Chapter 51
We drive across town in silence. We’ve been driving for an unquestionable amount of time.
Time has blurred all day today. But the silence is heavy, the unspoken words even heavier.
We haven’t even looked at each other. We’ve been staring out in front of us at the passing cars, streets, and businesses.
Like we’re both at a loss for words and don’t know how to break the silence.
With the lack of words, my breath has become steady.
My trembling hands lie still on top of my thighs.
My body is locked in place, molded to the seat as if I’m in a hypnotic state.
Even with everything going on, being next to Ez seems to have calmed me.
His presence alone has always calmed me in a way.
But tonight, not even the vodka helped, yet somehow he has.
I don’t know where we’re going. I don’t know what he is thinking. We’re both lost right now.
Ez pulls up to a gas pump at a local gas station. I glance over at him, the first look I’ve given him since we drove off in the car together. His hands grip the steering wheel tightly, making his knuckles turn white. He exhales sharply before releasing his grip and turning to me.
“We need gas.” He opens the car door, gets out quickly, and shuts the door behind him.
Well, okay, nice way to break the silence.
I look around the gas station. The lights illuminate the lot.
No one else is in sight but Ez and I. I reach down, grab the bottle I stashed underneath the seat earlier, and take a sip.
The warmth of the liquor trails down my throat and chest. The first time feeling the burn of the night because of the liquor.
The driver door swings open and Ez takes a seat, eyeing the bottle in my lap. “You’ve been holding out on me this whole time.”
My eyes dart to his, a tight smile on my face. “Sorry.” I give him the bottle, and he takes it from my grip.
I watch as he twists the cap, puts the bottle to his lips, and takes a big gulp. I watch as it slides down his throat. He makes no facial expression. No shutting of the eyes, no winced face, nothing, just a blank face as he stares out in front of him.
He turns his gaze over to me. “Are you okay?”
I meet his gaze. The softness behind his green eyes is back, staring at me with so much sympathy, as if I’m the only one who got my heart torn out.
“Right now, I am,” I murmur. “Are you?”
He nods. “Same. Right now, I am too.”
A slight grin forms on both of our faces as we stare back out in front of us.
“So, where should we go next?” I ask, wondering where else he wants to drive us to. We’ve been around the whole town now.
“You hungry?”
I scoff. “No.” I haven’t been eating much at all these past couple of weeks. Come to think of it, I haven’t eaten at all today. Maybe that’s why the alcohol pulsed through my body the way it did.
He huffs. “Yeah, me neither.”
We both sit here, not knowing what to say. Not knowing what to do. At least we know each other’s presence is helping.
I hear the swish of the liquor in the bottle. I glance over and Ez takes another gulp. I reach out and grab the bottle from him as he wipes his lips with his arm. I take a gulp myself.
Just like him, my eyes don’t shut, and my face doesn’t wince. Not even liquor can make our faces move from the blank expressions that have been there since we sped out of the bar’s parking lot. Not even the liquor can put a dent in us. Not after what we’ve been through. What we’re going through.
“I’m guessing you don’t want to go home?” he asks, starting the car.
“No.”
He pulls out of the gas station like he’s still figuring out his next move. “Me neither.” He makes a right turn out of the gas station. “But we need to go somewhere if we keep drinking.”
“We can get a hotel room,” I say, which should sound like a bad idea. I should be uncomfortable with the fact that I suggested this. It sounds like the right thing to do.
Two best friends.
One betrayal.
Two hearts shattered.
That’s the only thing that makes sense right now. Us, together. Two broken hearts just trying to make it as each minute passes.
We pull up to a Marriott; the engine dies and I say, “How are we going to hide this?” I say, shaking the bottle. “Would they even care?”
Ez shrugs his shoulders. “Do you want to wait here while I get us a room?”
I nod.
After Ezra gets us a room, he comes back for me like a gentleman.
Reminding me of all the times Zayn would call me from the hotel room, saying to come up.
So there I was, dragging my bag and his to our hotel room because he thought going in to get a room for us was enough for me to carry the bags up myself.
The nerve he had. But what does that say about me? I stayed with the man.
We walk inside side by side with the bottle between us to hide it.
Just in case. Once the ping of the elevator rings through my ears, the doors slide open, and we step through.
The elevator rides up slow and steady. The only thing that feels weird is we came empty-handed.
No clothes, pajamas, or toiletries. The only thing we brought is our dignity and a now half-empty bottle of vodka.
The elevators ping once again, opening up to our floor. Ezra leads me down the hall. We get to our room, and he slides the key card down; the lights flash green and in we go.
My mouth falls as I take in the suite before me. The living room is spacious, with big open windows with the outside lights shining in. A big TV is mounted up on the wall, and marble countertops line the kitchen. “You shouldn’t have gotten a suite,” I say while walking further in.
He slumps down on the couch. “We deserve it.”
“Yeah, I guess we do,” I say, sitting next to him on the couch and letting out a sigh. “Thanks.” I glance over at him. My head feels hazy, my limbs feel heavy and weak.
He grabs the bottle out of my hand and takes another gulp.
“I don’t know if you want to talk about it or not. But I do want to know if you had any clue about them?” I ask, but the more I run everything through my head, the more stupid I feel for missing the signs.
“Remember when I came to you thinking something was off with Rya?”
I nod, remembering vividly. That was the day Zayn accused us of cheating. I should have known then he was the one cheating. They say the ones who cheat accuse the other of cheating. Another sign I missed.
“Well, around that time, it crossed my mind that she might be cheating. Not with Zayn, though. But then she told me about losing her job and the thought of her cheating went away.”
I shift in my seat, feeling a little better that I wasn’t the only one who missed the signs. Did we both miss them because we had already been so close, making it harder to notice what they were up to?
“Did she really lose her job?” I ask, wondering what else she’s been lying about?
He shakes his head. “She says she did. At this point, who knows what else she lied about.” He runs his hand through his hair and leans his head back onto the couch. “How did you find out?”
I think back to what Michael had told me about not telling anyone. But it’s Ez; he won’t say anything. “I got their text messages from our phone carrier.”
“Wow. I didn’t know they did that.”
I chuckle softly. “Me neither.”
Ezra lets out a loud laugh. I’m not sure if it’s the alcohol or what, but I’m shocked he’s laughing at all this. As I watch him, the sound of his laughter makes a giggle escape my lips.
“Why are you laughing?” I ask.
He lets out a groan. “This is just all so… So…” He shakes his head. “I feel like we’re in a damn soap opera.”
He’s right, this feels like a damn soap opera. You always hear about those friends that go behind the other’s back and sleep with their partner. Even though it’s so common, you never think it’s going to happen to you.
I think back to the night that I found Ezra and Rya sleeping together. She wanted him and she got him. So why, after all this time, did she go after Zayn? Or did he go after her? Doesn’t matter anymore; what’s done is done.
Ezra jumps off the couch. “I’m going to order room service.” He picks up the menu. “You want room service?” he asks while sitting back down right up against me and opening the menu.
I smile down at the menu, feeling my tension ease off me.
Being around him is the right call to make.
He brings out a calmness in me that no one else ever has.
His patience and empathy for people bring out the happiness in people who have shut it down.
He’s doing it to me right now without even trying so hard.
Just him being him.