10 Ellie
I had gotten home from work and put food in the oven. Dinner today was roasted mint, garlic, rosemary, honey, salt and pepper lamb chops with a heap of roasted veggies, also tossed in garlic and rosemary, sans mint and honey. I had prepped everything the night before to make it easier to deal with once I got home from work. Now all it needed was roughly forty-five minutes in the oven. Just enough time to change out of my work clothes and take a shower.
Half an hour later, I was freshly showered and wrapped in a plush oversized hoodie—perfect for the cooler nights—when the doorbell rang.
It was Callum, and he was dragging a very floppy-looking Ethan along.
Callum caught a whiff of the lamb. “Damn it, food smells good.”
“You’re welcome to have some when it’s done. I made extra.”
Callum took another mournful sniff, then shook his head. “I’d love to, but I need to get back to Hannah. We’re having dinner with her parents tonight. Where can I put Ethan down?”
“Did you drive him home? What happened?”
Ethan worked in the central business district, the CBD, and he usually took the train back to Freo train station, then transferred to a bus to get home. Callum drove to work because he and Hannah lived closer to the city centre, and it was easier for him to drive than to bus to the city.
Callum made a face. “The woman Ethan’s been wanting to ask out for a while now just told him she’s moving to Melbourne. We went out for drinks after work to commiserate and he’s had a bit too much.”
“I’m fiiiiine,” Ethan argued, slurring his words.
I sighed and pointed to the lounge in the sitting room. “Put him down there. I’ll take care of him.”
“Thank you, Ellie.” Callum deposited Ethan on the sofa while I went to fetch him water. When Callum met my eyes, they were apologetic. Of course. He had to know about my crush on Ethan.
Callum left Ethan in my tender loving care and went to brave the traffic back home. I stared down at the man laid out on the sofa and something clenched painfully at my heart. His belonged to someone else. I had expected it, but I wasn’t as prepared to see it with my own eyes as I thought I was. It was one thing to tell myself that Ethan had no feelings for me, it was another to see him laid out on the sofa, miserable and pining for a woman that wasn’t me.
I had to face reality.
I had feelings for Ethan and they weren’t going away. I was living with Ethan. I was friends with Ethan. One day, maybe even someday soon once he found someone else, he would bring someone home. I would have to watch him happy with someone else. Oh God, I might hear him have sex with someone else. At least our rooms were separated by the bathroom. As long as he didn’t do anything in the bathroom with hypothetical future girlfriend while I was home…
For now, I watched him as he nodded off on the sofa, my heart feeling as wretched as he looked. His eyes were closed, his jacket askew, the top of his work shirt unbuttoned.
Ethan let out a little snore.
I sighed and shook my head.
“I heard that,” Ethan mumbled petulantly. His eyes opened. They weren’t as bleary or as bloodshot as I expected.
“Good. You’re conscious. Here, you need to rehydrate.” I handed him a glass of water and watched him drink it before taking the empty glass from him and refilling it. When I got back, he was lying back down, his eyes closed again.
I reached for a throw from the nearby chest and covered Ethan with it.
“Ethan?” I ventured, checking if he had knocked out.
A grunt told me he was still awake.
“Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. Are you up to eating?”
“I pro-lly should.”
At least tipsy Ethan still had some sense, if not good pronunciation.
“Can you sit up in the dining room, or would you like me to bring food to you here?”
I got an unintelligible grunt in reply.
“Tell you what. I’ll set up food on the dining table. If you can get up, I’ll see you there. If not, I’ll bring it to you here.”
Ethan made a motion to get up but ended up sliding off the sofa onto the floor, taking the throw with him. Fortunately, his ass was cushioned by the huge, fluffy Persian carpet. And he managed to land assfirst, upright.
“Change of plans. You stay right here.”
Food was done when I got back to the kitchen. I filled two plates with lamb and roast veggies, grabbed cutlery and made my way back to the living room. Then I put a plate in front of Ethan. If he struggled, I might have to cut his food for him. I couldn’t risk him choking on bone.
“Eat. Your stomach will thank you.”
He moved slowly, but he managed to get there, no feeding required on my part.
“This is good,” he said after the first bite. “Have I told you you’re a great housemate?”
That made me smile. “Not yet, but I’m happy to hear it.”
“You are, Ellie. It’s nice to come home to.”
A lump formed in my throat. It was nice to hear him say things like this, but at the end of the day, were just friends. Just housemates.
I watched him eat out of the corner of my eye to make sure he didn’t choke on anything. Food seemed to do Ethan good, and he appeared more sober with every bite. Excellent.
I excused myself and came back with a bottle of wine and a wineglass.
“Where’s mine?” Ethan demanded as I filled the one wineglass and took a sip.
“You’ve had enough. This is mine.”
He pouted and grumbled something under his breath, but he didn’t fight me for it.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I offered. “It’s okay if you don’t.”
I didn’t expect him to, but Ethan answered. “She’s really hot. Tall. Elegant. Lovely legs. Smart too. Competent. Everything I could want in a woman.”
That clinched it for me. I wasn’t Ethan’s type at all. I was plain. I was of average height. I was definitely not elegant, my backside was a bit too large, and I didn’t have lovely supermodel legs. The only things on his list I could reasonably tick off were smart and competent, but so could plenty of women on the planet.
“Maybe her transfer’s temporary. Maybe she’ll come back.”
Ethan shook his head. “She’s not coming back. It’s a permanent move for her boss, and she goes everywhere with her boss.”
“I’m really sorry to hear that.”
“Are you really, Ellie?”
I stiffened. Blood rushed from my face and thudded in my ears. For a moment, I thought he knew my secret—that I had feelings for him. I quickly answered, “Of course I am. It sucks and I’m sorry she broke your heart. You deserve to be happy.” I meant every word, and I hoped he believed me.
That answer seemed to satisfy Ethan. He nodded and tucked back into his dinner. Crisis averted.
Ethan was much steadier after dinner. He reached for the plates to clear up, but I wouldn’t let him.
“You need to go shower, then you need to go sleep,” I told him.
“You always know what people need, Ellie. How do you do that?”
Okay. He was still tipsy then.
“Come on. You’ve got work tomorrow. Sleep will do you good.” I helped him to his feet.
He took my hand and stood up. “Right now, I need a hug.”
Then he pulled me into his arms. And he nuzzled. Oh my God.
The only hugs we had exchanged in the past were quick, social ones. This one was something else. I always knew he was much taller and larger than I was, but I had never realised just how much until now. His chin rested on the top of my head, and his arms completely swallowed me whole. He may have been tipsy, but there was still strength in his arms. And his chest was oh, so solid, the way I had imagined it would be. If he held on to me any longer, I would die, and it wouldn’t be a tragedy.
“You’re so soft, Ellie.”
“It’s the hoodie. I bought it because it’s so soft.”
“It’s a great hoodie.”
It had better be. It cost me a hundred and thirty dollars.
“It’s unisex. You can get them online.” I patted him on the back. Maybe I would get him one for his birthday.
Ethan didn’t let me go. Instead, his hand dropped to my ass. And squeezed.
I yelped.
“Okay. That’s it. Off to bed with you.” I pulled away from Ethan, holding him at arm’s length. He wore a sleepy look on his face, but he didn’t look like he regretted it.
“Yes, boss.” He gave me a smile, then walked off into the shower.
Did Ethan just cop a feel and then look smug about it? Maybe it was the sweater. It had to be. His hand was probably in the wrong place while he enjoyed its plushness. Maybe that hundred and thirty dollars was worth it after all.
I finished clearing up, then retreated to the living room with my tablet and a new ebook. But I couldn’t focus on the words on the page.
I thought my crush on Ethan would go away with time. I thought that living with him would wake me up to his quirks and true colours and the crush would shrink in the blinding light of reality. Instead, he came with me to my old home and made sure Andy didn’t do anything to me. He took me out for gelato afterwards to make me feel better. He cooked. He cleaned. He helped me out with the garden when he didn’t need to.
Ethan was a good guy. He was kind and he was thoughtful, and I couldn’t help but want more. The crush had grown and grown until all I could think about every morning was seeing him in the kitchen. Until I couldn’t wait to get home from work just so I could see him at home.
That hug didn’t help. It was amazing being enfolded in his arms. He was so cuddly, so sweet. Until he grabbed my ass. But I didn’t mind that either.
Instead, both the hug and the ass grab woke up something in me. I hadn’t been touched like that by a man in a very long time, and until now, I thought I wasn’t really missing anything. Now, my body craved more.
Ethan was drunk and handsy, and if I hadn’t stopped him, maybe things would have progressed into something more. I could have gotten some relief from this ache building between my legs. But that would be taking advantage of him, and I could never do that.
The last time I had sex was years ago, before I moved to Perth. It had been my first time, and it was as awkward and messy as first times went. After that, I didn’t think I could find someone else who wanted me that way. I was always the plain one. The preppy one. The sensible, straitlaced one that no one ever saw in that way. And I didn’t want anyone else. I wanted Ethan.
Now that I knew what it felt like to have him up close, to be in his arms, I wanted him even more.
This was awful. This couldn’t end well. He could never know how attracted I was to him, and I needed to do something about it, quickly.
I put my tablet down and reached for my phone. I hadn’t dated since I broke up with my one boyfriend because I moved to Perth. Nat and I had been inseparable since we got here, and anytime we met any new and single men, they all gravitated towards Nat, and I faded into the background.
Some of it was my fault. I had written myself off the dating scene, and I hadn’t tried harder. Having eyes for only Ethan didn’t help.
It was time to do something different. It was time to put myself out there.
I downloaded a dating app I heard several colleagues mention and started a profile. A part of me was terrified that putting myself out there would only confirm what I had known all along—that there was nothing attractive about me at all. I nearly deleted the app several times, but in the end, I managed to plough through and get my profile set up.
It only took half an hour for a match to pop up. Then a second. Then a third. I stared at my screen in disbelief. Maybe I wasn’t as undatable as I thought I was after all.