Chapter 33
I can’t help but think about the recent months until the conversation with Rya yesterday.
It makes my heart sink, thinking about whether it’s me that’s been a bad wife or friend.
I don’t want to be that kind of person, especially to the ones I love the most. The ones who have always been there for me.
But I can’t seem to think of anything I would have done.
I’ve replayed a lot over in my head and nothing came to mind.
Am I not aware of how I treat people? I thought about this all night and here I am the next morning, still thinking about it.
I’m jolted out of my thoughts by the doorbell ringing.
Again?
Is it Rya?
I rush to the door, swing it open, and see Ezra standing there in his mechanic clothes. He’s also a mechanic, like Zayn. He used to work at the same shop as Zayn, but he moved on to another shop while Zayn stayed back to keep working for the same guy he’s worked for since high school.
My stomach sinks at the sight of him. Did something happen? It’s not like him to stop by in the afternoon, unannounced. “Is everything okay?”
He steps into the house, brows raised. “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
He sways on his feet with his hands in his pockets.
“Yeah, I should have called, but I was around here and thought I would stop by.” He steps further into the house and then stops and pivots to face me.
“Don’t worry, I called Zayn before I came to make sure he wasn’t going to get upset if I stopped by without him here. ”
I scoff. “Oh, no.” I shake my head. “He should never have acted like that.”
Just like Rya did yesterday, Ezra takes a big sniff of the sweet smell lingering in the air.
He pulls out a chair and takes a seat in the kitchen.
“You want a chocolate chip cookie?” I ask, making my way to the kitchen.
“Duh. You know I can never turn down your sweets.”
I giggle, grabbing a glass of milk for him, too. Because I know that’s the way he likes his cookies, with a big glass of milk, to dunk them in.
“So, what’s up?” I take a seat across from him and lay out the cookies and his cup of milk for him. This is a good time for him to stop by. I get a chance to ask him what’s been running through my mind all morning.
“I know I’ve kept you hanging when it comes to Rya,” he says and sets his glass down after taking a sip. “She finally told me what’s been going on.”
I lean forward a little, brows raised. “What’s going on?”
“She lost her job.” He dunks his cookie into the milk.
I shift back into my seat, confused. “That’s it?
” I know losing a job is tough, no matter what kind it is.
And with Rya, she's always bounced from one job to another, trying out all sorts of things. Her most recent one was in property management. But even so, it’s hard to believe that losing this job would be enough to make her shopping addiction spiral further, especially since job changes have always been a part of her pattern.
He sighs. “There’s more.” He pauses. “She broke down and started crying when she told me. I’ve never seen her like this. I mean, we all know she job hops a lot. But she said she feels like she’s behind in life. She keeps comparing herself to you.”
“To me?” I say with furrowed brows.
He nods. “Because you run a successful business, yet she can’t find what she likes and hops around from job to job.”
That makes me really sad. I can’t help but feel a pang in my chest, realizing this is probably why Rya hasn’t wanted to come to me and tell me what’s been going on in her life.
All the changes I’ve seen make sense now.
She’s comparing herself to me. She shouldn’t be doing that.
I never wanted her to feel like she had to live up to some standard. She’s her own person.
“How long has she not had a job?” I ask.
“She lost it after Vegas.”
That was a couple of months ago. I did notice a slight change in her behavior after that. “What has she been doing this whole time?”
He looks at me with dread in his eyes. “Take a wild guess?”
My lips parts. “No.”
He nods his head. “She’s been so depressed about it she shops.”
“Did you see her leave for work?” I say work as I curl my fingers in air quotes.
He bites his lips. “Yup.” He leans back into his seat as if he feels some relief from getting this off his chest. “She would wake up, get ready and leave. Just like it was a normal working day.”
“And instead, she was going shopping?”
He lets out a sigh. “Yup.” He takes his phone out of his pocket and looks at the screen. “Well, I better get going.” He scoots his chair out. “Promise me you won’t say anything to her.”
“Okay.”
“She made me promise not to tell you.”
“Oh,” I say, shocked. “Why?”
He shrugs. “She said she would tell you in her own time.”
I nod and walk Ezra out the door.
Weight lifts off my shoulders knowing it wasn’t me who was causing her this change in behavior.
At the same time, I can’t shake the feeling of some guilt.
Why do I keep blaming myself for other people’s problems?
First Zayn, and now Rya. It’s like every time something goes wrong in their lives, I assume it’s me.
Their issues have nothing to do with me, and I need to stop making myself feel like they do.
I can’t fix everything for everyone. I feel bad for Rya and the way she’s been carrying this, but I can’t help how my business became.
I never intended for things to turn out this way.
Then, I realize—no wonder she asked if she could work for me.
She didn’t have a job. She was looking for work, and she thought I would give her a job.
I said no because I knew I wouldn’t have been able to work with her.
Not after everything that had happened before.
I helped her once, and it didn’t go well.
She made me look bad. I wish I could help her more, but I feel stuck.
If I go down that road again, she might make me look bad again, and I can’t jeopardize my business.
Yeah, she’s a job hopper, but she always finds jobs. She’ll find one, I’m sure.