CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
Cassie
“You all set?” Ivy asks, standing beside my mama as I zip my suitcase up tight and pull my notebook out from under the table. I look around at the near-empty cabin and choke back the tears I’ve been holding in all day.
“I think so.”
“I mean, are you all set to go back to it, Cass?” my sister says, a worried expression on her face. “Is this what you really want?”
“I don’t have a choice,” I tell her. Because it’s true.
Going back on the road is not up for negotiation.
I’m an independent artist, but if I don’t finish this album, all the time and money spent to record it up to now will be out the window.
The producer we’re working with is booked months in advance and he only works out of this Nashville studio, which is highly sought-after.
“You’ve been so happy here, baby.” Mama sniffs, using a Kleenex to blow her nose.
“And this is way harder than I thought it would be,” I tell them. “I have been happy but it’s also been … a fantasy.”
There’s nothing left for me to do now but say goodbye to the man that has my heart.
I’m not even mad at him for hitting Dax.
Dax deserved it. He knows it too; he apologized multiple times when I finally called him earlier.
I’m mad with myself for falling completely in love with this man the moment I met him.
For allowing myself to get close to him during my time here when I had no idea what could come of it.
And, as much as I want it to be, all my talk of writing full-time—and the dreams I have of settling down—isn’t realistic right now.
I have to make it through my performing commitments first. Only then can I start to think about explaining to Dax that I want to shift gears.
“You need a surprise. Something happy to keep you going. So I’m gonna tell you … We’re coming to Wagon Wheel,” Ivy says, looking at my mama and then back to me.
I laugh. “You can’t leave Billi.”
“I won’t. Wade will come with me and stay back at the hotel. He’s already agreed to it,” Ivy says, hugging me tight as I swallow back tears.
“Alright, I’ll make sure you have passes set aside.”
My mama lets out a laugh. “Well, aren’t we all a sight for sore eyes right now?”
All three of us are red-nosed, puffy-eyed messes. I start to laugh too before Ivy joins in. When our laughter putters out I hug them both again, knowing there is nothing more to say for now.
“See y’all soon,” I tell them, drying my cheeks as they pull their boots on.
“Twenty-six days,” Mama says, blowing me a kiss as she closes the cabin door behind them. My heart sinks as she does. Because, for the first time in a long time, I know I’m really gonna miss my family.
I make my way to the cabinet and pull out a glass, filling it with water as I check the clock.
I have to meet Dax in an hour. I take a drink as I think about my therapist’s words—about lessening my anxiety, by facing difficult or hard situations, instead of running from them.
I can’t hurt Haden like that again. It’ll break my heart into a million pieces.
I take a deep breath, put my hypothetical big girl pants on and swing open the door. I don’t even get fully down the steps before Haden is outside his cabin door, wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a big, black, hooded sweatshirt.
He walks so quickly to meet me I’m in his arms before I can even take two more steps.
“I wasn’t waiting one more second to come talk to you. I’m so fucking sorry I hit him, Princess.”
“He deserved it,” I tell him honestly.
“I’m not sorry I lost my shit. But I am sorry I fucked with your career,” Haden murmurs into my hair.
I wrap my arms around his neck and breathe him in. The pain of leaving him is overwhelming, and I’m finding it hard to breathe.
“No, Haden. I’m sorry,” I say, stroking the hair at the nape of his neck. I pull back and look up at him. “Can we talk?”
I gesture to his house. Seeing all my shit packed up will only make what comes next harder.
When we get inside Haden runs a hand through his hair and takes a seat on his sofa. I remain standing.
“You’re not going to sit?”
I shake my head. “I came to say goodbye. I have to go. I have dates Dax committed me to in April, small shows where I can ease back into being onstage. Plus Wagon Wheel at the end of the month, which is a huge opportunity.”
“I know,” he says. “That’s the weekend of the benefit concert here.”
“Evan is playing the Saturday night before me at Wagon Wheel and then he’ll head here.”
Haden’s brow furrows and he bounces his knee.
“And what about when Dax books you back-to-back like you were before? What about when you’re tired and wrung out but your manager isn’t there to care? Who cares about you then?”
“I don’t trust him like I did, it’s true.
But I can’t run away from my career either.
I hope you can understand that.” I smile sadly at him.
“I’m trying to break that habit. And I should have told you I was planning on going back a little early, but I’ve …
never been happy like I have been these last few weeks. Selfishly, I didn’t want it to end.”
Haden’s eyes soften and I see relief there.
“Dax promises that he knows my boundaries now. He doesn’t want another breakdown any more than I do. Things are different now.”
Haden scoffs and mutters something under his breath but I ignore it. I won’t leave Silver Pines angry.
“I have to finish my album, and Wagon Wheel will put me one step closer to making new connections and writing full-time.”
“Cassie.” He says my name as if he knows something I don’t. “He isn’t going to let you write full-time. I know men like him. I’m related to one. You’re his meal ticket. I’m sorry to break it to you, but your wellbeing isn’t what’s important to him. His bottom line is.”
I fold my arms over my chest and Haden continues. “I could see it in his face within a minute of meeting him. Trust me.”
“I know what you’re doing, Haden. I know it’s easier to say goodbye if we’re angry.
But that will only lead us to regret.” I drop my arms and make my way over to him, tipping his chin up with my finger.
“I don’t want to leave on a bad note. I don’t want this time together to have been for nothing, because I …
” I take a deep breath. “I don’t connect with people like this.
And I have loved every minute we’ve spent together. But I have to go.”
The look in his eyes is one of despair and I can see the little boy whose mama left him all those years ago. He’s in there looking up at me as I ready to leave him too.
“I wish you would let me just say see you later. Because I hope I’ll be back, Haden.” I offer him a soft smile.
Haden doesn’t smile; instead, he just wraps his arms around my legs and leans his head on my stomach. I hold him to me, feeling the weight of this sorrow as I run my fingers through his hair.
“I love you, Cassie,” he says in a muffled whisper.
I squeeze my eyes shut and try to breathe.
“I know it’s soon. But when you know, you know.
Hell, I think I’ve loved you since the first moment I laid eyes on you all those months ago, as you did your best to tame that unruly horse.
” He laughs, but his voice breaks. My heart breaks along with it.
“Me hoping you’ll stay is like you trying to ride that horse. All I can do is let you run free and see if it’s meant to be, to see if you’ll come back to me one day.”
I gulp back a sob as tears spill over my cheeks. He can’t possibly know it, but he’s the first man since my daddy died to tell me that he loves me and who I’ve really loved back with my whole heart.
“Maybe one day,” I say with as much strength as I can muster. He turns his face and looks up at me.
“Everyone leaves, Cass. But I’ll always be your cheerleader from right here on this ranch. Hell, maybe I’ll even be cheering you from my own someday.” He sniffs. “The point is, I’ll always be here. I’ll be your safe space to land. No questions asked, Princess.”
I run my hand through his hair. This bear of a man looks up at me with glassy eyes and I realize I’ve never loved anyone more.
I bend down and kiss his lips softly. Wishing with everything in me that time was different, or circumstance. Then I unclasp his arms and back up a step.
“You’re gonna get another hit song out of this, aren’t you?” he asks with a smirk.
I take my bottom lip between my teeth. “Maybe.”
“You gonna use only the good notes?”
I laugh through my tears. “Always.”
“Don’t forget me, Princess.”
I swipe a tear from my cheek as I head for his front door. “I could never, ever forget you, Cowboy.”