Chapter Sixteen
“I sent Christian to find you last night,” Blayth said. “You did not come.”
It was early morning. Blayth had found Ronan on the battlements overlooking the sea as the fog lifted. Rays of sunlight were piercing the mist, illuminating the land below. Ronan was wrapped up against the cold in a heavy cloak, his nose pinched red as he turned to his father.
He sighed faintly when he realized who it was.
“I had the night watch,” he said. “And I did not want to argue with you, so it was best to let me cool my temper.”
Blayth knew that and he respected the fact that Ronan knew his limitations, but it didn’t change the situation. “I did not mean to make you angry, lad,” he said. “But this is not something you can run from.”
“I know.”
“We must discuss this now, I’m afraid. There is little time and much you should know.”
Ronan grunted unhappily and turned away, looking out over the sea again. “Now? The sun is barely up.”
“As I said, there is little time.”
Ronan looked at him. “Why?” he said. “What is so pressing that I must know immediately, Papa?”
Blayth had been awake most of the night trying to figure out how to carefully couch what he had to tell his son. He’d come to the conclusion that honesty was the best policy and Ronan, being an obedient knight and a dutiful son, would have to accept it.
Whether or not it was easy.
Today would be the test of that faith.
“Ronan,” he finally said. “If I told you my heart was not breaking for you, I would be lying. I want you to know I am not unsympathetic to your plight.”
“That does not make me feel better.”
“Nay, I would expect that it shouldn’t,” Blayth said.
“But I have the unhappy duty of seeing you miserable with a decision I must make. I came here to discuss this situation with you and running from me will not stop what I must say. It will not stop anything. You are a knight and knights obey orders. I am here as your father as well as your liege. Do you understand this?”
“I do.”
“Good,” Blayth said. “Then I will continue. Although I admire your sense of honor in helping your friend’s widow, the truth is that this is not a good situation for you. I fear your emotions for the lady have clouded your judgment. Would you say that is a fair statement?”
Ronan shrugged. “Possibly.”
“Do you trust me to see the situation clearly?”
Ronan didn’t hesitate. “I trust you with my life, Papa.”
Blayth moved closer to him, forcing his son to look him in the eyes.
“Then hear me now,” he said. “The situation is this – you are a married man. I know you do not like to acknowledge that, but it is the truth. You are also a de Wolfe and a de Wolfe husband does not take a lover. Am I making myself clear? If this gets out, you will shame the entire family. Every unmarried de Wolfe male will be looked upon as a lesser marriage prospect because of your behavior. It will damage men’s trust in our vows, from marriage to warfare.
It will damage everything. You are jeopardizing the future of your brothers and cousins with this behavior. Do you understand this?”
Ronan stiffened as his father painted a picture of the broader implications of his love for Isabeth. “I am not jeopardizing anything.”
“You are blind, Ronan,” Blayth said, unable to back down. “If this was happening to Markus or Tor or Andreas, or any of your other married cousins, what would you tell them?”
“I would want them to be happy.
“By breaking their word of honor?” Blayth fired back softly.
“Lad, you gave your word of honor when you spoke your marriage vows. For a man so concerned with honor, I am shocked that you do not realize you have broken your word. It does not matter if it is to Marian – you have broken your bond. As a knight, this diminishes you.”
Ronan stared at him. It was clear that hadn’t occurred to him.
As much as he hated to admit it, his father was right – he was quite honor-bound in anything he did, so with his father breaking down his violation of his marriage vows, he was coming to see that he had, indeed, broken his bond regardless of who he had made the promise to.
That was a terrible thing to realize.
“Mayhap,” he finally said. “But Marian broke hers many times over before I ever considered such a thing.”
“It does not matter what she did,” Blayth said. “What matters is what you did. You are a knight. A knight does not break his word, to anyone.”
It was a harsh statement, but a true one.
He didn’t want to see this situation through his father’s eyes but that’s what was happening.
Blayth was giving him another perspective he hadn’t considered.
He resisted it; God knows, he did. He was trying to come up with some logic that the marital bond didn’t apply to him but he couldn’t.
He was using Marian’s actions to justify his own.
His father’s words began to sink in.
Closing his eyes, he looked away.
“I love her, Papa,” he said, feeling a lump in his throat. “I did not mean to fall in love with her, but I did. I love her more than anything and, if it comes down to it, I love her more than my honor. I cannot lose her.”
Blayth could see that he was breaking down. Ronan had always been the emotional type but never the unreasonable type. Blayth went to his son and put his arm around the man’s shoulders in a show of support.
“I know what love is,” he said softly. “I have been fortunate enough to experience it. Now, you have, too. But she was never yours to begin with, lad. If you love her as much as you say you do, then you must love her enough to let her go. You must love her enough to want what is best for her even if that means you are not best for her. Do you understand that?”
Tears filled Ronan’s eyes. “I do,” he said. “I may not agree with it, but I understand it.”
“Do you understand that keeping the woman as your mistress is completely selfish?”
Ronan sighed heavily. “I suppose,” he said. “But she loves me, too.”
“And she has not expressed concern that being your mistress will ruin her?”
Ronan thought about it, realizing he couldn’t lie to his father. “She has expressed it several times,” he admitted. “She does not want our relationship to be public to the family. She feels as if she would be looked down upon.”
Blayth gave his boy a squeeze. “And still, you would force her to be your mistress?” he said softly, incredulously. “Ronan, you cannot do this to her. If you love her as much as you have declared, then you must love her enough to want what is best for her. Not what is best for you.”
Ronan knew that. His father was absolutely right.
He closed his eyes and hung his head, tears streaming down his face.
Blayth hugged him tightly, feeling his pain, knowing how difficult it was for him.
He knew what it was to love a woman and, in truth, couldn’t fathom his life without Asmara. But what Ronan was doing…
It simply wasn’t right.
“I still want to help her, Papa,” Ronan said hoarsely. “I cannot leave and consign her to her fate.”
“I know,” Blayth said softly. “I believe I have a solution, if you will let me.”
Ronan wiped his face. “What solution.”
“A new husband.”
Ronan stiffened in surprise, standing tall to look at his father as Blayth was forced to release him.
“A new husband?” he blurted. “How could you –?”
Blayth cut him off. “The only way for Lady de Brito to survive in a respectable manner is for her to marry a man of good standing,” he said.
“That is what your friend would have wanted for her. That is what you want for her if you think hard enough about it. Don’t be stubborn, Ronan – listen to me.
If you truly want her to thrive, then you must accept the fact that she must marry again. It is the only way, lad.”
Ronan was quickly becoming distraught. “But… but a husband?”
“What else is there?”
Ronan threw up his arms. “The church,” he said. “She can become a beguine, a woman dedicated to the church who does charitable things.”
“What about her son?” Blayth said. “You want your friend’s son to be raised in a church?”
That brought Ronan pause. “Nay,” he said after a moment. “The nuns would more than likely not allow it. But the boy can come to foster at Roxburgh. I can watch over him.”
Blayth crossed his arms. “And you would rather have Lady de Brito commit herself to a church rather than enjoy a full life and possibly have more children?” he said. “Ronan, listen to yourself. That’s incredibly selfish of you.”
Ronan knew that but he couldn’t stand the thought of another man having the woman he loved. He couldn’t admit that, but Blayth knew. They both knew. As Ronan realized that fully, the bitterness began to come.
“So I must find her a husband,” he said. “Is that what you are telling me? That I must find a husband for the woman I love?”
Blayth wasn’t without sympathy. “It would be your greatest gift of love, Ronan,” he said gently. “Don’t you see that? You would be ensuring her happiness. Isn’t that what you want? Her happiness, even if it is not with you?”
God, it was so difficult for Ronan to accept that.
Harder than anything he’d had to accept in his life.
Somehow, he was beginning to see clearly for the first time, clearly enough to realize that his father was trying to help him.
Trying to help him help Isabeth. Ronan thought that loving her and taking care of her was enough, but for a woman like Isabeth…
she deserved so much more. He had always known that, but not as much as he knew it at that very moment.
“Aye,” he finally said. “I want her to be happy even if it is not with… me. She deserves the very best life can bring her, a husband who will love her and appreciate her. Someone with whom she can keep her self-respect.”
Blayth felt as bad as he possibly could. “Even if that is not you.”
“Even if that is not me.”