Chapter Ten #2
“Nothing. I’m just thinking.” She looked out the window, at the view of the city. People going to work. Smiling. Laughing. All of those people had a particular set of circumstances that they were given. Fair and unfair.
And they were making what they could of those circumstances. In that sense, she could understand what he had been saying to her all this time. About choice being an illusion. No one had infinite choices. They had the circumstances they were given. People that they were responsible for.
Just as he was. Responsible for this entire country.
“You were thinking very loudly.”
“I’m not trying to.”
“You might as well tell me.”
“It’s silly. And in fact, I imagine that you think I’m a silly girl entirely.
You’re right. What I wanted was to be normal.
Or whatever I thought of as normal. I wanted to be able to leave my father’s house, and become somebody that I wasn’t raised to be.
Become somebody who hadn’t lived the first eighteen years of her life cloistered in a palace, promised to marry a man that she didn’t care about.
Someone who hadn’t been treated like she didn’t matter, even while she was surrounded by luxury.
I wanted to live like I had sprung fully formed from the convent, and go on my merry way.
But I can’t be separate from those experiences.
I can’t be someone who didn’t have them.
And you’re also right, that I can’t make…
any choice that I want. I have a shared responsibility with you now. For these people.”
“I do not think you’re silly,” he said. “Most people want to be happy.”
“You don’t?”
“It’s not something I’ve ever considered. Whether or not I was happy.”
“That makes me even sillier. You realize that, right? I have been thinking to myself that we actually have quite a bit in common. That we both spent so much of our lives lonely, but I never had to worry about my survival. When I saw you sleeping on the floor like that, I realized…you never feel safe, do you?”
“That isn’t true. I am entirely able to defend myself, and that makes me feel safe. But no, sleeping deeply doesn’t entirely appeal to me.”
Their conversation was ended because their car parked against the curb at the town square, and they got out. “Is this what we’re doing? We’re just…”
Their security detail was with them. Soren first and foremost. And now she knew and understood that he was Ragnar’s lifelong, trusted friend.
Even if he wouldn’t call him a friend. That was a very male thing.
Quite literally spent seventeen years in the company of someone, and waged a literal war with him, but still not quite think of him as a friend.
“Let us speak to our people.”
It didn’t take long for them to be lost in a crowd. A crush of people that were excited to meet them. There were photos being taken, flashes on cameras and cell phones being shoved in their faces. Through it all, Ragnar remained completely calm.
Fern clung to him like she was afraid she was going to lose her grip, and be separated from him. The idea of being separated from him frightened her.
But he held her tightly, and while people did get close to them, they never made physical contact, because Ragnar’s demeanor discouraged them from getting too close.
There was a benefit to having a husband who looked like a Viking warrior of old.
They finished with the crowd of people there at the city center, and then got back in their car, and began to drive toward a nearby village. She hadn’t seen this much of the country yet.
The buildings were an interesting mix of clean, modern lines, and old structures. There were black churches, standing stark against the countryside.
“There are so many trees here,” she commented. “Iceland doesn’t have trees.”
“Yes. The legend is that the Vikings cut down all the trees in Iceland and they never grew again. Personally, I don’t believe that. They are a renewable resource after all.”
“And what do you think it is?”
“Giants? Trolls?”
“I didn’t think that you believed in the divine.”
“I don’t. However, that does not mean that I don’t believe in trolls and giants.”
She blinked. “It doesn’t?”
“Of course not. Anyone descended from Norsemen believes in trolls and giants. You are foolish not to.”
“I didn’t realize.”
There was never as big of a crowd as the first one they drew in the capital city, but people were friendly, and greeted them with enthusiasm everywhere they went.
They stopped in a pub, where they had fish and chips and cider.
She had never done anything like this. She had never walked around in and among people.
She had either been cloistered in a palace, or cloistered in a convent.
Maybe this was what her life would be like when she went to make her own way. Maybe she would live in a village, and she would simply talk to people.
Except of course they would all know who she was. Well, maybe not all. Just because they were well-known in this part of Europe didn’t mean they would be well-known everywhere.
“We have been invited to stay in one of the oldest hotels in the country,” he said.
“We have?”
“Yes,” he said. He gestured toward the end of the street. “That large stone building there. It was once a place where royalty stayed. And I suppose it can be again.”
“I would like that.”
And they would of course get the same room, and it would be…
Just thinking about it made her warm.
When they arrived at the room, she took her phone out, and began to look at headlines on a news site. And was shocked to discover that they were the focus of many of them.
“Look at this,” she said, bringing her phone over to him. “There are…hundreds and hundreds of pictures of today.”
“You seem alarmed.”
“I didn’t realize…”
“You are very popular,” he said. “After the ball we received glowing press about you.”
“I didn’t see it.”
“Why not?”
“I was distracted by the sex.”
“Ah. I was also distracted by that. But I received communication about your popularity early this morning.”
“And you didn’t share it with me?”
“I didn’t have a chance to. But now I am.”
“It isn’t only me that’s popular,” she said. “You are too. A king of the people. Unlike the evil dictator before you. And unlike…” She frowned. “Unlike your father.”
She turned the screen of her phone off, almost like she was trying to protect him.
“I know,” he said.
“What?”
“I already know that my father was not considered a man of the people. I told you that I spent seventeen years trying to figure out how to be the leader that this country needed. Part of that was finding out what had made it ripe for revolution in the first place.”
“You don’t have any memories of your father, only these…pieces written by other people?”
“I spent a fair amount of time talking to people who remembered him. He was seen as decadent. Out of touch.” He frowned. “It feels foolish to have to ask. To not know.”
“I should’ve asked about that before I went and threw a ball.”
“Nothing about your ball seemed decadent or out of touch. My father would never have welcomed the citizens of the country. At least, that is my understanding. He certainly never would’ve walked through the town square.”
“You’re trying to counteract his reputation.”
“Yes. I would be foolish not to.”
Yet again, she saw that inability for him to feel certainty. For him to feel like anything was fixed or secure.
Because in his experience, it wasn’t.
“You’re your own man,” she said. “All of these articles recognize it.”
She looked around the room, properly, for the first time since they had arrived. It was lovely. Filled with cultural charm. That modern, Scandinavian type of design, mixed with more ornate old-world art and wallpaper.
But she didn’t care about the surroundings. She only cared about him.
“I am whatever the people need me to be.”
“Is it so impossible for you to let yourself be human?”
“Yes. It is.”
“Let yourself be a man, Ragnar.”
“I have to be better than that. I’m a king.”
“Not in here. If I can give you one thing over the next two years, I want to give you that. With me, you don’t have to be a king. With me, you can simply be a man.”
Driven by the impulse that was making her heart beat faster, she reached around and unzipped the dress that she was wearing. Let it fall away from her body. Let it fall all the way to the floor. “I don’t need you to be a symbol of anything. I only need you to be a man.”