Chapter 47
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
EZRA
A couple of weeks have gone by since the dinner at my parents’ house.
I’m not sure if it’s what my dad said, but since that dinner, Violet has been keeping her distance from me.
Even after my dad’s comment at dinner, I could tell it changed her in a way that I can’t put my finger on.
I saw them talking outside after dinner while I helped my mom clean up.
My mom told my dad to apologize to her for what he said because she could tell it didn’t sit right with her.
I know he meant little by it, but the words he spoke are true, and maybe it was just too soon for her to hear that.
Whatever it is, I can’t push her, but for my sake I need to know what is going through her mind. My thoughts won’t stop running with my own questions. I’ve done it before, and it drove me crazy. I can’t do it again.
I think her moving out of this place will help…
not only for me but for her too. I can’t see anyone going through what Violet has been through and still living in the same place that she shared with her ex.
But I also need to know where she stands.
I thought I could give her more time, and I want to give her more time, but I can’t hurt myself in the process.
And living under the same roof she shared with Zayn is killing me.
I’ve been looking at places to get an idea of what’s out there, but if Violet wants to do this with me, I would want her to look at places with me.
Violet said she changed her hours at the bakery to close at three.
She hired more bakers, and I know she’s been training them in the evening, but she has still been coming home later than I thought she would.
I never want to question her because it’s not my position to, but it makes me wonder if she is avoiding me.
And if so, I’d rather leave and make her feel more comfortable when coming home.
But also I don’t know if this place is causing her not to want to come home.
I’m about done cleaning up the kitchen when I hear the back door open and then soft footsteps.
“Hey,” I say, looking up from wiping the counter off. “Are you hungry? I made dinner.”
She slips off her shoes, glancing over at me. “Oh, I ate with the girls at the bakery. Sorry.”
“That’s okay. Nothing to be sorry for. I can eat the leftovers for lunch tomorrow.”
I watch her for a moment while she walks further into the house, sets down her things, and avoids my gaze like she’s done so much recently.
“Can we talk?” I ask.
“Sure,” she says as she takes a seat at the kitchen table and starts sorting through her mail.
I slide into a chair next to her, fidgeting with my hands. “So I’ve been looking at places.”
She freezes, leaving an envelope half open. She looks up at me and meets my eyes—something she hasn’t done in a while.
“But I want to see where you stand with things so we can look at places together.”
A nervous knot tightens in my stomach waiting to hear her thoughts. The pulsing thud in my ears is the only sound I hear, and it sounds louder than expected.
“I don’t know,” she mumbles.
I blink at her, trying to piece together what she means.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” I ask, softening my tone, and trying to keep it all together.
“I just don’t know what I want.” She shrugs as if this conversation is something small.
“What!” I say, my shock causing me to raise my voice louder than I intended. I take a deep breath and lower my voice. “You don’t know what you want?”
I can see the questions in her eyes, as if my confusion and shock are hard for her to read.
“You don’t know what you want in what way?” I repeat, leaning in a little.
“Like with the house and everything.”
My head jerks back in disbelief. Even though I knew there was a chance that she didn’t want this, hearing it hits me hard. “I don’t understand, Vi.”
“What do you mean you don’t understand?”
“When you say everything, what do you mean by that?”
“Just everything. The house. My life.”
I drag my hand down my face. I went into this conversation thinking she would lean more toward us. But now…it doesn’t sound like it.
“Since when have you been questioning it?”
“I’ve always been confused.” She looks away from me as if she’s ashamed of telling me this. “I…”
“Wait.” I put my hand up to stop her from going on any further. “Are you confused about us?” I ask as my stomach sinks.
She mumbles a response, and I can’t make out what she’s even saying.
I shake my head, unable to understand any of this. “None of this is making sense, Vi.”
“I’m scared, okay,” she blurts out quickly, catching me off guard.
“Scared of what?”
“Us.”
“What’s there to be scared of?”
“Because I can’t bear to lose you if this doesn’t work out.”
“You’re not going to lose me if it doesn’t work out. I will still be here for you. Haven’t I shown you that?”
“Yes, but it’s hard to open myself up to anyone after everything.”
My chest aches hearing that because I hate how one idiot has made her question me. This conversation took a completely different turn I didn’t expect. “I’m not just anyone, and I thought out of everyone you would know that. Has any of this been real for you?”
She nods.
“Then when were you planning on telling me all this?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady. “Because you’ve been playing house with me for a while.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“Then what have you been doing? Because the way I saw it, I thought you wanted to be with me.”
“I just…I just need more time to make this decision.” She hangs her head low.
I swallow hard, my throat burning. “Do you ever see us going anywhere?”
“I don’t know.”
That hits harder than I expected. The words land in my chest like a punch. Should I have seen this coming? I knew there was a chance of her not wanting us. Were my hopes too high?
I lean back in my chair, sinking into it, and drag my hand through my hair because I don’t know what else to do with myself. I’ve tried to be patient, and I believe I have been, but hearing her say she doesn’t know twists more confusion in me than I expected.
If she’s not ready, that’s okay. I can respect that. I can give her space. But I don’t think I can keep living here, pretending we’re something she’s not even sure she wants. I can’t keep doing this halfway thing, not when it’s wearing me down more than I realized.
“I thought you did. But now it doesn’t seem like it.
I know I said I would give you time, and I’m not rushing you.
I thought it would only make sense to move both of us out of this house given who you shared it with.
But I can’t continue to stay in this house you shared with another man.
I’ve done it long enough. I just can’t live here anymore.
Even for your sake, you shouldn’t stay here either. We both need a fresh start.”
Her eyes widen instantly, and her mouth parts slightly. She shifts in her seat, looking away from me.
I wait for her to say something…anything. But she sits there in front of me speechless.
“I love you, Vi.” My voice cracks.
Why is this so hard to say?
“But if you don’t see us going anywhere as more than just friends, I can’t sit here and pretend with you.
” I reach out and gently take her hand. “I know you’re scared, and I know what you’ve been through doesn’t make it any easier, and maybe in the future when all this settles, something will all work out. ”
Fuck, this hurts worse than finding out Rya slept with my best friend. My chest and stomach feel twisted just thinking about the memories of us. The memories we shared recently. It’s everything I ever wanted. I thought I could handle rejection, but this rejection hurts.
I take a deep breath. “I will always keep my promise and always be there for you. You’re still my best friend, and nothing will come between that. But I can’t do this anymore. Whatever this is. I think it’s best I move out.”