day whenever he saw them, it’s time to prepare to lower the casket.
Standing, everyone in the club forms a large circle around the grave as they get to work moving the casket and lowering it down into the ground. Minutes pass, and more people begin to take their leave, heading back to the club for the celebration. I stay standing at the end of the grave site as he is officially put into the ground.
My heart aches as my last image of him flashes before me. How broken he was, how he was trying to get me to close my eyes, how much pain he must have been in, the fear of knowing he couldn’t protect me anymore. “They saved me, Dad,” I whisper.
Carly approaches slowly. Wearing her long black dress, her face is clear of makeup as she has spent most of the time crying. Stopping beside me, she sniffs. “I loved him.”
“I know,” I murmur sadly, not taking my eyes off the ground.
“I’m so sorry, Harley. I know that’ll never be enough for what you lost, but I’m sorry.” She cries.
Taking her hand, I turn and look at her. “You know you can be in pain too. Please don’t hide it from me. As selfish as it sounds, knowing I’m not going through this alone helps me heal.”
She scoffs through her tears. “It’s not selfish. Not at all. It hurts–it hurts because I wasted so much time. And now, all I will ever be able to do is dream of what could’ve been.”
“I’m going to tell you this, not for you to use it to wallow, but for you to remember it in the future when it may be a needed reminder.” I say softly.
Her brows lower, but she nods once. “Okay.”
I take a deep breath. “When we went on our ride the day everything happened, he laid my mom to rest at their spot. I asked him to leave her there and come home and be happy with you. He loved you and he agreed with me. He said he had wasted enough time.”
“He–he was coming home for me?” She tries not to let out a sob, but it forces its way out. Her body is shaking as I wrap my arms around her and cry with her.
“Yes. He was coming home for you because too much time had been wasted. Remember that. Please. Don’t hold onto something you can’t have and let it ruin something right in front of you.”
“I don’t think I can ever love someone like that again.”
I nod. “That’s what my dad said too until a certain blonde changed it and scared the shit out of him. I just don’t think he could admit how scared he was to let that final wall down with you.”
She chuckles as she pulls back and glances down at where he rests, “Are you calling him a pussy?”
I shrug, “I mean, I didn’t say that word no, but it may have been implied.”
Laughing through our tears, we loop arms and head back towards where my men now wait for us. It’s time to push the tears aside and celebrate his life with the men who love me.
“So want to tell me what’s been going on with you?” I ask Bri as I rest my chin on her shoulder.
She shoots me a small smirk. “You, my dear, are a little drunk.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m tipsy, and you, my dear,” I mock, “are avoiding my question.”
“Life is just a little chaotic lately. When I know for sure what is happening, I will tell you, I promise.”
“I really hate your vague answer.” I frown at her. “You have barely even been around the guys today. Usually, they surround you any chance they get.”
“Harley, please, let it be for now, okay?” she pleads with me.
Sighing, I sit up and nod. “Fine. Have it your way.”
A while later, a lot of the town people have left, and it’s mostly just our club now. Colton stands and lets out a loud whistle to get everyone’s attention as the music is stopped.
“I have a quick announcement,” he says loudly. “I know most of you are aware, but this is the official announcement: I am now the President of the Sons of Silence MC. I will be stepping into Rage’s very large shoes and will do my very best to make you all proud.”
Cheers ring out, and clapping starts as all the guys surround him and make sure he feels the same love Rage had. It can’t be easy to step into a position like this when it’s also such a big loss, but if anyone can manage it, it’s Colton.
Wanting to avoid more tears, having cried enough for a lifetime or five, I kiss Bri on the cheek and wander off to find my men, who happen to be all together, talking on the side of the bonfire.
Grinning, I sneak up behind Cade and leap onto his back. “Hi, baby girl,” he rumbles as he grips my thighs and holds me up.
“Hi, handsome.”
“Someone is a little drunk,” Ry teases.
Scoffing, I tell them, “Just like I told Bri, I am not drunk. I am tipsy.”
“You’re drunk, beautiful.” Grayson smiles gently as he brushes some of my hair out of my face. “Tipsy was about five beers ago.”
“It’s probably time we head to bed anyway. Today was long, and I think we could all use some good sleep,” Ryker says.
Feeling lighter than I have in a while, I agree, so we all say goodnight and head inside the club. All while Cade refuses to let me down, carrying me everywhere.
When we get up to my room, Cade drops me on my bed, and we all go our separate ways to get ready for bed. Needing a shower after this long day, I head into my bathroom and strip down.
Avoiding my mirror as I step in the shower, I take a few deep breaths and remind myself that my guys are here for me. I know they have to be hurting after not knowing where I was for a month and losing Gabe, yet they are nothing but supportive and loving.
Feeling determined, I finish up and get out of the shower. Without grabbing a towel right away, I force my eyes up to the mirror and stare at my naked body.
Luckily, nothing was broken. I think a few ribs were bruised when I was first taken, but they don’t really hurt anymore. Otherwise, I am just covered in bruises, scrapes, probably some new scars, and now a fucking brand on my chest.
I allow myself to feel my anger, fears of being rejected, embarrassment at how my body is destroyed, grief for the person I was before. I let myself feel it all, knowing I have people to get me through this.
Grabbing a towel, I wrap it around myself and exhale before I shakily grasp the doorknob and open the bathroom door to reveal all three of my guys waiting in my room.
They all glance over at me, but I stay rooted in the open doorway, trying to keep my courage. Locking eyes with Cade, I ask, “Do you remember what you did for me right before prom when I didn’t want to wear my dress?” He nods. “Can you do it again?” My voice cracks as I force myself to take the final step out of the bathroom and drop the towel. My eyes clench shut tightly as fear worse than anything I have been through in my life takes root.
I can handle the hell others bring down on me, but the thought of seeing disgust or pity on their faces makes me tremble where I stand.
That is, until gentle hands touch me. Someone runs their fingers down my back, tracing scars. Another set of hands brushes across my stomach before rising towards my breasts, the last set running a hand over my hair while touching my cheek with the scar.
“Your body may have more scars now, but you are still my beautiful girl. Nothing can change that, because when I look at you, I see the woman I love, battle scars and all,” Grayson murmurs.
My eyes blink open slowly, and I see the most beautiful green ones. “I want more,” I say quietly, as if speaking loudly will destroy the moment.
Grayson’s eyes widen slightly, and Ryker pauses from where his hands rest on my waist. “Are you sure, Harley?”
“Don’t think we don’t want to. We just want you to be ready,” Cade says quickly, cutting off any dooming thoughts rising.
I nod. “I want you.”
Ryker nods and slowly turns my body towards him before pressing his lips against mine. I melt into him, and the others move slowly, gently caressing me, causing goosebumps to rise on my skin.
Letting out a small moan, I push against Ryker, and he grins, lifting me up from under my ass and carrying me over to my bed, the others following closely behind.
When he lays me down and leans over me, I freeze.
I can’t move. “Harley?”
Why can’t I move? “It’s okay. Breathe, beautiful. We got you.”
Cayden
Her eyes are wide and lost, filled with terror as her body is stiff like she can’t move. She’s stuck in her head, wrapped up in a nightmare from what that fucking teacher did.
I may not be able to get revenge on him now, but I can take out this intense fury on Tank. We need to find him fast. Watching my girl go through all this all over again from when she was locked away at Tammy’s is bringing out part of me I don’t like closer and closer to the surface.
Based on the looks from my brothers, they are feeling the same. Even Grayson, who has tears slowly falling down his cheeks, looks livid and ready to destroy something.
Harley finally gasps and lets her eyes fall shut after Grayson continually talked to her until she came out of the nightmare. “You’re alright, Harley. Just keep breathing,” Ryker rasps as we all keep our hands on her as she lays on top of Grayson.
Sobs take over her tiny frame as she buries her face into Grayson’s neck. “I’m so sorry,” she stutters through her tears.
“Don’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault,” I growl, more aggressively than I mean to.
She raises her head and glances at me. “It shouldn’t be this hard,” she practically growls back.
Ryker clears his throat, and based on the look of regret on his face, he is about to say something she isn’t going to like. “It is when you are refusing to face the fact that you were raped, babe.”
He says it as gently as one can, but in the end, it’s going to hit hard and hurt, even if it’s the truth she needs to hear, a truth she isn’t ready to come to terms with yet.
She sighs. “I’m really tired. Can we just go to sleep?”
“Of course, beautiful,” Grayson says gently and moves them around so we can all lay down in her bed that most definitely isn’t big enough for us all.