Chapter 46
“How do you think this is going to go?” Rya asks over her shoulder at me in the back seat of her car. Ezra is driving us over to my house. I have a strong feeling I’m going to come right back to Rya and Ezra’s place after this conversation. Because deep down, I know this isn’t going to go well.
After that Saturday disaster with Haley, I sat at Rya and Ez’s house all day, moping around. Ez wanted to go talk to Zay yesterday, but I told him it was probably no use. He’s going to be sleeping all day from the night before and then he’ll head out again once night comes.
I also wanted a day. A day to do nothing. A day for rest. Even though I was tense all day. Every sound my phone made, I thought was Zayn. My heart would race only for it to drop when it wasn’t him. Once again, he never cared to ask where I was or if I was okay.
He’s not the same man I married or the same best friend I had growing up. I can remember all the times we had together. He’s just not the same person anymore, and I can’t figure out what went wrong. What changed?
I feel like I’m mourning the loss of my best friend and husband, even though he’s physically here. He’s emotionally gone.
“I don’t know. The way he’s been acting, he’ll probably break another fuse,” I say, staring out at the window, watching kids play out on the lawn.
I’m thankful we don’t have kids. I don’t know what I’d do if kids were involved. Hell, how would he even act toward them? I used to think Zayn would be such a great dad and I couldn’t wait to raise kids with him. Back then, he was such a different man than he is now.
“I just hope this doesn’t ruin our friendship,” Rya says, turning herself back around.
“Why are you so worried about losing a friend like him? If he’s acting like this toward your best friend, you shouldn’t even want to be friends with him,” Ezra says.
Silence fills the car. His words linger in the air.
Deep down, I know he’s right. I’ve had the same thoughts before.
I played them over and over in my mind. I go back and forth, trying to justify things, making excuses for his behavior.
I even tried to convince myself that maybe what he’s doing isn’t so bad.
Because do I want to lose my best friend?
Will I lose all three of my best friends?
But then there’s the other side that keeps me questioning why I’m putting up with this behavior. I deserve better, and if Zayn truly loved me, why would he be treating me like this?
Am I holding on to comfort?
We have so much history together. All four of us do. But Ez is right. Why keep a friend like that around? I’ve been fighting for someone that obviously doesn’t want me.
I let out a heavy sigh the moment we pull up. The house is dark. Almost dead, like no one lives here.
We walk in through the front door. The only light and sound is coming from the TV. I move to the side, and Ezra and Rya walk in. I close the door behind us and hear Zayn ask, “What are you guys doing here?”
“What’s going on, man?” Ezra asks.
I’m still standing by the door like a shadow, afraid to come out. Frozen in place, I don’t know what to do. I haven’t seen or talked to him in days.
“Just watching TV,” Zayn says, and then I hear shuffling.
Right as I round the corner, Zayn’s face turns in my direction. His head tilts and his shoulders slump as if seeing me took him over in exhaustion.
“Oh, what, did she have you guys come over to get me in trouble?” he asks sarcastically. He sits there on the couch in nothing but a pair of boxers. He’s lounging around like he has no care in the world. I’m over here having constant panic attacks. What a fucking prick.
Ezra and Rya sit down on the couch, facing him.
“Dude, you’ve been treating her like shit,” Ezra says, pointing at me. “What the fuck is up with you?”
Zayn rolls his eyes. “For fuck sakes. She keeps accusing me of cheating.”
Rya sits up taller, narrows her gaze to Zay. “Are you cheating on m…” She stops herself and says, “Her,” pointing in my direction.
My eyes squint over at her. Was she about to say me ?
Does she feel like she’s being cheated on since we’re all so close?
Ez glances at her, taken aback by what she said.
Rya hurries and stands. “Are you?” she yells.
Zayn looks at her, nostrils flaring, jaw tight, and brows knit together, and then he scoffs at her.
I glance between her and Zay. He looks more angry at her now than at me. Is he taking it out on her because we’re best friends?
“You two need to leave this alone,” he yells. “This”—he points at himself and back at me—"is none of your business.”
Rya stands up straighter. Ezra’s head shakes and his eyes go wide. This is nothing new to me, but to them it is. Like I was saying, it isn’t like Zayn to explode like this. They both look taken aback, like I have been.
“What is going on with you? You’re not the same. We’re your best friends. I’m your best friend.” He points to himself. “Talk to me.”
Zayn scoffs. “There is nothing going on. I’m sick of everyone thinking that there is.”
“There is something going on because you’re treating us all like shit?” I say, stepping closer.
Zayn glances at me. “Why’d you have to bring them over here and get them involved? Jesus, Violet. We’re married. This is just a normal marriage argument.”
“What?” I exclaim. “None of this is normal. You treating me like shit is not normal. What has gotten into you, Zayn? The Zayn I know would never treat me like this. Would never talk to his best friends like this.”
He stands, huffing in anger. “Well, maybe I’ve changed. I don’t need any of this bullshit,” he says, walking past me toward the stairs.
“There you go, bailing out again. Why can’t you just sit and talk?”
He turns to me, glaring. “There is nothing to talk about.” He stomps up the stairs and slams the bedroom door, making me jolt.
“See what I mean? This is how he’s been,” I say, staring between Ez and Rya.
Rya shrugs her shoulders. “He doesn’t seem too mad. I think we pissed him off more by coming over here.”
A knot tightens in my stomach as I try to make sense of what she is saying. Does she really feel that way? She makes me feel crazy sometimes at my thoughts, and Ezra makes me feel like my thoughts are valid.
The weight of the night feels less heavy as we head back to Rya and Ezra’s. For the first time in days, I feel like I don’t have to hold it all on my own, even if Rya isn’t a hundred percent on my side. It’s somehow enough because I at least have my two best friends by my side.