Chapter 22
22
There was something different about Noah.
Or was it Laura who was different?
Whatever it was, it seemed to be creating a tension that Laura couldn’t understand.
Some weird inverse correlation that meant the closer they got to each other, the further apart it felt.
The night of le chou-fleur au gratin – which had, indeed, been possibly the most delicious meal she had ever eaten – had been the latest peak of the emotional rollercoaster that represented her relationship with Noah Dufour. It had been building ever since that New Year’s Eve kiss, as he cared for her while she was sick and when he came with her, as the father of her baby, to see the ultrasound scan. To make love to her – with such heartbreaking tenderness – when her body was so changed with her pregnancy and to feel his hands over hers as she felt the baby moving beneath them had taken her own emotional reaction to everything going on in her life to a whole new level.
A rather frightening level, because it was too high and that meant that a fall could be devastating. Laura was breaking one of her own steadfast rules here. She’d never let herself get this… hopeful before.
To make herself so incredibly vulnerable.
Perhaps it was because she could see, or sense, a future that was everything she could dream of. Every wish she’d had, for as long as she could remember, coming true. To have a family around her that she could trust was perfectly safe, people she could love with all her heart and soul – whom she knew, without a shadow of any doubt, loved her back just as much.
People that would never ever deliberately hurt her or simply walk away without so much as a word or a backward glance.
As the days clicked over from January into February and the better chance of her baby’s survival, even if she arrived early, contributed its own boost to that rollercoaster, Laura knew she should be thinking about practical things.
Like going home. Selling her apartment. Buying baby clothes and nappies and accessories that were currently deemed indispensable, according to what Laura was finding online. Like wraps to keep your infant in contact with your body as much as possible and weirdly shaped sleep suits that swaddled them so they couldn’t move their arms and bassinets that attached to your own bed so you could safely co-sleep.
There was something holding her back from diving into the deep end of that pool, however, and it was strong enough to make her resist even making a decision about when she would travel back to Scotland. It was so easy to find reasons why she couldn’t go back just yet. There were appointments nearly every day with architects and builders, electricians, plumbers, tilers and interior designers as Laura made a shortlist and collated a portfolio in preparation for Colin Armstrong’s visit planned for March. Noah went to every meeting with her both as a partner in the upcoming project and as translator, although her French was improving every day. There were shops to visit, as well, to look at soft furnishings and window treatments and kitchen designs, and there was always something that Noah wanted her to see in and around Nice that was special.
They hadn’t made love again but Laura could still feel the vibration of physical attraction that was always there between them. She knew, instinctively, that if she pushed too hard, that hum could well be silenced completely, and that was the last thing she wanted to happen. This was a business relationship but it was also allowing their very personal bond to coalesce into something that was feeling more and more solid and potentially significant to both of them.
Time with Ellie was special, too. Laura could see just how happy her sister was in her new life. She could let go of the anxiety that had been in the background ever since her beloved baby sister had been born, had ramped up when Ellie had been pregnant and her partner had walked out on her and had become an unbearable crisis when her life had imploded with the loss of her precious baby. The poignancy of that shared tragedy would always be there but Ellie’s genuine joy in Laura’s pregnancy had made the bond between the sisters stronger than ever. It felt like a solid foundation stone of a perfect future family that Laura was unable to stop herself dreaming about.
One that included Noah as their daughter’s father – and her partner. A family of her very own.
* * *
There was no hiding Laura’s pregnancy by the time Colin flew in to formalise his partnership with Dufour Immobilier and his expression was dismayed as he turned towards Laura after greeting Noah.
‘Oh my goodness… You look like you’ll be on maternity leave any minute, Laura. And I thought the only thing I needed to worry about was keeping you as part of the team when you’ve clearly fallen in love with France.’
‘Even single mothers are capable of working,’ Laura said. ‘I’ve still got plenty of time to get back and set everything up to run smoothly while I take some maternity leave.’
She threw just a passing glance at Noah, as if to reassure him that she wasn’t about to reveal anything personal concerning their relationship or the paternity of this baby. His secrets were – and always would be – safe with her.
Then she smiled at Colin. ‘At least you know, now. I’ll be relying on you to give me first viewing on any properties that will be more suitable for me, because it’s really not an option to be carting a pram up and down my stairs. I’ll be with my mum for the first few weeks but I’d like to be moving into a place of my own by the end of May.’
She didn’t look back at Noah as she was speaking but she could feel his reaction. She couldn’t quite interpret it but, oddly, it felt not dissimilar to the dismay she’d just seen on Colin’s face. Another quick glance made her dismiss that notion, however. If anything, he was looking perfectly happy with the idea that she would be leaving France soon to get her new life as a single mother set up.
Colin was also looking happier. ‘So you’ll be selling your apartment with that superb harbour view?’
‘Yes. As soon as possible.’
‘I can help with that too.’ Colin gave her the ghost of a wink. ‘We’ll talk. Soon.’
Laura had expected to talk to Noah far sooner than Colin after they’d gone their separate ways following a long day of successful negotiations and introductions to potential contractors, but a day went past with no contact.
And then another.
There were any number of things Laura could have used as an excuse to message Noah. She could have asked him to remind her of the name of one of the interior design shops they had visited recently, or to send a business card for the architect who specialised in bathroom renovations but, for some reason, she held back. She wanted him to contact her.
Her heart actually skipped a beat when she finally saw his name on the screen of her phone.
Are you busy tomorrow? Could you meet me in Vence at 1500hrs? I would appreciate your opinion on a property I’m about to list for sale.
Yes. Where?
Ave. Colonel Méyere. I will send a map reference.
The address wasn’t hard to find.
And the house was beautiful. It had the traditional roofing of curved terracotta tiles and golden stone walls in a lovely garden setting.
‘It looks like a bigger version of La Maisonette,’ she said to Noah.
‘ Exactement .’ He seemed pleased by the comparison. ‘This is a villa, not a cottage. It has four bedrooms and two bathrooms and it has had a complete renovation.’
Curious, Laura followed Noah into the house. Why did he want her opinion on a house that didn’t need renovation or even staging to make it stand out in the market?
This was a stunning property. She walked through rooms that had stone floors or the rich patina of restored ancient wood complemented by simple limewashed walls. The spacious kitchen had marble benchtops and a butler’s sink with brass fittings and the living room wall opened up to an enormous terrace that was shaded by a vine-covered pergola and had not only an outdoor dining table and chairs but cane couches and a built-in barbecue and pizza oven.
A stretch of beautifully manicured lawn featured huge olive trees enclosed by stone walls that would provide a shaded spot to sit and admire a wonderful view across the hills and forests all the way to the sea. One of the trees had a branch big enough to support a swing. Laura could almost hear the echo of a child’s laughter and the bark of a dog from playtime in this garden. She actually looked over her shoulder at the swing behind them as if she might see it moving, as it would if someone had just jumped off.
‘This is the perfect home for a family,’ she said to Noah. ‘It’s absolutely gorgeous.’
His nod was thoughtful. ‘It’s the best area, too. There are two écoles maternelles – the first school for children in France – only a few minutes’ walk away. There is the médiathèque and public swimming pool, and we’re also so close to the Grand Jardin – the supermarkets, the doctors, the cinema.’ He shrugged. ‘Everything you could wish for, I think.’
Laura mirrored his nod. ‘You won’t have the slightest problem selling this. I’m not sure why you need my opinion?’
‘I’m not selling it,’ Noah said quietly. ‘I’m thinking of buying it…’
Laura felt herself going still.
‘…for you. And the child. Our child.’
Laura’s mouth felt dry. Her question came out in a whisper. ‘ Why …?’
He met her gaze. ‘I want to take care of you,’ he said simply. His gaze dropped to her belly. ‘And the bébé .’
Laura caught the subtle movement of his fingers flexing gently as he spoke. Was he remembering how it felt when the baby had moved beneath his hands?
‘I have been thinking about this,’ he added. ‘If you want, we could live here together. We could bring our child up together. In this house.’
His words flowed around Laura like a genre of music she couldn’t name. Fairy words, offering her the magic of the future she had already allowed herself to dream about. Living with Noah and their daughter as a family. With her sister and a cousin for her child in the next village. In a country that was part of her own heritage and an even bigger part of her future.
Above all, it was offering her a future with the man she was so hopelessly in love with. Living close enough for it to be inevitable that he would learn to trust enough to let them both into his heart?
This felt – almost – like a proposal of marriage. Would Noah hold her in his arms and kiss her senseless if she said yes?
She wanted to say yes. It was right there, coming straight from her heart to reach the tip of her tongue.
Yes, yes… yes …
But the word wouldn’t quite come out. Laura opened her mouth but then closed it again. She couldn’t break the eye contact between them and, when she saw the way Noah’s face softened, her heart melted completely.
If felt like he understood something she couldn’t understand herself.
‘It’s big,’ he said softly. ‘You need time to think about it. You have things in your life that you need to take care of first, perhaps. Like selling your apartment?’
The first piece of a new jigsaw fell into place. This explained Noah’s odd reaction when she’d been talking to Colin about being a single mother. In Scotland.
He didn’t want her to be that far away, and that only increased that melty feeling in Laura’s heart. She was on an even higher point of that rollercoaster right now. She could see into the future. The dream was close enough to reach out and touch.
‘Thank you so much,’ she said. ‘I love this house, Noah. I love the idea of raising our child together but… you’re right. It’s a very big decision. And I do need to go home and get things sorted and… maybe the timing is perfect. Would a week or two be too long to wait? Are there other people who are looking to buy this house?’
‘ Non …’ Noah smiled. ‘It’s not officially on the market yet. And…’ He touched Laura’s cheek with his finger. ‘And some things are worth waiting for, ma puce . Come… let’s walk a little. I can show you both the schools that are nearby.’
* * *
Just past one of the schools was a narrow lane that caught Laura’s attention. ‘What’s down there?’
‘That’s the entrance to the cimetière ,’ Noah told her.
Laura’s steps slowed. ‘There was something you were going to tell me about this cemetery. A long time ago, when I came to take the photos of La Maisonette.’
When they’d became lovers…
‘Oh… I remember now.’ Laura could feel a flush of pink in her cheeks at the reason her memory had been jogged. ‘You said D. H. Lawrence was buried here.’
‘Just for a while.’ Noah’s eyebrow quirked, as if he was also thinking about the most famous book banned for being too sexually explicit. ‘Would you like to see where his grave was?’
‘Yes, please.’
They walked into the tidiest cemetery Laura had ever seen. Gravelled pathways on several levels divided walls of raised graves and their monuments. Most had colourful arrays of artificial flowers, some had real plants, like neatly clipped rosemary bushes, and there were splashes of green from tall, conical cypress trees.
There was a simple plaque on a stone wall to commemorate where the author had been buried.
Ici reposa David Herbert Lawrence de Mars 1930 à Mars 1935.
‘Only five years?’ Laura was intrigued.
‘His wife, Frieda, moved back to New Mexico where they’d previously lived. She arranged to have him exhumed and cremated.’
Noah’s expression told her there was more to the story.
‘The story is that the captain of the ship was told he needed the same paperwork for an urn of ashes as for a body and he wasn’t happy, so he threw the ashes into the sea. When he got to New York, he put some ashes into the urn from a fireplace so that it wasn’t empty.’
‘Is it a true story?’
‘Who knows?’ Noah shrugged. ‘But it is a good story.’
It was, but Laura saw that Noah’s smile faded quickly enough to be odd as they walked back towards the gates of the cemetery. His steps slowed as well, and when he stopped completely she glanced at the headstone and her heart fell like a stone.
This was the Dufour tomb.
Noah’s parents were buried here.
And his beloved sister, Elise, who’d lived for only seven years.
It was one thing to have listened to Noah telling her about Elise and to feel heartbreak on his behalf. It had been another to stand beside him in the mountain chapel in Moustiers-Sainte-Marie, watching the flickering flames of their candles, but it was a very different feeling to be standing here, knowing that this was his little sister’s final resting place.
The grave, with its weathered concrete walls and an ornate cross, looked as neat and cared for as those around it. There was a permanent flower arrangement of ceramic sunflowers and, beside it, something Laura hadn’t seen on any of the dozens of graves she’d walked past already – a small, plain bowl that was filled with small differently coloured stones.
Heart-shaped stones.
Laura looked up to find Noah watching her.
‘I put one in the bowl every year, on the anniversary of her death,’ he said softly. ‘There should be twenty-eight in there now because I don’t think anyone has ever taken one away.’
Laura’s heart broke all over again. For Elise. For Noah. And for herself?
She slipped her hand into his as they walked away from the grave and he didn’t object to her touch but it didn’t feel that Laura was connected in any more than a physical way. It felt as if some of that hope she’d gathered around herself might not have been any more than wishful thinking.
She could hear Noah’s voice as clearly as if he were saying the words aloud again.
‘I buried my heart with Elise… I am not capable of feeling that kind of love again…’