Chapter Four #3
His smile grew. “I realize that we have not had the most pleasant of associations up until now,” he said quietly.
“I suppose I am to blame for some of that, but there is something I wish to say to you. Even though I promised Robert I would take care of you, please know that I do not view this marriage as an inconvenience. I view it as a new hope. Please know that I will do everything in my power to make you happy and comfortable and safe, and I swear that I shall be faithful only unto you. You will be my wife and my loyalty, both emotionally and physically, shall belong to you. I hope that you will treat it with respect.”
They were surprisingly deep words but Diamantha was torn by them.
She and Robert had been exceedingly faithful to each other so she knew of no other way.
She was glad to hear that Cortez, too, shared that view.
Given the women in the past that she knew of who had thrown themselves at him, she was relieved by it.
Still, it sounded to her as if he was perhaps asking for something more than that, something she wasn’t yet ready to give.
It seemed to her that he was also asking for her affection.
She found she couldn’t look into that hopeful, eager face.
“Of course I will,” she replied, averting her gaze.
“You will have my loyalty as well, in all things. But… but this marriage is simply an agreement between us. It is something I am being told to do and I shall do it. When you speak of new hope, I do not know how to answer you. What is it that you hope for?”
Cortez had to remind himself yet again that she was still grieving.
Her loss was so new; his was years old. Still, his impatience had the better of him.
“I would hope for a pleasant marriage,” he said.
“I would hope that someday you will cease to view me as a contract and begin viewing me as your husband. I would hope that someday we will grow to like each other, mayhap even enjoy one another. I would also hope that you shall bear me strong sons one day, sons we will both be proud of. I hope that one day you shall be able to refer to me as your husband and be pleased with the fact. These are the things I hope for, my lady. I do not believe they are too unreasonable.”
Diamantha lifted her eyes to look at him, seeing that the eagerness, so prevalent in his expression earlier, was now restrained because she was so reserved.
She realized that he could sense her hesitation and was reacting accordingly.
Everything was still so uncertain in her heart and mind, and she simply couldn’t bring herself to agree with him.
Every time she closed her eyes or drew a breath, all she could see was Robert. It was like a stab to the gut.
“It is not unreasonable,” she said, feeling her composure slip, “but until my husband is located and until I have reconciled myself to the fact he is truly dead and in his grave, I cannot… I simply cannot….”
She trailed off, hanging her head and biting her lip to keep from weeping. Cortez watched her lowered head, feeling a tug at his heart. “You loved him,” he whispered.
It was a statement, not a question. Diamantha nodded firmly. “I did,” she murmured tightly. “I do. I still do.”
Cortez sighed faintly. “I know how you feel.”
Her head came up, the mesmerizing eyes swimming with tears. “You loved Helene?”
He nodded. “I did,” he said softly. “As you said, she was a sweet and gentle creature. There was much to love.”
Diamantha’s lower lip trembled and the tears spilled over. “How… how long before you did not wake up every morning with the pangs of grief twisting your stomach?”
His gaze lingered on her a moment before he moved, slowly, in her direction. “It took some time,” he said honestly. “But I can promise you that one day you will wake up and the pain will be less. Every day will see it diminish slightly until all that is left is a warm and bittersweet memory.”
She wiped furiously at her eyes. “I am not sure I want it to ever go away,” she said. “I do not want it taken from me. It is mine, a reminder of the love we shared.”
He came to within a foot or so, pausing as he studied her intently. “No one wants to take it from you, Lady Edlington, least of all me.”
Her head came up, her eyes accusing. “Aye, you do,” she said. “You have come to marry me and wipe the man from my memory.”
He shook his head. “I never said that,” he insisted softly. “I would never try to erase the man’s memory.”
Diamantha studied his sincere expression.
“Your actions versus your words tell me differently,” she said, somewhat bitterly.
“Tell me something, de Bretagne; if the situation were reversed and it was Helene dead only three months, how would you feel if someone had come to marry you so soon after your wife had died? How would you have felt?”
He locked gazes with her, feeling on the defensive with the question because he knew what his answer would be. But he could not lie to her; it was not in his nature. Furthermore, if he wished to establish a trusting relationship with her, it had to start somewhere. Let it start here.
“Three months after my wife’s death, I was barely able to function,” he said truthfully. “Therefore, I would not have been receptive to a marriage proposal. I more than likely would have run the messenger through.”
His honestly was gratifying. “I will not run you through, but you must understand that this is simply something I am not ready for,” she told him, her tears fading because the subject was growing seriously.
She could see that Cortez was coming to understand her position completely.
“I have heard you say that I am not ready but I do not think you truly believe it. I will still marry you this morning but you must give me time to come to terms with everything. You cannot force me into acceptance, de Bretagne. Much like you after the death of Helene, I am still very much grieving Robert’s loss.
It is my right to be allowed to do so. Do you understand what I am saying? ”
After a moment, he nodded faintly. “I do,” he confirmed. “I am sorry if you have felt forced into this situation before you were ready, but I know of no other way. You are to be my wife and I see no reason to wait.”
He only sees his wants, Diamantha thought.
It occurred to her that whether or not he truly understood her position, what he wanted mattered more.
But she could also see something else; it wasn’t that he was being selfish about it.
It was simply the way his mind worked. His desires came before anything else.
De Bretagne was a spoiled man. With a sigh, perhaps one of resignation, she turned away.
“As I said, I will marry you this morning,” she said. “As for the rest… you must be patient, sir. Anything else might result in something neither of us would like.”
He watched her as she moved away from him, putting space between them. “I will be as patient as is reasonably expected.”
Diamantha came to a halt and faced him. She sensed something stubborn in that statement and it was time to return the volley and establish lines. He had to know that she wasn’t going to let him push her around because it wasn’t in her nature to be pushed.
“As I have seen, your ability to be patient leaves something to be desired,” she said.
“You will listen to me now so there is no mistake. I will marry you this morning and then we shall proceed north. If you try, in any way, to prevent me from going with you, know that I shall follow you. I shall hire guides and escorts, in any matter I deem necessary, to follow your path into Scotland. You cannot stop me short of locking me in the vault, and even if you do that, know that I will escape and I will continue my pursuit of you. This is my quest too, de Bretagne. You cannot take that from me.”
He believed every word she said, causing him to quickly re-think his strategy of marrying her and ordering her to remain behind.
He had no doubt she would do what she said so he made the decision at that moment.
Would it be worth a lifetime of a hate-filled marriage for him to force her to remain behind, a battle with no end, or would it be better for them all if he would simply allow her to go with him on his quest north?
If he did, it would be a journey that could hopefully build trust and even the fondness he spoke of earlier.
It would be something they could do together and therefore build together.
As much as he didn’t want her along, he was coming to think it was the wiser choice, for certainly, the alternative was bleak.
After several pensive moments, he finally nodded his head.
“Very well,” he said. “If you truly wish to accompany me, I will not stop you. But we will come to an agreement here and now. You will do everything I tell you. You will not argue with me and you will not disobey. If any of these terms are not met, I will leave you at the nearest castle and tell them to lock you in the vault until I return for you. Know that I do not threaten and I do not jest. I am as serious as death and twice as final. Is this in any way unclear?”
Diamantha only cared about the fact that he had agreed to let her go. She would have agreed to anything at that point. “It is perfectly clear.”
His gaze lingered on her. Something told him that it wasn’t as clear to her as it was to him.
Time would tell. He broke away from her and moved to the small table beside his cot that held the water bowl.
It also contained the pretty painted box with the silver collar inside, the one Diamantha had thrown so angrily onto the mattress earlier that evening.
Picking it up, he opened the box and pulled forth the heavy silver necklace as he turned in her direction.
“I apologize that I am unprepared with a wedding ring, as I did not expect to marry you so soon,” he said, holding out the necklace to her as if making an offering to an angry god.
“Would you please accept this necklace as a token of my respect for the event of our marriage? I will purchase a ring for you as soon as I can, but until then, I would be very pleased if you would accept the necklace. Please, my lady?”
Diamantha eyed the beautiful piece. Her initial reaction was that she still thought he was trying to buy a bride with such a gift, but it didn’t matter any longer.
She’d already agreed to marry him so her refusal was baseless.
Reluctantly, she reached out to take it and in silence, she put it around her neck.
It was so big and cumbersome that she needed help fastening it, which Cortez gladly did.
As it settled against her chest, she couldn’t help but admire it.
“It is a very lovely piece,” she said. “I remember seeing Helene wear it.”
Cortez watched the glittering silver cross against her breast, mesmerized. “It was her favorite piece,” he said. “Before her, it had belonged to my mother. It has been much loved.”
“Then I shall handle it with the greatest of care.”
He pulled his gaze from the stones, looking her in the eye. “You would treat her jewelry with the greatest of care,” he said softly. “But I wonder how you would treat her husband?”
Diamantha held his gaze. “I suppose we shall soon find out.”
Cortez didn’t take much comfort from that statement.