16. Oakley
SIXTEEN
OAKLEY
I’ve been lying on my couch watching football all morning when my phone buzzes on the coffee table. I reach over lazily to grab it, but sit up straight and mute the TV when Lowen’s name flashes.
“Hey, kitten.”
“Hi.” His voice sounds weirdly tense, like it does when permits are delayed or the paint is the wrong shade. “Are you busy?”
“I’m never too busy for you. What’s going on?”
“I don’t want to inconvenience you more than I already have, but I think we should stay in a hotel in the city for the week.”
“Uh, okay. Why?”
“Ridley found articles about me today. The parasites are already trying to dig up stuff about me to sell clicks and views.”
“Oh. So you want to get out of town?”
“I don’t want them coming to Willow Bay. I don’t want them creeping around you either when they find out we’re… you know.”
My heart sinks. He is embarrassed. “Are you sure you want to go through with the fake fiancé thing?”
“Yes. Why? Don’t you?”
“Well if you don’t want them to know things about me?—”
“Shit. I didn’t word that right. It’s hard to understand because it’s not like I’m Beyoncé or anything, but the design world is small, and me and Alain were a big deal and an even bigger one when it blew up. He humiliated me.”
My blood practically boils when I hear the crack in his voice.
“He publicly flaunted his affairs and implied more than once that I wasn’t enough for him. I, on the other hand, chose to take the high ground and didn’t publicly say anything. Looking back, I think that was the wrong thing to do because it just made them hungry for any nugget they could get. It’s been years though, so they forgot about me until now.”
“Okay.”
“They’ll ruin your peace and quiet, Oakley. They’ll camp outside your house and bombard you with questions every time you leave. They’ll follow you to all your projects, and they’ll try to talk to your employees. They’ll do the same to me at Moby’s and try to talk to the guys.”
“Oh.” Now I understand where he’s coming from. He’s not hiding my simple life from them, he’s protecting me. “Yeah, if you want to stay in the city, that’s fine. Most of my work is there at the moment anyway.”
“They’ll still harass us, but at least it’ll be away from our real lives and in a week it’ll be over.”
“We’ll get through it. I’ll be right by your side.”
He’s silent for a second, but then he exhales slowly. “I can’t thank you enough for doing this. I don’t think I could face them alone.”
“I’m happy to support you. I can’t even imagine doing anything in my personal life the media would care about.”
“You’re about to experience it. I never wanted to be famous, you know? I wanted to be respected and recognized for my abilities, but becoming part of a power couple wasn’t on my vision board. He wanted the limelight and lived his life loudly, drawing attention to us. It was exciting at first. We could get into all the posh restaurants in Paris. We got tickets to shows and fashion designers wanted to clothe us. We had money and prestige and so much privilege, and I thought we were in love.”
“You weren’t?”
“I don’t think he was. I think he saw me as an asset. As for me, I don’t know anymore. I never felt the way—” He stops abruptly and clears his throat before he continues. “The way I think love is supposed to feel. I was young and impressionable and had stars in my eyes. I was flattered to be courted by someone I admired, but I’m not so sure it was ever love.”
“I’m sorry you went through that. Divorce, even in the best circumstances, is always awful. I’ve been there.”
“You’re divorced?”
“Yeah. I never told you?”
“No.”
“It was a million years ago. I was twenty-five and stupid as fuck.”
“What happened?”
“We were too young. We thought marriage would be easy and fun, but we didn’t know what being grown-ups was about. We fought all the time over money and habits and what to eat for dinner. We thought attraction and love would be enough, but it wasn’t. You need shared values and goals. You need patience and to be willing to give your partner room to spread their wings so they never feel clipped by your love. You need maturity.” I chuckle. “That’s the big one. Mostly, you need commitment to know that it’s not always gonna be amazing, but you’re gonna get through it together.”
He’s so quiet that I check the phone to make sure we weren’t disconnected.
“Low?”
“How long were you married?”
“Five years, together almost ten, believe it or not. We were both stubborn and neither of us wanted to admit we failed. I don’t see it that way anymore though. It wasn’t a failure. There were good times, and I learned a lot about how to be a good partner for the next person I fall for.” My throat tightens after that subtle admission. Does Lowen know I’m crazy about him yet?
“Would you like to get married again someday?”
“Hell yeah. I guess I’m a romantic, because the idea of choosing someone for life sounds incredible to me, but it doesn’t have to be traditional. I’m more flexible now about the many ways love is celebrated.”
“What does that mean?”
I lean back on the sofa, scratching my beard. “A couple of years after my divorce, I met this guy and we went out and really hit it off. He was in a polyamorous marriage. His wife had a girlfriend and they both had a live-in boyfriend who also had a boyfriend.”
“Oh.”
“He wasn’t looking to date anyone new, but we were stuck on a flight for a few hours and got to talking and… anyway, I met his people and spent time at his home with all these different love matches. Honestly? It was fucking beautiful. You could feel the love and respect and affection they all had for each other. It opened my eyes to different ways to explore love. I really valued that.”
“Why didn’t it work out with him?”
“We were better friends. He had a lot going on in his life and I’m more of a chill homebody type. Our dates had to be scheduled weeks in advance and we could never be spontaneous, but it ended well. I still talk to him sometimes.”
“Would you like something like that for yourself?”
“I don’t think I’m a polyamorous guy myself, but if I was with someone who was or who wanted to explore it, I’d be open. I think when you care about someone, you just want them to be happy, whatever that looks like.”
I wish to fuck I could see his face right now.
“Does that appeal to you?” I ask.
He scoffs. “Oakley, I lost my shit when I saw you talking to the pretty twink. Do you think I’m open to it?”
I chuckle. “Not necessarily.”
“No. I knew a throuple in Paris and spent time with them too. They did help me understand how they deal with jealousy and insecurity, and I remember that every time it rears up, I’m just not able to manage it well yet.”
“It’s because you haven’t felt safe, kitten. Safety, communication, trust, those are ingredients to being secure and eliminating jealousy. Alain wasn’t capable of giving you those things, but there are men who are.” Me. I can. Let me.
“But how do you…” He pauses, laughing darkly. “I spent months in therapy after the divorce and all it taught me was not to let my guard down.”
I can’t tell him how I feel yet. I can’t admit that I want to be the guy who shows him what love really is. He’ll run for the hills.
“You’ll get there when you’re ready.”
“I want…” He blows out a long breath. “I want to fix my shit before I dump it all over someone who doesn’t deserve it. Someone like you. I want to be brave enough to open my heart again.”
I want to convince him that I can handle it, but I kind of get it too.
“I’m glad you’re telling me this. It means you know that I’m your friend. And I am, first and foremost.”
“You deserve that much.”
I want to see him. I want to invite him over or go to his place and wrap my arms around him and kiss his pretty mouth and nuzzle his neck, inhaling his scent. I want to tell him that I’m so fucking in love with him he could stomp on me with his designer shoes and I’d beg him for more.
Instead, I bite my lip and stay silent.
“We can go tonight if you’re ready,” Lowen says, and my stomach flutters.
“Tonight?”
“Then you can start the work week without a long drive to the city. Unless you want to be alone today before the craziness starts.”
“Today is good. What time do you want me to pick you up?”
“Check-in is at three.”
“I’ll be there at two-thirty.”
“See you then, Oakley.”
“See you then, kitten.”
After ending the call, I race to my bedroom to start packing, and an idea hits me. Fuck yeah. I plop down on my bed and open the internet on my phone, scrolling for options available at short notice. Oooh, this looks viable.
I press the call button and wait for it to be answered. When it is, I cross my fingers.
“Hi. Would you happen to have any available reservations for the week I could pick up in the next hour or so?”
The guy on the other end clicks on his keyboard, then confirms. “We do. We could have it ready by two. Would that work, sir?”
I smile. “It sure would.”
This week is my chance to woo Lowen and prove to him that I’m the man he’s been waiting for. If he doesn’t fall in love with me when this is all over then… I laugh. Who am I kidding? Then I’ll just keep trying until he does.
I may be his fake fiancé now, but I’m aiming to become the real thing.