Chapter 21
21
Brian looked around his bedroom, rubbed his hands together and grinned. Everything was just like he wanted. Candles stood on the dresser, and side tables created a soft, warm glow. Red rose petals covered the bed. He’d put up a massage table near the foot of the bed and a bottle of scented body oil waited in a warmer. The pièce de résistance: he’d dressed in a pair of black silk boxers and paired it with a matching robe. Oh yes, everything was perfect.
He’d done this before. Set up candles and rose petals and given a sensual massage, but he hadn’t been this excited before. Just thinking about having Tracey reclining on the table, his hands gliding over her curves, and watching the tension release from her body before they moved to the bed had him hard as a rock. Not just because he wanted to sleep with her but because he wanted to make her feel special. One thing he’d realized over the past month was that Tracey didn’t get the chance to feel special often. She was always taking care of business or other people, but no one took care of her. He wanted to do that for her.
He didn’t think the setup was overstepping their friends-with-benefits status. Tonight was going to be sexy and some might say romantic, but because he’d done this before he didn’t think the scenario was going above and beyond. He was just being a friend. Just looking out for her in a way that benefited them both. Not doing too much.
The doorbell rang, and Brian’s pulse jumped. She was there. He did one last look over the room to make sure things were perfect and took a deep breath to calm his sudden, unexpected nerves before going to answer the door. He hoped she didn’t think this was too much.
He swung open the door and waited for Tracey’s eyes to widen then light up with anticipation the way they usually did when they got together; the way she was just as excited about their time together was sexy as hell. Tracey had no idea how sexy she was. He’d always been attracted to her confidence, and watching her bring that same bold, confident self into the bedroom had him counting down the hours until they were together again.
Tracey’s eyes did widen, and her brows rose, and there was even the flare of desire he wanted, but something else was in her gaze. Something he hadn’t seen since the first time they’d tried to sleep together. A glimmer of anxiety. She’d texted about going to see her dad before coming over. A visit with her dad was the one thing he hadn’t accounted for while creating this romantic, sensual night. He should have anticipated that seeing her dad might affect her mood.
He took her hand and drew her inside. “You good?”
Her gaze roamed over his bare chest, down to his boxers and legs before traveling back up. “I’m better now.”
Brian’s concerns eased. The heat in her gaze made him con sider undressing her right there. But he wanted to run his hands over her body and drive her to the brink of pleasure more. “I’ve got something special planned for you.”
She cocked a brow. “ Special like what?”
“Just wait and see.” He took her purse and set it on the table in the entryway. “Close your eyes.”
“Close my eyes? What did you do?” A trace of nervousness entered her voice.
He walked behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. Her muscles were tense beneath his fingertips. “Nothing bad, I promise. If you don’t want to close them you don’t have to. Just come with me.”
She nodded before relaxing and closing her eyes. Brian led her from the front of the house to the bedroom. Once he had her standing where she’d get a perfect view of what he’d set up, he leaned in and whispered in her ear. “Okay, open them.”
She opened her eyes and sucked in a breath. She took in everything: the candles, rose petals and massage table. He held his breath while he waited for her response. Would she be happy, think it was too much, jump up and down with joy? He wanted the jumping up and down.
Tracey’s lower lip wobbled before a tear slipped out of her eyes. She hastily wiped it away, but another came. She bit her lip and turned away.
A vise constricted around Brian’s heart. He quickly moved to stand in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders. “Tracey, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”
She lifted her head and swiped at her eyes. “I’m sorry. This is ludicrous. I don’t even know why I’m crying. Yes, I do know why I’m crying.”
“Why? Did I mess up? Does this bring back bad memories?”
She shook her head. “No, I’m mad. Like, pissed off, and I want to hit something, and we’re supposed to be over here hav ing sex. You did all of this, and I can barely think about sex right now. I’m about to ruin everything, and it’s pissing me off.”
Brian relaxed that he hadn’t messed up, but obviously something else was on her mind. “Tracey, we don’t have to have sex.”
“But you’ve got candles, rose petals and a whole massage table.”
“It’s cool. Why don’t I rub your back and shoulders and you tell me what’s got you so pissed.”
“But—”
He squeezed her shoulders. “No but s, Tracey. We’re also friends. Tell me what’s got my friend all upset.”
She sighed. The way she automatically would deny that something was wrong was clear in her eyes. “You sure?”
Brian knew that for however long they did this, he would never let Tracey feel bad about telling him how she really felt. As much as he wanted this night to be perfect, he also wanted her to feel comfortable and never regret their time together.
“If you ask me one more time I’m going to change my mind,” he teased.
Tracey laughed and then pulled back. “Fine. Thank you.”
Instead of the massage table, they settled on the bed. Brian leaned against the headboard, and Tracey sat between his legs. He placed his hands on her shoulders, but she glanced back at him before he could massage.
“Do you need me to take my shirt off?”
“Are you okay taking it off?” He’d love nothing more than to see her bare shoulders while doing this.
“If you’re going to do a good job rubbing my shoulders you’ll need access,” she said in a no-nonsense voice and pulled her shirt over her head.
Brian placed his hands on her shoulders and rubbed his fingers along the straps of her bra. “Can I push these down?”
She leaned her head to one side and then the other. “Just take the bra off.”
Brian held back a groan as she reached back and unhooked her bra. He took a long breath. He was going to listen and give her what she needed. Not be selfish, but damn, he was going to have to focus on her words and not get distracted by her beautiful breasts.
“Hold up. Let me get the massage oil.” He jumped up and grabbed it before settling back behind her. He rubbed oil into his hands and then gently kneaded the tight muscles of her shoulders.
“Now, what’s going on?”
Tracey let out a long low moan. Brian shifted behind her so that his swelling dick wouldn’t press into her back and distract her from talking.
“My parents,” Tracey said after a few seconds. “I’m so sick of them and this toxic ride they stay on. My dad showed up at my mom’s house drunk a few weeks back. He wasn’t supposed to be drinking again because he was proving that he could be sober. I don’t know why I had hoped this time would be different because he never stays sober. Devante called me to come get him before Mom’s boyfriend found out. She said she was done with him now that she’s with someone else. Devante and I had to drag him home. Then today, when I went to check on him he’s back to saying he wants her back. I know Mom is done with him, but what does she do? She calls him on his birthday.”
Tracey hadn’t told him about having to get her dad from her mom’s place. She kept conversations about her parents superficial. He didn’t pry because he knew that was a sore spot. “Is your mom calling him today a bad thing?”
“It is when she knows that anytime she reaches out to him he starts spiraling again and saying that they can get back together. It’s just so frustrating. I don’t understand. He’s a drunk, and she has cheated on him from the beginning. But they can’t seem to quit each other. Even though it makes life miserable for them and their kids.”
Brian continued to work the knots out of her shoulders as he thought about what she’d said. He was well aware of her parents’ rocky relationship. Her mother’s affairs with different men around town and her dad getting drunk in public or losing contracting jobs because he’d shown up intoxicated had kept the gossips busy for years. Even his parents had commented on it. His dad judging and his mom always saying that she would pray for the kids. Those were things he’d never tell Tracey. She didn’t want the judgment or the pity. She’d always taken up for her family and gone toe-to-toe with anyone who had anything negative to say about them. Despite how much they made her mad, she loved them.
“That’s a lot, huh?” she said after he was silent for a while.
“Just thinking.”
“My parents are a lot.”
“They are, but I get it.”
She looked at him over her shoulder. “How do you get it?”
“I lived it. My marriage wasn’t as much as your parents’, but we were toxic in our own way.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. You did tell me about the struggle with your ex-wife.”
“I didn’t talk about my marriage a lot because I don’t like everyone in my business like that. But also because I was a little ashamed by how often I’d go back. Every time I’d say I was done and we’d break up, she’d come and bat her eyes, and I was right back where I was before. Then after the divorce,” he said and sighed, not wanting to admit the truth but also not wanting to hold back and keep things from Tracey, “even after the divorce I went back a few times.”
Tracey’s body tightened. She leaned away from him. “You still love her?”
He gently pulled her back toward him and continued to knead her shoulders. “It took too long, but I realized I am no longer in love with her.”
“It took how long?” Doubt entered her voice.
“I thought I was good, but when we ran into each other at a friend’s party over a year ago, old feelings bubbled up and we slept together. But the next day she told me she was engaged to someone else. The guy she’d cheated on me with.”
Tracey gasped, and her hand resting on his shin tightened. “No she didn’t.”
“She did, but the funny thing was I wasn’t hurt. I was disappointed in myself more than anything. A part of me knew that she would do the same thing, and I was tired. I knew right then I was no longer in love with her.”
Tracey was quiet for several seconds. “Do you think my dad will ever get tired of my mom? Or that she’ll get tired of keeping him on a string?”
Brian’s hands stilled. “I don’t know. But what they do is their own mess. I’m sorry that it spills over and affects you. But you’ve got to understand that what they’re doing is not because of you. You can’t stop them if they don’t want to stop. You’re focusing on finding your own happiness, Tracey. Keep on doing that. Don’t worry about trying to fix your parents and their relationship. Until they want to fix it, you’ll be banging your head against a wall. You deserve to focus just on you.”
“It’s so hard,” she whispered.
He ran his hands down her shoulders to her arms and worked those muscles. “What is?”
“Focusing on me. I haven’t had the chance to focus on me ever. It’s always been my parents. Then it was Bernard.”
“But despite all that, you found ways to make your own space. You’ve got the business, you filed for divorce from Bernard. Don’t underestimate yourself, Tracey. You know how to look out for you. Just keep doing it.” He leaned forward and kissed the side of her neck.
She shifted until their eyes met. “Are you for real, or are you just being nice?”
He lifted a brow. “I don’t have to just be nice. Haven’t we always been honest with each other? I’m telling you the truth. You’ve always been strong, but you’ve never had the chance to trust anyone enough to take off your armor. You can take it off around me. I’ve got you.”
Her eyes softened. He didn’t know where those words came from. He understood neither of them wanted promises of forever and that both of them were not ready to handle thoughts of a long-term commitment, but he meant what he said. No matter what happened, he would be there for Tracey when she needed him.
The corner of her lips lifted. She leaned toward him and brushed her lips across his. “You’re a good friend.”
The kiss wasn’t nearly enough. The softness of her eyes, the feel of her skin beneath his hands, and the way she looked at him as if he’d just made her day made him rock hard.
“Your friend with all the benefits,” he said and kissed her gently. He’d pull back if she tensed. He’d go to bed hard and let her talk all she wanted if she needed, but right now he couldn’t not kiss her again.
Tracey didn’t pull back. Her sweet lips opened, and her tongue teased his lips. Desire flooded Brian’s midsection, his hand gliding from her arm to wrap around her body and cup her breast. She melted into him, and even though need made him want to flip her over and push deep inside, he also knew she didn’t need that. Right now she just needed to feel that she could trust him when she was vulnerable. So that’s what he did. He took things slow. He let her lead the way, until the tension left her body and she moaned and twisted her body against his. Then he made love to her with everything in him until her body was limp and she curled against his chest and fell asleep.