Chapter 22 Devora
Devora
“You awake, honey?”
Wrinkled hands squeezed my arm, and my eyes fluttered open.
I blinked against the bright sunlight coming in from the window, sluggishly lifting an arm to block my face.
I was in a small bedroom with gray walls and a single window, with a closed door on the opposite side.
The bed I lay in was just wide enough to fit me.
To my left sat Calyra, her silver eyes meeting mine with a smile. “That one knocked you right out. You’ve been asleep all night.”
“What happened?” I asked, voice groggy. I tried to sort through my memories of the last few days. “Where am I?”
“The training grounds. Nox brought you back here after you passed out at the Noctus Vigil last night. Your shadows drained you, that’s all. You went through a lot in a short period of time.” She patted my arm. “You’ll be fine, girl.”
I furrowed my brow. “My shadows?” Had I truly conjured them? That was real?
She grinned. “Yes, honey. Your shadows. My son tells me they’ve been quite stubborn, but all they needed was a little push.” Her eyes flicked to my hand, and I looked down.
Small wisps of smoke curled around my middle finger and thumb, barely hovering over the skin. So soft I couldn’t even feel them. When I sucked in a breath, they seemed to notice I was watching. The end of one of the tendrils perked into the air before the entire thing melted back into my skin.
“No—wait—” I reached out my hand as if I could chase them, but they were gone. I leaned further into my pillow with a sigh.
Calyra chuckled. “Stubborn and shy. An interesting combination. Reminds me of your parents.”
“Are shadows always like this? So…” I searched for the word, still staring at my fingers. “Animated?”
The elderly woman shrugged. “They’re a part of you.
They have little personalities, as you’ll quickly find out.
You just have to get to know them. But now that you’ve found them, Devora,” she leaned in and shook a finger at me, “they won’t ever leave.
They will always be with you. And that’s a promise. ”
I nodded and swallowed, wondering if this woman could see to the core of my emotions better than even I could.
Don’t leave me.
The last thing I’d said before my shadows finally broke free. As if they’d been waiting.
“Where is—” I bit my tongue before saying Nox, and instead switched to, “everyone else?”
“Waiting for you. But if you need the day to rest—”
I was already throwing the blanket off. “No more waiting.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed and planted my feet on the floor. “I’m ready.”
I was not ready.
These obstinate shadows made me want to jump off a cliff. I’d spent three hours staring at my hands so hard, I was going cross-eyed.
Thecae had me working on summoning. He made it seem so simple—as easy as breathing. His shadows came to him with barely a thought, wrapping around his arms and retreating at will.
We sat on the floor of the training grounds practicing my breathing. I worked on getting my mind to relax and opening myself up to what I’d let in the night before.
I had gotten to the point where I could get little wisps to come out and slide along my fingers, but any time I tried to conjure more or make them do something, it was like the little buggers freaked out and went into hiding.
“You have got to be kidding me,” I said with a frustrated grunt. I’d finally managed to form a small ball of shadows in the palm of my hand, only for it to flatten back out and dissipate. “Is this what it’s like to have children?”
Across the open space, Arowyn snorted. I shot her a bland look.
She’d been sparring with other trainees all morning, both with physical weapons and with their magic.
It was intriguing to watch. They would mold their shadows into weapons and shields, while she strode from one spot to another in the blink of an eye, getting in little swipes here and there with her blade.
They were all so quick to react, their magic coming to them like second nature.
Other trainers filtered in around us from time to time, but we mostly had the grounds to ourselves. Calyra had made us all breakfast and now observed from a window overlooking us.
But Nox and Everett were nowhere to be found.
I pushed them out of my head and closed my eyes, shaking out the tension from my shoulders. I sent my mind back to the bonfire last night. To those feelings of hopelessness and rejection, the heartache of letting it all in after twenty-three years of repressing the worst of my inner fears.
The whispers started back up, like disembodied voices swimming to the surface of my subconscious. They hummed in my ear, and with it, I felt shadows licking at my hand.
I kept my eyes closed. They were too skittish. I couldn’t let them think I was watching.
Something tickled the sensitive skin on the inside of my wrist. The corner of my lip twitched, but I didn’t look.
Hello, there, I said softly in my mind. The voices hushed at the sound, and my shadows swelled, as if taking a breath.
I feel you, I thought, pushing my internal voice toward them. You feel like a friend.
Something warm wrapped around my wrist and slowly scooted up my arm. I smiled and tightened my shut eyes. Maybe they had the same fears and doubts I did. Maybe they, like me, needed a little push.
Thank you, I whispered to the thin threads. For being with me last night. I don’t know what it’s like to have this magic, but Calyra says you’ll always be there. That nothing can take you from me.
The same feeling pulsed in my other hand, then twisted up to my elbow. I’m sorry it took me so long to find you. But I won’t let you go again, I promise.
A warmth spread through my chest. I took another deep breath, and my shoulders sagged slightly. I wasn’t used to acknowledging these emotions. It left me raw but filled at the same time.
“Open your eyes, Devora,” Thecae murmured.
I opened them.
My shadows twined around both my arms up to my shoulders, thrumming to the beat of my heart. I grinned as they thickened with every passing breath, tiny wisps breaking off from the larger mass as if they were poking their heads out to wave at me.
I carefully stood and moved my arms, turning them and lifting them up and down. The shadows stayed. They tightened their grip on me, and when I nudged them with my mind, a small section extended to wind around my torso too.
When I flexed a hand, another piece floated off and formed a ball in my palm. It pulsed and writhed, but stayed in its compact shape, waiting for my command.
No, not command. Thecae was right. I kept thinking about them as something to control, when really, they were extensions of me. It was like they knew what I wanted before I had to think it. They were part of me.
“I think the girl’s starting to get it!” Calyra called from her position inside. I craned my neck to look at her.
Thecae, however, merely grunted. “We’ll see.”
As I turned back to him, a thin shard of shadow came flying at me.
“Hey!” I shouted, raising my hands to block my face. My shadows instantly disappeared. Thecae’s shard shattered into fog against my bare skin. I could tell if he’d really wanted it to, it could have been sharp as steel.
“What was that for?” I snapped.
“Defense. Your shadows will be your best guard against an attack, if you can learn how to train them.”
“You could’ve given me a warning,” I mumbled, which earned me a soft chuckle.
Straightening my shoulders, I held out a hand and called to my shadows again.
To my surprise, they actually answered this time.
Delicate and tentative at first, and then in a billowing mass like before, excitedly swirling around my body.
“Let’s work together this time, alright, kids?” I muttered to them. A couple tendrils lashed out and swiped playfully at my neck in answer. I couldn’t help but smile, until three huge balls of shadow came bursting from Thecae’s hands.
I lifted my arms and imagined my shadows forming a wall in front of my face.
A second before his hit, mine faded into smoke.
“Seriously?” I shouted, right as his shadows slammed into me. I staggered backward with an exasperated sigh.
To my far right, Arowyn cackled. Narrowing my eyes, I shot her a crude gesture, and a sharp piece of shadow flew from my fingertip. It smacked Arowyn square in the forehead.
I raised my hands in mock innocence when she glared at me. “That was not me.”
“Again,” Thecae commanded. “Concentrate. Your shadows are reacting because they sense your fear. Show them that you can stand together, and they have nothing to be afraid of.”
“Great. Sounds easy. Are you going to tell them that weeks from now when they’re facing an eight-foot-tall Shifter trying to eat me alive?” I grumbled.
Arowyn snorted. “Scarven’s not eight feet tall.”
“Well, I’ve never met the man,” I said.
“He would eat you, though.”
I scowled. “Not helping.”
“Focus, Devora,” Thecae said. “You can do this.”
I nodded, and he struck.