Chapter 8
As they neared the shore, the boat began to pitch about harder. Jacob planted his feet on the deck, using the muscles in his calves and legs to keep himself from flying out of the seat.
The different waves of turbulence, as he travelled on the water, reminded him of his marriage to Sierra.
Certain parts it was calm, then the waves and winds would pick up and then the heavy beat of the rain, shrouding everything, making it difficult at times to see. Then the thunder and lightning until everything settled back down to begin all over again.
Sierra was like this tempest, and he should not have been surprised because she loved watching the effects of a good thunder and lightning storm.
Kaitlyn in that respect was like her mother—she also enjoyed storms, and he would place a blanket down on their living room floor by the big bay windows for her to watch. Her face always alight with excitement.
He smiled, remembering the last one they watched together. She had thrown herself into his arms and then peered around to continue watching.
“That was a loud one, Daddy.”
Her eyes and mouth opened wide when the lightning danced across the sky.
“Wow daddy, look at that. Lightning in the clouds.” Her little chubby finger pointed out the glass balcony doors.
He’d leaned down and kissed her forehead, and she snuggled against his chest, eventually getting sleepy in his arms as the storm began to pass.
“Do other kids like storms like me, Daddy? Will I meet them in kindergarten?”
She looked up at him sleepily, her lids drooping.
“I don’t know, pumpkin, we will have to wait and see when you go to school.
But I am sure there are little ones like you who love a good storm, your mo—” He’d clammed up suddenly and looked down to see if she had noticed him almost mentioning her mother, but she was fast asleep.
He sighed, tucking her closer under his chin.
Sometimes during times like this he wondered what their other child would have been like, more like him or Sierra or in-between.
When he had found out that she was pregnant, a part of him wasn’t surprised. Their relationship was hot and steamy; they were unable to keep their hands off each other. He had forgotten on several occasions to wear a condom.
His luck had run out when she showed him the blue stick, following up with her practiced pretty speech.
Jacob, I’m pregnant, I swear I didn’t plan this. I forgot to take my birth control pills that week because I had been sick.” Her fingers clasped tight around the stick.
He just sat there staring at her in silence; she moved closer to him in the office, coming around his desk to almost stand at his side, laying the stick down on his desk so he could continue to see the two lines.
“I don’t want to abort the baby.” He watched as Sierra lifted her chin and firmed her mouth.
“I don’t want to be a single mother.” She’d turned solemn dark brown eyes on him.
“But I already love this baby and will be a good mother to him or her.” She cupped both hands on her flat stomach and something primal and protective washed over him as he envisioned her belly growing with this child.
“I will take care of the baby on my own and I am releasing you of any obligation. In time, I hope I will meet someone who will love us both and be a father to the baby.”
Anger flooded through him that she thought he would not want to be there for his child. He interrupted abruptly. “Jesus Christ, Sierra, of course I will take responsibility for our child and you.”
Her face had lit up, then she frowned. “What do you mean responsibility for me? Like we co parent and you are responsible for the care of our child? Or marriage?” She’d edged closer and he could smell the perfume she was wearing.
It was one he had bought for her because he liked the scent.
Just having her close now, his body was reacting; images of her breasts and tummy swollen kept popping into his mind, making it difficult for him to think.
And then jealousy raged through him at the thought of another man touching her pregnant belly or her and his child.
He was not ready to let her go, and it looked like he never would now.
He didn’t like the hold she had over him.
“Yes.” He said through gritted teeth. “I want to take care of you and my child.” She was now pressing herself on his side and he turned, his body craving the feel of hers.
Before he or anyone talked him out of it. He stood up facing her. “This was very much unexpected.” He said sardonically, his fingers going to her chin, holding it tight, and raising it up for her eyes to meet with his.
Her lashes then fluttered down, hiding her eyes from him. His throat felt tight from what he was about to say and do. “But the thought of you carrying my child. I want to be there to help you raise her or him and not some other man.” She took his hands and pressed them against her stomach.
“Will you marry me Sierra? I promise you will want for nothing, and I will be a good father to my child.”
Her brown gaze raised and had searched his. “Are you sure, you want to marry me? You haven’t really let me into your life, except for you mentioning how your mother passed away. And some of the rest is from what I have read in the papers about your family, your brothers, and your father.”
He had moved slightly away from her at the mention of his derelict of a father.
Both he and his brothers vowed to be less like him and more like their grandfather, but their father’s influence still showed up in the way they handled emotional commitment.
He hadn’t planned on getting married and being a father and always wondered how he would feel if he had a child and now, he knew.
This child was important to him. It was a piece of him growing inside her and he felt shocked, scared and happy.
Scared that some of the darkness that his father had left in him would impact the child, but he knew that his family and their love would help guide him and Sierra with their first child together.
The one thing he had never done when they became lovers was give her false promises and he wasn’t going to start now.
He nodded grimly because she was right that he’d kept her at arms difference.
“Yes, well, you will get to know them now as my fiancée. But Sierra, I don’t want us starting off with any illusions and the only promise right now is that I will be a good husband and father. ”
She’d nodded, looking sad for a moment, then reach out to touch him on his chest. “Do you care about me a little bit?”
He took her hand in his. “Yes, I do” was all he was going to admit to her and to himself.
Jacob had repeated the same words on the day of his marriage to Sierra.
His vow to her now in front of family, the church and minister presiding over the wedding.
After his proposal, the marriage had happened a month later.
Sierra didn’t want to be a pregnant-looking bride and had gotten her way with her and the Senator pulling strings to make this a lavish wedding affair.
That moment should have been one of joy, but his morning phone conversation had left a bad taste in his mouth. His father refused to attend his wedding and warned him that Sierra had deliberately trapped him into marriage. Brock Norris even went as far as to say that she’d lied about the pregnancy.
He’d hung up on his father and that had set his somber mood, with his smile reaching his lips but not his eyes.
His mood had shifted, and Jacob sucked in a breath when his bride walked toward him on the arm of her father. Sierra had looked like an ethereal goddess walking down the aisle to him.
She had a glow about her, and she looked happy to be become his wife.
In that moment, he felt more for her than just lust and it frightened him.
He could fall head over heels in love with his wife and it wouldn’t surprise him.
He was almost there anyway if he was honest with himself.
He was holding back because of his father and because he wasn’t blind to Sierra’s faults.
But with the baby and marriage, everything could change the dynamic of what they once were into becoming something more.
So, when he said “I do,” it was with a conviction that his marriage to Sierra could work; they already had chemistry in bed, and he could see she had feelings for him. He just needed to let go and see where this would take them.
After their vows and on the way to the reception was when she’d told him she lost the baby.
He should have heeded all the warnings that went off in his head when she turned and looked back at him through the crowd of guests at the charity function the day that he’d met her.