Chapter 13
13
Fleur
Heaven.
The word filled my thoughts and my dreams. It had been a week since Max spoke that word to me, a week of being busy with school, hanging out with friends and seeing little of Max, yet being constantly aroused. The night at Mist was all I could think about. He was all I could think about.
We were still taking things slowly.
For me, sex fell into two categories: before and after. Before the baby, sex had been good, and fun and I’d liked it...a lot.
After the baby? Not so much. I didn’t know how to explain it, and I’d tried when Costa had asked what had changed, why the girl who used to skip class to spend all day in bed had suddenly turned into someone who avoided sex.
The part of me that had heard my baby’s heartbeat and fallen in love, only to lose it all, couldn’t deal. Maybe I should have been stronger. Maybe I should have been better about putting it behind me. But I wasn’t, and I couldn’t.
I’d been terrified when I’d found out I was pregnant.
The first few days I’d been in shock. Absolutely stunned. I’d thought about my options, repeatedly, and then I’d finally gone for a walk in the Tuileries Garden to clear my head.
And there I’d seen an adorable little baby lying on a blanket with its mother. They both looked so happy together, laughing and gazing at each other like there was no one else in the world. Maybe it had been hormones, or some maternal instinct I’d never even known I had, but in that moment I’d known I was having the baby and that I would love it for the rest of my life. That maybe for the first time ever, I would have that connection with someone.
Then it all fell apart.
My body didn’t feel like my body anymore. I mean, on the outside, yes, same legs, same arms, same boobs, same ass I’d always wished was just a bit bigger. But on the inside I felt like someone had gone in and carved everything out. When I’d lost the baby, I’d lost a part of myself, and no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to get it back.
Sex didn’t fix it. Drugs didn’t fix it. Alcohol didn’t fix it. Neither did shopping, or hanging with my friends, or traveling every time I felt restless. And as much as being with Max was one of the best things I’d ever felt, he didn’t fix it, either.
But I wanted to get me back. I needed to. Needed to reclaim the parts of myself that I’d lost when I lost the baby.
The parts that I’d given up somewhere along the way.
“I need a bra,” I announced.
Maggie and Mya turned away from the dress racks.
Mya frowned. “I thought we were dress shopping for Maggie’s anniversary date with Samir. I have two hours before my next class, and at the rate we’re going, we’re never going to be done by then.”
I waved my hand airily. “We’ll have time. I need to pick out a bra. I need you to help.”
“You need us to help pick out your bra? Are you having fit issues or something?” Maggie asked.
“No, I don’t need a bra, I need a bra .” I raised my voice and wiggled my eyebrows for emphasis.
Mya snorted. “Well, that clears it up.”
Maggie grinned. “I don’t understand the subtle distinction.”
“I need a bra,” I repeated, impatience filling me. “A to-die-for, Agent Provocateur, bring-men-to-their-knees, heart attack-inducing bra. I need a magic bra. I need the bra.”
Maggie froze, putting the dress in her hand back on the rack and turning to face me. “Okay, share. Now. Why do you need to bring a man to his knees? And honestly, do you really think a bra like that is wise? You’re already basically a walking nuclear weapon.”
I grinned. “Aw, thanks. And I don’t really want to bring a man to his knees. I was just trying to use that as a descriptor,” I explained patiently. At least I was trying to be patient. “I need it for bases. Second base to be exact.”
Maggie’s jaw dropped, and she let out a startled shout of laughter. “Who the hell has been talking to you about bases?”
Mya looked at both of us like we’d lost our minds. “What are bases and what do they have to do with bras?”
“It’s an American thing,” Maggie and I answered at the same time. We both froze.
Maggie’s eyes widened, and her face transformed into the biggest smile I’d ever seen.
“Well, I guess that answers the question of if Samir tells you everything I tell him,” I muttered.
“Samir knows?” she screeched.
“Well, not about the bra part,” I amended. “He’s my cousin. Gross. But the rest of it, yeah, kind of.”
“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?” Mya interrupted.
“Fleur has the hots for Max,” Maggie announced, her tone triumphant. “And judging by the conversation about bases that went on, I’m guessing he knows and is reciprocating.”
“He does, and he is.”
Mya frowned. “I thought you guys didn’t like each other. Am I the only one who remembers all the fighting from last year?”
Maggie snickered. “I’m guessing that was foreplay.”
I had to laugh at that one. I had a feeling foreplay with Max would kill me.
“How did this even happen?” Mya asked, still looking like she was trying to wrap her head around the impossible.
I shrugged. “We started working together in Project Finance. Then I went to the library and kissed him the night we all went to Babel to celebrate the first week of school.”
Maggie gaped at me.
“So what else happened?” Mya asked.
“We’ve just been hanging out. Taking things slow. He said he wanted to date, so we are.”
Maggie gave me a knowing look. “He’s been into you forever.”
I stilled. “What?”
“Max. He’s liked you for a long time.”
I blinked at her. What?
“Fleur. How did you not know that?”
“You heard Mya—I thought he hated me. I mean, yeah, I figured he thought I was hot, because...” My voice trailed off as I gestured at myself, and Mya snorted again. “But I think him liking me liking me, is a fairly recent development.”
Maggie shook her head. “I never said anything to you because you were with George, and you gave Max so much shit, but he used to watch you when we would all go out. A lot. Samir noticed it first, but he pointed it out to me, and he was totally right. The guy is into you. Really into you.”
How had I missed this? Had I ever really seen Max before? How had I not known?
“Are you sure?” I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that Max—genius, Mandarin-speaking, amazing Max—had always been into me.
She nodded.
I might have died a bit. Twice.
“So how far have things gone with you guys?” Mya asked, her expression still slightly dazed, as if she was trying to work this out in her mind.
Maggie flashed me a wicked smile. “I think what she means is what base?”
“Ha ha. Funny. We’ve just kissed.” I gave Maggie a pointed look. “First. Hoping for second.”
Mya whistled. “Things are moving slowly, if you guys have just kissed. Is this like it was with George?”
There wasn’t judgment in her voice, just cautious surprise. I didn’t totally blame her. Maggie and I’d met after Costa and I had broken up, so she wasn’t used to seeing me with a guy. But Mya and I had been at boarding school together in Switzerland before coming to the International School, and I knew she was mentally comparing Max and Costa.
It wasn’t that Max didn’t measure up. He far surpassed Costa. They were just so different, and at this point, with my track record, I could see how different worried my friends.
“I’m good. I’m happy. I can’t keep my hands off him. Part of me wants to have sex with him now. Part of me is glad we’re taking things slow.” Part of me was terrified to have sex. Period. I sucked in air. “I haven’t been with anyone besides Costa, and sex after I lost the baby...” My chest hurt. “It wasn’t so great. I think I need some time to get my head on straight.”
Maggie and Mya reached out, wrapping me in a hug.
“I’m fine,” I protested. “I’m just telling you guys that I know what I’m doing, and as much as I love you, I have this.”
They both nodded, and I pretended that there wasn’t a suspicious moisture welling up in Maggie’s eyes.
I grinned and squeezed her hand. “So... I need a bra.”
It was everything I’d imagined and more.
We’d spent an hour at Agent Provocateur. They’d been having a sale, so Maggie bought lingerie for her anniversary, and I bought what we were all referring to as “the bra.”
It was one of those things where the second I saw it, I knew. I could picture Max’s expression when he saw me in it, could imagine him taking it off me.
I had to have it.
It was a pale color somewhere between pink and ivory, and the cup of it was so sheer it was basically see-through, my nipples clearly visible behind the fabric. It was edged in scalloped satin and lace, and the cup had pale little flowers and vines embroidered on the sheer netting.
It was a pretty bra, a wisp of a dream. And it was sexy as hell. Maggie and Mya had tried to steer me toward red and black, flashier bras I might have picked a year ago, but there was something about this one. It was so Max; it wasn’t obviously sexy on the hanger, but when you put it on... Whoa.
It was perfect.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror, my heart feeling like it was beating out of my chest. I’d paired the bra with the matching thong and thrown on my favorite pair of white jeans. In contrast to the bra’s mock innocence, I’d gone all out with my makeup and hair—big tumbling curls that screamed bedhead, and dark smoky eyes that smoldered. I kept my lips as natural-looking as possible with a light matte. I grabbed a pair of stiletto-heeled boots, remembering Max’s reaction to the black ones, a Hermès belt and a white button-down top. My fingers shook as I put it on.
Max had mentioned that George was having dinner with his family for his grandmother’s birthday and wouldn’t be back until late tonight. Since we both had roommates, opportunities to be alone were few and far between, and I wasn’t letting this one slip through my fingers. Ever since last week, since he’d said those words to me, he’d filled me with an ache I hadn’t been able to ease.
It was time to hit second base.
Max
I opened the door and swallowed my tongue. Fleur stood in front of me dressed in white, but for a brown belt and brown knee-high boots, their heels higher and spikier than the ones she’d worn at Mist. Fuck-me boots. Her hair was a wild tumble of curls, her lips full, her eyes a mystery.
“Hi.” Her accent curled around me and then slid inside.
I swallowed again. “Hi.” I scrambled for words. “You look nice.”
Amazing. Mind-blowing. I want to come inside you and never leave.
Her lips curved, and she flashed me an irresistible smile. “Are you going to let me in?”
“Yeah. Sorry.” I moved away from the doorway, realizing I’d been standing there like an idiot. She walked over the threshold, her body brushing against mine, her hips against my hips, her breasts against my chest.
I was already hard. I shut the door behind us with a thud.
We were supposed to be working on our project, but the mischief in her eyes told me she had other plans. And she didn’t have any books with her.
I bypassed the couch in the middle of the room and sank down on the closest surface, the edge of my bed, my knees suddenly feeling like they needed the extra support.
What was that perfume she was wearing? As if it wasn’t enough that she looked and sounded like temptation, she had to smell incredible, too.
“What’s up?” Even the words sounded strangled coming out of my mouth.
Her smile widened. “I wanted you to take me somewhere.”
I was dressed in a T-shirt and jeans; she looked like she’d just stepped off the cover of a magazine. We weren’t dressed for the same party.
“Where do you want to go?”
Fleur didn’t answer but kept walking until she was right in front of me. Her hands moved to the front of her white shirt and she began unbuttoning it, starting at the top and working her way down. With each flick of her fingers, another inch of her skin was exposed—her slim neck, the curve of her breasts, her flat, tanned stomach. Finally, she reached the bottom and pulled the shirt off her shoulders until it fell to the floor behind her.
She stood in front of me in a bra that was heart-stopping. It was so sheer that it showed everything, the swell of her breasts, her nipples...
“Holy fuck,” I whispered, my words somewhere between an exclamation and a plea.
She moved forward and straddled me.
I lost the ability to speak or string together a rational thought. I went off instinct when it was all I had. I wanted to go slowly. I wanted to be the best she’d ever had. I wanted this moment to last forever, wanted to devour her.
My brain was a series of short circuits I couldn’t decipher, as once again, she got the jump on me. I hadn’t been expecting this tonight. Sure, neither of us was a virgin, and there was the whole can’t-keep-our-hands-off-each-other thing. But still.
Mind blown.
My hands moved to cup her ass, bringing her closer to me as if it was the most natural thing in the world. And then she leaned forward and whispered in my ear.
“Take me to second base.”