24. Twenty-Four
24
TWENTY-FOUR
ELIANA RICHARDS
CIA Headquarters, December 2022
Four months together
“ W e need to stop this right here, right now, Peter,” I whined while we rushed to get back into our clothes before anyone would walk in and find us half-naked on the couches in the communal kitchen.
“Sorry to disappoint you, Cinnamon, but I’m not ready for a second round, anyway.” He slipped back into his shirt before reaching mine towards me with a sex-bliss grin on his face. I couldn’t look at him right now. He didn’t understand the severity of this.
“Not what I meant,” I mumbled, closing the zipper on my jeans before slipping one foot after the other into my black sneaker. My mind was spiraling, memories of high school merging into all the soft moments we shared after my injury as well as his beautiful face the moment he came. I felt all of it at once: the bliss, the fear, the anger, the love.
“Then tell me what you mean, Eli!” His voice had turned from playful to slightly annoyed while he looked at me with one eyebrow raised in demand. I really wanted to answer him and tell him about everything going on in my head, but I couldn’t.
I just couldn’t make my mouth move.
The realization hit me like a truck, my breathing becoming more and more shallow with every passing second.
“I can’t,” I pressed out before running out of the communal kitchen. He shouted after me, trying to stop me from fleeing the scene, but I decided to ignore it.
The elevator would take too long, so I beelined for the stairs to jump them up as fast as I could. Becks, the PT, had made me do that a lot when I was getting back my strength in the hurt ankle, but my thighs were still a little undertrained. It was only three floors, but I was panting and my legs were burning the moment I reached the fifth floor. A welcomed distraction from the tracing thoughts in my mind.
Maybe I needed to go back to the FBI? I couldn’t risk it for Peter and me here. He was too involved now. I couldn’t ruin this for him, he loved his job.
Just a few steps towards my room and I would let the storm in my mind break free. Only a couple of moments to hold it together. I fumbled a little too long with the ID card in the pocket of my pants when I suddenly felt a large hand wrapping around my bicep.
My pulse skyrocketed at the involuntary touch, but I dared to pull my arm away. I was trained to not do so, or my father would beat me even worse.
“Eli,” Peter’s voice sounded and it took me a moment to realize that the hand on my bicep belonged to him and not my father. My heart didn’t reach that message though, as the quickened pulse made my eyesight blurry. I was only moments away from fainting.
Wonderful, Eliana. Instead of surfing the bliss of having the best sex in your life, you’re going through a full-on panic attack.
“Help,” I mumbled while I felt my knees buckle slightly.
“Shit!” Peter exclaimed, opened his own door, and pulled me inside. He shoved me towards his bed and I collapsed on it with heavy breathing.
“Eli, talk to me. What can I do?”
I only raised my index finger in the air, gesturing one moment to him. I hoped he understood, because speaking was something I definitely wasn’t able to do right now.
All I needed to do was breathe.
In through my nose, out through my mouth.
Over and over and over again until my heartbeat was finally out of the concerning range and back to normal.
I’d expected him to be by my side, touching me wherever he could because that was his love language. But when I turned my head around, I only saw him kneeling next to the bed, both hands gripping the sheets around me while staring at me with blank horror on his face.
“I’m good,” I whispered towards him, hoping to ease his fear a little.
“You’re so pale, you would be invisible in front of a white wall. You are not good, Eli.”
I couldn’t help myself and laugh a little about his comment, although it was probably the wrong moment to do so. When my world was almost normal again, I pushed myself up in a seating position, immediately reaching out to grab one of his hands. I cradled it in between both of mine, the tips of the finger of my upper hand brushing over Peter’s in circular movements. It calmed us both down enough to have this conversation.
Now I needed to break Peter Davis’s heart.
“I can’t be with you, Peter.”
“What do you mean?” His brows furrowed.
“I’m breaking up with you.”
“No.”
“What do you mean with no ?”
“You won’t break up with me, Eliana Richards. Tell me one reason why you would do that.”
I stared at him blankly, blinking a couple of times. I expected him to scream at me or even raise his hand, but the refusal to accept was something I didn’t have on my bingo card.
“You need someone better than me. ”
And then Peter did something that felt so out of place, so unexpected, so weird, that it made my brain stop working for a moment: he smirked at me.
“But there is no one better to me than you, Cinnamon.”
“Bullshit.”
“No bullshit.”
“Yes bullshit.”
“Enough, Eli. Listen to me for a moment, okay. Can you do that, Cinnamon?”
He gripped my shoulders and smirked again. That damn smirk. Wasn’t he taking this seriously?
I nodded toward him to signal him that I was indeed listening, although the voices in my head fought hard to take over my senses. His hands wandered up my body until he was cradling my face carefully, his thumbs resting politely on my jaw lines while his green eyes stared me down. It was enough to calm me after the panic attack while simultaneously keeping my pulse increased because he had this effect on me.
“Do you love me?”
Another nod from my side.
“That’s all that matters, Eli. Nothing else I care about. We’re like a well-oiled machine, gears reaching perfectly into each other even in difficult situations. There is no one else out there I’d trust with my life than you. On and off work. You’re it for me, Eli. You’re my endgame.”
I felt the tears trailing down my cheeks before even realizing that I was crying .
“And I can prove to you that we were meant to be for a long time because even though you hated me passionately, I felt the connection to you already back in the days.”
“But you hated me right back?” I’d found my voice again.
“Well, you definitely annoyed the living hell out of me, Eli.” He laughed and I had to join him.
“But that doesn’t mean that I couldn’t rip my eyes off you every time you entered a room. Do you know what effect you had on me? I was full of hormones, my body and needs changing and then there was you. With your beautiful deer eyes, a determination that matched mine, and this absolute hatred towards me that made me want you even more. I wanted to prove you wrong. Show you that I’d be a good catch.”
I was stunned. In all of these years of us fighting for becoming the class's best or the attention of teachers, professors, or eventually Oliver, our team leader, I’d never expected him to like me. And how the hell could he even like me when I treated him like an asshole?
“Why…Why didn’t you say something?” I asked.
“Say what? Hi, Eliana, I know you hate me, but I have this weird connection to you that might only be caused by my hormones going crazy in puberty ?”
“Ehm, well, yeah. Something like that, I guess,” I stuttered.
Peter let out a puff, slightly turning on his heels to turn his back to me. His body language was something between embarrassment and annoyance and I had my struggles to understand how I should react.
“Eli, you and I both know how stupid that would have been.”
“So you just ignored it and behaved like a dick instead? I don’t buy it, Peter. Are you making up this story just so I don’t break up with you?”
Instead of answering me, Peter stepped away and towards the little desk. He opened a drawer and pulled something out that I couldn’t see. When he came back to me, I realized that it was an old leather booklet that had definitely seen better days. There was some sort of emblem imprinted in the camel-colored leather, but I couldn’t identify what it was.
Peter opened the booklet and started to carefully turn the pages and I could see that it was filled with different handwritten entries. He exclaimed a small, “Ha,” when he found what he was looking for, raised his eyes to mine, and gave me the tiniest smile before starting to read,
“We have this new girl in class—her name is Eliana—who decided to ignore everyone around her except for Mihaela. The two don’t really fit together, but became friends pretty quickly. Today, Mrs. Roser asked her something during chemistry class and when she didn’t know the answer, I stepped in and helped her out. Eliana shot me a death glare as thank you and I can’t stop thinking about how beautiful her eyes are.”
I furrowed my brows, trying to remember what situation he had documented in his little booklet. There had been too many times he annoyed me during high school, so I couldn’t remember. Peter continued to turn the pages and after only three, he stopped again.
“She had this witchy little smile on her face when we got the results of our English exams. My own test was an A with 97/100 points, which was a clear reason to celebrate. Then she asked me what my result was and told me proudly that she got 99/100 points. For a short moment, I felt devastated, my own determination getting the best of me. But when I saw her looking at Mihaela with this smile on her face and the two of them silently celebrating, I couldn’t help myself and celebrate with them. Eliana Richards, I think I have finally found someone that will make my life a little more fun.”
My jaw was literally on the floor because I’d never expected him to pay attention to all these details back then. While I was busy hating him for his arrogant and teacher’s pet behavior, he took the time to write down moments like this.
“I don’t understand this, Peter. Yes, I know that I’ve been the one causing the big distance and hate between us, but at no time did you behave in a way I could have sensed how you were really feeling. Why, Peter? Why did you keep this for yourself?”
“Because I was a teenager and I was stupid,” he confessed, his eyes averting mine for a millisecond before he looked at me again.
“I might have hated you a little less if you told me,” I whispered, meaning it .
“You and I both know that this is not true.”
I stopped a moment, allowing my mind to dive into the memories of still being in high school and dealing with everything around my mom’s death and my father’s abuse.
“You’re right. For me, you’ve always been the reason I got beaten by my father at home because suddenly there was someone having better grades than me. Nothing you could have done or said would have changed that. My mind wasn’t capable of having any other feelings towards you.”
I didn’t want to hurt him with this, but it had that exact effect. His eyes started to water and his face became the softness that he only saved for me. One of his hands let go of the notebook and grabbed my face carefully. His fingers molded around my jawline like we were created to fit together, and the moment his thumb started to rub my cheek, I felt the heat in my lower body return.
“I know, Cinnamon. And I’ll forever wish I could turn back time and make your life easier back then.”
But he couldn’t.
And it probably wouldn’t have changed a thing as my father would have found other things to scream about.
“It’s not your fault,” I said to Peter, because he really needed to stop taking this ballast on his own shoulders. There was only my father to blame and no one else. Not me, not Mom, and very clearly not Peter .
“I know. I’m still sorry,” he answered with the same softness.
“Tell me more about the notebook.” The change of topic was welcomed by both of us. He let go of my face to turn the pages easier and I watched him scan over what he had written over the years. You could even see his handwriting changing from high school, to college, to nowadays. I had no idea what things he had declared important enough to write down, but maybe one day I’d be able to find out.
“This is a list of small things I like about you,” he explained, but instead of reading it out loud, he turned the book around and handed it over to me. I extended my arm to grab the booklet carefully. The leather was cold but soft on my fingertips, and I could feel slight dents on the areas he had gripped it more often over the years. My heartbeat increased while I took a deep breath before reading the list. You could see very clearly that he’d used different pens over the time of creating the list .
- Her eyes are hypnotizing
- Her laughter when she’s carefree around Mihaela
- The look of determination in her eyes in every exam
- The way she taps her finger on the desk when she’s annoyed
- The softness on her face when she thinks no one is watching and she can let go of the facade she created
- The excitement in her voice when she tells anyone about her friendship with Mihaela
- Her quick thinking in problem situations
- How she cares for her teammates, although she’d never admit it. In every group exercise she makes sure we all make it out alive
- How she makes me nervous by just being in the same room
- She’s the only person I want to share every success with because I know she’d be the only one to truly value it
- I thought her joining the task force would decrease my confidence, but instead my mind found a peace I didn’t know existed. With Eli on my team, I knew everything would turn out exactly as it should
- My heart skips a beat every time she touches me
- The way she only opens up to me and Mihaela makes me feel like the most special person on Earth
- She ignited a protectiveness in me that I can’t put into words
- I’ve never loved someone as much as Eli
She’s it
Endgame
Forever
“This is…wow. Over all these years?”
“Of course, Cinnamon. I couldn’t get you out of my head. Even when I tried very hard. As soon as I knew you were going to the CIA, I tried everything in my power to become a Navy SEAL, because that would mean we might work together in the future. But I’d have enough time to focus on my life and my career and get you out of my head and heart. I even gave up football for that.”
Wait a minute. What?
“You gave up football for me?”
“Well. Kinda, yeah. To become a SEAL, I needed to be as fit and healthy as possible. I couldn’t risk getting injured in senior year, so I stopped playing.”
“But why didn’t you continue after…well…the SEALs didn’t work out?”
“I thought that maybe I could try for them again a year later. Using the farm to prepare myself a little better—physically and mentally. Especially mentally, because I’d mastered the physical parts pretty well. It was my mindset that they didn’t like.”
Strange. He was the mentally strongest person I knew.
“What didn’t they like about your mindset?”
“They told me I was a little too determined and that this would put me in a bad spot when it came to working in a team.”
His expression changed in an instant when he remembered the denial from back in the day. I could barely stand seeing him so sad.
“I told you a million times, Mr. Over-Achiever, that working with you isn’t the easiest,” I joked. My chuckle made the sad expression on his face vanish and he leaned in slightly until our noses brushed against each other.
“As if you were any better than me, Cinnamon.”
And with that, he moved his head so he could playfully bite my nose. I chuckled even louder and placed my hands on his chest to push him away. Not too far, though, because I needed him close.
“That’s why we fit together so perfectly. We’re the same sort of crazy,” I mumbled, seeing his eyes lighting up the moment I ended the sentence.
“Says the woman who broke up with me twenty minutes ago,” he said with a smirk.
Well, I had very clearly lost that discussion.
“Touché,” I sighed.
How could I throw away this special connection that came my way very unexpectedly, but made me feel happy and at peace in a way I’ve not even felt along Mihaela?
Peter was my person.
“Say it,” he insisted, still being close to me. I could feel the heat radiating from him and my body mirrored him, because all I wanted to do was rip these clothes off my body again. Instead, I focused on the conversation we just had, all the emotions I’ve been through in only half an hour and the consequences of them.
“I’m not gonna break up with you, Goldie,” I finally said, determination in my voice.
“Good, because I plan to spend the rest of my life with you and that would be called kidnapping if you don’t agree on it.” He chuckled.
“Please don’t kidnap me. I’ll follow you on my own free will, Peter Davis. No worries.”
His lips carefully connected with mine, the kiss so soft and full of love like I only experienced with him. No one has ever kissed me the way he did because you could read all of his emotions out of it.
Oh Peter, you’re my endgame, too.
I’ll love you til the day I die.