CHAPTER TWENTY
Cassie
Okay, so it turns out it was the worst-case scenario.
Haden knew I was Ivy’s sister and he knows my song is about him.
After my first therapy session last night with Dr. Payler, I was exhausted.
It’s only eleven in the morning and I’m already exhausted again.
I’m glad I don’t have a session today. I have enough to work through already and we didn’t even talk about the trampling yet.
Instead, she talked to me about what is weighing on me “right now.” She said you can only deal with the present, so I need to try to focus on the little problems one at a time.
Like what is causing my feelings or reactions in this moment.
Well, right this moment, the only thing I can think of is how I’m going to get past those stormy blue eyes living so close to me.
Which feels impossible when I can’t even get past coming face-to-face with them across the room in the Ashbys’s kitchen.
In the last thirty minutes I’ve been introduced to Nash, Wade’s best friend and also his sister CeCe’s husband.
Turns out he’s an ex-hockey player and the moment they told me that, I remembered the Dallas Stars photo at the local bar.
I also met the beautiful CeCe, who told me how much she loved my music, which made me smile.
And the old grandfather, or Papa Dean as they call him, is a distinguished-looking old man with the kindest eyes.
My mama gives me the lay of the land as we mingle. She hasn’t left my side since she brought over the coffee to my cabin.
“This group is large, and usually loud, but they love so hard. I’m so glad you’re here, baby. You really need it,” she says for at least the fifth time, with tears in her eyes.
“I’m glad I’m here too, Mama. This place has been so good for you. Maybe it will be good for me too.”
She squeezes my hand. “I’ll be here every step of the way.”
“Thank you, Mama.”
She continues filling me in on everyone’s stories as the smell of bacon and eggs fills the air.
I glance up at Haden now, as my mama prattles on about CeCe’s friend Olivia’s clothing boutique and all the other shops in town.
Now that I’ve managed to sneak a good look at him, I notice that Haden looks different from the last time I saw him.
There’s more ink on his arms, and branches of some sort creep out of his t-shirt collar and up his neck.
His beard and mustache are a little thicker and his hair longer too.
I smile internally. Maybe that’s just how cowboys keep warm in the winter.
From all their chatter around me, I gather it’s been a particularly cold winter for this part of Kentucky, and I certainly felt it this morning after leaving Santa Fe behind.
Haden must feel my eyes on him, because after a few seconds he looks my way.
He continues talking to Cole and Dusty but keeps his eyes on me.
Just long enough to make my stomach drop the same way it did all those months ago.
I turn my head away and remind myself to steer clear of him. Only to have my plan foiled when he takes a seat directly across from me at the table, and he doesn’t look too happy about it.
“Hey! You two have the exact same breakfast,” Mabel giggles beside me as she looks from my plate to Haden’s. “You even have the same coffee!”
I look at Haden’s plate, then back to mine. Eggs, bacon, fruit and Greek yogurt. Coffee black. Exactly the same.
“So we do,” I agree, glancing back up at Haden.
“Well, my plate might look different if I could’ve added more bacon.
But I know where to go if I want more, Mabes,” Haden says with a pointed smirk to Mabel, nodding to her plate which is heaped with bacon.
Mabel looks down at her plate with a smile and offers him a piece.
He chuckles and takes it from her. This is the lighter side of him that I saw a glimpse of that first night at the bar.
“So, Cassie honey, how long are you here for?” Papa Dean asks as everyone eats. The table quiets down as they wait for my answer. I shrug.
“I’m not sure yet. Maybe a month? Possibly a little longer? I just need some time off.”
“Can I get the honey for my toast, Nana?” Mabel asks Jo, and I’m grateful for the attention to be off of me.
“In the pantry.” Jo points toward it. “And bring the dipper. I don’t want your fork double-dipping in the honey pot.”
“Double dippin’ is illegal around here,” Nash mutters.
I take a bite of fruit as someone snorts from the other end of the table.
“What?” Jo asks whoever snorted. I can’t help myself. I smile too. Cole tells her he won’t explain double-dipping. I laugh for the first time in what feels like weeks.
“If you can put up with all their immature minds you can stay as long as you like,” Jo says, pulling my attention back. “No one’s using that old cabin anyway. If you need anything at all, you let me know.”
I look over at her and smile. “Thank you. I’ll earn my keep too. I can help with the horses.”
Haden drops his fork, then clears his throat and quickly picks it back up, speaking for the first time to me since he got here.
“We’re pretty full with volunteers right now,” he says pointedly in the deep voice that’s haunted me for months. My eyes drop and I focus on my fruit.
“That’s true,” Wade agrees. He looks at me. “We have a lot of students here until spring for school co-ops, is all. But you can ride anytime you want. This place is yours.”
“Riding would be really good for you,” Ivy says softly.
I nod. “Riding sounds incredible.”
I loved horses so much as a girl and would spend hours looking after ours with Dad. But since he died, I haven’t been able to bring myself to ride anywhere near the same amount.
“I definitely miss it. But I need to remember how to even saddle up properly. It’s been a while since I’ve done my own,” I admit.
“Maybe Dusty or Haden can reacquaint you!” Ivy says, offering both of them up to me. Haden stops mid-chew to look at her. Dusty opens his mouth to speak and I swear I hear Haden mumble fuck under his breath.
“I got it,” Haden says, facing Dusty for a split second, before glancing quickly back to me. “You can ride with me.”
“Are you sure?” Ivy asks. “I guess I should’ve asked first, but you and Dusty know the property best, aside from the Ashby kids. If you could even just remind Cassie how to properly tack up and make sure she stays to the safe spots on the trail, that would be amazing.”
“I’m sure Haden is busy,” I cut in, letting him off the hook. “I don’t really need a guide.”
“Nonsense. It’s no trouble,” Wade interjects. “Right, Haden?”
“No trouble at all,” Haden retorts, but there’s definitely an edge to his tone I don’t miss.
“Alright, well, I’m just gonna cut the shit for a minute here while little ears are still out of the room.” Dean starts obviously missing that I’m firing invisible daggers at Haden with my eyes.
“As usual,” Nash chuckles.
“Shut yer piehole, boy, I’m being serious here.” Dean turns his eyes to me. “That’s no joke what you went through in California.”
“It was … unforgettable,” I say honestly, willing the tears not to spill over as twelve pairs of eyes focus on me.
I feel them all, especially Haden’s. It feels like he’s watching my every expression, and I can’t tell if it’s because he’s concerned or he’s judging me.
My heart races as my palms start to sweat.
That’s the thing with trauma—even the smallest thing can set you off in the middle of a perfectly normal conversation.
“You’re Ivy’s family. Which means you’re our family. You need anything you just holler. We’re all here for you. And remember …” He shrugs. “When life throws you into a storm, turn around, throw your middle finger up and play in the puddles.”
“Look at this charmer,” Wade chuckles, breaking the tense air around us. Dean just grins and nods as he takes a bite of his eggs. I decide he might just be my favorite.
“Thank you all,” I tell them as I look around the table. My eyes lock with Haden’s for just a moment and then he looks away, though I swear they soften for a fraction of a second.
CeCe and Ginger’s friend Olivia – who is sitting beside me – leans in.
“What am I missing? You two fuck on the walk over or something?” she asks in a whisper.
I nearly choke on my coffee as she nudges me with her shoulder and laughs.
There seem to be no boundaries on this ranch.
But maybe no boundaries is just what I need.
A place where having a social filter isn’t required.
A place where you’re just accepted for who you are.
“Alright, y’all,” CeCe calls from her seat as Mabel comes back into the room and sits with Cole. “We wanted to have you all over to welcome Cassie but also …” She turns to Nash with the world’s most lovesick grin on her face. “We also wanted to tell you some news.”
“We’re having a baby!” Nash says to the room with an easy smile. The smile of a proud daddy.
The table erupts in an echo of cheers as Nash slings his arm around CeCe’s shoulders and pulls her over to him to kiss the top of her head.
Mabel, who’s back from getting the honey, jumps up and down in excitement and asks, “I’m gonna have another cousin?”
CeCe hugs her. “Yes, baby. At the end of July. And we just found out yesterday that it’s a girl! I’m sixteen weeks along.”
“I already knew.” Mama Jo smiles.
“Me too,” Ginger pipes up.
“Me three,” Olivia adds.
Nash looks around the table. “What happened to keeping it a surprise until we knew what we were having?” he asks CeCe.
“Sorry, Nashby. You might be her husband but we’re her partners for life.” Ginger smirks at him.