Chapter 45
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
VIOLET
The last couple of days have felt awful. I’m trying to get all my thoughts and feelings together, but to be honest, I don’t know what to do, what to say, or how to feel.
We’re both still married, and we continued in our relationship as if we’re together. I’m partly to blame, but what if this ends up being a rebound situation? I trust we can both put our feelings aside and continue on as friends, but I don’t want us to be put through that.
The door to Ezra’s parents’ house squeaks as he opens it and we walk in. We came over for Sunday dinner. Another thing I felt like I should’ve said no to but didn’t…once again.
I don’t owe Ezra’s parents anything, and I know they’re not those types of people, but in a way I felt like I should come. Not that I didn’t want to because I love his family, but if I’m still questioning us, I can’t keep acting like we’re together.
“Hi,” Annie says, smashing potatoes in a pot.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, Annie,” I say.
She eyes the plate in my hand. “What do you got there?”
I set the plate down. “Pumpkin chocolate chip cookies.”
“Did I hear cookie?” Sean asks, walking inside from the back.
I giggle. “You sure did. They’re pumpkin chocolate chip.”
The rich smell of smoky warm ribs swirls around the house. Sean sets down a tray of ribs in the middle of the kitchen table.
“Is Dani coming?” Ezra asks.
“No. She said she had plans with some friends,” his dad answers.
“Why don’t you all have a seat and start serving? I just need to put these mashed potatoes into a serving bowl,” Annie says, eyeing the table.
The love I feel being around Ezra’s family makes me miss my own as we sit around the table and serve ourselves food.
My parents deserve to travel the world, and I’m happy they’re enjoying their lives, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
Sometimes I wish I could curl up on the couch with them and watch a movie.
I miss those simpler times so much, even though at the time I couldn’t wait to grow up and be an adult. I’d give anything now to be back there.
“How’s the bakery going?” Annie asks.
After swallowing the last bite of my food, I say, “It’s going really good. I had to hire two bakers to help me.”
“Oh, that’s great, Violet. We knew your baking would be a hit.”
I smile. “Thanks.”
I was worried about the cafés I deliver to, but they still make their usual orders, and come by and pick it up at the bakery since I have a storefront now. Since they serve my baked goods, some of their customers have come over to see the bakery. It’s been great for my business.
“Yeah, it’s nice to have Violet home more,” Ez says, glancing over at me.
I avoid his gaze but notice his parents staring between the two of us.
Sean clears his throat. “It’s always nice to come home to the woman you love.”
Annie elbows Sean.
“Ow,” Sean says. “It’s true.”
My heart sinks at the words, and a warmth rushes through me so fast it makes me dizzy and bashful all at the same time.
Does he mean Ezra and I?
Hearing those words out loud hits differently. Especially from someone who doesn’t know exactly what’s going on. Or do they?
It’s making everything feel too real, and to be honest, it’s terrifying to open up to someone again.
I keep my eyes on my plate, picking at the mashed potatoes, hoping no one notices how tense I’ve become. But I feel Ezra’s eyes on me, and I hate that I’m too scared to meet his.
His parents stay quiet, and the only sounds I hear are the buzzing in my ears and the clinking of the silverware. I swallow hard, trying to keep my face neutral, even though I’m sure I look like a red tomato right now while my thoughts run wild.
After dinner, I needed some fresh air. I’m sitting outside with a blanket wrapped around me watching the sunset go down in their backyard. There’s a soft whistle in the trees as they sway with the light breeze.
I look over my shoulder at the sound of the sliding door opening. Sean is walking out with a mug in each of his hands. He takes a seat right next to me, then holds a mug out for me. “I thought you might like some coffee.”
I take the mug from him. “Thank you.” I take a sip. The bold, bitter taste hits my tongue, sending warmth through my chest.
“Listen,” he says. I look over at him and his gaze is uneasy.
“What I said back there at the dinner table, I didn’t mean much by it.
I just meant in general it’s wonderful to come home to someone you love.
” He takes a sip of his coffee. “That’s all.
” He shrugs. “I’m sure you’re well aware from your past relationship. ”
“I took nothing negative from it. It just caught me off guard.”
He lets out a sigh. “Oh good. Annie told me I should clear that up and all.”
I giggle. “Oh, you’re fine. There’s nothing to clear up.”
We sit in silence, listening to the sway of the leaves brushing through the backyard from the breeze. The sky has turned orange, casting a golden glow over the backyard.
“There’s something else I would like to tell you if you’ll let me,” he says, shifting his gaze back over to me.
“Of course.”
“A long time ago, when Ezra was just a boy, he came to me one night, and we sat together at this very spot.” He pauses with a smile on his face.
“This is where I would sit and release any tension from the workday until dinner was ready.” He clears his throat.
“Anyway, he came to me and said, ‘Dad, I met a new friend.’ I replied, ‘Oh yeah? What’s his name?’ He said, ‘It’s a girl.
’ And I looked over at him and caught the nervous look on his face.
I asked him, ‘What’s her name?’ He said, ‘Violet.’”
The words hit me harder than I expected.
He…liked me? Back then? When we were just kids.
My mind scrambles, to the first time we met at the river when he taught me how to catch the skeeter bugs.
He was so nice and patient with me back then, just like he is now.
He told me he liked me when he first laid eyes on me when we were at the river recently, but we were just kids, so I didn’t think he knew he actually liked me. Hearing it from his dad hits harder.
It’s always been you.
Those words hit harder now than they did when I first heard them.
It has always been me?
“He told me you were pretty and that he taught you how to catch those bugs you all used to chase.”
I stay silent, at a loss for words. I stare at the ground, trying to keep my face neutral once again. The weight of everything hits me harder now as I sit here. What he said settles over me harder than I expected. Making me more confused.
“I’m not telling you this for any specific reason, and I’m not trying to sway you in any way.
I know you’ve both been through it, and I want you both to be happy.
I just wanted to let you know…” He pauses.
“I’m biased, but I know my son, and I know he would never hurt you, no matter where you two go from here.
You can depend on him to always be there for you. ”
I try to say something, but my voice slips away from me. All I can do is sit here and try to make sense of what all of this means as I let it wash over me.