22 Ellie
T o celebrate the first proper warm weekend in spring, Ethan and I hosted our very first barbeque in our newly refreshed backyard. Callum would finally get his wish to do a cookout outside, and I couldn’t wait to see the looks on our friends’ faces when they saw what we had done with the backyard.
Several hours before everyone was due to arrive, Ethan was busy wiping down all surfaces in the house. I was in the kitchen prepping all the meats and marinades. Somehow, my prep had ended veering into almost Korean BBQ territory, so I leaned into it. There were sliced beef short ribs. Thick-cut pork belly rashers. More pork. More beef. Chicken thighs. Chicken wings. I had tried my hand at homemade galbi and bulgogi marinades, and I was pleased with my results. There was also a spicy gochujang-based marinade because our entire group adored heat.
I ran through the list of things to do in my mind. Once I finished with the meats, I’d go outside and harvest our spring veggies to make a salad. Our cos lettuce leaves would go into their own pile to end up as wraps for the thinly sliced pork. The currently prolific sugar snap peas had already been tossed with a roasted sesame and soy dressing and was chilling in the fridge as a cold salad. Being so moreish, they always went fast when we had company over. Then I’d get to shredding spring onions into thin strips. Ethan’s mother had found a claw-like knife thing for doing exactly that online and had gifted it to me the last time she was over. Then I’d toss the spring onion strips in a spicy Korean-inspired dressing and set it aside to go with the meat and lettuce wraps.
I was happily trucking along when the doorbell rang.
I went to answer the door, wondering if it was Mrs Chu again. Ethan’s mother had got it into her head that I would make a fantastic daughter-in-law. She thought she was being subtle about it, but she wasn’t and Joyce confirmed it.
“I hope you told her it’s a hopeless case,” I told Joyce.
“Is it really?” Joyce gave me a knowing look. “I mean, you’ve been living with my brother for half a year now, and he’s never been happier.”
I nearly choked. It was probably just the sex, but Joyce absolutely didn’t need to know that.
“Joyce, I can’t date your brother. It’ll get messy, and I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”
“You’ll never lose me as a friend. In fact, I’ll take your side if you two ever fight. As long as you don’t deliberately set out to hurt him, of course.”
I would never hurt Ethan. Not intentionally, at least. It was more likely that he’d hurt me first, and it wouldn’t be intentional either. After all, feelings needed to be involved to be able to hurt the other person. Ethan didn’t have feelings for me, and if he believed what I told him, he didn’t know I still had feelings for him, so I shook my head and told Joyce, “You know we’re just housemates and friends, right? He’ll never feel anything more for me.”
“How do you know that?” Joyce persisted.
“Because he told me so.” Multiple times, including that one time I had overheard him telling his mother so in no uncertain terms.
“Oh…” Joyce looked uncertain, then horror dawned on her face. “Oh. Oh no. Was he mean to you? Did he reject you? I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have interfered. I thought you’d be good together.”
That confirmed she had been the one to spill the beans to him about my feelings, but it was all right. It wasn’t as if I wasn’t obvious about it in the past.
“Nothing of the sort,” I assured her. “We talked about it. I told him it was in the past, and I’d like it to stay that way. Please.”
“Okay. I won’t say anything this time. I promise.”
Joyce had let it go after that.
Right now, I wandered to the front door, wondering just how I could discourage Mrs Chu. After she met me, she got my number from Joyce and started texting me about little things. First, it was to exchange recipes, especially when she heard how much Joyce and Ethan liked my cooking. Then she started dropping by the house to drop off things for Ethan, and “Oh, Ellie, I thought of you when I saw this. Please accept it.”
She was trying to court me on behalf of her son because she thought I’d make him a great girlfriend. If only she knew she didn’t have to bother. I was already stupidly in love with Ethan. The only problem was he didn’t want me back.
I enjoyed Ethan’s mother’s attention. It was nice to be wanted by a parental figure, but I knew it couldn’t last. Once she figured out that Ethan and I would never come to anything, she’d move on to the girl Ethan would date for real and I would be discarded again. Just like the arrangement I had with Ethan, it couldn’t last, and I couldn’t let myself get used to it.
I opened the door. It wasn’t Mrs Chu. Instead, it was the last person I thought I’d ever see again.
“Hey, Ellie,” Natalie gave me an anxious smile. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry about everything. I had no one else to go to.”
I had given her my address when I moved here, but she didn’t seem to care at the time. I didn’t think she kept it, but apparently, she did. A million conflicting feelings churned in my gut as I watched my ex-best friend stand on my doorstep. I had been so angry at her for so long, furious that she had chosen to throw away our friendship over a guy. Then I noticed the suitcase behind her, and all that anger dissolved into concern. “What happened?”
That’s when Nat burst into tears.
“You were right about Andy,” she sobbed. “He’s kicked me out of the apartment.”
I took a deep breath. There was so much to unpack right there.
“You had better come in.”
I led Nat into the kitchen and got her to sit down at the dining table while I fetched her a hot cup of tea.
Nat’s eyes fell on my busy kitchen countertop and widened. “Oh. I’m interrupting. I’m so sorry…”
“That’s fine. Stay for dinner if you like. It’s just Hannah, Joyce and Callum coming over tonight. You already know everybody, and there’s more than enough food for everyone.”
“I really missed your cooking.” There was a wistful note to Nat’s voice. “Andy expected me to cook, and I don’t enjoy it as much as you do.”
I just nodded. It was nice to be appreciated for it, even if it came a little late.
“Now, tell me everything.”
Nat’s entire expression folded. The entire story came out in between Nat’s wretched sobbing and more apologies.
Andy had introduced Hayleigh to Nat, telling her that she was his best girl friend, and he’d wanted them both to get along. Hayleigh started becoming a larger and larger presence in Nat’s life, effectively slotting into the space I left when I was kicked out. By then, Andy had moved into the apartment. Hayleigh started coming over more and more, staying over most nights. Their relationship bothered Nat, but Andy always told her she was overthinking things, gaslighting her into believing that everything was in her own head, that all my warnings about Hayleigh were because I was a disgruntled and jealous ex-friend. I stopped myself from rolling my eyes when I heard that. Nat didn’t need any more condemnation from me, not when she was heaping more than enough on herself.
Nat continued her story. Earlier today, she came home early from running errands to find Andy balls deep in Hayleigh on her living room sofa. Andy could no longer gaslight his way out of that one.
“Why didn’t you kick him out? It’s your place.” I was furious on her behalf. Even though Nat had kicked me out, she didn’t deserve the same treatment from Andy.
Nat fell silent. She bit her lip. Her whole body started to shake.
“Nat, you can tell me,” I told her gently. Whatever happened, it couldn’t be good.
“I…I transferred the title deed of the apartment into his name.”
Oh God. I sagged. My head hurt. It took everything I had not to scream at her. Instead, I just asked one question. “Why?”
“He convinced me that it would be a sign I was completely committed to him. That it wouldn’t make a difference because we were going to get married anyway and the apartment would still be mine because of that.” Nat spoke faster now. But with every word she said out loud, the consequences of her decision seemed to sink in all the more for her.
“What have your parents said? Is there anything they can do?” I asked her.
Nat shook her head. “I haven’t told them.”
She didn’t dare to.
“I don’t know what to do, Ellie,” Nat wailed. “You always do. I should have listened to you. Tell me what I need to now do to fix this.”
I didn’t know what to do either. This was a mess that was partly of her own making. But I told her, “We’ll figure it out. For now, you can stay here. There aren’t any spare rooms, but you can sleep on the sofa.”
“I can’t ask this of you,” Nat looked nervously around the living room. My things and Ethan’s were all over the place. It was obviously very well used. Then she added in a smaller voice, “Not after I kicked you out.”
“Where will you stay then?” A part of me was hoping she had somewhere else to go to. I liked my domestic little arrangement with Ethan, and having Nat stay here would upend it all. It was a selfish thought.
“I can pay for a hotel…” Nat let her voice trail off. “But I can’t afford it for too long.”
“Is there anyone else you can stay with?” Meaning, did she have other friends?
Nat became very still. “I…I haven’t anyone else I’m close to here. I haven’t been spending much time with other people ever since Andy and Hayleigh moved in.” Her voice became small. “I don’t have anyone else.”
Nat told the truth. My friends here were her friends, although she didn’t engage with them as much as they’d liked. There was that time when Andy got jealous at her for spending too much time with work friends, so she ended up pulling back from those relationships. I had made some noise at that when that happened, but Nat had shut me down, telling me that when someone was in a relationship, priorities changed. I hadn’t brought it up until that fateful day when she kicked me out. It had been one of my many bullet points.
I couldn’t in good conscience turn Nat away.
“Stay here. It’ll be okay. I’ll help you get back on your feet.”
“Thank you,” Nat gushed gratefully. “But I know you don’t live here alone. What will your housemate say?”
I needed to talk to Ethan about this. No matter how awful Nat had been to me, I couldn’t leave her in the lurch. We were both paying tenants of the house. Speak of the devil, Ethan came into the house from the backyard where he had been giving the patio furniture a good wipe before our guests arrived. He must have heard all the racket we were making. Nat’s crying hadn’t been quiet.
He caught sight of Nat, and his eyes narrowed. Nat’s eyes fell on him and widened in surprise. I immediately got up and dragged him down the hallway so we could talk.
“What the hell is she doing here?” Ethan demanded.
I relayed the entire sorry story to him. Even he shook his head when he heard about the apartment.
“She’s got nowhere to go. I know this is your place too, but it would be a massive favour to me if you could allow her to stay. She can sleep on the living room sofa. Just for a few days.”
Ethan didn’t look happy, but he agreed. “Only because you asked, Ellie. I’m saying yes for you, not her. You’re being a saint to her, and she doesn’t deserve any of it, especially with how she treated you. I really hate how she treated you.”
“Thank you, Ethan.” I wanted to kiss him in thanks, but we didn’t have that kind of relationship. We were just friends with benefits. It would always be a gulf nothing could breach.
“I’m agreeing for you, not her,” Ethan repeated. “And if she treats you like shit again, I don’t care how wretched her sob story is; I’m tossing her back out.”
That was as good as I was going to get. I nodded and went back to Nat.
“I guess I can stay then.” Nat eyed the hallway warily. Ethan hadn’t kept his voice down, probably on purpose. She had heard everything. “I have been awful to you, haven’t I? I am sorry.”
I nodded in response, acknowledging her apology. But I didn’t say anything else. There was too much stored up. How could you do it? How could you throw me away? But now was not the time.
“Was that Ethan? Ethan Chu? The guy you’re in love with?” Nat craned her head to the hallway. “That looked like him and sounded like him.”
“Yeah, that’s him.” My voice was hollow. I was still in love with him, not that it mattered anyway.
Nat’s doe eyes widened. “And you’re living with him. How did you manage to pull that off? Are you two together?”
I shook my head. “No, we’re just friends.”
She shot me a disbelieving look, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the whole story. It was true anyway. Ethan and I were just friends. Nothing more.
~
E veryone arrived for the barbeque exactly when I expected them to, meaning Joyce dropped by early with a bag of groceries so she could start dessert in the oven for later, and Hannah and Callum arrived right on time carrying a carton of beer and two bottles of nice red wines picked to pair with all the meats I had texted them about earlier.
“I love what you’ve done with the backyard,” Hannah gushed when she arrived, and I proudly took her on a mini tour of the back garden. “Look at all these flowers.”
I had made sure to include plenty of flowering plants, most of them companions for the edibles they grew next to. They were my first line of defence against pests too. I remembered several childhood gardens devastated by armyworms before I could harvest a thing. Then a kindly neighbour took pity on me and told me to plant beneficial insect-attracting plants. I took his advice and planted a heap of his recommended flowers in my veggie patch the next year. The predator wasps moved in, and since then, the armyworm population never ate more than ten percent of my crop ever again.
“And all these veggies.” Joyce was much more enthusiastic about the food. Our raised veggie beds were bursting at the seams and had finally stopped smelling of manure after I fertilised them two weeks ago.
“Are you growing any lemons? Or limes? Some would be great with the ginger beer we brought,” Callum’s eyes searched the garden.
I pointed to the fence where two little trees sat in pots that seemed way too large for them. They would grow into them eventually. “That’s the citrus, but we may have to wait a year or two before they fruit. That is, if the landlord doesn’t evict either of us by then.”
Callum gave me a strange look, then said dryly, “I doubt that’ll ever happen.”
Nat sat quietly in the corner of the kitchen as everyone bustled in and around the house. It was obvious everyone was familiar and comfortable with the cottage, and it made my heart nearly burst at the seams seeing everyone important to me together in my home. Ethan still disapproved of Nat, but he had been excruciatingly polite and welcoming after his initial outburst. Hannah was ecstatic to see Nat, and started chatting with her about random safe topics, drawing Nat out of her shell. Hannah was always good like that. Joyce was a bit more standoffish, but she managed to remain friendly. I had texted everyone a summary of Nat’s situation before they arrived and had asked them to be delicate about it to her.
Ethan was in charge of the barbeque, and by the time the meats hit the table, the sky had grown dark. Right on cue, the solar festoon lights we had strung across the patio lit up.
I reached under the table and brought out several battery-powered replica gas lamps and spread them across the table. The patio had wired lights, but these lamps were pretty, and they were powerful enough to illuminate the whole table so we could see what we were eating while making it look like we were eating by candlelight. It was all about the atmosphere.
Joyce gasped. “Oh my God, it’s so pretty. I never knew the patio could look like this.”
“I know, right?” Callum chimed in. “Before this, it was literally an outdoor dump. Remember that old broken washing machine that sat out here for ages?”
“I think mice made a nest in it last summer.” Hannah shuddered. “And don’t forget the overgrown garden. Look at it now. You can barely tell it’s the same place. Great job, Ellie.”
“Yeah, good work, Ellie,” Callum grinned.
“Hey, I did a lot of the work too,” Ethan pointed out.
“He did.” I felt compelled to defend him. None of this would have been possible without him pitching in.
“I know, but Ethan never would have without your good influence,” Joyce teased.
I thought Ethan would be offended, but instead, his face softened, and he said, “That is true.”
“It was a team effort,” I grinned.
“It was, and we are an effective team.” Ethan grinned back.
Joyce spun around to face her brother. “Did you just quote a Tom Cruise movie? I thought you swore off his movies ever since the couch-jumping incident.”
“I was a kid and thought he was weird,” Ethan shrugged. “Besides, Ellie’s been making me watch his stuff.”
It was true. I was a reluctant Tom Cruise fan, and no one could deny he made entertaining movies.
“Oh? What have you seen so far?” Callum asked curiously.
“Well, Ellie started me on Tropic Thunder. The credits were one hell of a surprise.” Ethan’s mouth turned up. “Then what was it after that? The Mission Impossible movies were great. But it was really Edge of Tomorrow that converted me.”
It might have helped that after the movie was done, he proceeded to carry me into his room and have his way with me.
“Ah, yes. That was a great movie.” Callum nodded, oblivious to the dirty memories I had from our movie nights. “I need to watch it again.”
“Come by next time we’re rewatching it,” I invited without thinking. “I like to rewatch it every so often too.”
Then I remembered that the living room was temporarily Nat’s bedroom. A group movie night here wouldn’t be anytime soon.
“Sounds good. Just let us know when. It could be date night.” Callum leaned towards Hannah and nuzzled his face against her hair.
Hannah swatted him away and held up a napkin to her boyfriend. “Not when you have grease all over your mouth.”
“But I do wipe,” Callum pouted.
“And you miss.” Hannah took a napkin and dabbed the edge of Callum’s mouth. “There, much better.”
The memory of Ethan doing to same to me when I spilled gelato sprang to mind.
Hannah and Callum stared into each other’s eyes for a brief moment, forgetting that the rest of us were present. It was so sweet that it made my heart ache. I wanted that for myself too, but Ethan and I were not in a relationship.
Then Hannah’s eyes fell onto Callum’s plate, and she grabbed the chicken wing off it. It was the very last one from tonight’s cook, and they had been wildly popular.
“Hey, that was mine,” Callum protested.
Hannah just made large puppy eyes at him until he growled, “Fine. You can have it.”
I now turned to Nat. She had sat quietly next to me the entire evening, only speaking when someone moved to engage her in conversation. Now, she watched Hannah and Callum with a strangely fearful look on her face.
“Is everything okay?” I whispered.
“Callum is going to blow up at Hannah for stealing his food, and for humiliating him in front of everyone.” Nat’s face was pale.
I frowned. “No, he’s not. What makes you say so?”
“Andy would.”
An old memory sprang to mind. Nat had playfully tried to steal food from Andy’s plate at a restaurant once, and he had snapped at her for it. It was supposed to be a night out for Nat and me, and Andy had invited himself along. After that, Nat stopped being as playful, and we started to have fewer girls’ nights out as Andy took over more of her time. That didn’t make it onto my bullet list, but in hindsight, it probably should have. Being with Andy had made Nat smaller over time, until she was no longer the best friend I grew up with.
“Callum isn’t Andy. Plenty of guys aren’t Andy. Just watch.” I gestured back to the couple. Hannah ended up tearing her chicken wing in half and gave the drumette portion back to Callum. Callum still looked grumpy, but he refused it and put it back on Hannah’s plate the moment it landed on his.
“No, you have it. I know how much you love chicken wings.”
Hannah’s eyes gleamed. “Thank you.” Then she greedily tucked into her prize.
That’s when Callum’s face broke into a smile. He would have done anything to make Hannah happy. Even give up all the tastiest chicken wings in the world.
I turned back to look at Nat. She now wore a bewildered look on her face.
“This is how it’s supposed to be,” I told her, hoping she heard me for a change.