33 Ethan
I stayed up all night, waiting for Ellie to come home. There was so much I needed to say to her. I needed to beg for forgiveness for my thoughtless stupidity. I had to tell her that I wanted her too, that I chose her, not because she asked me to, but because I loved her so much that there could never be anyone else. It was Ellie or nothing.
But the night grew later and later, and Ellie still didn’t come home. By then, a million awful thoughts took over my head. Ellie was on a date. Ellie was with her date. Ellie was with her date and she hadn’t come home. That left only one possibility—she had gone home with him and was hooking up with him.
I couldn’t bear the thought of Ellie with someone else, but the facts slapped me in the face. I had never told her we were exclusive. In fact, I had confirmed we were exactly the opposite of exclusive and dating. She hadn’t come home. She was definitely sleeping with him, and why wouldn’t she, when he was so good-looking and so willing?
Then heartbreak turned to anger. How could she? Especially when she just told me that it was me she wanted. How could her words be so damn cheap? How could she go be with someone else right after she told me her heart was mine?
I fell asleep around two in the morning, only to wake up in the dark. A quick check of my watch told me it was five a.m. I paced the entire house. Ellie still wasn’t home. I ended up dragging my quilt to the living room just so I could stand vigil where I could hear the front door open. The rest of my sleep was fitful and restless.
Morning finally came, and Ellie still wasn’t home. I was short on sleep, and nearly foaming at the mouth with jealousy. If the guy brought her home…if she brought him home…I wasn’t sure what I would do. The waiting drove me crazy.
I called in sick to work, then went back to my spot in the living room, watching for Ellie. There was no way I could focus on work today if I went in. But after hours and hours of waiting, there was still no Ellie. Maybe she slept over at the other guy’s place, then went to work from there.
Finally, I caved and messaged Ellie, asking her if she was coming home today. There was no reply. In the end, the lack of sleep got to me. I dozed off, but my rest was fitful and furious. When I woke up again, the sun was low in the sky.
There was a sound coming from the front door. Someone was unlocking it. Someone was coming in.
Ellie.
Blood pounded in my ears. I watched her walk in through the front door, and my heart fell through the floor. She was still dressed in yesterday’s clothes, but they looked well rumpled. Her makeup looked like she slept in it. She looked well ravished.
No…
I saw red.
“Did you have a good date, Ellie?” My voice came out colder than I ever thought it would.
Ellie’s eyes met mine. “Did you?” She shot back.
“Did you sleep with him? Is that why you didn’t come home last night?” I demanded.
The look Ellie shot me could have cut glass. “What’s it to you? Didn’t your own date go well?”
My own date? Of course. Renae. Ellie had seen me with her yesterday. Suddenly, all my anger evaporated. I couldn’t lose Ellie.
I opened my mouth to tell her everything I wanted to say, but Ellie beat me to it. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll stay out of your way. And she needn’t worry about me either. I’m moving out.”
Ellie sounded so calm, so collected. As if she didn’t care after all.
What was Ellie saying?
“What? No. You’re not going anywhere. You can’t. ”
“And why not? After all, you’re not my boyfriend. You’re just a friend. I’m just your tenant. ”
Ah, fuck. Ellie found out. I was going to come clean to her, but she found out first. “Shit. I meant to tell you—”
“When were you going to tell me?” She cut me off. “Or is it never, because I’m not good enough of a friend? Because I’m not good enough to date, only fuck, and even I wore that welcome out?”
There was fury in Ellie’s voice. She did care after all. She had always cared, but I had been too obtuse, too blind to see it. She hadn’t even touched me, and it felt like I had been slapped. Hard. All my fears had come to pass. She had found out my secret, and she was angry at me for lying to her.
“I should have told you.” My voice was hoarse. “It’s my fault I didn’t, not because you’re not good enough of a friend. You are. You’re my best friend.”
Ellie’s shattered reaction told me it had absolutely been the wrong thing to say.
“Of course. A friend. That’s all I am. That’s all I’m good for.” She looked away, then moved to get past me.
I didn’t let her. I swept her into my arms, holding her close to me.
“You are, and you are much more than that to me.” She struggled out of my arms, but I held her tight. I had things I needed to say, and I needed Ellie to hear me. “Ellie, I made a huge mistake. I don’t want Renae. I want you.”
My words stopped Ellie in her tracks. But the look on her face told me she didn’t believe me.
“If you wanted me, if you didn’t want Renae, you wouldn’t have gone on a date with her right after I told you I loved you. You wouldn’t have dropped me the moment you found something better. You wouldn’t have kept me your dirty little secret all this time. You wouldn’t have made me feel like I was an afterthought,” she looked resigned as she said the words.
Did I do all that? It dawned on me that I did, except for the fact that Ellie was the one to break things off, not me. But this hardly seemed like the time to point that out. I was an idiot, but not that much of an idiot.
“I’m sorry, Ellie.”
Ellie kept on going. “Look. I get it. You don’t want me the same way—”
“That’s not true, and you know it,” I argued.
“No, Ethan, I don’t.” There was sadness in Ellie’s voice.
“Was that why you went out with him?” I hissed. Jealousy burned in me. She had told me she loved me, and she had spent the night with someone else. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t have gone out with the other guy.”
Anger flashed across Ellie’s face. “What did you expect me to do? Wait patiently for you at home like a good side piece? Not in a million years. No, Ethan, you don’t get to dictate who I can spend my time with, especially since you made it clear there was nothing between us. I know I’m not enough for you, so it’s none of your business what I do with someone else. I can sleep with whomever I want, and you don’t get a say.”
The red tide washed over me, and suddenly, there was nothing else left but blinding jealousy.
I pinned her to the hallway wall. Her breathing was fast, her eyes furious. Her body was so warm under mine, and as I pressed against her, the familiar stirring of arousal overtook me. But she had been with another man last night, and I couldn’t take it.
My mouth took hers, and I kissed her furiously, as if I could wipe the taste of another man off her lips. She was mine, and she let someone else put his hands on her.
“Did you let him kiss you like this, Ellie?” I demanded, then claimed her mouth with mine again.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Ellie was angry, but she didn’t say yes. That made me giddy with pleasure. She melted under my mouth, and I was damn sure she never kissed anyone else like she kissed me.
My hands roamed her body, angry that just last night, she let someone else do the same thing to her. She said she loved me, then went to be with someone else, and I couldn’t handle it at all. I reached for her skirt, pulling it upwards roughly until her underwear was exposed to me. I pulled her tight top up over her belly, over her breasts and bared her bra to me. Someone else had laid eyes on her body, and the thought of it drove me insane.
Ellie moaned encouragingly under my touch, her arms pulled me closer, and I nearly lost my mind.
My fingers hooked inside her panties, finding her faithless pussy wet and dripping.
“Did you get this wet for him like you do for me?” I rubbed her clit the way I knew she loved me doing. Ellie cried out, just the way I knew she would for me.
“Of course I did,” Ellie whimpered breathlessly. She was taunting me, and it was working. “You’re not special.”
It took everything I had not to put a hole through the wall. Not that I could actually do so anyway because it was brick and the only thing I would break would be my hand, and I had better things to do with my hand.
“Did he fuck you like I fuck you?” I slipped a finger inside her hot, wet, cunt, and let her clench needily at my touch. “Did you squeeze him this tight, just like how you take me?”
Ellie opened her mouth to say something else. Maybe to taunt me some more, but something changed her mind. “No one fucks me like you fuck me,” Ellie whispered in the end, but it didn’t soothe my anger. She whimpered my name like it was the only one that ever passed her lips when she came, and yet, she had let herself be with someone else last night. Bitterness washed over me.
I let another finger slip in, then fury took over and I started hammering her pussy with my hand, my thumb rubbing her needy clit, my fingers hitting all the spots inside her I knew would make her scream, make her come apart, exactly how I liked her to.
Ellie cried my name, and her body became putty in my arms. She was so wet, so responsive that all I wanted to do was claim her right then and there and find out just how much more I could make her scream. Then I remembered that someone else already had.
“Did you come last night with him, Ellie?” I rasped into her ear. Her body was so ready for me, and yet, it had been ready for someone else. The betrayal stung, but it didn’t stop me from wanting her even then.
“No,” Ellie hissed, and I groaned with satisfaction. Good. No one was going to make her come but me.
“Tell me to stop, Ellie,” I growled as I pressed my body against hers. “Tell me you don’t like my body on yours. Tell me I’m not special again. Tell me he satisfied you as well as I did.”
“He didn’t,” Ellie rasped. “No one satisfies me like you do.”
My hands cupped her dripping pussy. The entire time, I wondered if he came in her, if she came on him, no matter what she told me. But right now, I didn’t care. Ellie always drove me wild, and my body ached for her.
“Tell me to stop, or else I’m going to fuck you right now. I don’t care who was in this pussy earlier, I’m going to show it who it belongs to.”
“Do your worst,” Ellie taunted, but her hands were already all over me, tearing off my shirt, unbuckling my pants, stroking my cock through my briefs. “Sex is all you want me for anyway, so might as well get it over with.”
I didn’t hear what she was saying. I should have. All I felt was an overwhelming urge to take what was mine. My dick came out. A condom came on. Then I was in her, burying myself into her with all abandon, taking her cunt and making it mine. All mine.
I didn’t care if she stayed up all night fucking him, I took her hard and fast and furious against the wall. She was mine. All mine. No one else’s.
“You wanted me, Ellie. Now you can have me. Have all of me. I’m all yours.”
And I had been long before either of us realised it.
She came apart with me inside her, fucking her exactly the way I knew she liked it. Her breathless gasps of pleasure, her grip on my back told me she enjoyed this as much as I did. No one else could ever make her feel this good. No one else ever would. Now it was my turn. Her climaxing pussy fluttered around my cock, and I came with a roar as my own climax overwhelmed me.
“I need you so much.” My voice was wretched as I held her tight. “I hate that you can tell me you love me and sleep with someone else on the same day.”
Ellie pulled away from me with a guilty look on her face. “I’m sorry I let you think that. I was just so mad at you. I never slept with him. I was at Nat’s all night.”
The fury in my chest dissipated, replaced by relief. “Oh, thank God,” I breathed. “But why were you at Nat’s?”
“Long story. It’s got nothing to do with us.” Ellie shook her head and righted her clothes. Then her voice broke, taking my heart along with it. “This was a mistake.”
“Not it isn’t. Everything will be all right now.” It was more wishful thinking than anything. I reached to pull her back into my arms. “I want you, Ellie. Only you.”
Ellie held me at arm’s length and shook her head. “I know you do, but that’s your dick talking. I still don’t know why you’re attracted to me, and I guess I should be grateful that you are, but that’s all there is to it. You just like fucking me, just as much as I like fucking you, but that’s all there is to it on your end. That’s all you wanted from me, and I’m well aware of that.”
“What?” I demanded. “Ellie, I don’t even know where to start with that. Ellie, I want you.”
“No, you want to fuck me, but trust me, it’s just lust. It doesn’t last.”
“Are you trying to make a bad pun here?”
“What? No! But I’m not wrong.” Her eyes blazed. “You never wanted more. All we ever did was fuck, and nothing else.”
“That’s not true. We’re friends. We enjoy each other’s company. We’re damn good housemates. We’re so good together.”
“Yeah, but that’s completely separate from sleeping together and actually being together. We were never together.”
“We can be together now,” I insisted. “I’ve come to my senses.”
“And I’ve come to mine.” Ellie’s expression was firm. “We can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore. And I doubt you’ll want me any longer if you’re no longer allowed to fuck me.”
This girl. I clenched my jaw, holding all my frustration in.
“Ellie, I want you. I have feelings for you. Why won’t you believe me?” I didn’t know what else to say. Here I was, offering all she ever wanted to her, and here she was, throwing it back in my face.
Ellie shook her head. “Let me pass, Ethan. Please.”
I couldn’t be any more of an asshole to her than I already had been. I released her. She walked into her room and locked the door behind her, leaving me standing there, watching her go. My pants were still pulled down, the now dirty condom still on my now flaccid cock.
It didn’t matter. Ellie was still here. There would be plenty of time to talk about this later. She had to hear me out. She had to believe me.
~
I waited for Ellie. I almost lost her before, and I damn well wasn’t going to be dumb enough to do so again, so when her door opened half an hour later, I was ready.
Then she stepped out of her room wheeling a packed suitcase, and my heart sank into my stomach all over again.
Ellie caught me staring and said in a flat voice, “I’m moving out.”
“What? You can’t do that.” My voice came out hoarse.
“I’ve already emailed the—your—property agent my required twenty-one days’ notice.”
“That’s twenty-one days from now. Where are you going?”
“Don’t worry. I’ll still pay rent until then.” Ellie was back to her cool, composed self. Her voice was calm, businesslike, as she told me, “I’m just going to stay somewhere else until then.”
“I don’t care about the rent.” I really didn’t. Sometime in the last few months, my mortgage had shrunk to the point where I now had enough buffer to not worry about finances any longer. Renting a room out and saving up for the last few years had finally paid off. I had crossed the pinch point, and it took a heap of financial pressure off me. I didn’t need a tenant any longer, but I really wanted Ellie to stay. I needed Ellie to stay.
Ellie shook her head. “You hurt me, Ethan. I need my space from you. I need it to get over you.”
“I don’t want you to.”
“Don’t say things like that.” Ellie looked away. “You can’t—I can’t do this anymore with you. I can’t keep on being with you but not being with you. It hurts too much.”
“But I want to. Be with you, I mean. Ellie, I know I fucked up, but please don’t leave me.”
“I don’t know if I can stay here with you any longer, knowing that you own the place. It was easier when I thought you were a fellow tenant, not the person who held all the power here.” Her face hardened. “I was kicked out by someone I thought would never do so once. I never want to be in the same position again.”
“I will never kick you out.” I had promised her that the first day she moved in, and I still meant it.
Ellie shook her head and started wheeling her suitcase towards the front door.
“Ellie,” I leapt to the front of the door, blocking her way. “Ellie, don’t go. Please,” I begged. I couldn’t bear seeing her walk out that door, away from me.
Ellie stopped right in front of me. She lifted her eyes to me and her expression softened. “I want to believe you so much, Ethan. I really do. But maybe you’re mistaking lust for actual feelings for me. Maybe you’re just used to having me around. I mean, all this time…”
“All this time, I’ve been falling in love with you.” I took her into my arms.
Ellie melted into them, just like she always did. Then her whole body stiffened. “But not enough to cancel your date. Not enough to tell me you’re my landlord.” Her expression hardened. “No, Ethan. I can’t do this anymore. I love you with all my heart, but I need someone who will always choose me first, no matter what.”
“Where are you going then?” I demanded.
“Nat’s.”
“She didn’t choose you either,” I pointed out.
Ellie’s smile was bitter. “I know, and I’m not there for her. I’m there because it’s a free roof over my head while I figure things out. I don’t intend to stay; I’ll get a place of my own, where no one can ever kick me out ever again. Maybe I’ll buy my own place this time. I do have enough saved up to take on a mortgage.”
“You know you can always stay here. With me.” I tried again.
Ellie paused for a moment, and I stopped breathing. But then she shook her head. “Space will be good for the both of us. Please let me go, Ethan.”
I couldn’t get her to stay. I couldn’t hold her back either, so I leaned in and gave her forehead a quick kiss, then I stepped out of her way.