Chapter Twelve #3
“I have been a disappointment to you my entire adult life,” he said.
“Here is yet another instance where I can disappoint you. I have a wife, yet I am in love with another woman. I want to live with her and make a life with her. That is the reality of it and that is why Uncle Matthew asked me to leave.”
Gaston stood up, stiffly. “You have not been a disappointment to me your entire adult life,” he said. “Trenton, you are my firstborn. I had such great dreams and hopes for you when you were born, and I still have great dreams and hopes for you. That has never changed.”
Trenton looked at him. “But what of my hopes and dreams?” he said.
“Since I am here, we may as well get this conversation out of the way. Do you know why I have stayed away for so long? Because I was tired of looking in your eyes and always seeing such disappointment. I was tired of you placing expectations on me that were not of my choosing. I had my own life to lead, but you did not seem to realize that. You wanted me to follow the path of your choosing, and I could not do it. But when you forced me into a marriage that I did not want, that was the end for me. You did this to me, Da. Had you not forced me into marrying Adela, the past six years more than likely would not have happened.”
Gaston knew that. He’d had many years to think on that very subject, and he’d come to the same conclusion Trenton had come to.
He’d caused the rift.
“I know,” he said quietly. “Believe me, Trenton, I blame myself daily for what has happened between us. But in my defense, I simply wanted something better for you than I had. I wanted a better reputation for you, a better marriage. My intentions were good even if nothing went according to plan.”
“Your plan,” Trenton pointed out. “I am not angry with you over it anymore. I have long since gotten over my resentment. But what hurts me the most is the division it caused. I tried to tell you once but you just would not listen to me.”
Gaston was submissive because nothing Trenton said was untrue. If he was to make this right between them, then he would have to swallow his pride and accept the blame.
“Then what would you have me do, lad?” he asked. “You came into this chamber and asked for my help, and I am listening to you now. What help do you want from me?”
They were back to the painful subject of Lysabel and Trenton drained his cup. He could feel the alcohol coursing through his veins, loosening his tongue and feeding the emotions he was trying to keep a rein on.
“I know I am married,” he said. “By the laws of God and the laws of this country, I am, and it is a sticky position that I find myself in. I simply want to be happy with the woman I love, who happens not to be my wife, and I do not think that wanting to be happy is asking too much. I do not expect Uncle Matthew’s blessing, but I would at least ask that he not interfere.
This is my life, and Lysabel’s life, and we must live it as we see fit, for certainly, our fathers had their chances to direct us with their good guidance but in both cases, there was failure.
Now, it is our turn to choose our own happiness. ”
Gaston sighed faintly as he turned away, heading over to the big and comfortable chair that he sat in quite often because it eased the strain on his back.
He had aches and pains in his old age. The chair was positioned near the hearth, which was dark at this hour, and he sat heavily.
His mind was trying to process what was happening with Trenton, but he was also hurt by his own guilt in that he had a hand in his son’s misery.
He could see that he’d lost Trenton’s trust, and that was hard for him to take.
Leaning back in the chair, Gaston looked to his son.
“So you want to live with a woman who is not your wife,” he said.
“Surely, I cannot judge you for it, because that is exactly what I did with Remington in the early days when I first met her. I was married to your mother and she was still married to Guy. I know you remember those days, Trenton, but you do not remember just how difficult they were for us. We tried to keep as much as we could from you and Dane, but much of that time was filled with tribulation.”
At least his father wasn’t trying to judge him; Trenton felt better with that. He knew his father was the one man who could understand his predicament, considering what he went through with Remington.
“I remember some of it,” he said. “I remember when Guy abducted Remi and nearly killed Patrick. I remember Dane and I stealing an old nag of a horse and trying to help you rescue her.”
Gaston smiled at the memory. “Talk of what you and Dane did still makes her angry,” he said. “You stole that old horse and rode it all the way from Oxford to Yorkshire. Even though I could never tell Remi, I was very proud of you and Dane for your bravery. That took great courage.”
Trenton grinned, a reluctant gesture. “Remi threatened to beat us.”
“She never did.”
Trenton laughed softly. “Nay, she never did, but there were many threats for many years after that. She still might try, even now.”
“It was because she loved you, lad. She was afraid for you.”
“I know.” Trenton sobered. “She is a good woman, Da. She has been very good to me. In a sense, Lysabel reminds me of her – she, too, was abused by her husband, much as Remi was, but instead of letting it crush her, she has remained strong. So very strong. She is a very good woman and much as you could not let Remi go, I cannot let Lysabel go, either, but Uncle Matthew does not understand that.”
Gaston did, indeed, understand and that, more than anything, was why he couldn’t refuse him. God, he knew what it was to love a woman so much that nothing else mattered. He looked at his son intently.
“Then what do you want me to do?” he asked quietly.
“I want you to talk to him,” Trenton said, going to his father and taking a knee beside his chair. “Please, Da. Talk to him and explain to him that love cannot be denied. Tell him that we do not expect his approval, but we do not want his interference. Will you do that for me?”
Gaston knew that would be the request. He knew the entire conversation was a build-up to it and, in truth, he was being put in a bad position.
Trenton was his son, but he wanted something unorthodox and, some would say, immoral.
Matthew was Gaston’s very best friend, a man who had sacrificed his left hand so that Gaston could live, so there was a deep and unbreakable bond between them.
Years and years of battle, of camaraderie, and of life or death situations had cemented Gaston and Matthew together.
Now, Gaston was being asked to convince Matthew not to interfere in his daughter’s life.
Matthew was supposed to look the other way when Lysabel became the mistress of a man who loved her – Gaston’s own son.
God, nothing was simple any longer.
“What you ask, Trenton,” Gaston said hesitantly. “You are asking me to interfere in Matt’s decision regarding his own children. I would not expect him to interfere in my decisions regarding my family and I am sure he will not take kindly to me interfering with his business. Do you understand that?”
Trenton nodded. “I understand,” he said. “I would not ask if it did not mean everything to me. Please, I would think you would want to do all you can to at least right some of the wrongs between us.”
Gaston was only going to let Trenton browbeat him about their relationship for so long. He was willing to be submissive, and to admit his guilt, but he wasn’t willing to be provoked. He would draw the line.
“Of course I do,” he said. “But you are not going to make me feel as if your decision to pursue another woman is somehow my fault. This is not the tactic to use, Trenton. You are a man; accept that you want to fornicate with a woman who is not your wife. I will accept that I pushed marriage with Adela on you, but your decision with Lysabel is your very own. I have no part of that.”
Trenton could see that the man had his dander up and he realized he’d gone too far.
“I am sorry,” he said. “It was unkind of me to say that. And I fully accept that this is my choice, and my decision, which is why I am so unwilling to let it go. I have had a taste of happiness with Lysabel and I want to know it forever. Please, Da, help me. Talk to Uncle Matthew. Help him to understand that happiness is sometimes more important than honor.”
Gaston could hear the desperation in his son’s voice, something he’d never heard before.
Trenton had always been supremely confident in everything, a man who never second-guessed anything he did.
He had Gaston’s stubborn traits in him. Therefore, the desperation concerned Gaston because he was wondering if Trenton wasn’t being reckless about this. It wasn’t like the man to be impulsive.
But it was apparent that something quite serious was going on, enough to drive Trenton straight to his father after six years of separation.
Either Trenton had lost his mind or he was, indeed, quite serious about Lysabel Wellesbourne, and the truth was that Gaston had no choice but to side with him.
He was his heir, his flesh and blood, and he would do anything for him.
Even risk a lifelong friendship.
“If that is your wish, then I shall go to Wellesbourne,” he said quietly. “Leave me, now. Go and see your mother and your siblings. Let me think on what is to come and how I shall approach Matthew with it. You’re quite sure about this, Trenton?”
Trenton was nearly limp with relief, realizing that he had the ally he’d hoped for in his father. “Aye,” he said. “More sure than I have ever been of anything in my life.”
“You would have saved me a lot of trouble had you declared your intentions for Lysabel twenty years ago.”
Trenton grinned. “Twenty years ago, she was twelve years of age and I was twenty. She was far from my mind and, I will admit, I never gave her a second glance. That was my mistake.”
“Then she must have grown into a magnificent woman.”
“You will see her, Da. Then you will understand.”
“I am sure I will.”
Trenton was still kneeling next to his father’s chair and as he stood up, he kissed his father on the head before heading to the solar door and unbolting it.
He felt better than he had in two days, now with hope on the horizon.
Throwing open the door, the first things he came face to face with were his mother, four brothers, and a sister.
Dane, Cort, Boden, Gage, Gilliana, and Remington all grinned when they saw him, and a cry of delight went up.
Thrilled, Trenton roared with joy and opened his arms, and it became a giant love-fest right there in Gaston’s solar doorway.
The prodigal brother had come home.
And Gaston listened to it all with a smile. It was so good to hear the chatter, the laughter. He could hear Dane, who must have just returned early from his business in the village, and he could also hear his youngest daughter, Gilliana, as she squealed when Trenton squeezed her.
Listening to the happiness going on outside of his solar made Gaston realize just how much he’d missed Trenton’s presence. He’d never felt complete without his eldest son, but now, he did. He’d found that piece that was missing.
Trenton was home.
Hopefully, there would be no more separations and, perhaps, that was the predominant reason he agreed to go to Wellesbourne. He wanted to please his son, because surely one more disappointment, and Trenton might leave and never return.
It was a fear Gaston had.
He was willing to risk his best friend’s devotion because of it.