Chapter Thirteen
“I’m gonna be chilling with Finnegan and his crew today,” Ezra said as he adjusted his pants.
Roman wiped the spit from his mouth and stretched his jaw loose for a moment. He took in the scar on Ezra’s face; it’d changed his appearance but not his personality. The deep cut didn’t sour Ezra’s mood. A long slash above his right eye that reached down to his sharp jawline. There was no bitterness or shame, at least none that Ezra directed toward Roman, and he considered himself fortunate that Ezra’s spirits remained high.
“You got business with them?” Roman asked, cautious but curious. It was important he tread both when talking with Ezra. Ezra liked his interest in his work as the new reigning champion, but Roman also had to remember his place and how Ezra couldn’t disclose everything to him.
“No business, just hanging.”
“Hanging out with Jake the Snake for fun.” Roman recoiled at the idea, finding Jake a literal stain on the world.
“The snake.” Ezra rolled his eyes. “His pecker’s not that impressive.”
Ezra’s gaze dropped to his own massive dick tucked away in his pants and made a flirty face. Roman realized he was alluding to the fact Ezra was the only one with a real snake in their pants. Without prompting, Roman laughed, which made Ezra smile.
“I know he helped you, but Jake’s a snake for more reasons than his own hyped press on his dick,” Roman said, noticing Ezra had been lending an ear to Jake more often since his assistance at the arena where an inmate almost gutted the champion.
“Sometimes folks have a bad rep.” Ezra shrugged. “Look, I know he annoys you, so I’m not making you come.”
“Thank you.”
“But you still need to get out.” Ezra brushed aside Roman’s damp pink bangs and kissed his forehead. “If you’re not at my side, you’re just locking yourself in the room all day.”
“I prefer the quiet.”
“And I prefer you get a little sunlight, stretch your legs, go do something.”
Roman skittishly looked at the door, the one he almost never stepped through without trailing Ezra from place to place. Being paraded around used to be a punishment, but now it ensured his safety.
“I got eyes everywhere,” Ezra said, gripping Roman’s chin and pulling his gaze up to meet Ezra’s. “You’ll be fine. Wherever you go, someone will follow. They won’t bother you. You won’t notice them. Just have fun, okay? As much fun as you can have in a cellblock.”
“I’ll do that.”
“That’s my good boy.” Ezra pulled Roman up until he stood to meet him and then gave him a kiss.
It was hot and heavy and came with hands running under Roman’s clothes. He half expected to get undressed to satisfy Ezra one more time before he left, but without prompting, he pushed Roman off and left to go hang out with his new friend, Jake.
Roman lingered in the cell for a while, considering a nap, but since Ezra had eyes everywhere and he wanted Roman to go exploring, he reluctantly decided to make a day of it. His first stop was the gym. Roman hesitated at first, knowing this was their thing, something they did together, but everything was really their thing. Roman focused on cardio and glutes, then left without a second thought. He spent some time in the library, flipping through a few books, but didn’t have the energy to read. He pretended until the seat got too uncomfortable and made his way to the cafeteria for lunch.
With three stops accomplished, Roman figured it’d be safe to return to the cell and wait out the rest of the day.
Roman went to the usual table he and Ezra claimed. When he noticed a few inmates already there, he turned to walk away, but their eyes met him, met something behind him, and without prompting, all ten got up and left without a word.
As he took his seat, Roman turned to see who or what frightened them off, but he only saw a crowd of inmates. The threat could’ve come from any of them. Ezra had friends everywhere, after all.
Roman enjoyed the peace of eating by himself, really doing his best to savor this time. No one would disturb him. No one expected anything of him. It was actually a decent afternoon.
“What he’s doing to you,” Levi said through gritted teeth. “It’s not okay.”
Levi’s immediate anger and curt comment perplexed Roman. They hadn’t spoken, really spoken, in months, and this was the first thing he said. It didn’t stop Levi from tossing his tray across from Roman and inviting himself to the table. His gaze cut to something—someone—behind them, then Levi scowled dismissively and turned his attention back to Roman.
“What are you talking about?”
“Ezra.” Levi glared. “You shouldn’t let him do this to you.”
“I’m fine,” Roman replied. “It’s more of a show for other people, but he’s really nice when we’re alone.”
“Why not make the show about treating you well?” Levi asked. “Use his sway as champion to make people back the fuck off. Then, treat you how you deserve to be treated, which, if it’s not clear, is nothing like how you’re currently being treated.”
Levi gestured to Roman’s pink hair, Roman’s tattoos, Roman’s bruised body. The bruises Levi could see. There were so many more. But that wasn’t an act of cruelty. That was sparring, that was helping Ezra train. It wasn’t what Levi suspected. It wasn’t what anyone assumed.
“You don’t have to put up with this,” Levi said. “You’re Roman Grayson.”
Roman didn’t have an answer. He didn’t know how to pivot, how to explain this was the best he deserved, how to explain Ezra really was being nice considering he could just as well abandon Roman.
“Champion doesn’t work like that,” Roman said unconvincingly. “There’s so much to account for.”
“It did when you were champion,” Levi said flatly, eyes locked onto Roman. “You looked out for me every day; you kept people off me, too. You didn’t parade me around. You didn’t bitch me out. You didn’t mistreat me. I was your friend. I still am your friend.”
Levi went on to mention Roman’s many futile accolades as champion, the others he helped, the subtle reforms he pushed for, the bullshit he wouldn’t tolerate. None of that mattered to Roman anymore. It never really mattered. Nothing Roman did mattered except for ensuring Ezra was happy.
“Ezra’s my friend, too,” Roman snapped. “He looks out for me, too.”
Levi tsked. “Yeah, while making you debase yourself.”
“He doesn’t make me do anything.” Roman felt the heat in his chest, the anger that Levi would look down on him, turn this into something it wasn’t, and after everything he’d done to help him. “I have a choice. I make this choice. I like my life.”
“You like your life?” Levi asked. “You like the way Ezra has turned you out, treated you? Changed you.”
“Yes,” Roman said. “I’m fine with the arrangement. I wouldn’t change it, and I wouldn’t go back and change it.”
Even Roman didn’t believe those words, but he’d be damned if he was going to take pity from Levi.
“You only think that because he’s fucked with your head,” Levi insisted. “You can’t see from where you’re at, but it’s like he’s taken every layer of you, of Roman Grayson, and warped them into this obedient puppy that will do anything he says. He’s forced you—”
“He doesn’t force me to do anything,” Roman hissed, his chest feeling like it might erupt with a rage he’d long since learned to bury underneath his contentment. “You’re the one who can’t see. You don’t know. You don’t understand.”
“I understand he makes you serve him, makes you think you’re a part of it, makes you think you—”
“Ezra has never forced me into anything,” Roman clarified quite adamantly. “From day one, before day one, I always had a choice. Me. This right here is my choice. Everything in this arrangement is my choice.”
“Oh, you suddenly just choose to be gay?” Levi asked, batting his eyes with a sarcastic flirty edge that held more anger than humor. “It doesn’t work that way. I know a lot of guys in here would have folks believing otherwise, but you either feel a certain way or you don’t.”
“I enjoy what we do,” Roman said flatly, honestly. Because he did get off on it more and more, especially the more he willed himself to accept the arrangement. “It feels good.”
“Just because your body enjoys a situation doesn’t mean you do. So, again, doesn’t mean a thing.” Levi shrugged. “I’ve tugged a load out of my fair share of straight cock.”
“It’s not like that,” Roman clarified. “I’ve always been a little curious.”
It was a reality he hadn’t been able to accept for a long time. The brutal introduction to his curiosity didn’t help matters. He’d never pondered submission. He had wondered about men. Few and far between, brief thoughts that were always washed away when he could quickly fantasize about a woman too. He couldn’t be gay gay, and since he didn’t like the idea of all the gay things, he wouldn’t have considered himself bi either. There were gay positions or acts he didn’t want to ever try until Ezra came along.
Now, he liked them. He reminded himself that he liked them. So, when his mind would drift from the fantasy of switching positions to actually being sucked off for a change, he finally let his thoughts focus on men. Not on Ezra. He could never imagine him being submissive. It was too dangerous a thought. Usually, his mind would drift to Levi, which was an equally dangerous thought. It pissed Roman off how Levi ruined his fantasies with an asinine attitude and aggressive assumptions.
Ultimately, Roman wasn’t sure if he was gay or bi or somewhere in between, but he didn’t need the answers.
“Now, he tells me.” Levi dramatically gestured while flaunting just a bit.
Roman chuckled, actually chuckled. It surprised him, the genuine joy that swept through him so suddenly. It’d been so long since he smiled or laughed just for the sake of it and not for Ezra’s benefit. It was also a reminder of how Levi and Roman could switch gears in their friendship, go from the heat of an argument to idle nonsense without missing a beat.
“If I’d known, I would’ve flirted a hell of a lot harder,” Levi continued as if he hadn’t been quite convincing the few times he’d hinted to Roman.
It was something Roman would go back and change. He’d never accepted Levi’s advances, shutting them down and pretending he hadn’t caught the suggestions, but now he let his mind wander. Levi hadn’t been subtle about offering to suck Roman off.
Roman still remembered Levi’s pouty face and the way he sat on the floor, organizing something. “Hands are great and all, but let’s be real: the lube in this place is scarce.”
The only reason Roman never made a move was because he didn’t want it to be some desperate “only for the stay” kind of reason. And he didn’t want it to be a powerplay. Roman firmly believed if he started making Levi suck his dick, then it would ruin their bond, their friendship. Friends didn’t force themselves onto one another, didn’t abuse their authority to take advantage, but he’d also learned from Ezra that friends liked to help each other out. Roman liked helping Ezra, liked proving he was a good friend.
“You said you have a choice,” Levi said, quite seriously, with a hand pressed close to Roman’s.
Roman almost retreated, worried Levi would overstep, worried Levi would touch him. No one touched Roman except for Ezra.
“I do have a choice,” Roman lied, believing it less and less every time Ezra reminded him, though that had also become less and less now that Roman had accepted his fate.
“Then choose me,” Levi said. “Choose to room with me. Not for some fucked up ‘you do what I say or else’ kind of arrangement. But as friends. Like we were before all of this.”
“I can’t.” Roman’s face contorted, confused and frightened. “Do you know how many people hate me? What would happen without Ezra’s protection? He’s the only reason I’m safe, the only reason you’re safe.”
“He’s not,” Levi spoke with bared teeth like he might tear out someone’s throat. “I can protect you. I’m not the person I was.”
“You’ve won a few fights; you’ve walked with your head held up because no one is trying to push it down,” Roman said, shoving his tray away. “Do you know why no one is knocking you to your knees? Because Ezra protects you. Do you know why you’re getting a little tougher? Because Ezra allows it.”
“Whether he does or he doesn’t, I will fight to keep you safe, to let you be yourself again.”
“I am myself.” Roman scowled.
“Roman, I can’t keep watching you make yourself smaller and smaller.” Levi let all the anger in his expression wash away, and he gave Roman an expression he hadn’t recognized. It wasn’t pity, but there was sadness in his eyes. Hope—almost empathy, maybe. Roman didn’t recognize or understand what empathy was anymore.
“I’m fine.” Roman stretched his fingers, which sat flat on the table. He let his pinky touch Levi’s, he let his thoughts wander just a bit more than usual, he let himself ignore how mad Levi made him, and he focused on the play-pretend possibilities that he’d never have.
“You’re not fine, and you won’t be fine if you keep this up.”
Roman frowned and stormed away from the table, unable to listen a second longer. Roman returned to his cell and fixated on his conversation with Levi. Not a conversation. An argument. It pissed him off. The way Levi could just warp things, pretend everything would be okay, pretend he understood a goddamn thing about Roman’s situation. He didn’t. He never would. And that was because of what Roman sacrificed. Not a sacrifice. He was happy, mostly. He’d learned to be happy. It was Levi’s unnecessary comments that tried ruining the only good thing Roman had going for him.
Later that night, Ezra stepped into the room, a smile on his face and a light laugh escaping his lips as he bid his farewells to Jake and his crew. Thankfully, none of them stepped inside. Roman sat up.
“Heard you got an offer to walk away,” Ezra said so matter-of-factly that it sent an icy jolt of fear through Roman.
“W-what?”
“I always have eyes to keep you safe.”
Roman recalled the conversation earlier. The way Ezra said protection would be close, but he’d be unbothered. He hadn’t noticed anyone watching him, but he supposed that was the point of their job. Go unseen unless required to step in.
“I didn’t suggest or ask anything,” Roman tried to clarify, tried to downplay, tried to hope Ezra would believe him.
“Shush.” Ezra stepped toward him, hands wrapped around the back of Roman’s neck. “I know. I know you chose to stay. I know you will always choose me. Just like I will always choose you.”
“We’re friends,” Roman said, dwelling on the fact he was also friends with Levi, confused by what the word really meant anymore.
“I know.” Ezra brushed a hand over Roman’s “Bested” neck tattoo. “Why don’t you show me what a good friend you are? It’s been a long day, and I could use some relief.”
Roman obediently slipped off the bed and dropped to his knees, then he fished Ezra’s cock out of his pants and went to work. He was still so furious with Levi, so goddamn mad at how he looked down on him, it filled Roman’s thoughts with the same resentment, the same fire he had when he first started submitting to Ezra. He’d learned long ago to accept and enjoy what their arrangement brought, but tonight, as he sucked Ezra off, he held onto that spark of rage, and he found himself thinking about Levi, picturing him as he bobbed his head up and down Ezra’s shaft.