26. Phoenix
Phoenix
A dmittedly, Walker and I are finding a routine much faster than I thought we would.
Walker is still guarded about some things—like what’s keeping him here—but he quickly got comfortable with innuendos, side glances, and small touches when he thinks he can get away with it.
Things like placing a hand on my back as he leans around me to get something out of the fridge.
A touch that isn’t necessary, but also not a big deal…
like I would be the bigger prick for shying away from the brief interaction or calling him out on it.
And since I don’t actually mind him touching me, I keep my mouth shut and let him think he’s being sneaky.
I’m back on at the fire station today. Hudson, Jake, and Knox are all on with me, which is nice...and getting much rarer. Especially because Hudson and Jake hardly volunteer at all anymore. I suspect they’re only here tonight because Knox and I are.
Before settling into another round of poker, I fire a text to Walker just to check in.
Phoenix:
Everything good over there?
Walker:
Phoenix, I know my way around a barn. Relax.
Phoenix:
I have more down time at night, so I’m bored and I’m thinking about all the ways you can fuck my shit up
Walker:
Or you miss me.
This guy .
Phoenix:
You know what? Fuck it. I have insurance. Do whatever you want. Just don’t kill my horses.
Walker:
Phoenix:
Forty minutes later, I’m getting my ass handed to me in the poker game, when my phone vibrates on the table next to me. Opening the messages app, I see it’s from Walker…and it’s a picture message.
My heart is beating so violently against my sternum, I fear it might crack.
“Phoe, you okay?” Jake asks, his voice laced with obvious concern. Okay, so maybe they can see it after all .
“Yeah. Walker just sent me a picture message, and I’m a little afraid to open it. It could be anything from my barn on fire to a dick pic.” I laugh, but it sounds forced even to my own ears.
Knox grabs my phone, opens the message, then turns the phone around to face me. “Just a picture of Roxy and Clive doing that face-nuzzle thing they do at night.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “And what if you’d opened it up and gotten a face full of dick?”
Knox just laughs and tosses my phone on the table. “Would’ve been the most action I’ve gotten in quite some time.”
Jake takes a sip of his Sprite and glances at Hudson before returning his attention to me.
“Yeah, what’s going on with you and Walker, anyway?
Hud mentioned something in passing at Cassie’s farewell dinner.
I brushed it off…but maybe I shouldn’t have?
” He ends the statement with a higher inflection, clearly making it a question.
“It’s nothing,” I quickly reply, narrowing my eyes at Hudson and his big fucking mouth. “You were right to brush it off.”
I think I’m in the clear until Knox pipes up. Fucker is awfully chatty these days. Especially where I’m concerned. “Speaking of, he settling in okay?” he asks, pretending like he’s studying his cards as he throws another red chip into the pile.
“Well, I haven’t killed him yet, so all in all, it’s going better than expected,” I answer.
“I don’t think killing him is what you want to do to him,” Knox snorts, causing me to fold my hand by violently throwing my cards down on the table.
“Look, whatever you think is going on, isn’t, so just give it a rest, okay? I’m putting a roof over his head because you forced my hand. He caught a bad break, and I know how much getting hurt in the middle of a season sucks. But that’s all it is. ”
My friends sit in a stunned silence. Occasionally, I’ll raise my voice at Hudson or I’ll banter with Jake like we’re siblings, but none of us lash out at Knox. Ever. It’s like an unspoken rule.
Trying to lighten the mood, Hudson keeps his voice low and overly pouty when he says, “Fucker hogs all your time, though.”
Even though I want to stay pissed, I can’t help but laugh.
“Like you even notice since you’re so busy over there dicking down your wife.
” One joke and things are back to normal.
Well, almost normal. Knox is on to me and keeps giving me the side eye.
Hell, he probably should be concerned. These guys have never seen me act like this.
Fuck, I don’t act like this because no one has ever gotten under my skin like Walker DeVille.
Before things can devolve further or someone else can ask questions, the alarm in the station starts wailing and we all jump up on autopilot moving to our boots and uniforms like we’re trained to do.
All three trucks have been dispatched meaning it’s another hefty fire.
Jake is the only one of the three of my friends assigned to my truck, and every time we’re deployed together, I think about the night he almost lost Dylan. It’s something I try to avoid remembering in vivid detail because we almost lost Jake too.
Our squadron is well trained and well organized. Although the flames are high and the heat is damn near intolerable, we’re able to get the warehouse fire under control in less than an hour, and thankfully, no one was still inside by the time we arrived.
The addicts who accidentally set the place on fire hadn’t caught their high quite yet and were able to scramble to safety. What happens next is a job for the officers on the scene.
As usual, when we get back to the fire station, I’m wrecked, but we have to clean the trucks and make sure they’re ready to go in case another call comes in.
This is where the volunteer guys are super helpful, as are the fresh faces who will come in at seven a.m. to relieve those of us who are dead on our feet after twenty-four hours.
Knowing I’ll be in trouble if Cassie hears about tonight’s fire via Jake and Dylan instead of me, I pull my phone out and hit call as I gather my stuff for the shower.
While it rings, I can’t help but wonder how Miguel feels about me calling his girlfriend at one in the morning just to let her know I’m safe, but until Cass tells me to stop, I’m going to give her what she wants.
Suddenly, I’m pulled from my thoughts when a groggy, deep voice answers, startling me. I might’ve felt bad, mistaking it for Miguel, but there is no mistaking Walker’s voice. Even when it’s thick with sleep like this.
“Shit, sorry, Walker. I meant to call Cassie.”
“Phoenix?” His voice is clearer now. “Is everything okay?” My heart pinches at his tone of worry. Don’t go there, Harding. Anyone would be concerned if you called them at one a.m.
“Yeah, just got back from a fire. Cassie always likes a call to know I’m safe.” I don’t know why I’m explaining myself. A simple yes would have sufficed.
“Smart.” I can hear the smile in his tone and I briefly picture him lying in bed. In my house. In my sheets. “How do I get on that list?” he asks. This is the most relaxed he’s been during a conversation, and his sleepy chuckle has my remaining energy flowing to my cock.
“Looks like you already are,” I joke back, too tired to care that I shouldn’t be flirting or encouraging him.
Growing serious, he asks, “Was the fire bad?”
I sit down on one of the benches in our locker room, abandoning my thoughts of the shower just so I can keep him on the phone a little longer. At this hour, with this mix of physical exhaustion and mental elation, I’m too weak to talk myself out of wanting him.
Hell, I wanted him eight years ago. I want him still. And I’m tired of pretending like his proximity isn’t carving up my insides with every interaction.
“It was bad because it was so large, spanning multiple floors, and had the potential to reach other buildings nearby, but also, not bad because no people had to be rescued and none of the first responders were injured.”
“That’s a relief,” he says sincerely. “Were any of your friends with you tonight?”
The fact that he thought to ask about Jake and the guys has me dangerously close to doing something stupid, like asking if we can video chat so I can see his beautiful face.
I have to swallow my emotion before I can speak. “Um, yeah. They all were, actually.”
“Well, then I’m extra happy no one got hurt, especially Hudson. He won forty bucks off me last game and I need a chance to redeem myself.”
I snort a laugh. “Fucker took sixty bucks off of me tonight. Don’t bet against Hud. He’s a hustler.”
“You don’t say,” Walker teases, causing a genuine laugh to erupt from my throat. “Mmm,” he groans a deep, throaty sound. “You should laugh more often.”
“Yeah? Why’s that?” I play along dangerously, my own voice dropping an octave against my will.
“Because the sound goes straight to my dick, and I fucking love it.”
I should’ve known he wasn’t going to sugar coat his answer.
That honesty is what I wanted from him, isn’t it?
That honesty that he denied me all those years ago.
The admission that he wanted to continue what we’d found.
Now, the masochist in me wants to draw out every truth he holds, including why he’s staying in North Carolina.
“I don’t know how to respond when you say things like that,” I admit with some combination of frustration and anger.
I swear his voice gets deeper when he answers. “Why? Because my words piss you off? Or because how much you still want me pisses you off?”
“Why did you lash out at that girl at the arena when we picked the horses up?” I ask, avoiding his question. But of course, he doesn’t let me get away with it.
“You answer me first.”
“You know the answer.” God, my cock is thick and hard along my thigh. I lean forward, bracing my elbows on my knees to try and hide it in case anyone else walks in here.
“I want to hear you say it,” he whispers into the phone.
Gritting my teeth, I relent and give in to him just this once. “How much I want you pisses me off.” Fuck, I’m going to regret this in the morning. I’m definitely going to regret it when I have to look him in the eye again.
“That’s what I thought,” he says triumphantly.
“I was pissed that Letty thought she could touch you just because she was pretty,” Walker admits, answering my question.
“I was insecure because I want you to be attracted to me, but I know in reality there are probably a lot of other guys and girls you find attractive that would fit more easily into your life…and that pisses me off.”
I stay silent, trying to digest that information when his voice comes over the line again. Apparently, we unknowingly started a game of twenty questions because he fires his next one.
“How long have you been watching my competitions?”
“Eight years.” The truth starts to come a little more easily. “What is the real reason you chose to stay in North Carolina? ”
I assume the answer is me. After everything else he’s admitted, it doesn’t seem like this would be so hard to say, but instead of continuing the game, he swallows hard and shuts down completely.
“I’ll tell you eventually, but that’s not a conversation for the phone. Oh, and can I borrow the Jeep this coming weekend?” He’s distant all of a sudden. He finally worked this confession out of me and now he wants distance?
Just like the first time. I can’t seem to keep myself in check around him and he so easily moves on once he’s reduced me to a puddle at his feet.
Somehow able to sense my frustration, he sighs heavily on the other end of the line. “Look, I’m really sorry about being shady. It’s just…everything I’ve been running from has caught up to me all at once and I’m still trying to process it.”
“Are you in trouble?” I ask immediately. Even if I hate myself for it, the need to protect him is stronger than ever. I don’t mean to resume the game. I just need to know more about what’s going on.
“No. It’s nothing dangerous.” Then in a pretty skillful segue he adds, “Unlike you and that fire tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow when you get home. Please be careful.”
And the line goes dead.