17. Kiara
seventeen
Kiara
A fter confronting my dad, I went home and told Mom, as gently as I could. Sat her down and told her what I’d seen and that I knew she wouldn’t believe me, but she had to, it was the truth, and that I loved her.
“She got so angry at me,” I whisper to the window, so low I feel Colton lean over to listen. I turn my head and make a painful effort to speak out. “She knew. All along she knew. And now she was accusing me of destroying everything. Because I’d opened my big fat mouth, is what she said.”
“I-I’m still not following,” Colton says.
“I know.” I take a deep breath. It took me a while too—to process this. “Turns out, my mom was having an affair with a married man. When she got pregnant with us—listen to this—Mom said he was so good as to not leave her. Even promised to take care of us. Made up some work excuse with his other wife to spend half his time with us.” I snort at how Mom had put it. “She said he’d sacrificed himself for us. Bent over backward to give us a normal family. That I should have been grateful. But instead, I had ruined everything. Because I had opened my big fat mouth. Made a scene , apparently.”
I’m angry that tears are forming in my eyes again, just telling the story. This isn’t how it was supposed to go. I’m only trying to let Colton know why I ended up having trust issues with men. It has to be because I saw my mother again. It reopened old wounds.
“My dad never came back. So of course I took the blame.”
Colton’s voice is coarse when he asks, “What happened then?”
“I left home the morning of my eighteenth birthday. Didn’t see any of’em until Gramps died. Saw them at the funeral. Eloise asked us to make up. So we pretended. For her.”
He reaches for my hand and I let him take it. “I’m sorry.” He gives it a squeeze.
“Now you know why they hate me. I burst their ugly little bubble.” Shifting in my seat, I connect my music app to the truck’s radio. “The worst part is, the older I get, the more I can understand her side. Life isn’t always black and white. I get it, but I’m not her. I’m never compromising.”
I force a chuckle. “Just thought you should know why…” My stomach feels knotted as I try to push the words out my mouth. I free my hand from Colton’s and stare out the window. Without physical contact with him, if feels easier to express myself. “…why I’m broken in a lot of ways.” Why I’m still a virgin at twenty-six years old. “And why having you as a friend is more important than anything else to me.”
He laces his arm around my neck and brings me softly to him. Eyes still on the road, he kisses the crown of my head. “I’ll always be your friend, no matter what.” Then he releases me, and I’m left wondering what this what could possibly be.
“When you break a bone,” he says after a while, “it grows back stronger. To protect you from another break. I never thought you were broken…” he starts with a glance my way, the shadow of a smile playing on his lips, “but I always wondered why you were trying to protect yourself so hard.” Eyes back on the road, he adds, “Now I know.”
And his smile spreads out, warming my own core, making me feel incredibly light and carefree.
I should have told him all this so much earlier.