31. Walker
Walker
T his is either going to end really well or drive the final nail in the coffin currently holding Phoenix and I’s future as a couple.
As soon as he told me I was coming along today, I had hoped he would see how well I fit in with his friends…
and maybe sneak some glances at me in his swimsuit.
I had planned to push all of his buttons until he lost control, but maybe I can get his friends to do it for me.
If they tell him he’s being ridiculous about the whole thing, maybe he’ll finally listen.
Or maybe they’ll take his side.
Either way, someone’s gotta give because this limbo we’re in is torture.
The absolute fucking worst.
“Phoenix and I slept together several years ago after a competition,” I announce, cutting to the chase.
“Jesus Christ , DeVille, will you at least let me catch a buzz first?” Phoenix says, still on the boat, now clutching a bottle of Fireball in one hand and a neon green, silicone shot glass in the other .
He fills it up three times, shooting each one back in one swallow, making me laugh.
“Look who’s the quick shooter now,” I taunt.
Even at this distance, I can see Phoenix’s emerald eyes darken with lust at the mention of the nickname he gave me.
“So? What’s the big deal?” Hudson asks. “It’s obvious you’re into each other even now. When Phoe was competing I’m sure it was easy to get caught up, especially with all those hip thrusts, and bucking motions, and tight jeans. Not to mention, Phoe still looks like an underwear model.”
With my own consumption of alcohol, and my desperation to get past this, my lips are loose, needing to tell this story and gain the perspective of others.
“Well, for starters, I had just turned eighteen, like ten days prior, and Phoenix was twenty.”
“That’s not so bad,” Hudson pipes back up. “Technically you were legal. Shan and I have a bigger age gap than that.”
“Yeah, well, I was also gunning for his title. We were within fourteen points of each other, making me his biggest rival the night I let him fuck me in the ass,” I admit.
“Okay, that’s a little worse, but I still don’t think anyone could blame you for having a hate fuck. They’re some of the hottest,” Dylan chimes in.
I drop another bomb, getting closer to the finale.
“He asked if I’d had sex before, and I said yes, but didn’t clarify that it was sex with a girl and was only once.
Feeling bad about that, I came clean by writing a note and sticking it in his pocket as we said goodbye.
I thought I was doing the right thing by being honest, but apparently, it fucked with his head and ruined his concentration. ”
“Ouch. Maybe that’s a little fucked up,” Hudson says, knocking back his drink .
“I know,” I admit softly. “But I swear I didn’t know it would be such a big deal to him.
Anyway, that was the least of my problems that night, and I wasn’t in my right mind when he and I locked gazes the next day.
I was already on the back of a bronco when I saw him.
I needed to pay attention to what was about to happen, and by the time I realized he was looking at me, waiting on some kind of recognition, my shoot was opening.
He thought I was giving him the cold shoulder, that I’d used him, and messed with his head on purpose and that’s why he fell the next day.
” God, I’m so tired of reliving this. Blowing out a breath, I finish the story.
“He was unconscious before I could apologize or explain. As it turns out, that night has eaten away at both of us over the years and now Fate’s hilarious sense of humor has turned him into my knight in shining armor once again. ”
“Fuuuuuck. I’m not a hero, DeVille,” Phoenix groans half drunk, still on the boat. Those of us in the water have all gathered around the floating vehicle so everyone can hear.
“And I’m not a villain, Harding,” I argue.
Somehow this time it doesn’t feel as heavy as it usually does.
Like maybe I’m saying it enough that he’s finally starting to believe it.
“So, eight years later, here we are. I’m living with the one guy I can’t get out of my head, and he thinks this relationship can’t happen because I’ll lose my sponsorships…
and of course, he still blames me for his injury. ”
There’s obviously a lot more to it, but since this is the argument Phoenix has chosen, this is the one I present to the group. Meanwhile, Phoenix has abandoned the little shot glass altogether and is drinking straight from the bottle.
“Well, fuck,” Hudson starts, “After Jake came out with Dylan, and I shacked up with a married woman, I didn’t think anything would surprise me, but Phoenix being into barely legal, bronc-riding dick is something I did not see coming.” Everyone laughs—except Phoenix.
“ For fuck’s sake, ” Phoe groans, clearly not happy that I’ve divulged our business to the group. “That night cost me everything .”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t exactly walk away unscathed, either. I’ve apologized repeatedly, and your stubborn streak is about to cost us even more,” I say, growing frustrated.
“Because it can’t go anywhere!”
“It definitely can’t go anywhere if it never starts!” I shout emphatically, hoping like hell his buddies help me out here. It’s not like my desperation isn’t palpable, laid bare in front of them all.
Jake shrugs in the water and leans over to plant a kiss to his husband’s lips like he’s glad our drama isn’t his drama, before returning his attention to his best friend and swimming for the ladder, finally weighing in. “Phoe, you’re obviously fucked up over him. What have you got to lose?”
Without missing a beat, Phoenix replies, “ Him, Jake. I could lose him all over again, and I barely survived that loss the first time. His life is in Texas. Not to mention, what happens when he resents me for losing his career? Even if I’ve forgiven him, who’s to say he will forgive me ?”
As Phoenix talks, Jake and I climb the ladder to the boat with Hudson waiting to board the vessel, as well.
Unable to stand the distance as he drunkenly exposes his fears, I straddle his lap as soon as I board.
Careful to keep my dick away from his, I’m practically sitting on his knees with sixteen inches of space between our groins.
He doesn’t push me away, and I’m not sure if it’s because he’s finally giving in or if the Fireball has clouded his ability to realize what’s going on, but I press ahead anyway .
“What if it’s worth the risk to me?” I ask, more serious now than I’ve ever been about anything in my life.
“It isn’t,” he fires back, fighting the alcohol in order to maintain eye contact the entire time. “I’d give anything to be able to ride again. You still have at least five solid years. I can’t be the reason you miss out on the best years of your career, Walker.”
Dylan pipes up as he takes a seat across from us. “Jake was willing to walk away from billions of dollars for me because he thought I was worth it.”
“And Hud was willing to take on a ruthless attorney, risk bankruptcy, and face civil charges in court for Shan,” Knox adds.
“You gotta take the risk in order to get the reward, man,” Hudson throws in.
“You, assholes, are not helping,” Phoenix grits out as he leans his head back and closes his eyes.
“Just because we’re not telling you what you want to hear doesn’t mean we aren’t helping,” Jake says, patting Phoenix’s shoulder before moving to the back of the boat.
With Jake’s words, Phoenix’s hands move to my thighs and squeeze. It’s the only outward sign of the war he’s fighting internally until he speaks.
“If you all want to gang up on the drunk guy, who am I to stop you? Is this what you want? To see me break? Lose the shit that I’ve been holding together with duct tape ever since that night happened? Well here the fuck it is. Enjoy the show.”
He reaches out and pulls me to him with his hands on my ass until our groins are flush against each other. He’s shirtless, and so am I, and somehow our torsos are connected in a way they weren’t on the couch the other day.
Phoenix keeps one hand on my ass and splays the other across my back as he claims my mouth frantically. More than claiming, he’s owning me. My moan is loud and obscene as I melt against him. If he pulls away from me after this, I’ll never recover.
I grip his shoulder with my good hand, letting him push and pull me across his lap. His growing erection rubbing against my own.
I’m going to come on this boat surrounded by his friends, and I couldn’t be happier about it.
Phoenix releases all of his demons into my mouth as his tongue devours me, driving me crazy. I keep grinding on him as everyone around us fades to the background. The only thing that matters is the man beneath me.
When he breaks our kiss to bite and nip my jaw, my fingers dig into his hair as I use that grip for leverage, my wet chest gliding along his smooth skin.
“I’ve hated myself for so long for wanting you,” Phoenix pants against me.
“Even then. Even after you messed with my head…because fuck if you didn’t make me feel shit I’d never felt before.
” I hope his admission works to cleanse whatever parts of his soul he feels are tarnished by his desire for me.
His hands remain on my hips, simultaneously pushing me down and rubbing me back and forth.
When he kisses me again, I reach between us to stroke myself—which is still a challenge left-handed.
His dick is getting friction from my ass as I move, but mine is painfully throbbing between us, untouched in my swim trunks.
Without opening an eye, he bats my hand away and replaces it with his own. With one hand now on the back of my neck and the other stroking my cock over my shorts, he whispers in my mouth, “Are you going to come for me, Quick Shooter?”
And those are the most glorious words I’ve ever fucking heard .
“ Mmhm ,” I moan into his open mouth because fuck yes, I am.