Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
VIOLET
The rays of sunshine against my face force me to wake up.
I yawn and stretch the sleep off, my mind drifting back to the conversation last night.
I really wanted to ask him to stay with me.
I wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to do.
What is the right thing to do? All I know is every time I see him, he gives me a sense of peace.
But why do I second-guess everything? If we have each other to heal from this, why not use it to our advantage? It’s not like this is a new friendship. He’s my best friend. He’s always going to be.
I roll out of bed and do my usual morning routine. I run my shower to let the steam drift around the bathroom as I head downstairs and check on my orders.
The shower hums as I go back into the bathroom, steam swirling around me.
I slip off my pajamas as I catch my reflection in a small part of the mirror that hasn’t fogged up yet.
I pause for a second, staring at the stillness in my eyes.
For a while, they seemed as if they couldn’t hold still, like they were darting endlessly, trying to keep up with the endless thoughts running in my mind.
I could barely look at myself, let alone stare at my reflection.
Some days it felt as if I were a stranger to myself.
It felt like that when I was questioning everything going on in my life.
The dark circles that used to cling to my skin because of all the sleepless nights have faded. Is it because I finally know the truth? At least I’m not afraid to look at myself anymore. That has to mean something.
Right?
“Hey.”
I jump at the sound of the voice. Not any voice. His voice.
My breath catches the second our eyes meet. My heart pounds with a mix of rage and heartbreak. His presence brings back all the betrayal all over again. All I see is a stranger standing in my kitchen, staring at me, not someone I know and trust.
Fuck, I sigh to myself. I need to change my locks and the garage code. Ezra forgot to change the garage code, but it isn’t his responsibility.
“What the fuck do you want?” I ask sternly because I’m done letting him walk all over me. I’m done letting him treat me like shit. He is not the man I once knew and loved.
His eyes widen, and he freezes mid-step, surprised by my sharp voice. “Can we talk?”
“About what, Zay?” I ask, turning the music off.
“About us,” he mumbles and steps closer to me.
I take a step back. “There is no us. You made sure of that.”
“I’m sorry. I—”
“No, Zay!” I cut him off with my voice rising. “You’re not sorry. You’re only sorry you got caught. Were you ever going to tell me? Did you think I would never find out?”
His mouth opens, but I don’t let him speak.
“You really thought I’d be that stupid to not to find out?” My voice cracks, but I hold on strong because that’s what he wants to see. He wants to see me break, and I’m not going to let him.
“You looked me in the eye repeatedly and lied to my face. You made me think I was going crazy. You”—I point to him—“made me go crazy, and now you want to talk?” I scoff.
He flinches at my words. I’m not one to yell, so he’s not expecting this side of me. I know I yelled a lot before I found out. I’m always the one who tries to make everything better, but that part of me is done. He walked all over me once. I’m not letting him do it again.
He runs his hand down his face. “It just happened.”
I let out a bitter laugh—one that comes so naturally these days. “Oh, so you mean to tell me your dick just happened to slip into her vagina. Not once.” I pause. “But multiple times?” I cross my arms over my chest, blocking the anger building up inside me.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“But you did,” I snap. “You didn’t ruin only this marriage; you ruined our friendship. You were my best friend. The friend I knew wouldn’t have treated me like that.”
His shoulders drop, and he attempts to step closer to me but stops himself. “Let me explain.”
My brows crease. “Explain what?”
“How it happened?” His voice cracks.
“There is nothing to explain. I already know what happened.”
“But there is,” he says, wide eyes as if there is a huge surprise why he did this. “I was so drunk. I barely remember anything.”
My head snaps back from that pathetic excuse. “Okay…so then what’s your excuse for all the other times? Things like this don’t just happen. It only happens if you want it to happen.”
His face twists with guilt.
“My point exactly.” My voice is flat.
He shakes his head, swallowing hard. “I know I fucked up. But I’m here now trying to make it better.”
“There is nothing to make better. We’re done.”
He blinks fast at my words. “Vi, please,” he whispers. “Don’t let this get in the way of us.”
My lips curl up in disbelief. “You fucked my best friend. Not only that, but you repeatedly fucked her and repeatedly lied to me about it. This isn’t some casual thing that is in the way of us.
” My brows knit together. “And you’re a dumbass for thinking that I would stay with you after this.
Jesus Christ, give me some credit for the self-respect I have for myself. ”
My eyes flicker away from his sight because all of this is too much. It makes me angry and sad all over again. I’m trying so hard to keep it together so he doesn’t see me break down because I know if he does, he’ll try to weasel his way back in. All I want him to do is leave.
“You should have been a bigger man and walked away from me instead of cheating on me,” I say, turning away and walking out of the kitchen.
“Wait,” he says desperately. “Please wait.”
I stop at the edge of the stairs, the same spot we would always end up arguing by. I roll my eyes and flicker my gaze to him.
“I know this sounds like bullshit, but I didn’t plan for any of this to happen. I just…” He stumbles over his words. “I didn’t feel like we were connecting anymore.”
My mouth parts. “So you thought cheating on me would connect us more?”
“No,” he says, clearly frustrated as he shakes his head. “That came out wrong.”
I stare daggers at him, waiting for more of an answer.
“I…” He hangs his head and his eyes flicker away from me. “I miss you. Okay?”
“That sucks because you know who I miss?” I ask in my normal tone of voice.
He lifts his head with some excitement in his eyes.
“Myself,” I say and walk up the stairs out of his sight.
As soon as I walk into my room, I shut the door behind me and wait to hear his next moves to make sure he doesn’t follow me up. My chest rises and falls with shallow breathing. Anger still simmers within me.
I lean against the door and listen for him, but his steps become distant until I hear the door shut.
I walk into the bathroom to splash water on my face to help calm myself down.
I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, like I did this morning.
How in a matter of hours did my eyes go from bright to dull?
It’s Zayn. I know it is. His presence wears me down to nothing.
This morning I had energy. Energy that I haven’t had in months.
All of it is gone in just minutes of me being around him.
I drop to the floor—my back against the door and my knees pulled up to my chest—and tears begin to flow.