13. Luis
Chapter thirteen
Luis
Luis woke with what felt like a hangover, but he knew he hadn’t had enough to drink the night before to cause one. His eyes were gritty, his head felt stuffed with cotton, and he had a headache that pulsed in time with his heartbeat. He was also alone in the bed, which didn’t feel right, though it took him a moment to remember exactly why. His body flooded with warmth as he remembered being inside Darius’ body, and he shivered at the memory of the powerful orgasm that followed, of the sound of Darius’ voice as he climaxed, the feel of his incredible body tensing around him, and the knowledge that he’d given Darius that much pleasure.
If Darius had still been in bed, Luis would have wanted him all over again, but he wasn’t, and that was worrisome. Luis got out of bed, pulled on a pair of shorts, and went to find his best friend, his lover, his cari?o.
Luis found him outside on the balcony, a mug of coffee by his side that had sat so long it was topped by a milky film.
“How long have you been up?”
“A few hours.” Darius didn’t turn around to look at him, so Luis had no idea about his expression, but if he was going by voice alone to gauge Darius’ mood, something was troubling him. It was early enough the sunlight was still weak, colors washed out, and a slight chill made Luis’ skin pebble, which meant Darius had been awake since before dawn.
“You all right?”
A shrug of his shoulders. “You had a nightmare, chico.”
Luis’ mouth went dry, and he swallowed hard. “It happens.” Even to his own ears, his voice sounded thin, brittle, scared.
“Yeah. It does. Since the night of Marissa’s party, the night Andrés drugged you. He hurt you, didn’t he?”
Luis turned away, but Darius put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Tell me, chico, please?”
“I was, Dar. I swear, I was going to tell you when I got back from Brussels, but then everything happened with that woman, and…” Was this the moment he was going to lose Darius? Luis couldn’t fight the panic that rose like a tidal wave in his chest. “I’m so scared I’m going to lose you.”
“Chico.” Darius was on his feet and pulling Luis into his arms. “I’m not angry with you.”
“No?”
“No. Never. You don’t owe me or anyone else this…information. Not even now. I’ll admit I’m confused and hurt you didn’t trust me enough to tell me, but mostly, I’m fucking furious at Andrés for causing you this much pain.”
Luis stiffened at the anger in Darius’ voice, and fought his own flight response especially when Darius asked if that was why Andrés kept coming around.
“It’s always money he’s after,” Luis said, his voice small. “He knows I’ll give it to him because he scares the shit out of me.” Despite his best efforts to act strong, Luis began to tremble. “I just want him to leave me alone.”
“I know.”
Darius’ hands on his head, his back helped soothe Luis’ fear and anxiety, grounding him in a way nothing else did. The tension in his body bled away as Darius continued to soothe him with gentle touches and soft words.
“Can we go inside, Dar? I want to tell you what happened.” Even as he said it, Luis started to shake again, but it wasn’t because of the chill air.
“Anything you want, chico.” Darius leaned down and kissed him. “I meant what I said. You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“I know. But I want to tell you.”
“Then I want to listen.”
They left the balcony and reentered the condo.
“Bedroom or living room?” Darius asked.
“Is anyone else home?”
“Nope. I found a note in the kitchen from Greg. He flew out last night. I guess we were too preoccupied to find it. I’ve got no idea where Ricky is.”
Luis nodded and rubbed his hands together, trying to warm them up. Even though he’d thought about telling Darius, he hadn’t actually figured out what he was going to say. The one thing he did know was that he didn’t want this conversation to take place in the bedroom. That was a sacred place he didn’t want fouled by the memories of what Andrés had done. It was bad enough he had nightmares; he didn’t want to give voice to what lived in his head in the space where he and Darius shared their hearts and bodies.
After he settled on the couch, Darius gathered the blanket and tucked it around his shoulders, a gesture so sweet and loving Luis nearly cried. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to keep the tears for long, so he told Darius to find a box of tissues.
“Anything else, chico?” Darius asked.
Luis tucked the blanket tighter around himself and shook his head, trying to figure out where to start. It would almost be easier to rip his heart out of his chest and hand it to Darius. But when Darius returned and asked if he could hold Luis, it all became much easier to figure out. Holding the blanket open, Luis gestured for Darius to join him.
“I meant what I told you a few days ago, cari?o. I have always loved you. I never wanted anyone but you, but it took me until the night of the party to figure out what that meant.” Luis took a deep breath. “I was so scared when I started to feel sick and knew something was wrong, which is why I went to my room to lie down.”
“Did you know Andrés had given you something?”
“I thought so, and that scared me even more because I had no idea what it could be. Or why. I was freaking out. But then you were there, and you told me it was Molly and that you’d stay with me and take care of me. You were so calm and wonderful, and that’s when I started to know what my feelings were about. And when we kissed…” Luis smiled and traced Darius’ lips with his fingers. “When we kissed, it was the best thing that had ever happened to me.”
Tears filled Luis’ eyes, overflowing onto his cheeks. “And then we fell asleep together. I felt so safe, so taken care of. Even though I was high, I was safe because you were there.”
“Always, chico,” Darius said, capturing Luis’ hand in his and raising it to his lips.
Luis entwined their hands, comforted by the warmth of Darius’ skin against his. “And then I went to the bathroom. You were still asleep, and I didn’t want to disturb you, so I crept out of my room and down the hall.” He shook his head. “I have no idea if Andrés had been waiting for me or if I had the worst timing in the world. I can’t believe he was waiting because Gabriella would have noticed, but anyway…”
Taking a deep breath, Luis closed his eyes but then opened them immediately because he didn’t want to see the memory play out. He fixed his gaze on Darius, meeting those dark and soulful eyes as steadily as he could. “He followed me in. I don’t remember being scared, at least not at first. Everything was kind of fuzzy by then, and I didn’t realize what he was doing until…” Luis wiped at his mouth with his free hand, surprised to find his face was wet.
“How bad did he hurt you, chico?” Darius whispered.
“Not bad. He didn’t rape me, just used my mouth.”
“Chico—”
“I know. I do, Dar, but I can’t go there, okay? Maybe…” Luis shook his head. “Whatever. I didn’t tell you because I thought you wouldn’t want me, and I was confused.”
“Confused about what?”
Luis nodded. “I hated it, hated what he did, how it made me feel. I was so fucking scared. I couldn’t imagine doing that with you or to you. He acted like he’d done me a favor, said I needed to learn…if…” Another snuffle. “I didn’t want to be gay after that, Dar. The thought of being with anyone, even you—”
“I want to kill him,” Darius said, his voice low and so dangerous it made Luis shiver.
“I know. But I don’t need him dead—I just need him to stay the hell away from me, and to get him out of my head.”
“I will do whatever you need me to, chico. I love you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to keep him from hurting you, but I’m so glad you’re brave enough to tell me.”
Luis let out a sound that was half-laughter, half-sob. “I don’t feel very brave right now.”
“Are you kidding me? Chico, you’ve been dealing with this on your own for the past twelve years—that takes some serious guts and courage. But now you don’t have to do this by yourself. I’m here. I will help in any way I can, I promise.”
Darius’ words unlocked something in Luis, and his tears began to flow as sobs racked through him. He felt Darius gather him in his arms, felt himself being shifted so he lay along Darius’ strong body, the whole time trying to stifle the upwelling of pain that overwhelmed him.
Through it all, Darius held him, soothed him, stroked his hair, petted and caressed him with gentle touches, telling him he was loved and safe and so, so brave and strong.
“You’re okay, chico,” Darius whispered, soft fingers threading through his hair. “I’ve got you. Let it all go, you’re safe.”
Those words only made Luis cry harder, as if a dam had broken inside of him. He couldn’t stop it even if he tried, and he was so tired of keeping this inside. It had poisoned him for too long, held too much power over him, so he let go. He put down the burden he’d been carrying for twelve years and let it pour out of him.
Gradually, he calmed and was able to breathe normally again. He picked his head up and stared at Darius through swollen eyes. “I’m sorry I lied to you all these years, cari?o.”
“About what, chico?”
“How I felt about you. About wanting to be with you.” Luis began to cry harder again.
“Shhhhh.” Darius stroked his face, wiping away the tears with his thumb. “I lied to you, too, chico. Every time I climbed into bed and held you, I lied about how much I loved you and wanted to be with you. Every time I told myself it was enough to be your best friend, I lied about how much you meant to me. You’ve got nothing to apologize for. We were protecting ourselves, that’s all.”
“Seems kind of stupid, though, protecting myself from someone I love, someone who loves me.”
“Yeah, but I don’t think I really understood what it meant to love you, to be in love with you, until this week. I thought I did, but, God, Luis, what I feel holding you now is so much more, so much bigger than I expected. I didn’t think it was possible to feel this way. I love you so much.”
Luis lifted his head, and Darius immediately brought their mouths together for a kiss that was both sweet and passionate. When they parted, Luis laid his head back on Darius’ chest and sighed.
“I’m so tired, Dar,” he said. “I feel like I’ve run a thousand miles.”
Darius chuckled softly. “I’m not going anywhere, chico. If you need to sleep, go ahead and sleep. I’ll be right here with you. I promise.”
“Okay.”
Luis drifted off, his brain going hazy with fatigue and the need to let his whirling thoughts settle. He wasn’t na?ve enough to think that confessing to Darius would put a stop to the nightmares and panic attacks, but as he dozed, Luis was aware of a calm, peaceful space in his chest that hadn’t existed prior to their conversation. It felt good. Solid. A measure of quiet he hadn’t experienced since the night of Marissa’s party.
When he woke, the condo was filled with light, and Darius’ chest rose and fell beneath him in a rhythm that told Luis he was asleep. Lifting his head slowly, Luis turned to take in Darius’ sleeping face and thought he’d never looked more gorgeous with dark stubble lining his mouth and jawline, his soft and plush lips slightly parted, dark eyelashes feathered against his cheeks. The sight warmed Luis, and he smiled at the ease in his best friend’s face as well as the surge of love that ran through his body.
All over again, Luis marveled at the way what he felt for Darius had a physical presence in his body. It wasn’t just a feeling like happiness or anger but something that inhabited every fiber of his being—something he was rather than felt—and as he watched Darius, he knew what he wanted. Darius was more than his best friend, already more than a boyfriend or even partner, had always been his soul twin, but this awareness, this craving Luis felt was about wanting something that would claim Darius as his in a way that was visible to everyone, that would bring the connection they shared into its full expression.
“I want to marry you,” Luis whispered. Saying the words out loud made them real, and Luis felt that warmth in his heart, that sense of peace, expand and fill him with joy.
“Are you proposing, chico?” Darius asked. His eyes were still closed, but the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth told Luis he’d been awake for a bit.
“Maybe. Are you saying yes?”
Darius opened his eyes, and his smile expanded. “If you ask, I’ll say yes.”
“Really?” Luis sat up.
“Yes. But you have to ask me.”
The question had seemed so simple when Luis was thinking it, but with Darius looking at him, Luis found it difficult to get the words past the lump in his throat. He swallowed, then took a deep breath.
“Darius Williams, will you marry me?”
“Absolutely.”
Luis grinned, then swatted at Darius’ shoulder. “You said you’d say yes.”
Laughing, Darius sat up. “Yes.” He kissed Luis. “Yes.” Another kiss. “Yes.”
They lingered over the third kiss, taking their time. Luis straddled Darius’ legs without breaking the kiss that deepened and became more demanding until they were both hard. Darius reached for Luis’ waistband, then paused and pulled back to catch Luis’ eye.
“Is this okay?” he asked.
“I’ve always felt safe with you, Dar, so don’t start treating me like I’m fragile, okay?” Luis reached down and put his hand on top of Darius’, sliding it beneath the elastic. “This is very okay. Especially for my fiancé.”
It took a bit of maneuvering, but they freed both their cocks, and then Darius licked his palm and took them both in hand. Luis groaned.
“Feel good, chico?”
“Absolutely,” Luis answered with a grin.
Darius stroked them together, his dampened palm growing rough as his spit dried but then gaining slickness as Luis leaked precum. He thrust against Darius’ hand, loving the slide against Darius’ dick, loving even more that they were going to be together forever.
“You’re going to marry me,” Luis said as he arched his back and rocked his hips.
“I am.” Darius grasped them more firmly, making Luis groan. “And you’re going to marry me.”
“Yes, I am.” Luis’ head fell back, and he thrust into Darius slick fist. “Fuuuck, that feels good, cari?o.”
“Hmmmm. It does.” Darius’ voice had turned low and filthy, a vibration Luis felt in his chest.
“Harder,” Luis whispered.
“Yeah.”
“More.”
“You’re greedy today,” Darius said, but he worked their cocks faster with one hand while his other trailed up Luis’ leg and around to his ass.
“I want you.”
“Want you, too.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, t—” Darius stiffened, his body tensing as Luis felt the first hot drops of his release. It toppled him over the edge into his own orgasm, crying out with the perfection of the moment.
They lay in each other’s arms, cum cooling between their bodies, nerves still sparking with aftershocks, muscles slowly recovering. Luis’ stomach growled first, immediately followed by Darius’, and they both laughed.
“We should probably shower and then have something to eat,” Darius said.
“I agree. And then I want to go shopping.”
“Shopping?” Darius asked as they disentangled themselves and rose from the couch.
“Obviously. I have a wedding to plan, and the first order of business is finding something fabulous for me to wear.”
Darius laughed. “How silly of me.”
Luis laughed along with him. There were serious matters they still needed to discuss, but Luis wanted to enjoy this elation, this sense of possibility and promise of future happiness, as long as he could. Shopping was his happy place, and he was only partly joking about getting started on what he was going to wear. It was impossible that he wouldn’t find something absolutely perfect today.
They made the rounds of Luis’ favorite stores at DTLA, but it wasn’t until they wandered into a pop-up gallery in one of the spaces that Luis found something that took his breath away. The gallery was showing the work of a local jeweler who was heavily influenced by mid-century modern design. Luis loved the clean lines and the simple inlays of teak and rosewood in many of the pieces. He fell in love with a necklace that had a cascade of rosewood disks in random diameters down the right side and a simple chain of gold links down the left. Even though it wasn’t something he would wear—and a thousand dollars to boot—he loved the look of it. It was exactly the kind of thing he wanted to have in his own shop. If he ever got his own shop.
“Chico?” Darius called from the opposite side of the gallery.
Luis joined him at a display case of smaller pieces. Earrings, bracelets, rings were displayed on clear Lucite shelves, but what caught Luis’ attention were the two rings Darius showed him. They were near matches, both gold with inlays of dark red polished rosewood, and both were substantial without being chunky or losing their elegance. The more delicate of the two had a single band of rosewood, while the larger had two with a central channel of black onyx.
“What do you think?” Darius asked him.
“For us?”
“Yeah, for us. You know it’s not real until you put a ring on it.” Darius leaned close. “And I want to be able to show it off. I want everyone to know I’m yours and you’re mine.”
Luis shivered at Darius’ words. “I hadn’t thought about rings,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
“No need to be sorry.” Darius nodded at the display. “What do you think?”
“I think we should try them on.”
The rings were a perfect fit, but it was the way their hands looked together while wearing them that made Luis tear up. He threw his arms around Darius’ neck. “I can’t believe we’re going to get married,” he said.
“When’s the happy day?” the guy who was helping them asked, and both Luis and Darius laughed.
“We don’t know yet,” Darius answered.
Luis wrinkled his nose. “I kind of sprung it on him this morning, so we haven’t talked about it.” He turned to Darius. “You know as soon as our mothers know, it’s going to be out of our hands, right?”
“I don’t even want to think about that.” Darius kissed him. “I want you all to myself for as long as I can.”
“Hmmmm. Same.” Luis kissed him back, and then they both turned toward the grinning cashier.
“I’m assuming you’re going to wear the rings, so you don’t want me to box them up for you.”
Silent communication passed between them as Luis looked at Darius. Did he want a more formal proposal? Did Luis? A romantic evening with flowers and candles at a great restaurant? A walk on the beach at sunset? Not really. What mattered most to Luis was that these rings would be a physical symbol of the commitment and connection he and Darius had shared from the moment they met. Their story was the romance, not any particular act.
“We’ll wear them,” Luis said and smiled when Darius nodded.
“Great. I love it when people connect so strongly with my pieces they don’t want to take them off.”
Luis was so taken with staring at Darius that he nearly missed what the cashier…no, wait, the artist had said. “You’re the jeweler?” he asked.
“I am.”
“Your work is gorgeous. That necklace is stunning, and these…” Luis held up his left hand. “Mid-century modern is my era, and these are absolutely perfect. How did you get started? And why mid-century modern?”
Luis was fascinated as the young man—Xander—told them his story and how he’d always been drawn to the bold design and clean lines of that era. “It’s simple and yet strong.”
“That’s what I love about it, too,” Luis said. “Some day, I want to have a shop for mid-century furniture. I’d love to have work like yours in it, and clothing, housewares, everything.”
“Yeah? You have inventory?”
“A bit. I go to estate sales to find pieces, and I’ve sold to some of the shops here and do some online sales. I don’t have a lot of storage space at the moment, so I don’t have a lot of stock, but I’ve got a good eye for what kinds of things are going to sell.”
Xander nodded, then reached for one of his cards and wrote a number on the back. “That’s my personal cell,” he said as he handed it to Luis. “We should talk more. I’ve got a couple of friends who design clothing, and we’ve been talking about opening a storefront. If you’re interested, give me a call, and I’ll set something up for us all to meet and discuss the possibilities.”
It was on the tip of Luis’ tongue to thank Xander and say he wasn’t quite ready to take that leap, but Darius spoke up first. “That sounds perfect,” he said. “I’ll make sure Luis gives you a call.”
Darius reached for Luis’ hand and gave it a squeeze. The feel of a ring pressing against his hand was unfamiliar, but reminded Luis that this was a magical moment. Maybe he shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss this idea, and he promised he’d call.
Once they were outside the gallery—and sufficiently far enough away that Xander wouldn’t hear—Luis pulled Darius to him.
“Don’t deny that you want a shop,” Darius said.
“I’m not. I was going to thank you for pushing me.” Luis shook his head. “I swear, it’s like I’m living in some kind of fantasy right now. You, us…” He lifted his left hand and stared at the ring, then waved back toward the gallery. “All of this. I know we’ve both got shit to deal with—and some of it is big, scary shit—and decisions to make, but right now, it’s absolutely perfect.”
Darius gathered Luis into his arms and kissed the heck out of him until Luis thought he might pass out from lack of oxygen in his lungs, not to mention blood going to his brain. When they parted, they didn’t let go of each other.
“You know, this is what love is about for me,” Darius said as they walked back toward Luis’ car. “Being there for the other person, knowing what they can become and making sure they’ve got the space and support to become it.”
“Not the screaming hot sex?” Luis teased and bumped his hip against Darius’ side.
“Naw. Not that I’ll ever say no to hot sex with you, chico. But that’s not it. I’ve always loved you, always wanted you to get what you want. I mean, I’m thrilled I’m who you want to be with, don’t get me wrong, but I would have been happy for you no matter who you ended up with. And it’s the same thing about your shop. I want that for you because it’s what you want, and you’re good at it. I’ll do anything to help you realize your dream.”
“And what about what you want, Dar? Because it’s not fair if you’re putting all this effort into what I want and not paying attention to your own dreams.”
Darius nodded. “I know. And I haven’t figured it out yet. This whole thing with the passenger has me thinking seriously about leaving the industry.”
Nodding, Luis realized the thought of Darius doing something other than flying didn’t scare him. He’d been horrified when Darius first said he was thinking about quitting because he didn’t want to lose that connection with his best friend, but now he knew that wouldn’t ever happen. Even more importantly, he wanted to be there for Darius, to help him figure out what to do next, to discover what he wanted to do.
“I’ll be right by your side, cari?o,” Luis said.
“I know you will, chico. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Luis brought Darius’ hand to his lips, then admired their rings. Knowing what they symbolized made a smile stretch across his face. “How do you want to tell our parents?” he asked.
“Sooner rather than later,” Darius answered with a laugh. “We’ve already let them find out we’re together from the internet. I think we’ll be disowned if they find out we’re going to get married the same way.”