21. Walker
Walker
I notice the problem as soon as I enter the small space.
I can’t get my boots off.
Just to test the limits and see what I can do…I try the buttons on both my shirt and my jeans only to discover that the twisting motion is absolutely not happening for me anytime soon.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I give it one more try, but if the pain didn’t stop me, the fact that my fingers are still so swollen I have zero dexterity, definitely would.
I set my clothes on the lid of the toilet seat and head back downstairs to find Phoenix. My boots are loud, but my appearance still seems to startle him when I find him in the kitchen, standing with his palms on the counter and his head hanging between his arms.
The sight guts me, and I need to make it better.
“Hey,” I start slowly. “Are you okay? If me being here is too much, I can?—”
“It’s fine,” Phoenix says, interrupting me. “Knox was right, I need the help and on such short notice, I don’t know that I could find anyone, let alone train them, by Monday.” He looks over at me. “You come down here just to check on me? You’re the patient, remember?”
“Yeeeaahhh,” I draw the word out slowly. “About that. I can’t get my boots off…or my shirt…or my pants.”
I watch Phoenix rub his forehead and pinch the bridge of his nose like he’s battling a migraine.
“Have a seat at the table,” he says, waving a hand toward the wooden furniture.
I do as he instructs, gripping the side of the chair with my left hand to prevent myself from sliding onto the floor as soon as he yanks.
Kneeling on the floor next to me, he pulls my boot in his lap and works the heel off first like a pro.
The boots don’t put up much of a fight and although they’re comfortable, I’m relieved to have them off.
Suddenly, I’m terribly self-conscious because feet reek after being in cowboy boots for twelve hours. As soon as the second one is off, I quickly drop my foot to the floor to get it as far away from his nose as I can.
But he says nothing, just plants his hands on his knees and stands up, motioning for me to stand with him.
“You too. I don’t want to have to bend over for all of these,” he says, pointing toward the buttons on my shirt.
I don’t argue.
His hands tremble as he raises them to start on the buttons at my chest. Trying to ease his discomfort, I crack a joke, like he did for me when Knox called me to the stalls.
“It’s a shame I haven’t gotten around to making those easy-to-remove shirts and jeans that actually leave room for our nuts.
I have to admit, you were really on to something back then. ”
It’s not the first time one of us has referenced that night. The references come in small spurts though, like neither of us can face it all at once, but ignoring it isn’t an option either.
Phoenix huffs a laugh seemingly against his will before his features turn back into a scowl, but I’ll take it as a win.
I can tell he’s trying to get through the buttons quickly because his speed is causing him to fumble them. He’s only on the second one when he realizes instead of a white t-shirt under my button-down, I have on a black wifebeater tank top.
His knuckles graze the top of my bare chest where the scooped neck of the tank doesn’t reach, and we both falter. I hold my breath the entire time.
I desperately want to ask him if he thinks about that night as much as I do…or at all, but this thing between us is too fragile to handle that question just yet.
By the time he gets my shirt open, we’re both breathing hard, and I could die with how badly I want his hands on me.
He’s trying to maintain the distance between us as he moves to the button on my jeans, but the angle isn’t right and the button isn’t giving.
Relenting, Phoenix moves a step closer to me.
My cock is more swollen than my fingers at this point, and I’m not sure if he’d rather I apologize for it or pretend like it isn’t happening.
When the button finally slips free, he practically runs for the door.
“I need to go feed my trail horses,” he calls without a backward glance.
“Uh, yeah, sure,” I manage in a whisper, watching him go before heading back upstairs, wiggling out of my clothes, carefully peeling off my brace, and stepping into the hot spray of the shower. The heat of the water feels incredible—although, not nearly as good as my hand feels around my cock.
I’m clumsy with my left hand, but thankfully I’m so fucking wound up that I don’t even need a consistent rhythm before I’m spilling my release down the drain.
Feeling a little more in control afterwards, and dressed in clothes I can manage by myself—athletic shorts and a baggy t-shirt—with my brace back in place, I go looking for Phoenix once more. If we let the awkwardness hang in the air, it’ll only be worse tomorrow.
I find him on the couch downstairs, watching T.V.
Guess the trail horses don’t require much attention after all.
Flopping down right next to him, I try to act totally nonchalant. “They deliver pizza out here? I haven’t eaten in a while and the oxy-whiskey combo on an empty stomach is making me a little queasy.”
My admission spurs Phoenix into action.
“Oh, fuck. I didn’t even think about that.
” He jumps off the couch and heads for the fridge.
“A couple places will deliver out here, but if you want to eat before midnight, it’s probably best just to eat what’s here.
” Pulling the door open, he surveys what’s inside.
“I’ve got some leftover ribs, homemade mac ‘n cheese, baked beans, and there’s some chicken thighs in here that are still good.
But if none of that sounds appealing, I can fix?—”
“Phoe,” the nickname rolls off my tongue easily as if we’re best friends or comfortable roommates.
I don’t mean to say it, but it’s effective in making him stop for a second.
“I’m not an invalid. If you don’t mind me rummaging through your fridge, I’ll find something.
Hell, I’m good with cereal. You’re doing me a favor, remember? I don’t expect you to cook for me.”
“Right,” he replies, still keeping his distance by staying in the kitchen.
“Come sit down,” I command, as I stand up. “You’re making me jittery. I’ll find something to eat and then I’m gonna head to bed.”
Okay, so it’s going to take a little time to figure out how to orbit around each other, but we’ll get there.
Phoenix’s eyes stay rigidly glued to the T.V. while I heat up some mac and cheese, chicken thighs, and baked beans behind him. I wolf it down, hungrier than I realized. Once I’m done, I rinse my dishes, put them in his dishwasher, and move back into his line of sight in the living room.
“I’m going to head up. What time do you want to get started tomorrow?” I ask through a yawn.
“Why don’t you take the morning to get acclimated and heal? It’s just the three lazy girls out there until Sunday. I can handle it.”
“You don’t have to baby me, Phoenix. I’m here to do a job,” I argue.
“And when that job needs to be done, I’ll let you do it,” he fires back, fighting to keep all the control.
Our stare-down only lasts a minute before I nod, realizing it’s too soon for a pissing match and my chances of winning are slim-to-none because I’m so fucking tired.
“Okay, well, thanks again for letting me crash here…and for saving my ass in that ring today,” I tell him, moving for the stairs.
“I’m sorry your season’s over, but I’m glad it wasn’t your spine that was broken,” he says. This time, he looks at me over his shoulder and makes eye contact. “Goodnight, Walker.”
“Night, Phoenix.”
Upstairs, I carefully shimmy out of my athletic shorts, but I choose to keep my shirt and boxers in place because tempting Fate just seems stupid at this point.
I manage to brush my teeth left-handed, plug my phone charger into the wall, and down a couple of Tylenol from my toiletry kit before landing in bed.
Of course, the sheets smell like him.
I still have one more harrowing thing to do before I can close my eyes and go to sleep though, so I don’t allow myself to go down that olfactory rabbit hole…even if my dick has already taken notice of the scent surrounding me.
Luckily for me, nothing kills a growing erection like having to call your ex-girlfriend-turned-baby-mama to discuss meeting your son for the first time.
She said her number’s the same, and some things you never forget. My heart hammers so hard in my chest as I type the familiar number into my phone that I suddenly have concerns about cardiac arrest. It doesn’t even ring a full time before she picks up.
“Walker…hi.” Her voice sounds small, unsure. Alexis was never a big personality. Most of the time, people didn’t even notice she was in a room, but that was their loss.
“Hey, Alexis. It’s good to hear your voice.”
Is it? I don’t know what the fuck I’m saying, it just sounded like the thing I should say.
She huffs the start of a chuckle. “You don’t have to do that, Walker. I know you’re probably really mad at me and?—”
“I’m not mad,” I say, cutting her off. “Shocked and a little scared, maybe, but not mad.”
“Okay.” She whispers the word and I suddenly wonder if Colton’s in the room with her.
“Is he…is he there with you?” I ask, not sure what I’m going to do if he is.
“He’s in bed, but our apartment is in the graduate student housing on campus, and the walls are pretty thin. ”
My chest pinches. I can’t even begin to fathom how much she’s struggled.
I thought that one night alone was as bad as it could get.
Come to find out, she’s been on her own for eight years raising our child and putting herself through school.
Alexis didn’t come from a great family, and it was pretty evident early on that she would never receive much help from her parents.
“Shit, Lexi, I’m so fucking sorry for everything.”
“We were kids, Walker.”
Kids.
That word is so complicated. Legally, that night, I was an adult.
And thank God for it too, otherwise I have no doubts that Phoenix wouldn’t have touched me.
He made me feel like the adult my driver’s license and the federal government said I was.
But eighteen is so young. Lexi and I were kids. We were babies having a baby.
“I hope you know I’ve never been angry with you,” she says, drawing me back to the conversation.
“Besides, how could I be? Colton is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
He’s a lot like you.” I hear the smile in her voice and it’s almost enough to have me smiling too.
“I thought you’d be a lot madder at me for not going through with the abortion,” she admits.
This conversation is far too heavy to have over the phone, but I force the truth out anyway.
“How could I be mad at you when I left you alone and took off for the rodeo, Lex? I left you alone in an impossible situation, forcing you to deal with it on your own. And fuck if—” I have to stop because I’m so choked up.
I’m breathing hard into the phone, my words hard to understand, but Alexis deserves to hear me break.
She deserves to hear me cry. So, I do. Through choked sobs, I push out the rest of my thoughts.
“And fuck if I haven’t regretted it every day since.
The guilt is so bad some days, I wish one of these horses would just fucking trample me. ”
It’s the first time I’ve admitted that out loud.
“Walker, no! ” she protests with an anguished, yelled whisper.
“Don’t ever feel that way, please. Colt gives me purpose and drives me forward on the tough days when life feels impossible.
I honestly don’t know that I would’ve made it this far if it weren’t for him.
And I wouldn’t have him if it weren’t for you. ”
Tears are openly streaming down my face at this point. I taste their saltiness as they breach my lips.
“You deserve so much better than what you’ve been given,” I tell the incredible woman on the other end of the line, picturing her black rimmed glasses and frizzy ponytail.
Her social media has no pictures of her or Colt on it.
Just images of nature, a lot of animals, and facts about veterinary medicine, so the only image I have of her is from the last time I saw her.
“I don’t know about deserve , but I’m not afraid to work for it. And like I mentioned, I’m not asking you for anything, Walker. This isn’t some crappy attempt to collect on a payday. Colt and I are doing fine.”
“Alexis, of course I want to help,” I reply adamantly.
Not to mention, I know her. She doesn’t have a manipulative bone in her body nor would she ask for help even if she really needed it.
“Look, I actually got thrown today and fractured my wrist, so my season’s done, but I’m staying in North Carolina with a friend for a little bit.
I think I’d like to meet Colton…I just…can I have a little more time to prepare? ”
Between my injury, being back in not only Phoenix’s presence, but his house, losing my coach, and finding out I have a son, I feel worn a little thin and I need to get some solid ground under my feet before entering my kid’s life.
“Sure, take all the time you need. Thank you for calling, Walker. It’s really good to hear from you. ”
“You, too, Lex. Thank you for being so fucking brave and saving our son. I promise I’ll call as soon as I find my balls and we’ll figure this out.”
My pain eases slightly when she chuckles through her own tears. “I probably remember where they are if you need help locating them.”
Despite everything, I laugh, because that’s so perfectly Alexis. She isn’t being dirty. She isn’t coming on to me. She’s just making me feel better. Like she always did.
By the time we get off the phone, I’m in a weird state of finding relief and also needing another drink.