Chapter 28
My eyes burn from the lack of sleep; every blink feels like sandpaper against my lids, and my body feels no better. It’s a sluggish feeling, as if I’m hungover. At this moment, I regret taking this early morning order. Even though it’s not so early. I’m usually awake at this time.
But I got no sleep, so dragging myself out of bed at six in the morning feels like a chore. When I do drop-offs like these, I make myself more presentable. I can’t walk into a corporate office with skintight leggings and a sports bra. What would that say about my business?
Even with the amount of makeup I put on, I couldn’t hide the bags under my eyes. I hope no one thinks I’m hungover because my eyes are bloodshot. Even though I feel like I drank.
Zayn never came home last night. He didn’t call me or text me to even let me know where he was.
The amount of willpower it took for me to not call or text him was unbearable.
Every minute that passed felt like an hour.
My fingers hovered over my phone more times than I could count.
The urge to know where he was kept me up all night.
Every time I would doze off, I would wake up frantic, as if I missed a call or text from him—but nothing came.
I held back, staring at my phone all night, with a heavy heart.
There are two ways to get on the freeway from my house.
One way passes his work, and the other passes the gym.
I sit staring at my garage door as it goes down, wondering which way I should take.
Either way is stupid because it’s too early for him to be at work.
He left the house last night in his work clothes, so he doesn’t have clothes to wear to the gym.
I take a deep breath because my mind is running crazy.
I’ve never been one to overthink like this.
Fuck, no wonder men call their partners crazy when they ask if they’re cheating. Because it literally makes you crazy.
I decide to take the way past his work since the GPS said it’s the fastest. I wish I had left sooner than I did so I could stop and get a coffee. My yawns are nonstop at this point.
The morning rush hour is so chaotic, making me grateful I stopped the nine-to-five.
After dropping off the muffins, I feel like it went well.
Everyone was lost in the preparations for their meeting.
They probably didn’t even notice my bloodshot eyes.
I sit in the parking lot, watching people drive in, park, and rush off into the office.
I don’t know if I’m sitting here because I’m exhausted or because I don’t want to go home.
A home that doesn’t quite feel like home right now.
Violet: Hey are you working?
I text Rya to see if, by a miracle, she isn’t working. I should go home and work myself, but I can’t bring myself to go home right now.
I lean my head back on my seat. I put on RUFUS DU SOL to see if it will help calm my body and mind. Even though it’s not meditation music, there is something about his music that hits just right. Right as I close my eyes, a ping comes through my phone.
Rya: You’re in luck! I didn’t go in today.
Rya: What are you doing?
Violet: Sitting outside an office building.
A sharp vibration buzzes against my hand, followed by my ring tone. I glance at the screen to see Rya calling me.
That was quick.
“Hey,” I say.
“What are you doing outside an office building?” she asks. The sound on the other end of the phone is dead silent. Makes me wonder what she’s doing.
“I had an order to drop off and I don’t want to go home, so I’ve been sitting her contemplating my life,” I say with a sigh.
“Oh, no, what’s going on?” She pauses for a moment but before I can say anything, she says, “Come over and we can talk. There is something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about, anyway.”
My chest tightens with those words. Dread floods my body. What now is all I can think?
And then it hits me.
Does she know something I don’t?
“So, what’s going on?” Rya asks as she sits on top of her feet on the couch, handing me a mimosa.
My brows raise at the alcohol on a weekday. I haven’t drunk alcohol on a weekday in a while. With the lack of sleep and work I have to do later, I say, “No, thanks.”
Her eyes widen, eyebrows shooting up as her mouth falls open. “You’re no fun anymore. You know that?”
I lean my head against the couch pillow, feeling the softness sink my head down further. “Rya, I didn’t come over here to be ridiculed about my decisions. I still have work to do.” I raise my head up. “Why aren’t you at work?”
She shifts her gaze away from me. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about?”
I let out an undetectable sigh. Thank God it isn’t about anyone cheating. Unless she’s cheating and Ezra found out and so now, she isn’t going to work. Oh God, I need to stop this overthinking. “What is it? Is it bad?” Because if it’s bad, I want to prepare myself.
“No. Why would it be bad?”
“I don’t know. What is it?”
She clears her throat. “So, I know your business is doing well right now.” She narrows her gaze at me. “What would you say if I came to work for you? That’s if you need an employee. But with how busy you’ve been, I feel like you do,” she says with a slight smile.
This wasn’t what I was expecting. I never thought about letting her work for me.
The last time I helped her get a job where I was working at, she made me look bad by the lack of work she would do, showing up late or calling in all the time.
They fired her and I was so embarrassed.
I told myself I would never help someone get a job again.
Her working for me, I’m sure, won’t go well. I can see her taking advantage of it since I’m her best friend. “Um, I’m actually not looking to hire anyone right now. I haven’t even thought about hiring someone, to be honest.”
She takes a sip of her mimosa, nodding her head. “I understand.”
Her understanding is unusual. She usually insists on getting her way with everything, so her not trying to convince me feels strange. “Are you looking for a new job?”
She sighs. “I hate working a nine-to-five. I’m getting so sick of this corporate bullshit.” She takes a sip of her drink. “I wish I had a talent like you so I could start something of my own.”
“You have talent to start something.”
“Like what?”
I open my mouth to say something, but the words feel tangled in the air, leaving me speechless.
“See. Nothing,” she says.
I shake my head. “No. I’m sure there is something.” I pause and look her over. “I’m so out of it right now. I didn’t sleep at all last night, so I can’t think straight.”
She crosses her legs in front of her, leaning forward as if she can’t wait to hear what I have to say.
“Zayn didn’t come home last night,” I blurt out, changing the subject.
Her eyes dart toward me in surprise. “He… He didn’t?” she stutters.
I shake my head.
She bites her lip and starts fidgeting in her seat. “Where was he?” she asks in shock.
“I don’t know.” My voice is flat.
Her forehead creases as she looks at me. “Well, what made him not come home?”
I shrug my shoulder, shaking my head. “He thinks I’m cheating on him.”
Her jaw drops. “What?” she says in a high-pitched voice. “That’s crazy. Why does he think that?”
“You’ll never believe why?” I say, shaking my head before letting it fall back on the cushion.
“Why? Tell me.” She leans in closer.
“He saw me and Ez at a coffee shop talking, and he now thinks we’re sleeping together.” I raise my head to see her facial expression to get an idea if she cares or not.
Her face falls. “Oh.” The sound in her voice doesn’t seem like she cares at all.
“So, it doesn’t bother you?”
Her lips go thin. “No. Why would it? We’re all best friends—right?” she says with a slight smile.
I can’t wrap my head around why Zay thinks I would sleep with Ezra then.
Rya doesn’t seem to think that we would.
Why Zay? Ezra and I have been close for years, so have Rya and Zayn, and I would never think those two would be together.
Is it really stress, or something deeper?
Rya didn’t even flinch when I told her what he accused me of.
Why can’t he see what everyone else sees?
“Yeah. I don’t get it. But then you’ll never guess what Cat said,” I say, my arms crossing around my chest as if it will help the chest pain I might feel from this conversation.
“Our hairdresser?” She raises an eyebrow in question.
I nod as I run my hand through my hair, feeling the tension rise. “I told her everything that’s been going on between me and Zay and she thinks he might be cheating on me.”
She flickers her gaze at me. “Well…” She pauses. “Why would you even tell her what has been going on between you two?”
The pang in my chest rises like I knew it would, not at what the conversation I thought we would have, but at her response. “I don’t know. It felt right to.”
“Well, that kind of seems like your fault for thinking he’s cheating, since you let her put that into your head.”
That feels like a slap in the face. “You act like you don’t tell her everything about your life.”
Her posture stiffens as she crosses her arms, as if she’s offended. “Well…you’re letting her plant these stupid thoughts into your head.”
“I never said I thought he was cheating on me. I only said she thinks it.” I narrow my gaze at her with my brows raised.
Her eyes waver around me. “Oh.” She chuckles. “Well, don’t let her make you think that. Zay would never cheat on you,” she says reassuringly.
I move away from her slightly, feeling more confused at this conversation the more it goes on. Is it the lack of sleep or can I not comprehend fully what she thinks? I thought coming here would help ease my thoughts, but it did the opposite.
“Think about it. He’s not only your husband, but your best friend. You’ve been friends with him since you two were kids. We’ve all been best friends since we were kids. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt you before you guys got married, so why would he be the one to hurt you?”
Her words echo in my mind. She has a point. Zayn was always there to defend me in school, never letting anyone hurt me with their words, let alone hurt me physically. So why would he be the one to hurt me now?
We’ve been through so much together. He’s the person I trusted to have my back since we were kids. I rub my forehead, trying to clear my thoughts. Is it me overthinking this? Maybe Rya is right and I’m the one hurting us by not taking what he’s going through seriously.