35. Walker
Walker
I t’s two-thirty in the morning. Phoenix should have been home hours ago, and he’s not answering his phone. In fact, it’s going straight to voicemail which sends me straight into panic mode. The only other number I have is for Knox, and he’s not answering either.
I’m going out of my mind.
By two forty-five, I can’t stand it anymore. I grab the keys to the Jeep and fire her up.
I know which fire station is his because everyone in their friend group wears a Station 286 hat or t-shirt every time I see them.
Pulling into the lot, I realize I have no idea if I’m allowed to be here. I have even less of an idea if Phoenix wants me here. He’s only just come out to his best friends, and I know nothing about the culture of a fire station.
Okay, so don’t kiss him, but surely, I can inquire as to whether or not he’s okay, for fuck’s sake.
I throw the Jeep in park and head for the door. I’m not surprised to find the door locked. If I could see inside, enough to know Phoenix was alive, I’d look my fill then turn around and go home, but since I can’t see anything, I start pounding on the door with my fist.
It only takes a minute for the door to fly open and someone who is not Phoenix eyes me suspiciously.
“Hey man, do you need help?” the guy asks kindly.
“Oh, um, no. I mean, there’s no emergency…I don’t think.” I’m stumbling over my words now that I actually have to use them and tell this man what I’m here for. He’s patient as he looks at me with concern on his features.
“Okay. Are you thinking about harming yourself?”
The question takes me aback.
“ What? No…I’m…I’m looking for Phoenix.”
“Are you thinking about harming Phoenix?”
“Absolutely not! Why would you think that?”
“Because it’s almost three in the morning, and you’re beating on our door in your underwear with a crazy look in your eye.”
I start to argue, but quickly shut my mouth when I look down.
This can’t be happening.
I’m not wearing pants. I FORGOT my fucking PANTS.
Clad in boxers and a t-shirt, I try to remain calm. “Look, I swear I don’t want trouble. Phoenix hasn’t come home yet and he left for that fire twelve hours ago. I can’t get him on the phone, and I’m just freaking out a little,” I admit.
The guy cocks a brow at me. “You live with Phoe?”
I know Phoenix had a life while we were apart, but fuck, I do not like the reminder. The way this guy casually throws Phoenix’s nickname out there irks me because he still hasn’t told me if Phoenix is okay.
“Dude, can you please just tell me if he’s alright?” I ask, growing more irritated by the second .
“Yeah, man, he’s just waiting for a shower to open up.” The tension keeping my muscles rigid flees at this news, causing me to brace myself with a hand on the doorframe so I don’t slump to the ground.
“Okay, thanks,” I finally say. True to my word, I turn to get back in the Jeep. I got my answer. If Phoenix didn’t think he needed to call and let me know he’s okay, we can talk about that later.
“You, uh, want to come in and see him?” the guy yells to my back.
I stop and flash him an embarrassed smile. “I’m not really dressed for the occasion.”
He shrugs. “I’m sure we’ve got an extra pair of sweats lying around.
Come on in. I’m Paul, by the way. I ride in Phoenix’s truck as part of the A-team.
” If I weren’t so exhausted from stressing the past several hours, I’d make a crack about the A-team, but I don’t have it in me, especially once Paul keeps talking.
“Phoe had to be hooked up to the O2 tank in the back of the ambulance, but he saved a buddy of ours. It’s been a helluva night, so go easy on him. ”
I feel the color drain from my face and I sway on my feet as images of Phoenix in the back of an ambulance without me , flit through my mind.
“Whoa, easy there,” the guy says, wrapping an arm around my torso to steady me. “Come have a seat and I’ll grab those sweats.”
He leads me to a couch in a room with a T.V. on the wall, a game console underneath, and a poker table. Off to the side is a kitchen, but no one is around. A minute later, Paul returns with a pair of navy sweatpants that has the fire station logo on them.
“Uh, thanks. I really appreciate this.” I still don’t know what he knows about Phoenix so I try to keep my answers short and prepare myself to fist bump Phoe when he emerges instead of jumping into his fucking arms and slamming my mouth down on his.
I don’t have to wait long before I hear Paul’s voice and know immediately he’s talking to my boyfriend.
“Yeah, at first, I thought he was on something. Dude looked wrecked until I told him you were okay. Figured if he was bad news, me, you, and Knoxy could take him…and if he wasn’t, then I thought maybe you might want to see him too?”
“Yeah, I do,” Phoenix replies, sounding hoarse. “Where’d you put him?”
“Game room.”
“Walker?” Phoenix’s raspy voice rings out a second later and I jump to my feet. Stay cool. Stay cool.
“In here, Phoe.” He turns the corner and I’m so relieved to see him I almost miss the fact that his entire face is covered in soot, and the whites of his eyes are red from smoke irritation.
He still has on his steel-toed boots and flame resistant, uniform pants.
On his top half he’s wearing a station t-shirt and his suspenders.
If he didn’t look like he could fall over from exhaustion at any second, I’d strip him right here and ride his cock until I was as dirty as he is.
Instead, I find my voice and try to offer an apology.
“I’m really sorry for showing up like thi?—”
I don’t get to finish my sentence before his arms are around my torso, lifting me off the ground.
My legs wrap around his waist as my arms fly around his neck, and his lips find mine.
I guess I don’t have to worry about figuring out how to act because Phoenix clearly doesn’t care if these guys know he’s dating a man.
One of his dirty hands moves to my ass as his tongue dives deeper into my mouth while one of my hands threads itself in his sweaty hair, thankful to have him safe in my arms. Phoenix is still making love to my bottom lip when someone else enters the room and lets out a low whistle .
“ Damn, Harding, if that’s how you kiss, I got next.” The man chuckles, causing a possessive growl to rip from my throat.
My boyfriend is fucking stunning. I know it. This guy knows it. Everyone knows it. But he’s mine, and I don’t plan on that ever changing.
Before I can say anything, Phoenix pulls his mouth away from mine and whispers, “Down, baby. I’m all yours. I’ve only ever been yours. That’s just Dixon’s way of telling me he’s cool with it.”
Then he lets me slide slowly down his body until my feet return to the floor and he turns around to face the guy.
“Dixon, I’ve got standards, and unless your face looks like this one right here, I’m not getting anywhere near it.”
Dixon’s eyes swing to me, paying extra attention to my face like he’s trying to figure out what makes me so special, and then he laughs. “Christ, what’d you guys do? Meet on an app for models?”
Phoenix takes my hand and walks over to the guy.
“Not quite. Dixon, this is my boyfriend, Walker DeVille. Walker, Frank Dixon.”
I shake hands with Frank, but I can’t stop staring at Phoenix. It’s the first time he’s introduced me as his boyfriend to someone outside of Hudson, Knox, and Jake, and fuck it feels good.
“Nice to meet you,” I say politely, finally making eye contact with the man.
“You too. Hey! Aren’t you the guy who got injured at the rodeo this year?” he asks.
“One and the same,” I reply, holding up my wrist in its brace, wishing he’d leave us alone so I can crawl onto Phoenix’s lap.
“ DeVille … DeV… holy shit! You’re the kid who took Phoe’s title all those years ago. ”
Phoenix and I share a look, but I stay quiet, choosing to let Phoenix answer however he wants.
With a clenched jaw, he says, “Didn’t know you paid attention to the circuit, Frank.”
“I don’t, but you were a helluva rider, Phoenix. It’s hard not to know your story whether a person’s a fan of the rodeo or not.”
“Thanks, I think,” Phoenix replies.
“Sure thing. Nice to meet you, Walker and uh, Phoenix, feel free to bring him around any time you want.” The man winks at Phoenix which makes Phoenix grip me tighter.
“Stop hitting on my boyfriend,” Phoenix grits out before muttering under his breath. “Geez, this must be how Jake feels. Mental note, I’m never saying shit about Dylan’s body ever again.”
This makes me pause and poke Phoenix in the side. “And what exactly do you say about his body?” I tease.
Before Phoenix can answer me, another guy comes over to Phoenix, his face still black with soot and streaked with sweat, just like Phoe’s. He doesn’t even glance my way when he pulls Phoenix into a hug.
“Just heard from Langley’s wife. He’s gonna make it. His lungs are a mess and he has to have reconstructive surgery on his right leg, but he’s alive thanks to you.”
“And Knox,” Phoenix replies automatically. “We both would’ve been dead if it hadn’t been for Knox.”
I try to hold it in until we’re left alone again, but the way tonight is going, that may never happen and the words erupt from my body.
“Excuse me? You almost fucking died tonight and I’m just now hearing about it?”
It’s as if my angry words finally remind Phoenix that I’m here and he walks us over to the couch and pulls me down onto his lap.
I’m not embarrassed or ashamed by any means, but this is his place of work and a certain amount of respect should be given to the environment, except apparently, he almost died tonight and I’m not in the mood to give him an inch of space.
“It was bad,” Phoenix admits. “Worst fire I’ve ever been called to.
One of our guys went in to offer backup to a couple others and the ceiling collapsed.
Not sure if it was the smoke that got him or the beam that fell, but he was unconscious when Knox and I found him.
” The way Phoenix is holding me reminds me of the first night I clung to him, needing his strength to bear my pain, shame, and guilt.
Now, I get the opportunity to hold him up under the weight of his fear and exhaustion, and I couldn’t be more thankful.
“I couldn’t think about anything except getting Langley out of there, but once I was in the ambulance, my only thought was of you.
All I wanted was you . I couldn’t help but think we’ve made it this far just to be torn apart, and it made me realize I can’t fucking lose you again.
” His hands are everywhere, my arms, my thighs, my face. “Which is why I’m resigning.”
My eyes go wide at his words. “No, Phoenix. No. I won’t be the reason this career ends early too. You love being a firefighter.”
“No, I love you, and anything that takes me from you isn’t something I want in my life anymore.”
I go completely still.
“What do you mean you love me?” I ask in a stunned whisper.
Phoenix traces my bottom lip with his thumbs, and a peace I haven’t felt in a while spreads throughout my body. “I think about you all the time,” he starts.
“That’s obsession,” I argue right as he closes the distance between us and kisses me again. I don’t even care that he smells like smoke and sweat .
“I want to do anything I can to make you smile,” he mumbles against my lips, still holding my face in place.
“That’s kindness,” I reply, losing steam.
Kiss.
“I want your stubborn fucking mouth on me every second of the day.”
“That’s lust.” My eyes fall shut as I feel him lean in again.
Kiss.
“I can’t imagine waking up next to anyone else,” he starts and I open my eyes, sensing I don’t want to miss seeing his face for what he’s about to say.
“I don’t want to wake up next to anyone else.
I want to do the mundane, routine things with you and have all the adventures.
I want to watch every single one of your rides in person and be the man you run to after every event.
I want to be who you search for in the crowd.
I want to hold your hand at every bonfire so you know you’re never alone.
I’m on edge when we’re apart, and I feel whole when we’re together.
The second something funny or interesting happens in my day, my immediate thought is that I can’t wait to tell you.
I get sick to my stomach thinking about life without you, and I can’t do the last eight years again. ”
Finally, I relent and nip at his jaw. “Okay, maybe that part sounded a little like love. But if that is love, then I fucking love you too. Which is either going to make my next question the easiest thing in the world to answer or it’s going to further complicate things.”
Phoenix’s eyes widen a little, and I know the crazy bastard thinks I’m about to drop to one knee. We have miles to go before we’re there , but I know we’ll make it .
“Would you consider being my coach? You don’t have to answer right now,” I say, fully prepared for him to need some time.
“Yes. Hell, yes,” he says immediately, kissing me again .
As our moment goes from fevered to something slower and softer, two more guys trickle into the room. “Are y’all done getting handsy yet? Some of us can’t unwind after that last call and we’re gonna play poker. Y’all in?”
Phoenix taps my thigh, telling me to stand up. “Thanks for the invite, but my boyfriend and I are gonna head home.”
“Phoe, I didn’t know you were gay,” another guy says. Oh boy, here we go.
“That’s because it’s none of your damn business,” Knox bites out, striding into the room running a towel over his hair. “I’ll play,” he adds before nodding his head toward the door, his gaze fixed on Phoenix. “Get out of here. You two go home and grab a shower and some shut-eye.”
Home. Phoenix is my home.