Chapter 38
All week, Zayn hasn’t said a word to me.
I never said sorry because, deep down, I still have a gut feeling something is off.
Even if he’s not cheating physically, maybe it’s emotionally.
Maybe not even cheating at all. I go back and forth every minute of the day, thinking about what it could be.
Sometimes, I think he grew apart from me and doesn’t love me anymore.
I’ve changed in ways that he wasn’t all for.
But change is good. I’m glad I’ve changed.
It’s for the better. Not only for me, but for our marriage and future.
I’m glad I’m not the twenty-something-year-old still drinking my weekends away.
Barely surviving at work during the week only to do it all over again once Friday hits.
I built a business to better myself and our future.
He’s been at the same job since high school.
Nothing is wrong with that. He has worked himself up.
Sometimes I question if he stays because he’s comfortable.
Even when we bought a house, I had to beg him too.
He didn’t even want to be on the mortgage, so I left him off because I didn’t want this house to pass us by.
He’s comfortable never growing. It affected us a little, especially in the beginning. But I felt as if we worked around it. Everything has felt fine until recently. Has he not been fine this whole time and has said nothing?
I let out a sigh as I pull into Haley’s driveway.
My number one customer, who always has something going on.
What’s she up to now? I grab the platter of cookies out of the back seat.
I squint my eyes from the sun as I walk up to the front door.
I press the doorbell with my elbow, trying to be careful not to drop the platter.
The door swings open, and Haley stands with a big smile on her face. “Hi. Come in.” She opens the door wider for me to step in.
“Is the kitchen fine?” I say over my shoulder.
“Yes.”
I head for the kitchen and set the platter down. Haley comes around me and looks down at the cookies as I open the platter.
“Oh my gosh, these look so good. My mouth is already watering.” She licks her lips.
I watch as her long yellow sundress falls against her legs.
She looks up at me, and right away, her smile fades. “Is everything okay?” she asks.
I nod with a tight smile, trying to hide the fact that, no, everything is not okay.
“You look very tired or worn out.” Her head tilts as she narrows her gaze at me. “Are you still doing this business all by yourself?”
I nod. Because what else am I going to say?
Oh, I think my husband doesn’t love me anymore.
He might be cheating on me, too.
This week has been hard, and I guess it shows. I’m too tired to put a fake smile on my face. I know I should since I’m the face of the business, but sometimes you just can’t. Even when you try to force it, it just won’t come.
It’s like I’ve been living in a different universe. A universe I never thought I would ever be in. Zay comes home late, doesn’t eat the dinner I make, and sleeps on the couch. We wake up in the morning and don’t say a word to each other. He goes on with his business and so do I.
Repeat.
I’ve thought about things to say to him, but I truthfully don’t even know what to say because I don’t know what to think.
Something has changed. It’s pointless asking him. Even if he gave me an answer, I don’t know if I would believe it.
“Honey, you’re going to run yourself into the ground if you don’t get help.”
“I’m fine.”
She looks me up and down with a questionable glance, not hiding how she feels. “We should set up an appointment with my husband and see what he thinks.”
I remember her telling me her husband helps with small businesses. Right now, I can barely even think straight, let alone think about opening up a bakery.
“Yeah. I’ll think about it.”
She crosses her arms. “There is no harm in talking to him and seeing what options you have.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, forcing the tears back, my chest tightening as the weight of it all presses down on me.
I don’t want to cry. Not here. Not now. Especially not in front of her.
I know she cares, but right now, I’m drowning in my own emotions.
I’m so suffocated by my own thoughts, and I don’t have the energy to fight back Haley’s concerns.
I glance at her and I nod, forcing a bigger smile, hoping she doesn’t notice how broken I am right now. “Can you text me a day and time he’s available? I really have to get going.”
She nods and places a hand on my shoulder. Does she know there’s more to my appearance than she’s letting on? She seems to not hold the truth in, but she hasn’t continued questioning me.
After walking out and saying our goodbyes. I rush to my car and let it all out, laying my head down on my steering wheel. I let the tears flow out. All the tears I held in since I smelled that perfume on Zayn’s shirt.