Chapter 50
CHAPTER FIFTY
VIOLET
The Pilates studio’s music softly hums through the speakers as I watch Ashley turn on the fake candles she has spread out all over the room.
She created a candlelight stretch class since the days are shorter now.
She turns off all the lights and only has the candles on as she puts everyone through a variety of stretches.
She catches my wave and smiles. “Hey, I’m surprised to see you in an evening class.”
“I had to come try out this stretch class. It looks very relaxing,” I say, avoiding the real reason I came because I didn’t want to go home where the only sound I hear is complete silence and that silence sounds more deadly right now than anything else I’ve heard.
It’s the exact deadly sound that happened when I was all alone in the house until Ezra came to live with me.
Even when I was home alone because he was out or at work, it was never as strong as it is right now.
He’s always made everything better for me.
“I’m glad you came. I’ve been meaning to stop by your bakery and catch up, but I’ve been so busy.”
I’m sure she’s over there thinking I’m living some kind of dream life with Ezra, like everything’s perfect and my life is looking up. But honestly? That couldn’t be further from the truth. Everything is so complicated right now.
After finishing the class, I actually feel somewhat relaxed thanks to the meditation she put us through. I didn’t think I could calm myself down enough to enjoy this, but I did.
“So,” Ashley says with a wide grin on her face. “What’s new? What’s been going on with you and your lover boy?”
“Ugh, well,” I start to answer, looking over at the last of the girls leaving.
“What happened?” Her brows knit together. “Don’t tell me he got back with his ex.”
I shake my head, biting my bottom lip. “He moved out because he needed more of a commitment, and I wasn’t able to give it to him.”
Her mouth parts. “Girl, you messed up.”
“What?” I’m shocked at how forthcoming she is.
“This man has loved you for as long as he’s known you. And he watched you marry someone else. And he was still there for you after that man did what he did to the both of you.”
My heart sinks. Her words sting hard. Suddenly, I can feel every stupid decision I’ve made all at once. Did I fuck up? I bite my lip harder. Ezra has been by my side through it all, even when he was hurting watching me be with someone else. And what did I do? I got scared and pushed him away.
I swallow hard. “I know…but I just—”
“No,” she cuts me off, shaking her head. “Violet, a guy like that doesn’t come around very often, and the way I watched him look at you on the day of your opening made my heart skip a beat.”
My chest tightens. “It’s hard,” I admit with tears welling in my eyes.
She tilts her head. “It is hard. But he was making it easier for you. I could tell, and I could see it in you. You were happy and it was written all over you.”
I look down at my hands fidgeting with my nails. “I’m scared. What if it doesn’t work and I lose him as a friend?”
“I think the love you two have for each other is worth the risk.”
My eyes sting even more, and my heart feels like it’s sinking straight through my ribs. Because for the first time…I’m realizing how badly I messed this up.
I stop my car in front of my garage while the door opens up. After the conversation with Ashley, I drove home in the kind of daze where I don’t even remember the drive. How could I have let someone so great for me get away?
I sit in my car for a few more minutes, wiping my tears away before deciding to get out and head inside.
The sound of the door shuts and echoes through my ears, making my heart beat faster.
The silence and darkness of my home overwhelm me.
It’s more of an eerie feeling. A home I used to love.
A home I was so comfortable with. It used to be a home that felt like a home.
Now it feels nothing like that at all. My home isn’t a material thing anymore. It’s a person.
Ezra is my home.