11. Luis
Chapter eleven
Luis
They were still sound asleep when Darius’ cell phone rang, and it took Luis a moment to remember that the body over which he was sprawled was his best friend’s and that they were no longer only best friends.
“Let it go to voicemail,” Luis said as Darius started to reach for his phone. “I don’t want to stop touching you.”
“It could be important, chico.”
“Then you can call them back when you’re done loving me.”
Darius chuckled, and Luis loved the way his chest vibrated. “Then they’re going to be waiting for forever.”
“Good.” Luis rose up on his elbows and gave Darius his best pout. “I don’t want to share you with the world.”
Luis’ phone buzzed with an incoming call at the same time Darius’ beeped with a voicemail alert.
“That’s probably Micah,” Darius said. “I need to check my phone.”
His words brought reality crashing back into the room, and Luis felt stupid for forgetting everything Darius was going through. Though he needed to arrange for a lawyer and who knew what else, he’d still taken care of Luis, made love to him, and made sure he was okay before doing any of those things. Darius’ world could be collapsing, and here Luis was freaking out about Andrés, drinking too much, and then clinging to Darius like some damsel in distress.
“Hey, chico?”
Luis turned to look at him and felt even worse. Darius had his phone in his hand, but the concern in his expression was all because Luis’ brain had tripped over into the bad place once again. He tried to smile. “I’m okay. You do what you need to do.”
When he started to get out of bed, Darius reached out and pulled him back. “Stay here, okay? I want you with me while I talk to Micah. I need you, chico.”
“Okay.”
Luis lay back down, and Darius threaded their fingers together while he opened up his phone and listened to his voicemail. It had been Micah calling to let him know Jake had found him a lawyer. Darius immediately returned the call, and Luis tried to stay calm as the conversation progressed. It all sounded so serious and beyond Luis’ comprehension. How could anyone accuse Darius of assault, let alone sexual assault? Darius was the sweetest, kindest, gentlest person Luis had ever known. His alma gemela had only been doing his job keeping all the passengers safe, just like he’d always kept Luis safe.
He tried to take comfort in the certainty Jake expressed as he said this was probably a bogus accusation intended to make the airline hand over a chunk of money to keep the whole thing out of court. Luis wasn’t so certain. He’d seen enough things like this take off on social media that he was extremely worried. The juice of a hero who turned out to be a predator was prime fodder for the trolls, especially when the hero was a Black man. As Darius had said, it wouldn’t matter to anyone that he was gay.
“I’m texting you Ry’s number. He’s waiting for your call, so don’t worry about calling him as soon as we hang up,” Jake said as Luis tuned back in to the conversation. “He’s an excellent labor and employment lawyer, and his husband’s a civil rights lawyer.”
“Is that going to be necessary?” Darius asked.
“It might be an avenue to investigate depending on how the airline reacts. You’re a gay Black man—if the airline doesn’t support you, it’s something to look at. Especially depending on how they treat the other attendant who was involved. In addition, Ry says you should be prepared for the FBI to get involved. An assault on an airplane is murky jurisdiction at best, but the FBI usually handles it rather than local law enforcement because airlines are regulated at the federal level.”
“Shit,” Luis said. The idea of the FBI being involved scared the shit out of him.
Darius glanced down at him and gave his hand a squeeze, but it didn’t help the cold that washed over him.
“How much is this going to cost?” Darius asked. “I’ve got some money saved, but—”
“I’ll help, cari?o,” Luis interrupted at the same time Jake said not to worry about it.
“Ry works pro bono,” he said.
“How the hell can he afford to do that?” Darius asked.
Jake chuckled. “Dude’s loaded. Not to mention his husband’s pretty well-off as well, and Ry makes a pretty penny as an expert witness in conversion therapy cases.”
“Shit,” Darius said, and Luis nodded in agreement.
“Yeah. So, you don’t need to worry about his fees.” Jake paused. “I know it’s going to be small comfort, but we all know you didn’t do what this woman is claiming. We’ve seen the videos. You were in a dangerous situation, and she had a weapon. You did your job and ensured the safety of the passengers on board and the entire flight crew, as well as yourself and this woman. Try to remember that you are a hero, Darius. Micah said he couldn’t have done it better himself, and he’s going to be talking more about this in his trainings.”
“Would it help if I quit?” Darius asked, then shushed Luis when he started to protest.
Darius quit flying? Luis couldn’t imagine what it would be like if Dar left this business. What would he do instead? What would Luis do if Dar quit? He was so caught up in his own panicked thoughts that he was barely aware of the end of their conversation until he heard Darius say goodbye.
“Would you really quit?” Luis asked.
“I don’t know,” Darius answered without looking at him. He was staring at some point on the wall, the hand holding Luis’ clutching tight, and shaking his head. “Maybe?”
“But you love flying.”
That finally got Darius to look at him, and a small smile flickered at the corners of Darius’ mouth.
“No, chico, it was never flying that I loved. It was you. I started flying because you did.” He shrugged. “I didn’t have any other ideas of what to do after school, so it seemed like as good a choice as any.” Darius brought Luis’ hand to his lips and kissed it. “And it kept me close to you.”
Tears welled in Luis’ eyes, and he swallowed hard. “I had no idea.”
“Why would you? I enjoyed what I was doing, but it was always about being with you in any way I could be.”
“Cari?o,” Luis breathed out and rose up on his knees, then straddled Darius’ lap. He cradled Darius’ face between his hands. “Mi cari?o. Mi único amor. Te amo.” It was overwhelming how much Luis felt for this man. “All these years, I thought I knew what it was to love you,” he said as he lowered his mouth to Darius’. “I had no idea.”
“Chico…” Darius whispered in the moment before their mouths met, and Luis felt the rush of Darius’ breath as they opened to each other.
For all the times they’d kissed in the past twenty-four hours, this time, it was completely new and uncharted territory for Luis. It wasn’t about sexual desire at all but a meeting of hearts and souls, of love given expression through their bodies. A coming together in perfect harmony and synchrony. It was sublime. It was beautiful. And it broke Luis’ heart a bit that they had kept this part of themselves hidden from each other. But in the next moment, those broken pieces mended, and Luis felt himself put back together by the knowledge that Darius would love him for forever.
The kiss gradually came to an end as they rested their foreheads against each other. Then Luis started to laugh as he realized they were both still naked. “Oh my God,” he said. “I’m so glad that wasn’t a video call.”
Darius’ laughter was joyous—a miracle in this dark moment—and Luis started to feel as if everything was going to be all right. They’d make it through this together because there was no way Luis wasn’t going to be by Darius’ side every step of the way.
***
After they showered, Luis ordered pizza because they were hungry, and there was nothing in the house to eat. Darius texted the lawyer to ask if he could call at eight and was told eight thirty would be better so he and his husband could get their kids to sleep.
Luis’ head had finally cleared from his earlier margarita binge, and he was sticking to water for the rest of the night while Darius opened a beer as they settled on the couch to watch TV until the pizza arrived. They had a moment of amusement as they took up their usual positions on opposite sides of the couch. Luis extended his legs and put his feet in Darius’ lap, and Darius immediately began rubbing them, then paused. They both looked at Luis’ feet, then at each other, and cracked up.
“God, we were idiots,” Luis said because it was so clear now why other people had always seen them as a couple.
Darius held his arms open, and Luis shifted until he was lying against Darius’ chest, those arms wrapped around him. He tilted his face up for a kiss, which Darius gave without hesitation.
“I love you, chico.”
Snuggling deeper into the crook of Darius’ arm, Luis hummed. “Love you, too.”
They were still trading kisses—the TV forgotten and still dark—when the sound of a key in the lock made them pick up their heads and look toward the front door.
“Greg or Ricky?” Luis asked.
Darius shook his head. “No idea. That schedule is so out of date, it’s impossible to know where anyone is.” He frowned. “Except for me, of course, for who knows how long.”
“Hey, it’ll be fine. This will work out.”
“You don’t know—”
The sound of the door opening interrupted him, and then Greg’s voice asking, “You guys decent?”
“Define decent,” Luis said.
“Clothed,” Greg said as he emerged from the entranceway. “No dangly bits on display. Strictly PG. Nothing that would shock your parents.”
“Since my mom walked in on me and a football player and all she did was remind us to be careful, you might have to amend that last restriction,” Darius said as Greg leaned over the back of the couch to kiss his cheek.
Greg laughed while Luis asked which football player it had been as he accepted his own kiss from Greg.
“Wouldn’t you like to know, chico.” Darius mimed locking his lips and laughed when Luis swatted at his shoulders.
“It was Mateo, wasn’t it? I know you had a crush on him.”
“Not telling,” Darius said.
“Fine. I’m still going to imagine you with Mateo because that would have been fricking hot.”
Shaking his head, Greg grinned at them. “Nice to see that things are going well here.” He flopped down in one of the purple armchairs Luis had gotten a few years before at an estate sale. “Congratulations, you two.”
Darius raised his beer to Greg. “Thank you.”
“Seriously, though, are you doing all right?”
The question sucked the air from Luis’ lungs, but when he looked at Darius, it hadn’t seemed to faze him at all as he brought Greg up to date on where things stood.
“FBI? Seriously?”
“I’ll know more after I talk to the lawyer. At the moment, I’m trying not to think about it.”
“And I’m helping to distract him,” Luis said with a coy wink, trying to be lighthearted but feeling as if he couldn’t quite mask his anxiety. He wanted the conversation to shift away but knew it was all any of them were going to be thinking about for as long as it took the situation to come to a resolution.
“You excel at being a distraction, sweetheart,” Greg deadpanned.
“Thank you.”
“I don’t think he meant that as a compliment, chico.”
Luis pouted and pretended to glare at Greg. “Is this why you came back from San Francisco, so you could make fun of me?”
“Naw. Came back because I caught a flight to DC tomorrow.” Greg sighed. “This bicoastal shit is getting old, and I’m starting to not know if I’m coming or going, but we’re gonna have to delay finding a place in Denver for a bit because of Holden’s schedule.”
“And you’re sure he’s the one?” Luis asked.
“When you know, you know, right?” Greg paused a beat, then grinned at them. “Maybe not in your cases.”
“Hey! We knew, we just didn’t tell each other what we knew.”
“Don’t get my boyfriend’s temper up,” Darius warned. “He’s a hot-blooded Latino, and he knows where you sleep.”
“You say the sweetest things.” Luis lifted his face for a kiss, and Darius obliged. When they both looked at Greg again, he was smiling.
“I’m really happy for the two of you.” He stood up. “Okay. Shower, then food.”
“We’ve got pizza coming,” Darius told him.
“Awesome. Ricky around this week?”
“Not at the moment.” Darius shrugged. “I’ve got no idea where he is or when we should expect him back.”
“Sounds about right,” Greg said as he returned to the entranceway to get his flight bag.
The pizza arrived while Greg was showering, but no one in the condo ever stood on ceremony. Darius and Luis brought three plates to the table, along with parmesan cheese, red pepper flakes, and garlic powder and dug in. At least, Luis did. Darius took one slice, took a couple of bites, and poked at the crust.
“I thought you were hungry.” Luis put his half-eaten slice back on his plate.
“I was.” Darius shifted in his seat. “I think I need to call Ry and get it over with.”
“Okay.” He tried to muster a reassuring smile, but he knew it came out weak and unsure. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”
Darius’ expression softened, and he reached out to cup Luis’ chin. “I will always need you, chico. Don’t doubt that.” Then he dialed the number Jake had texted him and put it on speaker.
The call connected, and a voice said, “This is Ry Carlton-Lee,” and then a sudden wail from a young child came over the phone so loud both Luis and Darius winced. “Hang on,” the voice on the other end said. “Hey, Cart? Cart? Xian needs you.” The homey sounds of family chaos issued from Darius’ phone, and Luis heard the distinctly shrill voice of a young girl as well as the distressed cries of a toddler, followed by a masculine voice trying to comfort and contain the din while Ry said, “Hello? Is this Darius? Sorry about that. Xian’s learning to walk and his sister was trying to help. It didn’t go well.”
“I can call you back if it’s not a good time.”
“It’s fine. Just give us a moment to regain control.”
Darius looked at Luis and shook his head. “We are never having children,” he whispered, and Luis laughed, thrilled that Darius felt he had to clarify this point.
“Won’t get an argument from me,” Luis whispered back. “Not unless you knock me up.”
That comment made Darius grin. “Want me to start using protection, chico?”
“Not on your life, cari?o.”
Their joking was interrupted by more indistinct sounds of adult voices, and then Ry’s muffled voice said, “Okay, hon, thank you.” A deep exhale. “All right. The children have been wrangled. Let’s talk about this shitstorm you’ve landed in the middle of.”
“Thank you for taking my call,” Darius said. He reached out for Luis’ hand and squeezed hard as soon as Luis took hold of it.
“Jake said you’ll be able to help,” Luis blurted.
“What I’ll be able to do is make sure Darius isn’t forced into an agreement that goes against his best interests,” Ry said. “But am I right in assuming that I’m also speaking with Luis Herrera?”
“That’s correct.”
“No offense, Luis, but it would be best if Darius and I speak privately first.”
“What?” Luis protested. “Why?”
“It’s okay, chico,” Darius murmured at the same time Ry explained that he needed to find out what Darius had said to other people, and then he’d talk to Luis about what Darius had told him about the incident.
Darius got up from the table, kissed Luis, and walked toward the bedroom as he told Ry he was going to another room. Luis’ anxiety spiked again as he watched Darius walk away, and he hated that this special time between them was being polluted by this issue. Of course, Luis reminded himself, he also had something to talk to Darius about that might very well poison their relationship as well. He’d promised Paul that he’d tell Darius everything about the night of Marissa’s party and what Andrés had done, but how could he do that with everything Darius had on his shoulders?
Luis was so deep in his thoughts and worry that he didn’t notice Greg sliding into a chair at the table until he took a slice of pizza from the box.
“You doing okay?” Greg asked.
“Not really.” Luis put his elbows on the table and rested his forehead in his hands. “I hate that this is happening to him. It’s freaking me out. It’s been such a roller coaster for the past couple of days, and I’m doing my best to hold it together, to be strong for him because he’s always been the one who’s taken care of me, and—” A sob broke from Luis’ mouth as tears welled in his eyes.
Greg was out of his seat in a flash and kneeling in front of Luis, hands on Luis’ knees. “Breathe, honey. Just breathe.”
Taking deep breaths helped calm him slightly.
“Better?” Greg asked, and Luis nodded. “I know you think you’re not strong, but no one else thinks that at all. I definitely don’t. You’re one of the bravest, strongest people I know.”
Luis wiped at his eyes and blinked at Greg. Only a few years separated them in age, but Greg had always seemed more mature than Luis could imagine being. Case in point: Greg’s beautiful silver fox of a boyfriend, who worked for the fricking military teaching fighter pilots how to fly billion-dollar planes. Someone like Holden didn’t fall in love with a guy who didn’t have it all together.
“I’m not,” Luis said. “What Darius did was brave. That woman could have hurt him, or he could have gotten injured because of the turbulence. But he did it.”
“Bravery isn’t about physical risk, sweetheart. I see you being brave every day because you are out there being who you are, no matter what anyone says to you. You own your sexuality in a way I’m just learning to. And taking a risk with Darius? That’s fighting for what you want.”
Drawing in a shaky breath, Luis let it out with a rueful laugh. “I didn’t mean to tell him. I was so scared when I saw those videos and then so relieved he was okay that I blurted it out. It was an accident.”
There was a momentary pause as they met each other’s gaze, and then they started laughing for real. Greg rose up on his knees and hugged Luis. “Oh, honey, that’s still being brave because you didn’t back away from it. You owned it because it was what you wanted. Tell me I’m wrong.”
“I don’t feel very brave right now. Or strong,” Luis whispered. “I’m scared shitless. I love him so much, and I don’t want to lose him. Not now. Not when we’re finally together.”
“I know. The timing sucks, but I know it’ll work out in the end.”
“I wish I felt that sure. Maybe then I could be the rock Darius needs me to be for him.”
“I don’t think Darius needs you to be anything other than what you’ve always been.”
Greg stroked Luis’ hair, and Luis found it comforting. It wasn’t the same as when Darius held him—not even when they’d been pretending their relationship was platonic—but it helped. Eventually, Luis felt like he could breathe again and told Greg he could let go.
“You sure, sweetheart?”
“I am. Thanks.”
“No worries.” Greg stood up and returned to his seat. He picked up the slice of pizza he’d abandoned to comfort Luis and made a face at the cold and congealed cheese on top.
Luis stood and held out his hand for Greg’s plate. “I’ll heat it up for you.”
“It’s okay. I’ll do it. That way, I can grab a beer from the fridge while I wait.”
Turning in his seat, Luis watched Greg head into the kitchen and put his slice in the microwave.
“Travesty,” he said. “At least warm it up in the toaster oven.”
“That takes too long.”
They chatted about mundane things—how San Francisco had been, what Holden was up to, where they thought Ricky might go when he wasn’t flying or at the condo—but all the while, Luis was listening for Darius’ voice, hoping to get a clue about the conversation happening in the bedroom. So far, he hadn’t heard even a whisper. No raised voices. No shouts of anger. No indication of frustration. Was that a good sign? Or was the situation so dire Darius had resigned himself to the worst outcome?
“What was that?” Luis had been so preoccupied he’d only caught the tail end of something Greg was saying about how effortlessly Holden had accepted all of him and his baggage.
Greg raised an eyebrow at Luis. “I knew you weren’t listening to me,” he said, but his tone was kind and slightly amused.
“I am. I just got a bit distracted for a moment.”
“Uh-huh. I could tell.”
Luis dipped his fingers into his water and flicked droplets at Greg. Then he rolled his eyes at himself. The paragon of maturity right here, he was. Of course, Luis had an idea what kind of baggage Greg was talking about. Ricky might not be open to sharing his history—demonstrated by the fact that they’d only learned he grew up in Seattle the day before Luis had left for Brussels—but there weren’t many secrets between himself and Greg.
He knew how difficult Greg’s HIV status made it for him to find relationships, and the lingering pain and resentment at his infection by a selfish asshole of a boyfriend. Add in his asexuality, and it had made for some challenging dynamics until Holden swept their reserved and diffident roommate off his feet. Now, Luis could tell whenever Greg got a message from his boyfriend by the way he smiled and the soft tone his voice took on as he disappeared into his room for more privacy. And when Holden was in LA? Greg was nothing but smiles. At least while he was around. Most of the time, as soon as Holden arrived, the two of them were holed up in some hotel room.
While Luis had never been as forthcoming about Andrés, he’d said enough that he was sure Greg had a pretty good idea what was what. The conversation with Paul on the flight to Brussels had reminded Luis that his history wasn’t unique, and he was pretty sure Greg shared something similar in his past as well, even though he’d never spoken openly about it.
“You asked me how I brought up my past with Holden,” Greg said. “But then your eyes kind of got unfocused, so I knew you weren’t listening to me.”
“Sorry,” Luis said. “I wish I could be in the room with him. This whole situation is ridiculous and infuriating. He’s a fucking hero.”
“I know, hon. And I know you want to be there for him, but Ry’s right. They need to talk privately. He and Jake are concerned about what Darius might have said to the corporate lawyers this morning and what he may have said to you or anyone else that could possibly deviate from what he told them.”
“Ry’s good?” Luis asked.
“From what Jake said, absolutely. Ry’s been in employment law since he finished his JD, and his husband, Cart, works with Human Rights Watch. Oh my God, and their kids are absolutely adorable. Mei’s a sweetheart, and Xian is a little hellraiser, but the two of them make being parents look so easy…” Greg shrugged.
“Tell me you are not thinking about kids!”
Biting his lower lip, Greg nodded. “Kind of. They did this really cool surrogacy thing with Ry’s sister, so the kids are actually half siblings with Jen’s daughter, and they look like a perfect blend of Ry and Cart. I’d love to do that if my sister were willing. Getting to have a little Holden running around? Someone to teach how to ride and ski? I’d love that.”
The dreamy look in Greg’s eyes had Luis feeling slightly jealous, even though he was pretty firm in his resolve not to have kids. Though, he had to admit, he never thought he’d be in a position to have them with Darius, so maybe… In the blink of an eye, Luis felt his idea of what the future might look like expand to include possibilities he’d never thought of before.
“That would be cool,” he said, and Greg nodded.
“But first, Holden and I have to be based in the same city. That’s our next step. How’s it going with you and Darius on the relationship front?”
Luis smiled. “It’s good.” The smile broadened to the point Luis’ cheeks started to hurt. “I love him. I always have. And it keeps catching me by surprise that I get to have him the way I’d always dreamed of but never thought I could.” As quickly as it had bloomed, the smile faded. “I only hope I don’t screw it up.”
“You won’t.”
Luis tried to take comfort in the confidence Greg expressed in those two words, but he shook his head. “I don’t know.” He nodded toward the bedroom. “Being the grounded and steady one has never been my strength.”
Sliding another piece of pizza onto his plate, Greg shook his head. “As I said, you’re stronger and braver than you think. Just keep being who you are, and you’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, but…” Luis waved his hand in the air, trying to indicate all the past shit that got in the way of him feeling like he could be what Darius needed, and hoped Greg understood without him having to fully explain it.
Greg nodded. “I get it. You know what I said before about how easily Holden accepted my sexuality and HIV status? He told me he never thinks of them as limitations or something he has to get beyond or accept in order to love me because they’re a part of what makes me who I am, and he loves me . Those things you’re worried about, they don’t make you less than perfect, they just make you who you are, and Darius already loves everything about you.”
Taking a deep breath, Luis nodded. “Paul said something similar while we were in Brussels.”
“Then maybe you should start believing what people are telling you.” Greg took a big bite of his pizza, chewed, and swallowed. “How is he? I haven’t flown with him since Holden and I got together. I kind of miss his mother hen routine with the younger FAs.”
Luis laughed, and they spent the next half hour or so trading stories about the older flight attendant, while Luis turned over everything they’d talked about. He’d almost resolved that he would tell Darius about Andrés as soon as he could when Darius emerged from the bedroom. One look at his grim expression, and Luis knew he couldn’t burden Darius with this right now. They needed to get through this crisis, and then, he vowed, he’d tell Darius everything.