CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
Haden
“I think it’s time if you do. Just think about it, is all I’m saying.”
“Pen, you’re only saying this because it’s hard to see your horses displaced. You’ll change your mind in a week.”
She’s told me twice over the last two weeks that she wants me to buy Penny Lane from her now. She even offered me a break-even price.
“No, I won’t, Haden. I’m ready to take a step back.
I’ll still work as a part-time vet for you.
It means I could still be here a few times a week but the burden of running this place would be off my shoulders.
I’ve been really thinking of moving into the retirement condos near downtown.
I just can’t bear to sell the ranch to anyone else but you. And you’re ready.”
“I have Silver Pines.”
“You could stay on there and make sure Dusty is trained. You said yourself last week he’s ready to step up and that this is what you always wanted. I’m offering it to you at a rock-bottom cost, which will allow you to buy some new equipment and stock up on supplies.”
I look back at her from where I’m hanging a haynet in one of the stalls.
“You’re burning the candle at both ends with all this back and forth anyway, Haden. And all because you’re trying to forget that sweet girl.”
I pop my head over the stall door and smirk. “What do you know about that?”
“I know how you looked at her and she looked at you.”
“Yeah, well, looks aren’t enough. We live two completely separate lives.”
She smiles and her eyes crinkle in the corners before she turns to start sweeping the aisle again.
“These things have a way of working themselves out.”
I chuckle. “So everyone keeps telling me.”
I finish my work as best I can, thinking about Penny’s offer and what she said about Cassie.
Of course I fucking miss her. I’ve been going out of my head since she left three weeks ago.
I even made a goddamn social media account just so I could follow her and see updates on her shows.
I know it’s not healthy, but I can’t help it.
And the longer she’s gone, the more I’ll get used to her not being here. Only thing is, I’m not sure I want to.
“The slop? Jesus, Pop,” Cole says from his seat at the dinner table. It’s been a few days since Penny’s latest effort to get me to take over from her at Penny Lane.
“That’s right, and when a girl could dance the slop, we would say she could ‘get sloppy with the best of them.’”
Dean chuckles at the other end of the Ashbys’s large outdoor table.
It’s finally nice enough to cookout as we near the end of April, and tonight CeCe wanted to have a meeting about the benefit concert since it’s coming up so soon.
I’ve brought Penny over to have dinner and, in true Silver Pines fashion, the whole family is here.
“What?” Dean croaks. “She knows what I mean, don’t you, Penny?”
She laughs in response. “I remember how to dance the swim.”
“So do I,” he says.
Penny blushes. “But did you ever do it naked?”
“Pen!” I exclaim.
Dean smacks his hand down. “When you wanted to hit the floor with no shoes, you asked the girl if she wanted to swim naked. Get your heads out of the gutter.” Pop shakes his head at Pen. “Kids.”
Wade drops a big old platter of burgers onto the table and I watch CeCe make her way back from the middle of the yard with Mabel and Ginger.
The trees are budding, and the birds are so loud in the mornings you might as well not even think of trying to sleep past five.
You can both smell and feel spring in the air; it’s that time of year when the blue violets pop up and everything comes alive.
But all I can think about is being snuggled up on the couch in the dead of winter with Cassie’s cold feet pressed to my thigh.
I sigh at the thought as Ivy joins us and sits between Jo and Dean. CeCe sits beside Nash, who grabs a burger and puts it on her plate before serving himself.
“Such a doting husband,” I note, picking up my own burger.
Nash grins as he leans into me. “I’m afraid she’ll take my hand off if I try to serve myself first.”
CeCe smacks him in the back of the head. “I might. This is your child. Have you seen how much you eat?”
“She’s got a point,” I offer.
“Awww … Imagine Nashby’s face in a little bonnet when this baby is born,” Ginger says while scooping some salad onto her plate.
“Ultrasounds aren’t perfect, there’s a chance it might be a boy,” Nash says.
“Your point?” Ginger muses. “I’ll be bonneting that baby up, boy or girl. There’s nothing cuter.”
“You know whose baby you can bonnet?” Cole asks her as he grabs her around the waist and pulls her into his lap.
“Jake! Amy! Daddy, Amy has my shoe!” Mabel calls, chasing Cole and Ginger’s golden retrievers through the yard. Cole gets up to catch them, as Harley, the Ashby family dog, stays put under my feet at the table like he can’t be bothered with their puppy drama.
“Okay, so about the concert,” CeCe starts. “Does everyone want to know what I need from them this weekend?”
“This house is chaotic,” Penny says to me, leaning in.
I laugh and shake my head as I take another bite of my burger. “You can say that again.”
“But they’re the best pseudo-family anyone could ask for,” Ivy says to Pen across the table.
Penny shrugs. “I think I’m starting to like the chaos.”
I grin at her. “Careful, Pen. That’s how they get ya.”
I finish the meeting with the Ashbys less than an hour later, after hearing all about how CeCe and Cassie have decided any extra money should go to local charities and the family of the woman who lost her life at the festival.
Nash is matching any funds raised, so they’re already forecasting way more than enough in ticket sales to fix the barn roof and help out with new equipment.
I stop at home to grab what I need, glancing in the direction of Stardust as I head back out the door and down my steps.
Of course it’s empty. But I still find myself thinking of Cassie on the front porch in the snow, all bundled up with her blanket wrapped around her.
Which makes me picture her wrapped up on my living room floor.
Pushing those images from my mind, I take a deep breath and will the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach to go away. It’s the same one I felt when my mom left. Loneliness.
I make my way over to the barns, breathing in the warmer spring air as I walk.
I check the time and realize Cassie should be getting offstage any minute.
I can’t wait to get home and replay her show.
Maybe I’ll even eat some damn caramel corn whilst I do.
I stare down at the image of us I set as my phone background.
I took it on a ride one morning in early March; Cassie’s cheeks are pink and she’s wearing her white hat with a pompom on top and the same thick, baby pink scarf that’s wrapped around my neck right now.
I don’t even know if she realized she left it behind, and if any of the guys saw me right now, I’d never hear the end of it.
Not that I give a fuck. Because, right now, the scent of her is the only thing holding me together.
I grab a little bucket of alfalfa from the feed room to take Marlow a well-deserved treat. She’s been doing so well over the last few weeks and is really learning to trust me. I’ve already decided that, no matter what I decide to do about buying Penny Lane, I’m keeping Marlow.
“Hey girl,” I tell her now as I open her stall.
She makes her way over to me and I nuzzle her for a second before offering her the snack.
I lift up the scarf from around my neck, and allow Marlow to breathe it in.
She sniffs it out like a detective and makes a gruff whickering sound as she recognizes Cassie’s peachy scent that lingers on the fabric.
Of all the people who’ve spent time with Marlow, she seemed to take to Cassie the most. And, for some reason, I want her to keep remembering.
Maybe because it makes me feel closer to Cassie.
Or maybe it’s because, somewhere under all these damn emotions I’m experiencing, I hope that Cassie will someday make her way back to us both.
I rub Marlow’s nose before putting down the alfafa, which she eats with ease. The barn is quiet as she alternates between eating and whinnying.
“I know, girl,” I tell her, taking in a deep breath. “I really fucking miss her too.”