38 Ellie
E than slept in my bed last night, him stripped down to his underwear, me in my cosy pyjamas. He held me tight all night, and even though I could feel how hard he was for me, he didn’t push for more. I wanted so much for him to, but I was glad he didn’t. I didn’t trust myself not to cave once we started being intimate again.
When I woke up the next morning, his smiling face was the first thing I saw. He looked so happy to be with me. He told me he loved me back, and it was getting harder and harder to doubt him.
“Good morning, Ellie,” he whispered, then leaned in to give me a gentle kiss.
“Good morning,” I smiled back at him, then nuzzled into the crook of his neck. We had only done this a few times, mainly out of necessity because we were sneaking around when Nat stayed with us. There was something different about it now. Now, this intimacy between us felt so good, so right. Ethan seemed to feel the same too, because he let out a satisfied sigh and started stroking my hair.
“Come home, Ellie,” he murmured into my ear. He said that to me every day, and every day, I told him no.
I could come back. Then we could do this every morning from now on. There was nothing stopping me. Except…
I sighed. “I’m not sure I should.”
“Why not?”
I could hear the pain in Ethan’s voice, and I hated that I was the cause. But I had my reasons. “Nat.”
“What the hell has Nat got to do with you and me?” Ethan grumbled.
“Nothing, except that I feel like I ought to set a good example for her.” But when I said the words out loud, it suddenly didn’t seem like a good enough reason any longer.
At Ethan’s befuddled expression, I explained, “Did you know she asked me why you weren’t pounding on the door, yelling at me to get me back? She seriously thought you didn’t love me enough.”
“Hell, Ellie, I love you too much, but I’m not some controlling prick like Andy was. You told me to give you space and I did.”
“I know. That’s exactly my point. That’s what I told Nat. Her sense of normal is quite fucked after Andy.”
Understanding dawned in Ethan’s eyes. “Hence why you think you shouldn’t come back to me. You want to set a good example.” Then he turned grumpy. “That’s not fair to me, Ellie, and it’s not fair to you. Especially if you want to come back.” He hesitated, then asked in a quieter voice. “Will you ever come back? Do you want to?”
He had a point. “I do want to,” I finally admitted, “but not yet.”
The light in Ethan’s eyes dimmed.
“You don’t have to be here to set a good example for her. No offence to Nat, but she can kindly go screw herself. You’ve given too much in your friendship. I know you said you’ve drawn a line in the sand in your friendship, but you’re still doing too much. I know she’s letting you stay here rent-free so you can support her, and you’ve accepted because you need space from me. But Ellie, you can let go, you know? Nat’s an adult and she needs to make her own mistakes. You can’t shield her or anyone from them forever.”
I winced. Ethan was right. Needing space from him was my excuse to stay here, but the longer I lingered, the longer Nat and I ran into the danger of falling into old patterns where I ended up taking on too much in the relationship and she ended up taking me for granted because I let her. We both were aware of our dynamic now, but this too was something I needed to work on. I had left Ethan’s place for exactly that reason, and yet I was still doing it with Nat, who truth be told, had hurt me more than Ethan ever did.
“You’re right,” I told Ethan. “I need to leave this apartment.”
He stiffened. “Did I just talk you into getting your own place?”
“Maybe,” I teased, but it was the truth.
“You know the cottage is always home for you. Your things are still there—”
“I promise I’ll get them as soon as I finalise something, and I’ll keep paying rent,” I cut in, guilty that I was still using his place as storage. He probably needed the room back for a new tenant.
“No, Ellie. That’s not what I meant, and I told you, you don’t owe me a thing.” He held me tight.
“Still…”
He shushed me and pressed a kiss to my forehead before pulling me into his embrace. I melted into his arms, loving just how much he enfolded me. His arousal twitched hungrily against my body, and I wanted so much to reach for it, to push his briefs down and free his cock, just so I could relieve his ache. I felt my body flush and my pussy grow wet, readying itself to take him into me. He felt so good pressed against me, and right now, all I wanted was to lose myself riding him. Instinctively, I moved my body against his.
“Ah, Ellie,” Ethan groaned into my ear, his arms tightening around me.
He was just as turned on as I was. If he touched me where I ached, I knew I wouldn’t stop him, no matter what I told him before.
“Ellie, you’re killing me,” he rasped. “I want you so much.” Then he pulled away abruptly. “But I promised you I wouldn’t push you. I promised you I’ll prove that I want you for more than just sex, and I intend to keep that promise.”
He got out of bed and started dressing. As I watched him, I saw just how much it was costing him to keep that promise. He was rock-hard. His breathing was hitched and his eyes were semi-glazed over. But his jaw was set, and his shoulders were tense as if it took all his self-control to wrench himself away from me.
I wanted to tell him to forget about the promise, but I didn’t. This was too important.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
Ethan heard me and nodded. He understood.