Chapter 11
She used to write a little bit in college but didn’t take it seriously because she had thought her husband would take care of her every need like her father did.
After marrying Jacob, she’d abandoned her writing.
However, her physiatrist suggested she take up journaling, so she began writing again to pass the time when she moved in with Pat.
She had some dark emotions to work through and decided to write a romantic thriller where the female lead was borderline psychotic, obsessive and manipulative toward the male love interest. She would destroy anyone who got in her way.
The male love interest tried to evade her clutches but, in the end succumbed to her will and ended up in her basement as her pet.
Her favorite part of the story were the sex scenes because she pulled them from her memories of Jacob, allowing for some embellishment.
Sierra shifted in her chair, now uncomfortable.
Every time she thought about her past life with Jacob, the memories would bring her body to life.
When she put her sex life with him down on paper, she ended up hot and bothered, her panties soaked.
She would bring out her toys to slack off what her body truly craved, her ex-husband.
She let out a frustrated sigh and decided to look on the bright side.
At least now millions of women got to enjoy what she no longer could, and her latest book featured the time she’d surprised Jacob by cuffing him to the bed.
She loved seeing the cold exterior that he showed everyone one else melt and leave behind a man overcome with arousal, his cock hard, his face flushed, and his jaw tensed.
His eyes were so dark at times. She loved the way he opened himself up to her and in those moments, she felt like they were one.
Moving together as one, then falling into a deep, satisfied sleep of exhaustion.
But that was the only time she felt close to him.
The more she tried to get his attention, the worse their marriage became.
And she’d ruined everything and lost it all.
Sierra never shied away from drinking and having a good time, but her drinking got out of control after Kaitlyn was born, as did her jealousy.
Even if it was necessary, she couldn’t stand how much of his time he devoted to the office, to the women clientele.
And with Kaitlyn, he was open and expressive with his love and affection.
Yet with her, he was always guarded and distant except when in bed.
The whole time she was with Jacob, he never told her he loved her.
She’d been enamored from the moment she laid eyes on him, and it just increased to the point she fell madly in the love with him.
And now she knew it had been obsessive and manipulative type of love.
She’d gotten him that way by becoming pregnant, telling herself over time he would be okay with it and fall in love with her because how could he not, she was the mother of his child and then three weeks before the wedding was when she started spotting and bled.
She’d kept that a secret until after the ceremony was done.
She was so sure that she could still make their marriage work if she didn’t tell him.
And after the wedding and honeymoon, it looked like it was working—Sierra got pregnant again not long after.
She had been young, stupid, spoiled and reckless.
At the age of twenty-four, she endured a hard life lesson that almost cost her Kaitlyn’s life for it to change the destructive path she was spiraling down.
She’d trapped Jacob into a marriage that he did not want.
Though he tried to make it work in the beginning, as her drinking got worse, he began to pull away from her.
The wind howling outside her window broke her thoughts and she began to pack up her things for the night. The rain hadn’t started yet, but she knew from her joints aching that it was coming and decided to draw herself a warm bath before turning in early.
She was about to shut off the light in her office when her cell phone rang, and she smiled knowing who was possibly on the other end.
“Valeur, I just sent you the manuscript and this book is better than my last one.” Sierra declared excitedly to her publisher, someone she also considered a friend.
“I can’t wait for you to read it because the end will be a shocker to you and the readers.
” Sierra knew she had a goofy look of pride on her face that her publisher couldn’t see.
“Sier—ra.” The phone crackled in her ear.
“Hold on a second, Valeur, I can’t hear you.
” She moved down the hall and into her bedroom, hoping the reception would be better.
She held the wall for some support. “Okay, I think this is better, can’t hear the crackle or static on the line now.
So, how was the vacation and you did receive the manuscript, right? ”
“Sierra? It was fine, and yes, I got your manuscript.” Though the crackling had stopped, Valeur went quiet, almost long enough for Sierra to ponder if the line dropped. “Sierra, I’m sorry. I just got back in and if I hadn’t been away so long, I could have told you this sooner.”
Sierra frowned, confusion pulling her brows low in reaction. Valeur’s somber tone didn’t make sense; was she releasing her from her contract?
“I know you told me not to, but I have been keeping tabs on her and my contact left me several messages. I only listened to them now.”
“What? What are you talking about, Valeur?” But Sierra had a feeling she knew, and panic tied her stomach in knots.
“Sierra, your daughter Kaitlyn is very sick and has leukemia.”
“What!” Sierra felt suddenly unwell, and her head began to swim. She leaned her shoulder against the wall.
“I’m sorry. If I hadn’t extended my vacation, I could have brought you this news earlier.”
Sierra shook her head, even though Valeur couldn’t see the gesture. “Valeur, is she dying?” She whispered as if death could hear her. Her hand shook as she held the cell phone. She moved in a daze toward her bed, sitting on it as her legs became weak from the news.
“I’m not sure, Sierra.” Valeur’s voice felt far away, even with the phone pushed against her ear. “I’m not a doctor; the only other thing I can tell you is that she was admitted to the hospital and placed in treatment, according to my source.”
“Okay, okay, anything else?” Taking deep breaths, Sierra tried to steady her racing heart before she passed out.
“No, sweetheart, that is all I have so far. I will call my contact in the morning to see if they have further information.” Valeur paused again, the silence only broken by the howling wind. “You are going to have to reach out to your ex.”
Sierra’s stomach plummeted. She wasn’t sure she was ready to face him again. Learning to navigate her feelings for him was still too fresh; opening up those wounds could be disastrous. But her daughter was ill and she needed to try and be there for her.
Keeping one hand on the phone, Sierra walked over to her dresser, retrieving photos she had of her daughter from the top drawer.
Most were from when she was a baby until she was three.
There was one taken more recently, which showed up anonymously in the mail one day.
She supposed she had Valeur to thank for it.
Her daughter looked so beautiful, her smile radiant and happy; one of her front teeth was missing and Kaitlyn had a cute gap from it being gone.
Her brown eyes were alight with such joy and love that she knew her ex was the one in front of the camera.
The bond between them from the first time he held her in his arms was undeniable.
Regret ate at her every day for taking this beautiful little girl for granted. She deserved to have a better mom, so she walked away, certain Jacob and his family would love and nurture her in the right way.
The alcohol had taken a hold of her and wouldn’t let her go.
The last year leading up to the accident was a blur.
She had begun drinking all day long and would fall into bed in a drunken stupor.
Her memories of that year were fuzzy and the nanny that Jacob got to help spent more time taking care of Kaitlyn than she did.
It all came to a head when Jacob had to fly out of state and stay a couple of days, meeting yet another potential client.
She’d been constantly calling him, feeling alone and abandoned; eventually he stopped picking up.
The day he was due home; he left her a message that he had to stop first for another dinner meeting before coming home and not to wait up.
She’d been enraged at the thought that he was not coming straight home to her and when she finally got a hold of him, just to hear a woman’s voice laughing in the background—Sierra lost it.
Sierra then drunkenly dialed one of Jacob's female clients, thinking it was her she'd heard on the phone, and accused the woman of being in bed with her husband. The woman had hung up, and not long after, Jacob called; he was so angry he could barely speak at first.
They argued and he’d finally had enough, blasting her with his truth over the phone and that pushed her over the edge.
They argued and he’d finally had enough, blasting her with his truth over the phone and that pushed her over the edge.
She’d just hung up the phone and in her drunk stupor she decided to leave him again but this time for good.
She wanted him to hurt like she did and took Kaitlyn, packing her in the car.
Then she dismissed the nanny and let her go home for the night.
She knew that the nanny would call Jacob in a panic, telling him what transpired.
Good, she wanted him scared and worried about her and Kaitlyn.
And now he was going to have to pay attention to her. But it had gone so horribly wrong.
Sierra stepped in front of the mirror, looking at the scars scoring her face. Mostly minor, tiny ones that she could hide with foundation, but the big one was displayed on her face as her punishment and a warning for her to not go down that path again.
Valeur said her name several times before Sierra muttered a sound of acknowledgment. “Sierra, I can book you on a flight leaving in the morning; you just have to get back to the city. Is there a boat leaving any time soon? And I will book you a hotel room near the hospital.”
“Which hospital is it?” Shoving her memories aside, Sierra opened more drawers, searching for clothes to pack.
“She is at St. Benedict’s in Boston; they have a very good pediatrics wing.
” The distinct clack of a keys from a keyboard echoed through the phone.
She hit the speaker button and threw the phone down on the bed.
Shuffling to her closet, Sierra pulled out her luggage, placed it on the bed and threw it open; she stuffed in anything she could get her hands on.
Her mind raced with what she needed to do and take with her.
“Valeur, let me call you back.” Sierra straightened up from her opened luggage.
“I have to call the caretaker of our home to come and lock up the place until I get back and tell me when the next boat is coming today, if it hasn’t already.
Not sure how long I will be gone, probably be sent right back on the next boat.
” And in an instant, doubt and trepidation took over.
“No, don’t think like that. This not about him or you. She needs you.” Valeur said fiercely to her.
Sierra bit her lip, her shoulders slumping. “I would like to think that, but it’s been a year and a half since I’ve seen them. They look happy and you know what maybe I should just—”
“Don’t you dare!” Valeur’s voice cut through the phone; it was unlike her to sound so harsh. “It’s time you went and saw your daughter and try to make amends. Especially now. You owe her and yourself to at least try.”
Sierra nodded, her lips trembling as she said.
“Yes, you are right.” A wet sensation splashed against an exposed part of her chest, where her t-shirt didn’t cover.
She looked down, surprised but not surprised.
Tears falling was a welcome release from all she was feeling.
However, if she didn’t keep moving, she knew she was going to excuse herself out of going.
She wiped her face with her hand and cleared her throat.
“Thanks, Valeur.” She said gratefully.
“Okay, go make your calls and when you call back, I should have a list of hotels near the hospital ready for you.”
Sierra hung up and quickly dialed old man Pete to inform him she would be gone for a little while.
The man grunted into the phone. “It’s about time you got off the island and went back in the real world.
I will be over shortly to turn everything off for you and close up.
” Then he hung up before she could say anything.
She stared at the phone and shook her head. Grabbing more items as she moved, stopping in her office to grab her laptop before calling Valeur back. Sierra told Valeur she would be on her way shortly and stuffed her toiletry bag in her suitcase when a loud knock echoed through her home.
She stuffed more of her products into the suitcase as she tucked her phone to her cheek.
Then when she heard another impatient knock at her front door, she took the bag she was putting smaller items into and made her way through the house.
Thinking it was old man Pete, Sierra yanked open the door without checking.
But when the man didn’t step inside or say anything, Sierra finally looked at who was at her door and almost dropped her phone.
Jacob just stood there, dressed in a rain slicker and boots, the hood pulled low but with the hallway light, she saw the face of the man she’d thought she’d love for the rest of her life. But now, he stood there, staring at her coldly. As distant as the day he left her crying in her hospital bed.
“I have to go. Jacob’s here.” She whispered.
“Okay, girl, bye. Call me back when you get a chance.”
And they stood there staring at each other with the sound of the wind and the rain interrupting the silence.