Chapter 5
At the Brasserie, staff were clearing a space by moving chairs and tables out of the way, leaving a few around the edge.
I stopped for a moment just to watch, tightening my ponytail hard enough to hurt.
I lingered and listened to the voices around me.
There was something soothing about the lilt of French speech, even if I didn’t really understand what they were saying.
Then I saw him again. Felix. He was talking to a girl with the kind of brown hair that looked caramel in the evening light.
Her hair matched his. I wondered if she was his girlfriend.
Or sister maybe. Her limbs were long, graceful and tanned.
The kind of girl that Ari would feel the need to point out a million non-existent flaws in just to make herself feel better.
I struggled to see any at all. She was gorgeous.
I watched them chat easily, moving tables, laughing and eventually hugging, before Felix spotted me and I had to try to pretend I hadn’t been staring at them for the last few minutes.
I turned and walked away, planning to go to the beach again to watch the sun set over the Atlantic, where I could get lost in my thoughts. I shook my head in embarrassment and sped up. Then I heard footsteps behind me.
‘Margot?’
I turned to see Felix standing there.
‘Oh, hi,’ I said with a stupid little wave.
‘You would like to stay for the show?’ He said it like a statement but raised his voice in question at the end. He pushed his hand through his wavy, sandy hair, looking away briefly before meeting my gaze again with soft brown eyes.
‘The show?’ I asked, confused.
‘Yes, some nights, we have a show.’
I looked back at the Brasserie and a load of families with tiny children were walking towards it. A group of children were sitting in a semicircle in front of the cleared space.
‘What kind of show?’ I asked.
‘For the children,’ he replied. And he didn’t look embarrassed or annoyed or anything like it. He actually looked happy.
‘Are you in it?’ I asked. Intrigued.
‘You can wait and see?’ he said and shrugged, smiling.
And I couldn’t think of anything to say. No, I can’t because I’m too busy feeling sorry for myself and would rather go to the beach and be miserable alone.
‘OK,’ I said, telling myself that I’d send a message to Mum and Dad when I’d sat down somewhere to tell them to bring the girls. They’d love this kind of thing.
‘Great!’ He grinned then, like he couldn’t help it.
And it felt nice. That something I said provoked a smile like that.
There was a flash of Theo then. How, when I used to kiss him, I’d trace his jawline, feeling it move beneath my fingertips.
‘Come,’ he said and nodded his head back towards the restaurant.
‘OK,’ I said again, because it was better than any other option I had.
‘I need to finish the set-up. Sit here. It is the best seat in the house.’ Felix winked, then led me to a little table near the bar, where I could see everybody but not everyone could see me. Perfect.
‘I can get you a drink?’ he said.
I slid my hand into my empty pocket. I’d been in such a mood when I left. ‘I forgot my purse. It’s fine, I’m OK.’
‘I will pay,’ he smiled easily. ‘Red wine?’
‘Ah, merci. Could I maybe try something else?’ I smiled with gratitude. It was such a stark contrast to nights out with Theo, who’d always ‘forget’ his wallet.
‘Avec plaisir,’ he answered, smiling. ‘I will bring you a surprise.’
He left and came back in about five minutes with a champagne flute that was filled with something purple.
‘Kir royale. It is crème de cassis and champagne. Cassis is blackcurrant.’
I picked it up and took a sip. The sweet, fruity bubbles were delicious.
‘That is so nice,’ I said, smiling.
Then he leaned down and whispered in my ear. ‘But in exchange, you must stay for the whole show.’
His breath was hot, his accent making my own breath catch in my throat.
I wasn’t ready for this. My insides were still spiky and raw.
Every thought digging something needle-like into my heart.
But I couldn’t help being intrigued by him and how openly nice he was.
With Theo it had always been an effort. Just trying to get him to be nice to me so I could have this fabricated feeling in my stomach.
The one I’d invented by a forced compliment.
‘I’ll stay,’ I said, watching him as he walked away. I sipped the Kir royale, feeling my rage dilute.
I watched Felix as he bent over and picked up a table like it was nothing but cardboard. His sleeves were still rolled up and I found myself gazing at his forearms, where the tendons strained.
I listened to him shout something in French across the bar, then laugh at the reply. His whole face lit up, and I forced Ari and Theo completely out of my head.
The whole bar area was full now and they’d made a little stage. The staff had disappeared, including Felix. All the kids were talking to each other excitedly.
I scanned the crowd and spotted Wren on a little chair.
I felt a flash of guilt that I’d forgotten to text Mum and Dad about the show, but here they were anyway.
She was in the front row, and there was Rue beside her, looking sullen.
Probably because she was sitting on a chair when all the other kids were on the ground.
She hated anything that made her stand out like that.
But Rue and Wren being here also meant Mum and Dad were here somewhere.
I moved my chair even further back out of view.
Then the music started. Deep bass beats that vibrated the ground. Wren’s face was a picture; she was so excited. She wasn’t like me and Rue. We were cut from the same cloth. Wren saw all this fun and beauty in everything. Must be nice to be like that.
I only looked away because the staff had started to come on to the stage.
Well, I presumed it was the staff. They were all dressed up in ridiculous animal outfits.
I tried to work out which one Felix was.
The dog? The lion? The pig? Then I saw his trainers.
The black-and-white checked Vans. The lion.
And it was hilarious, watching him dance the way he did.
They must have been so hot in there. I drank my champagne and watched the whole show just like I’d been told.
And I didn’t think about Theo or Ari once.
My phone buzzed.
DAD: Where are you? We came out after you made a scene. Join us at the bar if you’d like to spend time with your family.
I ignored it and shifted my chair further away from the crowd. Felix was good at dancing, and the kids were absolutely loving it. I sat there until everybody started leaving, keeping my head down as I watched Rue and Wren get up and look for Mum and Dad.
DAD: We’re going back to the mobile home now, what are you doing?
I ignored his message again and picked up my glass, making my way behind the bar, out of the eyeline of Rue and Wren.
Then I felt a hand touch my waist, and I jumped.
‘Wow!’ I said.
‘Did I scare you?’ I turned round to see a lion talking to me.
‘Felix?’ I asked, cocking my head and trying to look through the little eye holes.
He pulled off his lion head and revealed a beautiful, sweaty, smiling face.
‘You liked the show?’ he asked, wiping his forehead with his paw.
‘I did. I liked the dancing,’ I said.
‘You like to dance?’ He took my hand and twisted me round, catching me off guard and making me smile.
‘Peut-être,’ I replied.
‘Ah you do speak French,’ he teased.
‘Un petit peu.’ I smiled, thanks to the champagne.
‘You will come back tomorrow?’ His eyes were wide. Eager.
‘Peut-être,’ I repeated, sticking to the words I was brave enough to use.
‘I hope you will. I will be here, working. I think I must go and get out from this costume.’ Felix sucked air in, filling his cheeks, and blew it out like a deflating balloon. ‘I am very hot.’
Yes, he was.
I leaned against the wooden post that was attached to the bar and watched him as he peeled the lion costume halfway down. And then he was just standing there topless, and I couldn’t help but stare. Toned, tanned, muscles more defined because of the sweat and breathlessness.
‘Felix!’ The girl from earlier appeared from behind and pushed him playfully.
He turned and enveloped her in a sweaty hug, and I was surprised at how much I wanted them to separate.
They were laughing and she was twisting her hair in her fingers.
The worst part? She was even more gorgeous close up.
And in a totally European way, which made it almost unbearable.
Shiny brown hair pulled into the perfect messy bun, strands framing her heart-shaped face and from what I could see, barely any make-up.
Her long, tanned legs escaped from tiny denim shorts, with delicate sockless ankles above trainers.
I obviously wasn’t being very subtle because suddenly both of them were looking at me.
‘Margot, this is Delphine. Delphine, this is Margot. She is from Ireland. Northern Ireland,’ he corrected himself and I gave an awkward wave in Delphine’s direction. She was looking me up and down, eyes settling on my AC/DC T-shirt.
She put her hand over her mouth and whispered something to Felix, who said something back to her in French.
‘Salut,’ I said awkwardly.
Delphine shrugged and walked off.
‘Sorry about that,’ said Felix, still half dressed. ‘She is always like this at the beginning of tourist season. When the foreign girls come.’ He rolled his eyes and pulled down the rest of the lion costume.
‘Ah, OK,’ I said, trying to take the disappointment from my voice.
I was one of a million foreign girls – of course I was.
And he was … I lost my train of thought as I glanced down.
At the boxer shorts that left nothing to the imagination, at the Calvin Klein waistband and the dark hair of his thighs.
Then he pulled on jeans and a T-shirt as he continued. ‘Delphine. She has a problem with, how do you say it … jalousie?’
‘Jealousy?’
‘That’s it.’
‘But what has she got to be jealous of?’ I asked. Felix was now wiping sweat off himself with a towel. ‘She is so beautiful.’
‘Maybe she doesn’t like me talking about you,’ he said, shrugging.
‘You were talking about me?’ I asked, moving closer so I didn’t have to shout over the music.
‘Maybe. Just a bit.’ He winked at me again, and I smiled, pathetically.
‘Margot, there you are!’
I turned to see Dad staring at me, looking painfully serious.
‘I was worried about you,’ he said.
I felt my face flush with shame. I looked at Felix, who was tidying away glasses now.
‘Dad, I’m eighteen.’ I tried to laugh it off, but Dad wasn’t laughing.
‘Yes, Margot, I know that, but I’d still like to know where you are.’
‘I’ll be back soon,’ I said.
‘I’ll wait up,’ Dad said, before turning and walking away, leaving me standing there, humiliated, with Felix.
‘So embarrassing,’ I said, wishing he hadn’t heard any of that.
‘Your father? He just wants to keep you safe,’ Felix said simply, as if it was completely reasonable.
‘He thinks because I’m here he can treat me like a kid. It’s so stupid.’
Felix shrugged. ‘It is nice, I think. Do you want me to walk you back?’ he offered. And it felt good. Different. But I wanted some time to think, even though I knew exactly where my thoughts would land.
I shook my head. ‘I’ll be OK by myself thanks.’
‘I will see you tomorrow then?’ He raised his eyebrows hopefully.
‘Peut-être,’ I said with a smile that he returned.
‘Je l’espère,’ he replied and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. ‘Sorry, it was in front of your eyes. You have beautiful eyes.’
It was too dark for him to see me blush. But I did. The whole way home.