20. Jade
Jade
I wasn’t going to let fucking Sarah tear me down. Fuck that bitch .
After watching Asher drive off—that man is too sexy for words, especially on his motorcycle, fuck me —I steel my nerves and force myself to walk into the econ building. I still don’t want to have this major, but right now, I can’t do anything about it.
The old limestone building has seen better days, it’s obvious that the college has tried to keep it clean, repaired and pristine. Opening the door, I’m so fucking thankful the A/C is blasting. This heat wave hasn’t left us yet. Plus, I have three flights of stairs to run up.
I start my ascent, thinking about tonight. Ever since we talked about tattoos, I’ve been stuck on getting one. I don’t think Asher would charge me for it, especially if he’s the one that gets to do it. But I want to do something for him in return.
Maybe I could entice him with sexual favors. I do need to perfect my blowjobs.
I turn the corner in the stairwell and keep climbing. I think I’d want a butterfly. Maybe right in the valley of my breasts, that way I could hide it if I wanted. I think that’s an incredibly tempting spot. Perfect for my emerging sensuality.
Shit, I’m out of breath. I need to run more, or do any kind of cardio. Only two more flights. I’m already so late—does it really matter if I run?
Slowing down, I keep climbing the never-ending hellscape, but walk this time.
I’ll ask Asher tonight to do it. And I’ll ask about the receptionist job so I can get more information. I’m very cautiously excited. Not only will I get to work on my art, but I’ll get to spend time with the crew. It’s going to be great.
Spending the rest of my involuntary cardio session planning and designing the tattoo in my head, I finally push open the third-floor door and try not to wheeze too much while I catch my breath.
I’m late enough that the noon classes are being let out and the hallway is starting to flood with people. Fuck, it’s going to be so embarrassing when I push open the lecture hall door and everyone stares at me. Hopefully, I’m not so late that my professor will automatically count it as an absence. If that’s the case, I would’ve stayed with Asher.
The hallway starts to fill with chatter and that static noise where you can hear everything and nothing at the same time. Keeping my eye out for the right room—it’s only like the fourth time I’ve been on this floor—I look ahead a ways, and one person stands out.
Him.
The blood leaves my face and I feel nauseous as I stop walking, acutely aware that he’s walking toward me. He’s talking with the same guy I saw him with last time, the same guy that was there that night. His light hair reflects the shine of the fluorescent lights above us and he’s deep in conversation with his friend. They aren’t really looking where they’re walking, so I put my head down and hope to the universe they don’t suddenly pay attention.
I have to keep going. I have to make sure he has no reason to stop. I force my feet to move as bile turns my stomach and makes saliva pool in my mouth. My fingernails slice into my palm as I squeeze my hands into fists.
One text. One text to Asher and he’d come get me.
But I won’t let him , the drugging-girls-fucking-rapist, take this from me. I won’t live in fear. I won’t stay in that laundry room. Not when I have so much going for me.
Not when I’m determined to be strong.
I can be strong.
I will be strong.
When we pass each other in the hallway, memories of that night—or what I can remember of it—threaten to pull me under. But they don’t. “Boobs, it’s a compliment…”
He’s at my back without any sort of glance or expression of knowing and I breathe a little easier.
There’s my door to the right, but my stomach starts to turn. Maybe I should just…
No. No.
I have a choice here. A choice to let those fuckers win and take more from me, or push forward and become who I’ve always wanted to be. That’s not saying the trauma I’ve endured will magically go away, but it does mean that I can choose not to let him— them —hold any power over me.
And with that thought, I open the door and take charge of my life with my head held high.
* * *
Asher is not kidding about his request for me to check in often throughout the day. The funny thing is that he has done most of the texting. I did what he said and left my phone on my desk so I could see when he messaged. I started to wonder if he even had a client today because he was texting me so much.
I sat through the lecture without an embarrassing conversation about my attendance since I was only about fifteen minutes late. The professor only looked at me with an annoyed expression, but kept going as I sat quietly in the seat closest to the door.
Thank my lucky stars.
One lecture turned to two, and finally around six in the evening, I had my last one. It was only an hour and a half but time flew by, between trying to actually pay attention and Asher’s non-stop messaging. He even got Roxie to message me too, checking in and shooting the shit to pass the time.
After making plans for the weekend with Roxie while hearing how she’s ready to pass out from exhaustion over text, the professor ends his lecture on college algebra. My freaking brain and ears are full.
“You’re all dismissed. I’ll see you in two days. Don’t forget to upload the assignment to the student portal by midnight tomorrow,” My professor announces and shuts his computer roughly. “You’re dismissed.” Everyone stands up and starts talking all at once.
I’m so ready to jump into Asher’s arms. It’s been a long fucking day.
Checking the time on my phone, I see that Asher hasn’t messaged me back—he’s probably busy with his last client. It’s only seven thirty at night, so if I walk, I should get there when he’s cleaning up. A quick glance out the window tells me that the sun is just starting to set, so I should be okay.
My bravery about walking in the dark only extends so far. I usually get an Uber from my dorm to Asher’s apartment building so I never have to walk on campus alone.
In the dark.
But I’m feeling good, despite my freakouts earlier. What are the chances that he or Sarah are walking around right now? Besides, the shop isn’t that far…
I text Asher that I’m walking to the shop, then put my phone in the back pocket of the shorts I’m wearing. Straightening my spine and rolling my shoulders back, I emulate the badass I’m trying to be.
I can do this .
Getting to the ground floor is much quicker than going up, taking me just a few minutes from the lecture hall. All the other students scatter once we step outside. The sun setting means it’s finally a tiny bit cooler and the fresh air is so nice. I try to distract myself with the beauty around me: the way the wind makes the leaves move in the trees, the soft hum of the street lights turning on overhead, the way the clouds mix in the sky. It’s going to be a nice night to walk. But in the back of my mind, I’m extra observant about what’s around me. My eyes don’t stop darting around, making sure there isn’t anyone lurking or following me.
I try not to think about it too much as my pace quickens. I walk across the street and pass the residential area so that I’m able to walk closer to downtown where From The Ashes is located.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, but I ignore it. I don’t want to take the chance that when I look down, someone could come up behind me.
Breathing deeply, I try to slow my heart rate and my mind, just focus on the present and on what’s around me. I can do this.
Quicker than I thought, I arrive on the sidewalk of Main Street and pass all the shops and little restaurants until I see the warm window of Asher’s shop. The phoenix under the masculine writing of From The Ashes shining brightly in the window.
I smile when I see it, because that means Asher—my person—is almost within my reach. I almost feel like I’m home again.
Looking inside, I can see Asher hunched over the table as he’s tattooing someone at his station. It looks like it’s the last moments, too; Asher sits up, rolls his shoulders back and wipes down the guy’s leg. I can’t see who it is yet, but they exchange words and Asher smiles politely, nodding and wrapping up the fresh tattoo before helping the guy sit up.
It’s… Kyle.
It’s… the guy who Sarah was meeting.
The guy who basically gave me the drug himself.
The one that lives on my dorm floor.
The one who is best friends with a rapist.
And from the looks of it, is pretty buddy-buddy with Asher, too.
Asher laughs at something Kyle says, and helps him up before returning a hug.
I can’t believe this.
The door opens as another customer leaves, and I hear Asher say, “Anything for a…friend,” as he slaps Kyle on the shoulder.
I’m frozen in front of the window. Like my mind physically can’t understand what it’s hearing or seeing.
Ty makes eye contact with me through the window as he’s cleaning his station, and cocks his head to the side in confusion. I’m sure I look creepy, staring in the window with my mouth wide open as my world crashes down around me.
Is Asher friends with these people? Have they been playing me? Making me fall in love with him, just for what? Fucking sport?
The door opens again with a ding and I hear Kyle say, “Your brother is my roommate! It all worked out like we wanted after all.”
And there goes all the oxygen from my lungs. My hand goes to my throat. What the fuck is happening? I can’t… I don’t… The world starts to slant as I panic.
“Jade?” Ty’s accented voice hits my ears, cutting through the static.
Asher had to know… He had to. There’s no way he didn’t know. His brother? Kyle… the only guy I’ve seen him around campus with is Hunter…
Asher’s brother.
“Jade? Are you okay?” Ty asks, reaching out to hold my elbow. “What’s wrong?”
“That guy,” I croak out, a finger shakily pointing at Kyle. “Is Asher good friends with that guy?”
“Kyle? I mean, I guess?” Ty answers with a wishy-washy shake of his head. “Kyle’s good friends with Asher’s younger brother, Hunter. They’ve always been attached at the hip, and Kyle likes to try and get on Asher’s good side. I’d say they’re friendly.”
“Oh god,” I gulp, and dry heave onto the pavement.
“Fuck,” Ty curses, “what’s wrong?”
“Kyle… Hunter… Hunter’s the one…” I can’t even say the fucking words right now. So fucking much for being strong. I spit out the bile that refuses to leave and wipe my mouth on the back of my hand.
“What?” Ty’s eyes widen and he looks inside quickly before turning back to me. “Jade, come inside, let’s talk this out.” He’s holding a hand out to me like he’s going to grab at me, but I can’t. Was Asher just trying to get on my good side so I wouldn’t do anything against his brother? Or what if… what if… what…if.
“No,” I refuse, pulling my arm out of his reach. “No.”
I turn and I run.
I run away from the pain.
Away from the betrayal.
Away from the complete breaking of my heart and my trust.