Chapter 29
Dear God! Trinity wondered as her cheeks heated all over again. How much embarrassment did she have to suffer in the duration of a single day? Was it possible to die of mortification?
Christian looked somewhere between uncomfortable and disapproving at finding Micah answering her door, sans shirt, and his eyes narrowed when he took in her own attire.
”Sorry,” he said stiffly. ”I”m obviously interrupting.”
It was Micah who stopped him from leaving, while Trinity”s stomach just did that horrible falling away thing.
”Actually, I was just leaving, so come on in.” He swept his arm out, gesturing into the room.
Christian looked her up and down, his eyes narrowing, and Trinity flushed with an even deeper embarrassment. She knew how it looked, and he wouldn”t even be too far wrong in his assumptions. God, she felt so cheap right at this second.
Christian”s gaze swung back to Micah, and it looked like he was about to reply with some cutting retort.
Trinity”s face paled as she watched the silent byplay between the two men. Two Doms. Micah”s eyes hardened, while Christian”s sparked indignation and a touch of anger as his jaw flexed as if he”d clenched his teeth together.
Micah raised his eyebrows and said, so quietly that Trinity barely heard him, ”Don”t say it, Night! Don”t say what you can”t take back.”
Christian”s chest expanded, but that was the only thing that gave away the deep silent breath he took.
And that was that. Micah nodded just once then took a step back, pulling his discarded tee shirt over his head. He pulled Trinity into his arms, but she couldn”t bear to look at him. She could feel Christian bristling with resentment across the room.
Micah kissed her on the forehead. ”Call me if you need me,” he murmured quietly, before he gave Christian another hard look and let himself out of the door.
Trinity felt sick as well as humiliated. She felt like she had let down both Christian and Micah now, and she could feel the condemnation rolling off of Christian in waves. She closed her eyes and shoved her trembling hands into the pockets of her short satin robe. It didn”t help that she was acutely underdressed as well.
”Tell me that wasn”t what it looked like, Tara,” Christian demanded with just a slight edge of accusation to his voice.
Ironically, it was the use of the nickname that had her composing herself and kicking back, angry at the judgement she could feel rising from him.
”You know what, Christian, although it really depends on what you think it looked like, it”s not actually any of your business, either way,” she spat angrily, swinging around to face him head on. ”We have a club contract which extends to my accompanying you to a couple of outside functions. It does not include you interfering with my private life.”
”You were the one who asked for exclusivity!” he accused.
”That”s right,” she agreed primly. ”If and when we entered into a sexually intimate relationship, which, as yet, we have not!” she retorted, standing assuredly with her hands fisted on her hips.
”Are you in a relationship with Micah Flynn?” Christian asked bluntly.
”Well, according to your definition of a relationship, based on the one we used to have, the answer would be no!” she retorted cynically.
”So, you are, then,” he returned with an edge of bitter cynicism.
Trinity”s pale eyes flashed silver fire and she stalked toward him with a huge, confident, and very pissed presence that overshadowed her diminutive stature.
”Oh no, Christian. You don”t get to have it both ways.” She poked him in the chest and continued to punctuate each sentence in the same manner. ”There aren”t going to be any double standards going on here. According to you, during the three years we spent as fuck buddies…” she spat the word at him like an epithet. ”…we were never in a relationship. Therefore, according to your very own reasoning and interpretation, I am not in a relationship with Micah. In fact, I”m in even less of a non-relationship with Micah than I was with you, although he does at least have the decency to remember who I am and call me by my name. Now if all you”re going to do is judge the way I live my life, then you”d better leave right now and explain to him that you need a new contract.”
With that, Trinity turned away with a nonchalance she was far from feeling and walked the short distance from the hallway into her living room. The ball was in his court now. She”d worked hard to get her head to where it was today and to not be taken advantage of by people who expected everything from her submissive service nature, offering nothing in return but their own narrow-minded view of how they expected her to behave.
If that was who Christian was today, then it was better she found out now before she got in too deep.
She didn”t hold the past against him. He”d never promised anything more than he had given, but she was damned if she”d let him judge her for having the same kind of relationship with Micah, especially when he”d be gone again by this time next month.
She stood with her back to him, looking out of her high-rise apartment windows but not really seeing the bustling city below. She wrapped her arms protectively around her middle as she waited sadly, but expectantly, for the door to slam behind Christian when he let himself out.
She didn”t hear it.
She didn”t hear his silent footsteps on her plush carpet, either.
She didn”t hear anything until his contrite voice sounded from behind her; close, but keeping a respectful distance. ”I”m sorry.”
He sounded deflated, like the resentment and anger had been shaken out of him.
When she didn”t move or speak, he stepped closer until Trinity could feel his heat against her back, but still he didn”t touch.
”That was small and petty of me, and I truly thought I was above such behaviour,” he told her apologetically. ”The truth is I was jealous.”
His words made her start in surprise, and this time, she whirled around to face him, needing to see the sincerity in his face for herself.
Christian didn”t give her much of a chance. He pulled her to him and squeezed her tight instead, tucking her head under his chin as he held her, saying nothing.
Trinity”s head was whirling all over again. The damned man had her constantly off balance. So, she just stood there, within the comforting warmth of his embrace, and waited.
Hell, the next move could still be his.
”Can we start this whole conversation over again?” Christian asked earnestly. ”I know you have a life of your own, and I know that I have no rights beyond the contract we agreed, but the past interferes with my thought processes sometimes, and I still feel kind of possessive about you. I didn”t mean to come off like a jerk; I just couldn”t help myself for a minute there.”
He sighed, his warm breath ruffling her hair. ”The truth is, the thought of you with someone else set off a reaction that I really wasn”t expecting. It took me by surprise, and I acted instinctively to the jealousy that jumped up and bit me.”
Trinity sighed, the fight leaving her. ”I don”t understand why you would think like that, but I do appreciate you being so frank with your apology, so yes, let”s start over.”
Christian didn”t let her go straight away. ”It”s because I still think of you as being mine,” he admitted quietly.
This time, Trinity lifted her head, frowning as she looked up at that oh so yummy face, which still had the ability to take her breath away, even after all these years and all of their history. He was still outrageously pretty, but the years and the hint of scruff on his jaw had given him a maturity that only made him more appealing.
”I never belonged to you, Christian,” she denied. ”That wasn”t what you wanted. I knew that going in, and I agreed to your terms, regardless.”
”You did belong to me, Trinity,” he countered, keeping her locked within the circle of his arms. ”It”s not possible to have an intimate relationship that spans years and not feel that way. I was just too arrogant and too selfish to give our relationship the label it deserved.”
”I was the one who allowed it, Christian,” Trinity argued, more than prepared to shoulder her share of the blame if that”s the game they were playing.
”Yes, you did,” he agreed. ”But you were barely nineteen, and I was old enough to know better. I should never have taken advantage of you the way I did; that was unforgivable.”
Trinity shook her head. ”I knew what I was doing, Christian. I wanted you. If we”re going to start apportioning guilt here, then I was just as guilty of taking advantage of your need and vulnerability at a time when you so desperately needed someone to hold onto and provide a getaway from everything else in your life. I had an ulterior motive, too, you see.”
”How could you have, Trinity?” he disagreed. ”Everything that happened between us happened on my terms and, looking back, I can see that those were purely selfish.”
”Quit with the self-castigation, Christian.” Her tone held hints of both impatience and irritation now, and the furrow between her brows was more pronounced.
Maybe that’s why she blurted out the next words without thinking them through. ”I wanted more from you than you were prepared to give, Christian. You were nothing but honest about your own expectations. If either of us was acting under false pretences, then it was me, because I agreed to your terms, but all the while, I was hoping to maneouvre that into something more. I thought that if I was there for you, if I insinuated myself into your life, if I provided everything you needed without making any demands, then, one day, when everything settled down, you”d realise I”d always been there for you and you”d love me the way that I loved you. It was a gamble, Christian. One that didn”t pay off, but people who gamble need to be prepared to lose. That”s the nature of the game. I was just arrogant enough to believe I could win. So now who”s the selfish one…or maybe just the stupid one?”
”Except you were never stupid, and I knew you loved me, Trinity, so I should never have accepted those odds. I knew there was always the possibility of you being hurt, but I played with your feelings anyway, when I should have been a better friend and cut your losses.”
”How could you have known? I never told you.”
Christian moved his hands up until they were cupping her face and his eyes bored into hers. ”Ah, baby, sometimes you don”t need the words to be said out loud to know that they”re true,” he whispered, his mouth close enough that she could feel his breath on her own. ”I knew because no one would have done what you did for me, for so many years, unless they loved me.”
He didn”t give her any further opportunity to argue, instead slanting his lips across hers in a demanding and possessive kiss that stole her breath and made her tummy do that familiar flip flop.
Trinity melted into him and threw her arms around his neck, the feel of him pressed up against her, and the thick evidence of his desire surging against her stomach, making all of her nerve endings ping and fizz.
She was done for, damn it.
She knew beyond any doubt that while whatever feelings she had for Christian Knightley might have lain dormant for the past few years, now he was right here in front of her, they had come out of hibernation.
Moreover, now that they had been perked up with a little bit of slap and tickle, they were just as strong as ever. The lifestyle they both now shared simply served to add a new dimension to what they had enjoyed together in the past and that sweetened the pot all the more, calling to Trinity on an even deeper level. The knowledge made her mewl in despair, and Christian stole the opportunity to tangle his tongue with hers when her lips parted.
Trinity burrowed into him, desperately trying to get closer. If all she had of him was a few short weeks, then she was going to milk every drop of happiness and ecstasy out of them and then wring out a little bit more to sustain her through those cheerless days when she would have nothing left but her memories.
It was nothing premeditated. Trinity didn”t even think about it; she simply couldn”t help herself. She was his to do with as he wished; she always had been.
Christian truly was her kryptonite and she could deny him nothing; she didn”t want to.
What she wanted was to enjoy each and every second they had together while she had the chance, and if that was wrong, then so be it.
She thought she must have transmitted her need to Christian, because it seemed he read her without words, swinging her up in his arms without barely lifting his lips from hers as he did so.
”Where’s your bedroom?” he whispered against her mouth.
”Hall…left,” was all she managed to get out while Christian swung around and stalked off.
A minute later, he laid her on the rumpled bed. If anything crossed his mind at the sight of it, he neither verbalised it, nor let it cross his expression.
Shrugging out of the jacket he was still wearing and tearing off his shirt, Christian followed her down. This was no time for niceties. Pure lust was driving this ship right now.