Chapter 9
“So, this is my room.” Raquel pushed open the door to the rehabilitation clinic. There were papers, ashtrays, empty bottles of water and soda scattered across the surfaces. “It’s kind of a mess.”
“Yeah, you’re kind of a slob, I’ve been meaning to say something…” Jaims winked at her friend, and Raquel chuckled.
“Whatever!” Raquel shook her head.
They’d already toured the center and the grounds outside; this was their last stop. Jaims moved to sit on the only chair in the room, looking up at Raquel.
“So how are you?” Jaims asked, her tone sincere.
Raquel took a deep breath in through her nose, and blowing it out slowly, she nodded.
“I’m getting there, they make us talk so much in here, it’s hard for me to talk anymore, you know?”
Jaims nodded, her brows furrowed in sincere concern. “I understand.”
Raquel chewed on the inside of her cheek, moving to sit down on the bed across from the chair where Jaims sat. “I need to apologize to you, though.”
Jaims started to shake her head, which prompted Raquel to get off the bed, and kneel down in front of Jaims, taking her hands.
“Don’t shake your head, J, I know I hurt you, and I’m so, so sorry about that.” She squeezed Jaims’ hands gently. “I don’t just mean that last stupid thing I did, I mean, all the times I yelled and threw shit, and all of it.”
“That was the drugs, not you,” Jaims said.
“But it was me, I mean yeah, the drugs made me do stupid shit, but it was still my fault. I don’t get a pass because I was taking drugs.”
Jaims drew in a deep breath. “I understand what you mean. And yeah, you really scared me a lot of the time, but mostly I just missed you.”
Raquel bowed her head. When she raised it again, Jaims was stunned to see tears in her eyes. “You wanna know something crazy?”
“What?” Jaims asked, her voice barely audible because of the tears clogging her throat.
“I could not wait to get back to the States to see you again…and then I fuck it all up this way.” Raquel’s eyes searched Jaims’, looking for understanding.
“You didn’t fuck it up,” Jaims told her. “I’m still here, I’m still your friend.”
Raquel looked mournful. “You’ve always been the best friend I ever had, Jaims, always.” Tears spilled from Raquel’s eyes as she looked down at their gripped hands. “I wanted to come back to…to you, and to our family, the crew and all…” Her voice trailed off as she swallowed convulsively. “But now, now everyone hates me, and it’s my own damned fault.”
“Hates you?” Jaims repeated. “Who hates you?”
Raquel gestured toward the outside. “The crew, your family, they’ve all gotta hate me now, because of what I did…to you.”
Understanding suddenly dawned, and Jaims let out her pent-up breath, shaking her head as she did. “Oh that,” she said, “I didn’t tell them about that.”
The shock on Raquel’s face surprised Jaims.
“You assumed I did?” she deduced, nodding.
Raquel shrugged grimacing as she did. For Jaims, it was heartbreaking to think about what Raquel had probably been putting herself through, because of her own assumptions.
Jaims was afraid Raquel was going to collapse in surprise. She reached out taking Raquel by the shoulders and stood up, guiding her to sit on the bed.
Raquel sat looking completely shell-shocked for a long moment. Finally she looked at Jaims.
“Why didn’t you tell them?” It was a simple question, but Jaims could see that the answer would mean the world to Raquel.
“Honestly?” Jaims said, running a hand through her hair. “I didn’t want them to be mad at you or hate you.”
“Why not?”
Jaims looked back at her ultra-tough cop, soldier friend and couldn’t believe how vulnerable she looked right now. “Because I love you, you idiot and because they’re your family too, and I didn’t want to mess that up for you.”
“But I hurt you,” Raquel reminded her.
“Yeah, but you weren’t you at that point.”
“I was me.”
“It was you on drugs and in pain, not you,” Jaims corrected.
Raquel stared back at Jaims for a long moment. Jaims could tell that Raquel wanted to accept what she’d said, but it was as if she was afraid to do so.
“What are you afraid of?” Jaims finally asked.
Raquel pressed her lips together in a grimace. “That later you’ll realize I’m just really a monster.”
Jaims grinned. “There’s a difference between being an asshole, and being a monster, Rock.” Leaning in, she hugged her friend. “And you’re an asshole that I love, so you just better get used to it.”
Raquel wrapped her arms around Jaims, with her face against the hollow of Jaims’ shoulder. “Thank you,” came Raquel’s simple reply.
Later that afternoon Jaims sat next to Raquel as the clinic held a group therapy session. They listened as others talked about their experiences. When it was Raquel’s turn, she began hesitantly.
“The beginning of my addiction was when I was shot…” she started.
“Tell us more about that,” the group leader prompted.
“I was stationed in Iraq, we were out on patrol, and it was hot and gross as usual.” Raquel curled her lips recalling the uncomfortable memory. “My chin strap to my helmet was making my neck itch, so I loosened it up. Getting the signal that all was clear was taking forever, but then we were told we were clear, that’s when the assholes took their shots!” Her face curled in annoyance at the memory. “So when I hit the deck again, my damned helmet fell off. My shitty luck. I couldn’t see anything, so I checked through my weapon sights and saw movement. I was warned off.” Raquel took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. “Of course, the minute I decided I better grab my helmet, that’s when I heard gunfire. I don’t know what happened after that, but I woke up in a hospital in frigging Germany with my brothers looking scared shitless.”
“How did you feel about that?” the counselor asked pointedly.
Raquel sighed again, her face scrunched up in anguish. “I felt so bad for them, they told me that they thought I was dead, or that I’d die before they got there.” She shook her head mournfully. “And believe me, there were times when I wanted to die, I really did. There were so many fucking tests and scans, I guess it had been really touch and go for a while with me. They’d been through a lot by the time I woke up. Then to find out that my friends, my adopted family, had gotten them there, paid for it and all…” Her voice trailed off as she forced back tears.
As Raquel spoke, Jaims listened intently, realizing how scary it must have been. “Since I’ve been back,” Raquel added, “I’ve been so caught up in my addiction, I really lost sight of my friends, my family, the people that were there for me and my brothers when I needed them most.”
“So how do you think you got to this point?” the counselor asked.
Raquel looked pensive, then shrugged. “Now I know that I was chasing the pain I was in, instead of being responsible about getting help for my pain management, I just stuck with what made me feel good.” She looked over at Jaims, with a pained expression. “But it was taking more and more to get that feeling again, and I started stealing and lashing out at the people I love, when I couldn’t get enough to make me feel better.”
Jaims winced at Raquel’s words. Knowing that her friend had been in so much pain bothered her.
“Taking responsibility for your addiction is the first step, admitting that you have a problem, and be willing to address is it very important,” the counselor confirmed.
Jaims placed her hand on Raquel’s shoulder, squeezing it gently, seeing Raquel nod in response to the counselor’s words.
***
“So…the blue-eyed stranger is definitely sexy, huh?” Jessie asked as they carried their purchases into Morgan’s condo.
“She’s very definitely sexy,” Morgan confirmed, “but she’s also this very gallant, kind person too.”
“When do you leave for Napa?” Jessie asked.
“Tomorrow,” Morgan sighed, as she set down the bags she’d been carrying, starting to pull out some of the blouses she bought. “I wonder if this one would be good?” She held up the blouse to herself. It was a beautiful flowered pleasant-style blouse. It had a curved neckline that wasn’t too low. “I could wear it with my new sandals and my navy capris,” she continued, looking over her shoulder at Jessie. “That’s a very Napa, wine country style, right?”
Jessie nodded, sitting herself down in one of Morgan’s chairs. “It’s beautiful, I’m sure your gal will be pleased.”
Morgan gave Jessie a dirty look. “She’s not my gal.”
Jessie grinned unrepentantly. “But you want her to be…” she lulled in a sing-song voice.
Giving Jessie an exasperated look, Morgan pulled out her new sandals and put them up against the blouse assessing.
“I think she has a complicated dating life.”
“Meaning?” Jessie quizzed.
“Meaning,” Morgan sighed, “I don’t think she’s looking for a new romance right now.”
“Seriously?” Jessie gave her friend an eyeroll. “She invited you to go with her to Napa on an overnight trip, you don’t think that means something?”
“I don’t know,” Morgan replied. “It could just mean that she wants company.”
“It could mean she wants more than that…”
Morgan threw a sandal at her friend, who dodged it laughing.
The following morning, Zion rang Morgan’s doorbell promptly at 7 a.m. Morgan answered the door with a huge smile.
“Good morning!” Morgan said.
“It is.” Zion grinned. “You look great,” she announced, gesturing to Morgan’s outfit.
“So do you,” Mogan admired. Zion wore charcoal grey slacks and a white long sleeved oxford style shirt.
“Thank you.” Zion inclined her head. “Do you have a bag?”
“Yes.” Morgan nodded, looking back over her shoulder at the overnight bag sitting just inside the door.
Zion immediately walked inside and collected the bag. “Are you ready to go?”
“Sure.”
Zion opened the passenger door of the car for Morgan. “I took the liberty of picking you up a coffee; cream, two sugars, right?”
Morgan’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “That was so nice of you.”
“I’m dragging you out of your house early in the morning, that’s the least I can do,” Zion said with a smile that lit up her blue eyes.
As Zion put her bag in the trunk, Morgan picked up the cup and took a sip of the coffee.
“Oh, this is wonderful!” Morgan said appreciatively, as she got into the car.
“Is it? I’ve never been to this place, it’s down in town here.”
“You didn’t get yourself any?” Morgan wondered as she didn’t see a second cup.
“Nah, I needed caffeine much sooner than that, plus I love my coffee from a little café around the corner from the bar.”
“Is it Orphan Andy’s?” Morgan asked with an odd look Zion couldn’t quite place.
“Yes…why?”
Morgan blushed a little. “I saw you there.”
Zion gave her a quizzical look, as she started the car and put it in drive.
“When?”
“A couple of weeks ago. I’d gone there after one of my sessions. You probably don’t remember…”
Zion nodded slightly. “I actually do, that explains why you look familiar to me.”
Morgan bit her lip. “I remember thinking that I’d seen your eyes before.”
Zion chuckled. “Well, it sounds like you had.”
Morgan laughed.
They drove in silence for a while, listening to music and getting lost in their own thoughts.
“So, tell me what we’re doing in Napa,” Morgan asked.
“Well,” Zion began, as she turned the radio down, “we’re going to visit a couple of wineries, to check out this year’s wines. I like to keep the bar stocked with the latest and best ones.”
“That’s pretty smart,” Morgan commented. “In my experience, wines at bars are…well, less than phenomenal.”
Zion shrugged. “I try to stay a cut above.”
“That’s a good way to do it.”
“I have us scheduled for three wineries today, and two tomorrow,” Zion informed her, “but if you get tired or bored…” She grinned. “Then I can just drop you off at the B and B I reserved for the night. They have a nice spa and in room massages.”
“Wow,” Morgan said, her eyes widening, “it sounds nice, but I don’t mind touring wineries.”
Zion smile matched Morgan’s. “Great!”
“I am so bored; do we have to do all this?” Jane complained. “My feet hurt!”
Zion looked back at her. “I told you that we were touring wineries, why didn’t you wear more comfortable shoes?”
“I don’t get why we need to do all this,” Jane grouched. “Your customers wouldn’t know a good glass of wine if it bit them in the ass.”
“I don’t have the same view of my customers as you apparently do,” Zion said with a scowl.
Jane snorted in derision. “You’ve probably screwed most of them, so I’m sure your view is definitely distorted.”
Zion’s mouth dropped open, as she looked over at the owner of the winery, Jon Louis, who was giving them a tour personally.
“I’m sorry,” she told Jon.
“It’s okay,” he told Zion. “Perhaps the lady would like to sit out on our terrace and sample wines…”
“The lady,” Jane replied haughtily, “would like to go back to the hotel and have a massage.”
Zion clenched her teeth, feeling completely embarrassed by the way Jane was acting. “Excuse us,” she said to the owner. He nodded understandingly. After he stepped away, Zion turned to Jane. “Why don’t you just get an Uber back to the hotel.”
Jane’s eyes widened. “You’re going to send me back in an Uber? When I came here to be with you?”
Zion took a deep breath, expelling it slowly to calm herself before she spoke again. “I told you what I was doing here this weekend…”
Jane pouted. “Well, yes, but I thought that you’d at least have some time for me.”
“We are spending time together, here at the winery,” Zion answered.
Jane blew her breath out in a deep sigh. “Fine, I’ll just go back to the hotel.”
“Great. I’ll see you there later.”
“I really can’t believe this…” Jane muttered to herself as she stalked away.
By the time Zion made it to the hotel four hours later, Jane was in quite a snit. They fought half the night. It wasn’t a great day.
“Just let me know if you get bored,” Zion told Morgan with a smile.
“I’ll do that,” Morgan reassured, sensing that there was a background story to this somewhere. But not wanting to be a pest, she decided to change the subject. “How is your friend…Rock?”
“From what we’re hearing from Jaims, her roommate and our friend, she’s apparently doing great.”
“That’s good to hear, I know addiction can be a really hard thing for people to overcome. Has she had substance abuse issues before?” Morgan asked, approaching the subject gently.
Zion shook her head and let out a little snort. “No, she’s a cop for San Francisco PD, so no, never before. This is a rather bad time for her. She was sent over to Iraq with her Army Reserve unit, and she was shot.”
“Oh, my lord, that’s awful.” Morgan held her hand over her heart in surprise. “But she recovered from it?”
“Well, it wasn’t a short recovery, she was shot in the head.” Zion grimaced. “We were really afraid we were going to lose her.”
“Does she have family?” Morgan asked, barely able to fathom what that would be like.
“Well, she has two brothers, both younger than her. They lost their parents in a car crash when the boys were in their early teens. Rock assumed legal guardianship of them.”
“That was really brave of her to do, that takes a lot of support,” Morgan marveled.
“Well, she has us, the crew, we did what we could to help out.”
Morgan smiled softly. “Like your own little family.”
“That’s kind of what we are to each other, the family a lot of us don’t have.”
“Where is your family?” Morgan asked.
“Back in New York, I imagine,” Zion mused. “I don’t know really, I haven’t seen any of them since I turned eighteen and joined the Navy.”
“You’ve never been back?” Morgan asked, shock laced in her voice.
Zion shook her head, smiling sadly. “I didn’t figure they’d want me back.”
“Why on earth not?”
Zion canted her head, looking like she remembered. “My dad was never really the kind of guy to understand things, like his only daughter being gay.”
“Do they know? I mean, have you told them?” Morgan queried.
Zion’s mouth twisted sardonically. “Yeah, I sent my family a letter telling them.”
“And did they respond?”
“Not one word,” Zion said sadly.
“Oh my God, Zion, I’m so sorry.” Morgan reached out, touching Zion’s arm.
Zion shrugged. “It is what it is, right?”
“I will never understand parents who can simply abandon their child because of who they love.” Morgan shook her head, then she squeezed Zion’s arm, realizing belatedly that she was still touching this woman. “I’m sorry if I just brought up a sore subject.”
Zion shook her head, giving Morgan a rueful smile. “If I didn’t want to answer, I wouldn’t have.”
Morgan nodded, thinking Zion was a very straightforward person. She liked that about her. “I have another question...” she warned, causing Zion to laugh again. “How exactly did you end up with the group, the crew, you have?”
Zion inclined her head; she gazed in front of her, which told Morgan she was recollecting the memory. “Well, Dax was the one to talk me into coming back to San Francisco with her family. A couple of years later we met Jaims and Steel but separately, at Pride back in 2014. Steel was underage and trying to get us to buy her beer.”
“Did you do it?” Morgan asked.
Zion pressed her lips together. “Well, you need to realize that having been in the Navy, Dax and I got to drink really early on, so we did kind of contribute to Steel’s delinquency. But we also made sure she was safe about it, and didn’t drive home on her own.”
Morgan gave her an appraising look. “Okay I guess I’ll accept that,” she teased.
“We also met Jaims that year at Pride, she was working at her parents’ tent for the bakery they run.” Zion grinned. “Dax got really hung up on their cannoli…Jaims kept giving her deals.”
“How many did she eat?”
“Oh, about two dozen.”
“Oh lord!” Morgan laughed.
“I kept telling her she was gonna get fat.” Zion shook her head. “But that one has the metabolism of a kid, it’s revolting.”
Morgan snorted, agreeing with the sentiment.
“I opened the bar in 2015, it was called Z-Bar then and it was aimed at over eighteens. Basically, so Jaims and Steel could be there. Case wandered in one night a couple of years in—she was a refugee from England—and she hit it off with Jaims and Steel.”
“That’s the one that took care of me that night, right?”
“Yes, Case was the one that took you upstairs for me.”
“And a refugee from England?” Morgan asked.
“She’d gotten herself in some trouble back home.”
“Oh, wait, she told me about this, she said she’s a…” Morgan struggled to remember the conversation. “It was something to do with a hat…”
Zion laughed. “She always says she’s a white hat, not a black hat.”
Morgan snapped her fingers. “Yes! That was it! What is that?”
“The way she explains it, is that black hats are the hackers that will steal all your money. White hats are the good guys, that get it back for you.”
“Interesting…” Morgan mused. “Go on.”
“Let’s see, next are Shayne and Flynn, I met them when they needed to rent an apartment, but were honestly too young to do so.”
“How old were they?”
“They were both seventeen at the time. No one would rent to them. I guess they heard about me from a friend of a friend.” Zion shrugged.
“What did they hear?” Morgan asked.
“That I had apartments for rent at a reasonable price. Hard to come by in San Francisco. Plus, they heard that I was always willing to work with family.”
“You mean in terms of members of the LGBTQ community?” Morgan clarified.
“Right.” Zion nodded. “Too many landlords are either all about money, or they don’t like our kind, or both. I figure I have the properties, so I might as well do some good with them.”
“That’s really nice of you.” Morgan was really starting to get a picture of who Zion was, just through learning about her friends.
“And the last one that joined our crew was Jayden, she was definitely the biggest save for us.”
“What do you mean?”
“One of the crew found her in the alley outside of Fancy’s.” Zion grimaced at the memory. “She’d been kicked out of her home because her family was religious. She was a kid. She’d already been stabbed once and had barely recovered when she found us. We kind of brought her into the fold, gave her a place to live and all that,” Zion said it so casually that Morgan found herself gaping at her.
“Like that’s not a really huge thing you did?” Morgan questioned.
Zion considered the question, then shrugged. “It’s what we do.”
“Wow,” Morgan uttered, she couldn’t think of another kind way to put it.
“Like I said, we’re our own little family.”
Morgan smiled softly; she was forever amazed at this person taking her to Napa. She hadn’t realized there were people left in this world anymore that were this selfless.
***
“Whose car is that?” Raquel asked when she and Jaims walked out of the rehab facility.
“It’s a rental,” Jaims said as she opened the trunk to put Raquel’s bag in.
Raquel grimaced. “How bad is your car?”
Jaims bunched her eyebrows. “Bad, they said it might be totaled.”
“Aw damn.” Raquel felt a spike of guilt. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault I was dumb enough to drive with a migraine,” Jaims told her, getting into the driver’s seat as Raquel got in the other side.
“Yeah but…” Raquel began.
“Dude!” Jaims cried, putting her hand on Raquel’s arm to soften her exclamation. “It wasn’t your fault, okay? It wasn’t.”
Raquel seemed to want to argue more, but didn’t. Finally she sighed. “Okay, but let’s turn this in and you use my Jeep until you figure out the plan with your car, deal?”
Jaims chuckled as she drove away from the rehab facility. “Deal.”
A couple hours later, Raquel walked into the apartment that she shared with Jaims. Looking around she saw that nothing had changed, it was an odd sense of comfort for her. What she did notice that made her smile from ear to ear was the stack of movies on the coffee table.
Glancing back at Jaims who followed her into the apartment, she nodded toward the coffee table.
“I figure we can have a Marvel marathon…all the movies in order,” Jaims enthused.
“Do we have enough supplies?” Raquel asked, as she headed toward the kitchen.
“Yup, stocked up on popcorn, cheese curls, barbecue chips and chocolate. I also got that beer you like, and extra Pepsi!”
Raquel shook her head, putting her hand on Jaims’ shoulder. “You take good care of me.”
Jaims grinned lopsidedly. “I try.”
Raquel’s lips twitched; she looked pained.
“Don’t do that,” Jaims warned. “We’re starting with a clean slate, okay?”
Raquel blew her breath out noisily, nodding. “Got it. Just got a boatload of guilt I can’t seem to put down.”
“Well, drop the pile that pertains to me, okay? We’re good,” Jaims announced.
“I guess I just need some time to believe that, you know?” Raquel’s eyes begged Jaims to understand.
“I know. Go get unpacked, I’ll order us some lunch. Want pizza?”
“Pizza! Yes!” Raquel smiled brightly.
An hour and a half later the pizza had arrived, they’d had beverages and were beginning their marathon with Jaims’ favorite: Iron Man .
They were sat on the couch, enjoying the movie.
“I am Iron Man!” Jaims crowed at the end of the movie. It was her favorite line, and she said it every time they watched it.
As usual, they sat and waited for the credits, to get to the end credit scene.
“I wanna be cool like Nick Fury…” Raquel commented wistfully.
Jaims glanced over at her friend. “You’re cool, just not Nick Fury cool.”
“Rude,” Raquel quipped.
“Right?” Jaims countered laughing.
“What if you could be like Tony?” Raquel offered.
“With the money, or just the Iron Man suit?”
“All of it.”
“Oh hell yes!” Jaims agreed.
“Then I can be Fury.”
“Deal!” Jaims nodded emphatically.
“Alright, Hulk time,” Raquel said, getting up to start the next movie.
“Aww, Ed Norton,” Jaims enthused, “better than Bana.”
Raquel shook her head. “I kinda liked Bana’s Hulk.”
“Really?” Jaims said, eyes shocked.
“Yeah.” Raquel shrugged. “Sue me.”
“I don’t know…we may not be able to stay friends this way…”
“Yeah, yeah,” Raquel joked. “What’s important is that we both like Mark Ruffalo as Hulk in the Avenger’s movies.”
“Definitely!”
As the movie menu came up, Raquel sat down next to Jaims, bumping her shoulder into hers. “This is really great,” she said, gesturing to the pile of movies and the food and drinks piled on the coffee table. “Thank you for this.” Her smile was sincere.
Jaims leaned her head on Raquel’s shoulder. “It’s great to have you back.”
Raquel felt tears sting the backs of her eyes. “Thank you for letting me make it back.”
It was a very sweet moment, and Jaims felt her heart ache from the joy of it. She also knew that Raquel wouldn’t want her to say anything like that, so she just pressed play on the remote.