11. Lowen
ELEVEN
LOWEN
The driver pulls up in front of Oakley’s house, and as I exit the car, I take a deep breath and then release it slowly. I didn’t see him today since he was in the city meeting with his new client, so this is the first time I’ve had to face him after whatever the hell that hissy fit I pulled on the phone yesterday was.
I played it over in my head so many times last night that I had to use concealer to hide the bags under my eyes today. It’s not like I’ve never felt jealousy before, I have, but I wasn’t expecting it to come out of nowhere and slap me senseless like that. I have no right to care who Oakley spends his time with. None at all.
I ring the bell and wait, tugging my wool coat up around my neck as a blast of bitterly cold wind whips past me. I hear his heavy steps approach, and when the door swings open, a bright smile spreads across his face.
“Hey,” he says, stepping to the side. “Get out of the cold.”
“Thank you.” I enter his cozy home and smile as he takes my coat for me and hangs it on the hook near the door.
Removing my shoes, I glance around the space. I’ve been here quite a few times, but for some reason I’m seeing it with new eyes. It’s an older home, and as Oakley tells me, it was quite a fixer upper. With his skill set, he’s been able to restore it to its former Craftsman bungalow glory. It’s not my preferred taste, but it suits him.
“How’s the bar tonight?” he asks, leading me down the hall to his living room.
“Picking up. Students are returning to campus before classes start.”
“Do you have to get back?”
I shake my head. “No. One of our new employees is starting tonight. We finally hired a woman.”
“Nice.”
“It’s not because we didn’t want to, we just didn’t have anyone apply. But she did, and I’m so glad. We need to break up the testosterone in there and make women feel comfortable too. Indy never wanted it to be a gay men only space.”
“I’ve seen lots of women there.”
“For dinner, yeah, but as the night goes on, it’s a sausage fest.”
Oakley chuckles, flopping down on the sofa. “Gotcha. Wine?”
My brow crinkles but I nod as I sit down, noting the wineglasses and bottle on the coffee table. “Sure. I thought you preferred beer.”
“I do, but you’re my guest.” He fills two glasses. “Besides, I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to get beer on tap at the event.”
“Probably not.”
Oakley hands me a glass and clinks it with his before taking a sip of the deep red liquid. I drink mine too, then pull back, looking at the glass like it bit me. “This is a Chateau Le Grand Verdus Bordeaux.” I grab the bottle. “2018.”
Oakley nods. “Yeah. The guy at the wine shop said it was good quality and that someone who likes French wines would appreciate it. Do you?”
I stare at him for a second while I process this. “You went to the wine shop for me?”
He shrugs. “Sure. Where else do you buy wine?” Oakley takes the bottle and sets it down, then scoots closer to me. “Please tell me you’re not this shocked because no one’s ever done something nice for you before?”
Averting my eyes, I focus on my glass.
“Low?” Oakley uses his index finger under my chin to lift my face. “Hey, kitten. I’m your fiancé, right? That means I know the things you like and I get them for you. It means I treat you like the precious gift you are, and I’d do anything to put a smile on your pretty face.” He grins. “Besides, I wanted to sound like I know what I’m talking about when we’re out together next week.”
“It’s very thoughtful. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. How ’bout that fashion show, huh?”
Oh thank fuck. A subject change. “Let’s do that.”
“Enjoy your wine. I’ll be back in a few.”
While he’s gone, I twist my neck back and forth. There’s no way I’m admitting to him that in my pathetic dating life I rarely met a man willing to go out of his way for me. Especially my loser ex. Alain expected me to be the doting one with not a single reciprocal thought. I convinced myself that displays of romance weren’t necessary, that we had shared values and that would get us through anything. Damn, was I wrong.
I stand and walk over to a bookcase, perusing the titles. Most of it looks like horror and sci-fi, and as I lift a book and read the back, my cheeks heat with shame. I didn’t expect Oakley to be a reader, and I’m positive now that I was stereotyping him. Ugh. I spent way too many years around shallow people, but at least I’m back with my friends. Without them grounding me, I probably wouldn’t have noticed that ugly perception I had.
“I’m back.”
I swing around and nearly drop my wineglass. Oakley is wearing a deep red suit, the color of the liquid swirling in my glass. It’s a modern fit, hugging his muscles in all the right places. The shirt beneath it is a taupe shade and the tie is a little funky, with flecks of colors in it matching the pocket square. On his feet are sleek black loafers.
“I figured I’d start with the most vibrant choice. Sam said it flattered my skin tone.” He shrugs as he slides his hands into the pockets. “What do you think?”
I can barely swallow. I think I want to get on my knees and rub my face all over his crotch like the kitten he thinks I am.
“You look… incredible.”
“Yeah?” He scratches the back of his head. “I clean up alright, huh?”
“You do.”
“I got a charcoal suit, a black one, and several shirt options. Ties and all that.”
“Where did you go?”
“Uh, Beauty, I think it was called.”
“Beauté?” I raise an eyebrow. “That place is expensive.”
Oakley chuckles. “Hell yeah it is, but it was fun. I’ve never really bought clothes like this.”
I cringe, imagining what the tab came to, but Oakley walks over to me and rubs my arm.
“You know I have money, right? I’m not some broke chump who can’t afford new clothes.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t think you were broke. It’s just that you spent all that for me on this fake thing.”
“The events aren’t fake, Low. I need clothes.”
“Right.” I blow out a breath. “Of course.”
Oakley searches my eyes with his lips parted like he’s planning to say something, but he doesn’t. He simply peers into my soul, stripping away my defenses without a single word.
“What else?” I ask, shifting the focus to something else.
Oakley grins. “Be right back.”
As he turns away, I exhale slowly to calm my racing heart and the surge of heat pulsing between my legs. God, this man is so sexy. We really shouldn’t do anything else though. We’ve already crossed too many lines. It’s best if we stay on the friendship side of things. If my cock would get the message, that would be fantastic.
I sit back on the couch, tapping my foot in anticipation, but he calls my name.
“Can you come back here?”
Setting my glass down, I get to my feet, smooth my sweater, then walk down his hallway. When I enter his bedroom, my eyes automatically go to his bed for some reason. It’s clear from the boring furniture and thin bedding that his sense of coziness didn’t make it to the bedroom.
Oakley steps out of his closest, only half-dressed. His light blue dress shirt is unbuttoned and he’s not wearing his slacks yet. My mouth literally waters as my eyes roam over all that sexy bear flesh.
“I’m not sure about this,” he says, holding out a vest. “Sam said it would ‘fancy shit up’ a level. Whatever that means.”
The second mention of Sam’s name irritates me, but I push it back and approach Oakley. The vest is gorgeous, silky with an embroidered pattern on it. Whoever this friend of his is, they have good taste.
“It’s amazing. Button your shirt and we’ll try it on.”
Oakley nods, quickly buttoning his shirt up. I help him into the vest, adjusting it around his broad shoulders and chest, then fiddle with the buttons. It wraps around his form like it was custom made.
“All this came off the rack?”
He nods. “The clerk said I was one of the lucky ones with a standard fit.” He steps back. “Let me add the pants.”
I watch him tug on the trousers, tuck in his shirt, and adjust the vest again. Without a tie on yet, he looks like the party just finished and he’s ready to sit back and enjoy a cocktail.
“How does it feel?” I ask.
He pats his stomach. “Not bad. A little buttoned up, but I can handle it for a few hours. More importantly, do you like it?”
I nod, flicking my tongue over my dry lips. “Yes.”
“Does it meet your standards?”
“Exceeds them.”
He raises his eyebrow as a sexy smile spreads across his lips. “Ooh, bonus points. I like it.”
“You didn’t have to do all this, but I appreciate the effort.”
“You’re worth it, you know?”
I react with some kind of weird gesture, halfway between a shrug and a head shake. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He flicks the first button of the vest open, but I step forward to finish them for him. When I move on to his shirt, his eyes heat as he gazes down at me.
“Just so you know, I’ll be wearing some pretty out-there outfits. Out there for Willow Bay. For Paris, not so much.”
“Can’t wait to see you. Are we gonna be matching?”
I huff a laugh. “Absolutely not. We’ll complement each other though.”
“I already knew that, beautiful.”
I get his shirt open and can’t resist boldly running my hands down his soft, hairy chest, noticing how his nipples harden and pebble beneath my touch.
“Low,” he whispers.
“Yes?”
“I want to touch you so bad.”
I flick my gaze up, aware of my heating cheeks, but I don’t care. “Why don’t you?”
“I need to hear that you want me to.”
This is the part where I tap the brakes and put distance between us, but I don’t seem to be able to. “Do you think I don’t want it?”
“I’ll be honest, kitten, I have no idea what’s going on in that brilliant brain of yours.”
“A lot of things.”
“You can talk to me about any of it.”
I smile but shake my head. No, I can’t. I can’t even process all the emotions swirling around inside me. All I know for sure is I’d like to feel him in my mouth again. I’d like to kiss him again.
“Do you want to talk about Sam?”
The question is a cold bucket of water and I push his chest gently as I step back. “No.”
“That reaction is exactly why we should.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“No, but maybe I’m okay with giving you one. Can I ask why he bothers you?”
I narrow my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. “He doesn’t. I don’t even know him.”
“Okay.” He peels out of the vest and the shirt, ignoring me as he removes the pants too until he’s standing before me in nothing but his briefs, his fancy clothes in a pile at his feet. “He picked out these silky briefs too. He said they were sexy. Do you think they’re sexy, Lowen?”
I twist my lips. He picked out underwear for him? “Are you fucking him?”
“No.” He takes a step toward me, but I move back, hitting the edge of his mattress. “We’re friends. He wanted me to look good.” He brushes his rough fingers over my cheek. “For you.”
“For me?”
Oakley nods. “He asked me to call you so he knew exactly what look to go for so I could impress you. We talked a lot about you, actually.”
“Is that so?”
Oakley gently pushes me until I sit down on the mattress, then with his knee, he separates my legs so he can stand between them. His cock is right in front of my face, swelling with each passing second.
“I want to tell you the truth.”
I nod, trying to resist sinking my teeth into him.
“We used to mess around.”
I close my eyes, exhaling through my nose. “Okay.”
“But it was a long time ago, and we’re just friends now. I called him because I knew he would know where I should go for clothes. He was a guy I hooked up with occasionally. Nothing more.”
“You’re not… not attracted to him anymore?”
“No. He’s too young for me, but even if there was anything lingering there, it died the day I saw your face.”
I roll my eyes. “Come on, Oakley. You don’t have to say things like that to me.”
“Things like the truth?”
I shake my head until he grips my chin and tilts my head back, forcing me to look at him.
“Obviously, we’re attracted to each other. There’s nothing fake about that, right?”
I set my jaw, remaining silent.
“Right, Lowen?”
With a huff, I admit, “Right.”
“So telling you that there’s no one I’d rather fuck than you isn’t a lie. It isn’t sappy emotions or bullshit flattery. It’s the truth and you know it is.” He takes my hand and presses it to his now fully erect cock. “ This isn’t fake.”
My shoulders sag as I accept my need for him and let my guard down. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I reacted the way I did, but it was uncalled for.”
“I’d like to think it’s because you want to fuck me too.” He brushes his thumb across my lower lip. “And you don’t want me touching anyone else the way I touch you.”
I nod, lifting my hands to grip his hips. “I suppose.”
Oakley chuckles. “As long as getting naked with you is an option, no one else stands a chance.”
“We… we really shouldn’t, Oak.” It’s a weak complaint, but I should try. “It complicates things.”
“We’re adults. We’ll figure it out.” He grips my hand, squeezing it around his shaft. “If you really don’t want this, I’ll step away right now.”
His statement is almost comical. He’s so damn respectful I want to punch him in his handsome face.
“But if you do want me,” he continues, “there’s nothing I’d like more than to get you naked.”
All my resistance melts away in an instant. He’s right. We’ll figure it out. Without ruining everything in the process, I hope.
“You first.”
I tug the silk briefs down and they slide to his ankles. My breath catches as his cock springs forward, nearly brushing against my lips. Oakley drags his fingers through my hair, tugging hard enough to pull my head back.
“What do you want me to do to you tonight, kitten? Anything you want, it’s yours.”
I know what I want, desperately, but I’m not ready to go there with him yet. I don’t know if I ever will be.
“Do you want…” His voice trails off as he backs up slightly so he can bend forward to meet my gaze. “I could take the lead.”
A shiver moves down my spine and all I can do is nod and whisper, “Please.”
Oakley’s eyes heat as he nods. “I’d love to, kitten. I want to discover all the ways I can make you purr for me.”
“I’m not ready for…” I shake my head as the words jumble on my tongue.
“Hey.” He cups my chin in his hand. “I know. I got you, Low. You can trust me.”
I somehow know that.
“Have you ever been worshipped?”
“What?”
“Hmm. I’m guessing not. Maybe you’ve never met someone who isn’t afraid of your exterior. I bet a lot of men are even intimidated by you. It can be hard to match up to someone who’s so together, smart, and self-reliant, but I’m not trying to match up to you. That’s not my job. My goal is to give you a place where you can let all of that go for a little while. You don’t have to be tough in front of me. You don’t have to have it all together. You can be you.”
“I’m not sure I know how to get there anymore.”
“You’ll figure it out. All you need is time and a safe place and I’ve got both of those.”
I hold his gaze, searching his eyes for the permission I need to open up this side of myself again. If I let him take the lead, I have to trust him to know how far to take us, but there’s nothing I see telling me not to let him.
“I want…” I have to pause to swallow down the emotion. Oakley rubs my arm, nothing but acceptance and desire dancing in his eyes. “I want to learn to let go again. Completely. I haven’t in a long time. I didn’t believe I was safe enough, but I do now, and if I’m wrong, I’ll ruin your life.”
Oakley smiles and nods. “I’d expect that.” He slides his hands to my waist, lifts me like I weigh nothing, and lays me down in the middle of his bed. “Now lay back, kitten. Your body is my altar, and I’m about to do some serious praying.”