Chapter 11 #2
When Asher leaves the room, Ty shakes his head, and looks at me. There’s a fear there, like he didn’t quite think I’d still be there. Like I’m a ghost haunting him.
I never wanted that.
That’s the one thing I never wanted.
“It’s been years, Roxie,” he repeats, the words now coming out like an accusation. “Six of them to be exact.”
“You keep saying that like I don’t know it. Like I haven’t been counting the days myself.”
His eyes flare with a fire that’s been stoked. “It felt like it!” Ty snaps angrily, his voice sharp as a whip and I flinch like I felt it crack against my skin. “It felt like you turned your back on me, on Asher, on this whole place and said ‘to hell with him’.”
I take a steadying breath, one that hurts for more than one reason.
“If you think that, then you don’t actually know me.”
“I don’t. Not anymore,” Ty grumbles.
I don’t know me either.
Instead of showing him how much that hurt, I flip a switch and smirk seductively.
“Do you want to?”
Ty’s expression softens, confused and steady, but he sits back like the switch was too abrupt. Too obvious.
Warning bells go off in my head. Not good, Roxie, not good.
“I want to know the girl that left me behind. I want to know her, how she grew, what she wants, how she is. Not…not this skin you just slipped into.”
My heart drops to my stomach, but deep inside, that fifteen-year-old girl that voluntarily got into that car so the boy I felt something for wouldn’t have to see the hurt, rejoices. He sees me. He wants me.
“Fuck you,” I snap, throwing the words out to protect myself. To protect him. Mickey isn’t understanding. He’s not going to spare me just because Ty asks him to.
“Hm,” he looks at me with a look that makes me slightly uneasy. But instead of pushing me on this front, he pushes me on another. “Why didn’t you respond to my emails?”
I sigh. “So we’re getting into this right now?”
“Right the fuck now, Rox.”
I want to run my hands through my hair or cross my arms over my chest defensively. Something, anything to defuse the tension. There’s a hard set to his jaw, and an edge in his eyes that tells me I’m not getting out of this. That he’s not going to let me hide.
“Can you not just let me rest? I just took a beating and I’m hurting, probably have a concussion and here you are, interrogating me.”
Ty leans forward, leaning his elbows on his knees to get closer to me.
“Tell me, Roxie.”
I want to scream at him, rage to leave me alone, but when I look at him with the fire in my eyes I see him. My Ty. The fifteen-year-old that gave me my first kiss and held me through the night because he knew I was devastated.
The one who looked wrecked when I left.
“It took me a little bit to get situated,” I say softly, each word being ripped from my chest, one painful memory at a time.
“I… I got there and it wasn’t like with Tom and Becky.
I wasn’t… I wasn’t considered a child or a guest. I was an unwelcome by-product of something they wanted.
The checks. I pushed, I mouthed off, I… I challenged, and I quickly found out the consequences of doing so.
When I got enough money, I was forced to choose; internet or eating, and eating usually won out.
” I swallow the lump in my throat, and Ty’s fingers slowly curl into fists on his knees as he listens.
“I saved up enough to be able to get to the library and access it, and I saw them… All your beautiful, amazing emails. All letters to me. For me.” My breath hitches.
I still remember the joy I felt in the hell I was living because the boy I liked, liked me back.
“You’d written, over and over. And without fail.
I… I was amazed. You stayed, when everyone else left.
And then I started to think about how much you had going for you here.
I know back then that you were supporting your family and were working and stressed, and I’m sure you’re still stressed and working and all that because that’s the real shit that we have to do.
But I then thought about what if you had someone else creeping in.
What if another girl or guy, or whoever, started giving you the attention you needed and I couldn’t give to you?
It took me months to be able to even access the emails.
What if you… What if someone else could be there for you in the way that I couldn’t, but the way you needed?
I couldn’t take that from you. I couldn’t put my own selfish wants above what would be best for you. ”
My heart aches. I’ve never forced myself to speak it out loud, but I knew the moment I saw the emails what I had to do. For him.
It hurt like I’d ripped my own heart out of my chest, but then I’d remember how much I could feel every bit of his care. Ty wouldn’t say a whole lot, but his actions always spoke louder than words.
There was no doubt that he’d find someone, or someone would find him and he’d fall for them.
“You what?” he growls, the words vibrating from his chest so loudly I can feel them from here.
“What?”
“You’re going to sit here and tell me that you left, and then you left, because you thought it was best for me?” There’s a difference in his words, and I understand what he’s saying. Out of all the things I imagined, I did not think he was going to be this mad.
“I was trying—” I say but he cuts me off and his voice booms.
“You’re saying that you left me alone, for me?
” He scoffs, and anger is fuming out of him like exhaust. “Are you fucking serious, Roxie? You’re telling me that you did all this, you put all this fucking space here, you tore me to pieces, for me?
I can’t fucking believe this.” Ty pushes up to standing and takes two steps away before turning on his heel and gripping the chair he was sitting in aggressively.
“How dare you,” he growls. “How fucking dare you.”
“I did it for you!” I say loudly, the force and volume making me wince in pain, whining slightly as my eyes scrunch up.
I do not like to whine. I can’t.
“Goddamn it, Roxie,” Ty says under his breath and he comes around to stand by me again, kneeling at my head this time.
“Look, let’s put this on pause until you’re better.
Until you can sit up without looking like you’re going to cry at the very least. But don’t think for a second that I’m okay with it or that I understand why you did what you did. ”
“Fine,” I say softly, all the fight in me leaving. I… I can’t do this… I knew that if he and I ever crossed paths he would’ve been upset, but I thought he would understand. Unless, of course, he found the right guy or girl to erase my memory.
I breathe deeply through my nose, exhaling through my mouth to steady myself through the pain.
“What do you need?” Ty asks. The tone of his voice is almost gentle now. Now that he got some of his frustration out. I know he hasn’t even skimmed the surface of his frustration, still waters run deep. Especially with him.
“Nothing. I’m fine.” I don’t need anything from him. I’m going to get my shit together, and figure out how to get back to Oaktown. If I don’t… Well, let’s just say that when I get back, Mickey will make my torment worse.
I’m his prize-horse. One of his revenue streams and there’s no way he isn’t keeping tabs on me. I owe him too much money for him to just let me go. Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if he chipped me like a bitch.
“Where’s my phone?” I ask groggily. This talk, the fight, knowing Mickey will punish me for stopping the fight, finding Ty again…it’s all just too much.
“Let me get it for you,” Ty says, his voice a little kinder as he rifles through a bag and grabs my phone. Cracked and broken.
“Fuck.” Just what I needed. Just…one more goddamn thing to add to the day.
“Who were you there with?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Roxie,” Ty’s voice drops to a lower register. A warning.
“Mickey. He’s my…foster brother.” I spit the words like battery acid in my mouth. “He’s also the one that sets up my fights, controls the money and bets, and the one that’s made my fucking life hell on earth for the last six years.”
The moment those words leave my lips I know I said too much.
Ty stands up slowly, his whole body dwarfing mine like a cloud that covers the sun.
“What did you say?”